i think everyone has one specific year or moment in their life they’ll forever wish they could go back to to re-feel that feeling and i think recently i’ve discovered mine.
May-August of 2021
I grew so much coming out of a toxic relationship (although i got back into a new even more toxic one by the end of august but thankfully only a month long), but within those 4 months i experienced so much, i felt so much, i lived so much.
and it’s bitter sweet to look back on it bc although i’m so glad those memories are mine, i will always envy the girl in those memories because she’ll forever be frozen in those moments, always feeling that feeling i now miss, and my current self and future self will never truly feel that same feeling again.
the things i would do to go back there just for one night. back in the car with my best friend and our little group. back at the beach making a little campfire together at 2am with no worry in the world. it was so carefree. and in those moments i don’t think i ever realized i would never feel that way again. all the drives we took, the night we walked around a little town together, the 4 of us, laughing, talking, our last moments as teenagers before we became adults less than a year later. i don’t think i will ever be able to explain that feeling. an image i think of when i think of the feeling is being on a hiking trail and finding a little shop or cabin, overgrown with leaves and flowers, but it’s still open, welcoming people in, they sell little knickknacks, and the sun shines through the windows and its warm with a cool breeze. music helps me feel it, but it’s not the same.
it hurts, a lot. but i guess all i can do is be thankful i have memories like that.