TheDNFCow

I'm alive, guys! I'm just trying to get through a writers block again :]
          
          AND I am still writing the fics! Don't worry! I'm still holding onto the Fandom!
          
          I love all of you, and I hope I can write more often! I know it's summer, but I have many plans set, so I hope I can make time. I might get a planner soon.
          
          Anyway, im tired and wanna sleep, but I need to make sure I have enough writing set up for me to continue when I wake up tomorrow.
          
          (It is 6 a.m., and idk when I'll wake up tmmr, so I'll see how it goes).
          
          Trying her best,
          
          August. :]

Hey August! My discord got banned so I’m going around trying to get everyone back. My username is pumacatmeow_ 
          So sorry for the inconvenience :((((

Guys I'm so sorry for the repeating apologies of me forgetting ab these books. There's been a lot going on. Sorry. Maybe a chap of each book out tn???

I really think I've lost motivation for these books  I have one book that's not dsmp themed, but it's not even ready to post. I might start writing in the books on here so I can fully remember toupdate and post them. Sorry.

I'm sorry, guys, but I have not had much time to write. I've been getting sick, then busy with schoolwork, then my family, etc. etc.
          
          I'm really trying to find time and motivation to write, but there has been nothing going through my head.
          
          But, I have had an idea to write a normal book. It wouldn't be a fanfic. An actual book. I've had this idea for months, almost a year, as I've gotten used to reading things like Haunting Adeline, God of Malice, Credence, Punk 57, and even Shatter Me. Those are a few I've read in the past 2 years. There's more, but those are the biggest ones.
          
          I've sorta started fell out of the Fandom, too, but that's probably because I dont watch anyone but the dteam, and they don't post a lot. So I fell out of everyone BUT them 3. It's crazy. Idk anymore. I love them, but jesus the fucking people commenting on their things is what is pushing me away.
          
          Also, mental illnesses can cause some hobbies to seem like they suck, even if they're still loved, so that could be it.
          
          Anyways, im so so sorry. I will try to keep updating, but it's been hard to find time.
          
          Hope you understand.

Sorry for not posting often! I'm working on it, I swear. I'm getting over being sick, and my reading slump comes with a writing slump as well! Fun!
          
          Also, all the drama has made me take a small break from social media. Including, but not limited to, Twitter, Reddit, Tiktok, Instagram, Tumblr, and even Snapchat. It was a constant reminder of my past experiences, and so I wanted and needed a break from social media. I have been painting tables with my mom to help pass the time and help stay offline for a bit. 
          (I might ask her to let me paint on the inside of the table lid. I wanna paint flowers bc me and her are obsessed with floral designs rn.)
          
          Anyways, rant over.
          
          I'm going to try writing a bit. Right now. Maybe. It's 5:30 am, and I haven't slept. Anddddd, I have to stay up all day and clean my yard for an Easter party. I have a strawberry monster, though! It will be used!
          
          With multiple forms of different spectrums appearing all at once,
          
          August.
          
          (Sorry. I like funky little email sign-off things. I do them all the time now. Okay. Bye bye.)

@ChaoticLemons
          yo August
          is your friend back yet

Now that this is *sorta* dealt with. I'm gonna start writing rn.
          
          (Also bc I think my writers block is over for now! Yayyyy!)

Guys.
          
          If any of this turns out to be true, I might just have to stop posting.
          
          These people have quite literally saved me.
          
          Before I had someone who has been my life for the past 2 years, I had the dsmp. Dream, George, sapnap, Wilbur, Techno, bbh, Tommy, tubbo, Jack, etc.
          
          I've had them for 4 years. Over the years, I've lost them slower and slower. I've been stuck with the Dreaam team. They've made me laugh so much. So, god damn much. They have been my hyperfixation for four years. 
          
          I used to tell people I had found Wilbur before the dsmp. And I did, but now all hope for him is lost.
          
          I found dream next. Then george. Then sapnap. I found them all from each other. It was crazy at first that I was attached so quickly to grown men I haven't met, don't know, and now I may never hear from again. 
          
          I watched them to sleep, eat, if I wanted to draw or game, I'd listen to them in the background. The good days, where nothing bad ever happened.
          
          Now I've lost Wilbur. Which, I've lost interest in him, and how he treats people on camera kinda freaked me out in a way. I was actually surprised my gut was right, but I let him go easily.
          
          But just last night, I watched the three of them. The dteam. The people who saved my life in 2020. Saved me from my crazy e-girl phase and carried me back into my gamer phase. I haven't left that. Probably never will.
          
          Ever since I found out what DNF was, anytime I see green and blue together, I internally giggle, even as a high-school kid, I giggle like a kid. I hear a quote from one of them, I smile as I remember the clips I took.
          
          I can't let go just yet. It's going to be so fucking hard to let go if this is all real
          
          I want this to be a nightmare. A sick, sick nightmare. I'd rather go back to 2020 with this knowledge and had the ability to warn them. Tell them to watch their backs with antis.
          
          If you think im crazy for thinking like this, for "choosing sides" or just for speaking my mind, fuck you. Fuck. You.
          
          Pt. 1/2

Being so dead ass, sometimes I don't tell people I'm in this fandom because I know what will come from it.
          
          Either they'll ignore me, hate on me, or just start spilling lies that I can't fix.
          
          Or they'll bring up things that are true, but I dont really care about the person.
          
          I do this thing where I focus on the art. Not the artist.
          
          Colleen Hoover, for example. 
          
          She's a great author. But im not into her personal life. If I dont like a book after I read it, so what? I'm not going to hate on her for my opinion. Hell, you guys know what I write. It's all fiction. What am I going to do? Ignore the books of hers I enjoy? No.
          
          But real-life abuse and domestic violence, even from an artist, I don't really know what to do. Wilbur was always funny and entertaining to watch. It's the art. That's his art. His personal life is none of my business. But as a woman who has a past with dv, even if it's not with a romantic partner but with family, I don't agree with anything he's been doing.
          
          (A bit of family shit here, so if you dont care, don't read.)
          
          My brother has always been pretty violent and abusive. Since I was a baby, he's been on substances. I don't think I have ever been able to look him in the eyes without knowing he's on something. He's treated his ex-girlfriends the same way Wilbur did, and he played victim.
          
          I still love him, yes. But sometimes, I wish I could take a metal bat and give him a concussion or two. That's besides the point.
          
          The point is that abuse is NOT okay. Verbal, mental, physical, or sexual. 
          
          I've already fallen away from Wilbur since he stopped streaming, but I just have to put this out there so that people don't come for me for not bringing up the situation in my own opinion on it.
          
          Anyone, male or female, who has dealt with abuse or dv, I highly recommend finding ways to help you mentally. I am always here to talk even if I don't respond immediately.
          
          I love you guys <33
          
          Take care of yourselves! <3