Whiteponytail

I once heard this, "It's not about your dreams. It's about God's will."

I wanna write and finish a novel. I spent most of my days trying to write for I want people to read my works, I even said I wanna inspire people and make them feel different emotions because I know that I will be happy with that. But just now I realized, I'm spending too much time trying to chase something for myself. I'm trying to achieve something to feel my worth, to have a purpose, to be accepted by the world at some point. I wanna have a place. I wanna find something that will fulfill me. I just do it for myself and not for God's glory and now I realized, it's selfish. It's not surrendering my life. It's like I'm not letting God control me. I'm maneuvering my own life. A life that's never mine in the first place, a life that's only given to me, a life that I can lose anytime.

Let God's will prevail. I'm trying to give up everything for Him and use my life to serve and glorify Him. I used the word trying for sometimes I thought I already gave my life to Him then realize that it's not the case. I just thought I already did but no. I still love the world. I still have some things I can't throw away.

It's too hard, I know. Following Him and giving Him everything has never been easy but right at this point, I'm just so tired to run away.

I wanna live a life filled with God. I know God will guide me.

I want His will. Not mine. 😁🙏❤️


-Sept. 29, 2019