Life doesnt always work out the way you plan, and I know it seems unfair but please for the love of God dont do anything irrational, even though you suffer, you should always hang on to even a little sliver of hope because your choices affect other people greatly. If you ever need anyone to talk to, to vent, to listen, to your problems reach out for the help, I'm here if you need anything as well! You can dm me and I'll send you my discord server.