We’ll Be a Fine Line

Been getting back into writing again. Looking back at old writing makes me cringe a bit lol but I also love finding pieces that were actually good that I can revise to make even better. Sometimes it can be so difficult to translate the experience and the feelings in my head into a proper poem that I’m satisfied with. What a joy it is when I do. I’m not just getting back into poetry but prose. Something I haven’t really done since the 8th grade. Lots of novel ideas being fleshed out, actually reaching almost 5k words in a first draft. Though the anxiety and doubt can be high at times, crippling even, I’m trying. 

“I would love to just know you again.” 

“No matter how hard life gets, never regret something that made you smile.” 

“It might not have been legit but you were mine for years,” 

“Don’t let your struggle become your identity.”

“Love really is just "I'm thinking of you. I will ask you if you are okay. I remember your favorite flavor of tea. I want to talk to you. I hope your mother is well. I will read to you. I like your laugh. I want to help you. I will sit next to you. I got you the chocolate you like. Your eyes have gold in them. I think you'd like this book. I miss you when you aren't here." isn't it?”

Time just goes and goes and goes and then one day you realize years have passed. That they felt simultaneously long and short. There has been numerous ups and down this last decade. I can’t say for sure if it was more downs than up though it really does feel like it. But today, I send out my prayers that this new decade will be 10 times better than the last even if the road I travel is still blurry and winding and I get exhausted at times. I hope I can finally feel more peace, find truly great love, spend my days doing things that fill me with life, have less regrets, travel like I’ve always wanted, have more clarity, more confidence, and be more in awe with life. Here’s to a new decade and aging like fine wine! lmaoo 

Out of nowhere, yesterday, the thought popped into my head that I’ll soon be the age where I once thought I’d have my first child or at least been married already. I’m nowhere closeeee to having those things. then I think as much as I want those things I actually don’t wish for them in this moment. I want them when the time is truly right, when I have a level of peace in my heart, in my mind. I’ve come to accept that I’ll have certain things later in life and that’s okay cause life is weird and I’m weird, and I have yet to explore myself and the world the way I need to.

Can’t believe we’re approaching the end of Octoberrr. Ahhhhhhh 2023 is finishing so fast   and that next number in January is like oh my goodnessss. Sometimes I think, “How did 10 years past like that??” 

Randomly started listening to SoMo’s first album and man what a throwback. Feeling lots of nostalgia right now. There’s just some memories/feelings you can’t forget.