changgoii

I'm going to go on an indefinite hiatus for a bit. I'll interact with people, but I won't write stories for a while. Cya

changgoii

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TW: vent. post not made for teenagers, children, or anyone under the legal age. if you have a history with depression, sh, anything self-depreciating that could lead to death or a relapse, please be cautious when reading this. 
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          tbh, feeling like relapsing. my girlfriend can't talk to me anymore (for a while at least) because she's in a lot of trouble. when i say trouble, i mean people are trying to kill her. she lives in israel and her country is at war with palestine. it's really bad. it was our one year anniversary six days ago. two days after that, she told me that she was in a lot of danger, that she could die. i don't feel like doing anything anymore. i feel like i won't have any reason for living if she dies. i haven't loved anyone like i've loved her before. i've never wanted to die so badly for someone. i love her. i really love her. i want her to be safe, i want this fucking war to be fucking over and for her to be safe. i want everyone to be safe right now. yes, even palestine. everyone deserves safety, and everyone deserves happiness (including mental stability). i don't feel like talking to anyone anymore, i don't feel like writing my stories anymore, i don't feel like going to school anymore, i don't feel like eating anymore, i don't feel like trying anymore, i don't feel like living anymore. i love her. i love her. i really do. i really fucking love her and i want her to be safe. i want her family to be safe, i want her friends to be safe. i want to cut again. i want to see blood drip down my arm and not clean it up. i want it to dry on my arm and keep it there as a painting. i've been clean for so long. it's been months already. but i don't feel like i feel anything anymore. i don't know why i don't feel anything anymore. i want to feel something. i want to want to talk to people. i want to want to eat. i want to want to sleep. i want to want to live.