httpslilac

being mentally ill but self aware feels like that picture of Meg Griffin just staring at the burning giant rock heading towards her

httpslilac

this message may be offensive 
I forgot to mention in my last post. Even if I want to write for FPE again, it'll all be rewrites. I was real fucking cornball in 2024 and looking back I what I wrote, I can't believe you guys actually liked it. There's so much mischaracterization and swearing in it, it's so irritating. 
          
          Also to specify on the last part of my message, my main fandoms I'd probably write for is The Summer Hikaru died, Ranfren Neocities, Homestuck, and Alien Stage/Zombie Stage.

httpslilac

because I'm probably never gonna use this account again to publish my writings. I'll just leave my old ones up so you guys can still read it if you want
          
          But I highly doubt anyone will because there's like a 10% chance anyone will even see this. 
          even if I do start writing again, it won't be FPE related and I don't wanna be associated with that fandom again unless I wanna get back in contact with someone I will not be naming by their wishes. 
          
          by the time you're reading this, I probably already republished them all.

httpslilac

But i guess its time to accept that it's wraps. Time to stop yearning for a stupid relationship that didn't even last a full week, and accept that love isn't for me. 
            
            They've most likely moved on completely and I'm happy for them. Theyre probably drawing or helping that one friend open their locker. 
            
            Awhile I rot away in my bedroom because I was nerve taught how to move on properly. 
            
            Bye, my bug.
• Reply

httpslilac

I don't really know why I'm spending my Wednesday night writing about this but, I've been wanting to get this off my chest for almost two years now. Writing about my feelings is a recommendation from my therapist anyways. 
            
            I guess the worst part, is that I miss them? I never really got to say a good goodbye so everything feels like it was yesterday, like I'm still in love with them.
• Reply

httpslilac

I've learned to accept the fact I won't ever see or hear from them ever again. Knowing the type of person they are, even if they did want to talk to me again (highly doubt again), something will probably happen between us again and my own mental health will deteriorate worse than it currently is. 
            
            Because I like to look back at my messages from 2024, I never exactly got reason why we stopped talking, I guess they just stopped responding after a certain point. But the only conclusion I can really come with is that I continuously (guilt tripped?) them for breaking up with me, which makes just as bad as the people they hated. I understand, I already grew to accept the fact Im a sociopath.
• Reply