sam

i talked to someone about you today, for the first time in forever. and i revisited our old messages. some of it was so cheesy i actually laughed out loud. and i miss you. i want to talk to you again.
          
          i got accepted to a uni in canada. it’s a bit far from alberta. but.. i don’t know. being closer to you makes me ache a little. an exciting, nervous ache. i want to be friends with you. i want to be a part of your life.. 
          
          am i being too needy? is it too much to ask..? 
          
          sam, i never stopped loving you. and i don’t plan on it. even if it’s changed, i would still say “i love you” to you any time.
          
          i was 15 when i met you. i’m turning 18 in 2 months. you were like a dream, one that i can’t forget. 
          
          i want to see you. 

i don’t know if you’re ever going to see this. 
          
          i’m stupid and dumb and young and dramatic and cringe-worthy and impulsive and sappy and blinded, but i can’t control the fact that i still care for you after all this time. 
          
          what have you been doing? how is school going? your job? your art? have you still been drawing? i’ve improved a lot you know. i’m writing this right now with a week left before my mock exams. my last year of high school, before i go half way around the world and land much closer to you.  
          
          how was it with the girl you mentioned last time? are you okay? have you been caring for anyone? 
          
          so many questions, so many thoughts. i had my heart broken today. by a girl. she told me she cared for me and i did too, but it wasn’t going to happen because she’s too scared, sam, even when i told her i was willing to wait. once again i put all of myself out there to be left alone. 
          
          i felt strongly for her, strangely similar to the way i felt for you.
          
          why is time always a problem? it was the reason why we ended, wasn’t it? and now it’s happening all over again. i said i could wait but you both wouldn’t let me.
          
          i was in love with you. be it when i was only 16 but i was, no matter what others say.
          
          and i still do. i love you. from the bottom of whatever’s left with my heart, i love you. and i’m all alone, sam. 
          
          if only i was incapable of love.

sam is cute. he also happens to be mine.

adam parrish. the raven cycle (: