discord: unicornhorse160#1050

Hi love :3

love how i drop off of the face of the earth and come back and say hi to friends from years ago (do y'all even remember me) like it's not been years
          um
          fuck
          yeah

rereading some of my rants and WOW i was not healthy.  really really hard to read lmao.  i remember thinking i was a horrible fake bitch.
          i was not
          um
          i was feeling that bad.  i'm worried that i'll feel that bad again.  i've been spiraling recently.
          but i'm alive.  i made it.  i'm getting myself help before it gets bad.  it's okay to get help.  people won't be mad at you for getting help.  and you're not faking.  you're not fabricating.
          please make it.  please.  you can make it.
          these words always sounded so cheap to me.  but i lived it.
          it's nearly 5 am.  so if you're wondering if i ever still struggle.  hell yes i do.
          i need to remind myself sometimes.  that i have made it before.  and i will do it again
          you can do it
          i can do it too
          i will be okay
          i think that i want to be okay
          and i think that the wanting is one of the most important parts.

ok so I'm not able to get wattpad on a computer (I'm on my phone) but like just for the record I was born January 2005 so I am 18+ now (and I will continue to be 18+ for the rest of my life) so like if it'd make you uncomfortable to interact, that's ok.  and if you're under 16 I'm gonna refrain from explicit talk (such as "omg I want him to break my back" and "holy shit I'd literally pay for him to spit in my mouth." or "you know I'd swallow for this man" and worse).
          
          anyway just to reiterate: I'm old.  interact in an sfw capacity only (I'll do the same) if you wish to remain ageless or if you're a kiddo (under 16)

holy shit I forgot how angsty I was lmao

ANYWAY SO THIS BITCH (my dad) is not only a cheating liar ass fuckhat, he has never been a dad to me.  like the most time he's spent with me were the years in elementary school when he'd drive me to school in the morning because my mom couldn't.  and he. never. initiated. conversation.  it was on me (6-11 year old kid) to:
          -iniate conversation
          -keep conversation going
          and idk about you but really.  bitches amiright
          anyway so in sophomore year (covid year when everything was shut down) I lost:
          -my dog
          -my granddad
          -my mouse
          -my NEIGHBOR'S dog who I'd known my entire life
          -a close family friend's dog who I'd known since I was like.  8.
          so technically 4/5 were animals and 2 weren't even my pets don't @ me, I felt so shitty regardless
          so sophomore year was a hellfuck of a time.
          during that hellfuck time I got my cat (she was a stray that nobody claimed, not chipped, not spayed, not declawed, no posts about a missing cat thst matched her description—we spayed and chipped her but declaring is inhumane we didn't do that.)  and we got two of the puppies (who are actually like 2 now so not really puppies anymore).  anyway point
          and THEN that CHRISTMAS we found out my dad, walkless little BITCH that he is, was sending flowers to an old ex girlfriend!  (he can't walk but I'm allowed to shame him for it because it's his own fault for never FUCKING trying and for becoming a sedentary pile of flesh after he lost his job.  asshole fuckwad)
          so he's cheating but! my mom doesn't divorce him because she wants me and my sister to have a "father figure" (and because if they divorced she'd have to pay for all his shit because he's a useless pos and he does nothing and she doesn't want that money to be taken from me and my sister because she worries about money alot).
          I digress

holy shit it's been so long
          i been moved to ao3 (it was me i moved myself, ao3 tagging system and no ads my beloved.  however i really miss the conversations tab and the interactivity of wattpad, it's way easier to make friends here) and i have a cat and another cat and three dogs and two birds and a beehive and my dad is a fucker and my mom is not a fucker 8th grade was just hella bad.
          anyway if you wanna listen to me complain about shit, next post (not gonna announce it tho)
          if you don't wanna listen, valid and i hope you have a wonderful day/night <3

HELLO SO:
          i'm a dirty liar and i'm not back and i probably never will be, HOWEVER if you wanna hmu or if you ever need anything, my discord is unicornhorse160#1050.
          is it dumb to give random people on wattpad of all websites my discord?  hell yes.  do i really care?  nah.
          i'm also on tumblr (my blog is incomprehensible hell please do not look for me except for under dire circumstances) as unicornhorse160 (of course) and ao3 (also as unicornhorse160).
          anyway, i hope everyone is well!  love y'all <3
          
          ~unicornhorse160

kiss my tongue, make everything better
          show me you'll be with me forever
          but even if it's heart to heart
          YOU HATED ME FROM THE START
          happy days will never be granted
          now you know my thoughts have gone rancid
          even if it's never said
          I know it's true
          YOU WANT ME DEAD 
          
          
          
          Too much angsty ghost?
          Kthxbye

I'm pissed and I have a right to be
          Remember my deer friend???  Who my grandparents neighbors rescued???? Yeah so the people who rescued him had to literally up and move him to a cabin they have because the fuckers down the street from them said they didn't want the deer in their yard.
          EVEN THOUGH PLENTY OF OTHER DEER GO THROUGH THEIR YARD I'M SURE
          THEY LIVE OUT IN THE COUNTRY ANYWAY IT DOESNT EVEN MATTER
          Stupid fucking ignorant asshats
          Like can they not tell a total blessing when they see one????  A precious gift that should be cherished and not scorned????
          This deer actually helped me through more than a few panic attacks in the last week and now I'm never gonna see him again
          Who the fuck told those horrible people that it was ok to take away a bright spot in multiple people's lives
          Not only that but the people who rescued the deer won't be able to check up on him as frequently.  They won't know if he's safe or hurt.  The deer also isn't protected anymore because the hunters in that other area might shoot him (there were only two hunters in our area and both were warned to not hurt the deer.  Hes gonna get a tag and an orange collar I believe).
          On top of all that my puppies have lost a playmate and constant friend.  The deer was always happy to play with them.  He was curious and friendly and loving and now I won't see him again.
          Do those disgusting excuses for humans really care about their flowers that fucking much?????  Are their fucking flowers more im-fucking-portant than a godsend???  Just.  Im pissed 
          
          The deer has a name I just don't wanna say it because y'never know y'know
          Anyway pls hold out hope in whatever hearts or souls you have left for him.  Im really really gonna miss him
          Crap Im crying again