lunaticcat009
you still here luv?
louehhazzah
louehhazzah
I touched Louis. I touched Louis. I touched Louis. I touched Louis.
louehhazzah
500K on alpha to mate… this is crazy, absolutely ridiculous. thank you so so much for everything. I love you, I don’t deserve this. x
louehhazzah
Just finished reading My Policeman in one sitting,,, I recommend. Am so excited for the film holy sheit.
louehhazzah
well... I’m officially 18 now. lets live for real now.
louehhazzah
this message may be offensive
Harry won a Grammy.... what the fuck.
louehhazzah
TW! mental health and suicidal thoughts.
Its been a few weeks since my last post. My mental health is still very shattered, but I've managed to make the most out of the days where I feel alright. Days where I feel like my worst, I see it as a bad day that we can make up for the day after. Yesterday and today I think I had my worst day yet. I won't go into details, but it's safe to say I didn't want to wake up the next morning. Reading back to what I wrote there made me so excited for the future, where I can look back at this and be proud of myself for overcoming this. I know this isn't the end of me, and no way will I make this the end cause, at the end of the day, we'll all be alright. Every now and then, I open my drafts and write a little, even if it's 20 words or 5K, it's something and it clears my mind time to time. My eighteens birthday is coming up, which scares me. When I was little I dreamt of turning eighteen with the thoughts of being the happiest girls and doing the things I love, but the girl turning eighteen, isn't feeling any of that, nor is doing the things she adores. But turning eighteen isn't my last year on earth, there's many more to come and many more to look forward to. I know I can do this but the process is draining me whole. my thoughts are draining me whole, and when you reach the bottom, you're empty. but all things empty, can be filled again. (:
HarrysAngelLou
@louehhazzah I get how you feel! Last summer I turned 18, my family planned to take our boat out after 15 years and my dad was actually willing to do it! He never spends time with us, always working. But I ruined it and had my worst panic attack to date. I still feel like crap for ruining everyone's day. I should have known I was going to have a panic attack, I didn't want to turn 18, I dont think I ever have, I never wanted to grow up. I would still take being 8 any day over 18. My anxiety doesn't allow me to leave the house therefore I cannot get a job which means disappointment every day, and the fact that I haven't talked with someone outside my family in almost 6 years. Slowly figuring out this adult thing though, definitely has taken me a while and I try living in the present and not over think but that's a work In progress. I keep buying dogs in hopes that it helps lmao, it does somewhat. You'll definitely get through this! Take each day one at a time and live in the present, when the future pops into your head and you worry about it, be it an event in 30 minutes or where you'll be in 5 years, try your best to take deep breaths and look outside and focus on the now. This has helped me a bit. You have the right mindset, you'll get through this and be beyond happy in the end! If you ever want to talk I'm here, we can be each other's therapist ;) kdkfkkckc lol. Wishing you all the best love!
Mloveslouis28
@louehhazzah you'll be alright Love, you're stronger than this. Stronger than anything. Just hold on okay. This time will pass and you'll be so proud of yourself.
PoTatO_SherBert
@louehhazzah This honestly made me tear up while reading this, You deserve every aspect of happiness and love in your life. Take as many days, weeks, years, or however much time you need to rekindle your life. I haven't reached 18 yet so I can't exactly relate to how you're feeling but I can't say that I haven't had thoughts of not wanting to reach 18 either. But You are Strong, You are powerful and you have a purpose, I love you, and I'm sending all the love your way!
louehhazzah
thank you for all the lovely messages I’ve received so far. your support continues to amaze me. I won’t be far, and will come back when I am stable to put my work out into the world again. I miss it already. even though that I’m working on getting myself back on the right track, I busy myself reading quite a lot of books, mostly Larry and 1D. I’ve already considered sharing my recommendations earlier and decided that I’ll be doing that in the meantime so I can busy and distract myself, and still be active and sharing content with you. I hope you enjoy that! I’ll be sharing my recommendations on INSTAGRAM. hope you like it xxx
instagram: Louehhazzah.
link is in my description! x
louehhazzah
my mental health has taken a toll on me, which caused me to drop out of college and lose my job. at the moment, nothing is well. I feel stuck and trapped, mentally and physically. I know I’m not the only one struggling albeit it feels like I’m alone in this situation. I try to get my feelings out by writing but everything I write seems to be sad and unlucky, and uninspiring. therapy isn’t available since thousands are in need of one and there’s a waitlist for at least 30 weeks minimum so it’s just me and my family/friends figuring out how to get me out of this. I’m not fine, at all. and I need time. so I’m quitting wattpad and writing for the time being. whenever I feel like writing/uploading, I will do so, but pls don’t expect anything from me for now. thank you for everything you’ve done for me for the past years but I have to leave. much love, Maddie
Just_a_genius_1D
@ louehhazzah take care and take your time! If you ever want to talk, dms are open, hope you're feeling better soon!
Alekps
@louehhazzah Hi! Hello! I hope these words are helpful or something...and if not, well, sorry, I've always been told that sometimes it's better to say something than to keep quiet. The fact that you say this to other people, is brave enough to admit that you need help, from time to time we have to do it, ask for help, because problems often overcome us, and it's ok, we have to remember that we are not alone even when it seems so, and if you feel that the depression is too much or you do not see a way out, talk to anyone you trust, even a stranger, just take out everything that you think ties you to the bad, as someone once said "it's just a bad day, not a bad life" . Time helps to see what we really want, but it is also good to surround yourself with things that bring you something good, take out the bad, and try to do what is best for you. It's hard, I know, I've had depression since I was 12 and it's been 14 years now...sometimes you want to withdraw into a corner and never come out...but, sometimes you have to look beyond what is bothering you to realize that not everything is bad...but if you ever need to talk, about anything...here I am...seriously, I mean it.... You are worth it, you are important...for the simple fact of existing and being yourself.
louehhazzah
happy 27th birthday harold. you ol’ bugger!