I feel the need to vent this out and get this out of my system. Frankly, I don't like the idea of people knowing what's going on with me. I like to keep things personal, but I'm mentally struggling at the moment. The feeling comes and goes, but I'm currently in a deep mental rut and I feel like the world is closing in on me and that I'm just on the verge of breaking.
As a result, even though I want to write, I can't because I don't have the passion to write and what's going on mentally hinders me from wanting to be passionate. I've underestimated just how tough, unforgiving this world was. Working hard just isn't enough. You can do everything that you're told and you never get the stuff you want, so you end up feeling like you spent years of your life going through your education for nothing. Nothing comes out of it. It doesn't help that I'm being insulted and gaslit for something out of my hands. If you're feeling upset or mad, then imagine, I, who was optimistic and worked all these years, feels. You think I don't care or that I'm not upset because I seem happy and having fun. It's all a mask to avoid confronting the pain and my own mental anguish, to try and hopefully wait it out and something good might come out of all of my suffering and tribulations.