Searching- A saga ✔

98- I Smile

I smile, my eyes bright and tearing,
Every atom unable to gather its bearing,
How much I had wanted to tell that Sri Hari,
But the very ability to talk seemed vaporized,
A dizzying sensation of bliss washed over,
Like dumping a pail of warm water on your head,
The trees swayed: nodding in agreement,
I smile, my eyes drinking in His form,
And let it quench my eternal thirst,
My hands shake and a sob builds within,
He smiles, those eyes bright as well,
'You came, finally, Milord, You came...'
My lips wobble, and a sudden urge,
To embrace Him and never let go overpowers,
"When did I ever leave, love?"
He whispers as I smile, understanding.
"But You weren't physically present either'
"Is it? Didn't you feel me, Priye,
In the winter breeze that tousles your curls,
In the autumn trees that sprinkle golden leaves,
In the sweetness of pale butter,
In the dreary nights you spent crying,
In the afternoons we spent gossiping,
In the monsoon when those drizzles tickle you,
Didn't you feel me, Priye?

I smile, my eyes tearing, my heart squealing,
I say nodding, tears spilling down,
'I did feel You, everyday, every second
In the deep cresses of my heart
In every smile that adorns my face
They ask me, Narayana, as to why,
I never feel homesick, why,
I never talked much, why,
I never feel lonely even if,
I had to live all by myself.
But how can I possibly tell them,
That my only home was You,
And when You are with me,
How would You let me feel 'homesick'?
How can I tell them, Keshav?
That I talked with You day and night,
Danced alongside You all evenings,
Ate dinner from Your hands,
Taught You useless theorems from circuit theory,
So that I could learn easily,
How can I tell the world, that, I,
Can never be alone, never live alone,
Because You are always clasping my hand,
Whispering conspiracy theories,
Holding me close each night.
Even going to the extent of cancelling classes,
Because I hadn't had lunch and feeling unwell."

He smirks, and I laugh, grinning wild,
"You're mad, love", he teases,
"I am madly in love too", I wink,
"And considering who I love it's not a surprise"

I smile as He raises His perfect brows,
And gives a mocking frown: smirking,
'So you are calling me mad?'
'When did I ever say that?'
'But if You feel so, I feel obliged to accept'
'So, someone has learnt to play with words'
'And who might that be from, my Guru?'

He laughs, the sound filling every cress,
Reverberating repeatedly across the valleys,
Clearing the skies and brightening the stars,
Wrapping me in its ethereal beauty,
Cascading over my skin like water,
His laugh, the loveliest music in the cosmos,

I smile, and still some part of me fails,
To accept this reality, Him before me,
Shankha, Chakra, Pitambar, That Lotus,
He smiles, 'Unbelievable isn't it?'
'Very unbelievably believable'
Shaking His head, he says, 'Ofcourse,
I shouldn't expect anything less from a poet'
'Says so the original poet to His pen'
He narrows His eyes, while I roll mine,
And burst into incoherent giggles,

Our eyes meet, and I fell, literally fell,
Into an ocean, its claiming waters,
Overpowering my senses and  mind,
My veins sang and heart danced,
To His eyes' music of Love,
Goosebumps rose along my long arms,
And a shiver bliss slipped down my spine,
Those eyes, were an ocean never ending,
Depthless and eternal, waves rippling,
Getting my soul lost in its trenches,

I smile, my face drenched in tears,
I smile, unable to take in reality,
I smile, realising the reality,
I smile, my hands shaking with joy,
I smile, eyes glazing over and over,

He smiles as well, no words to describe,
As He reaches out, fingers grazing my cheeks,
Wiping those tears away, smiling,
'It's understandable, if You cry when I don't come
But when You cry even after I come,
Is it because my presence makes no difference?'
The teasing tone makes me glare,
As I pull the wooden flute from,
The waist belt clasped by pearls,
'Raas?', He knowingly questions,
'A different Raas', I answer,
He smiles and I smile in reply,
As I lift the flute to my lips,
And blow into the first hole,
While His fingers play across,
The remaining, dancing over the lute,
Wringing out music, eternal and infinite.
Music that defined my existence,
Music that was, is and shall forever be my life,
Music, a secret between us and the world,
Music by the played and player,
Oh! What a combination.
And so I smile.
And eternally shall.
As another Raas begins.
The end of the beginning.
The start of an ending.
A cycle common yet unknown to mankind.

I smile.
And smile.
And smile.
As He smiles.

And together we begin the Raas.
A Raas of Life.
A Raas of Destiny.
A Raas of Joy.
A Raas of Bliss.

I smile and smile.
He smiles as well.