Alex.<3333

Lmao hi

Help i've been so dead on this platform it's crazy omg :sob:
          
          Anyways hi guys i exist again :o maybe i'll actually comment around other books again but idk i've lost motivation lol XD

I starve myself for fun ,,
          THAT WAS /HJ /HJ
          
          I starve myself on purpose, not because i wanna lose weight actually(i wanna gain weight, but i hate eating food sm yuck) but because i like the feeling of starvation, there's just this sensation in my stomach and i literally don't swallow my own spit and stuff because it disappears and then i have to eat because everything else about starving is eugghh,,
          At first, it was unintentionally, i forget to eat really often, like, REALLY often, and my mom has to call me to eat to actually make me eat, but now i do it on purpose :sob:
          And don't worry, i'm fine. I know starving myself is unhealthy(especially since i'm still developing), but i still eat and don't skip meals, but it's just my parents have to remind me otherwise i'll forget eating even exists :sob:
          
          But sometimes i really dislike eating, i dunno, eating is yucky, but i loveee the taste of food on my taste buds :3

The older you get the more you realize how much you've took your parents affection and love for granted.
          I'm turning 13 this year, and i noticed that my mom and dad raised me and my sister so fucking well somehow. I wanna take bake every moment where i said i hated them honestly, it's just that now looking back at our meaningful and heart to heart conversations together(specifically w/ my mother) makes me wanna cry so badly/pos
          
          And i know it's typical teenager behaviour to think that your parents are assholes(from what i've seen online and from personal experience.) But everything they've said to me and told me when we talk for hours about even the smallest topic, now finally realizing the fact i haven't been the greatest kid for them makes me feel so guilty:sob:
          
          The talk we had about the future. My mom saying that she hopes that she lives long enough to be able to see me and my sister living happily as adults, she hopes to one day be able to hold her grandchildren and support us along our lives, Yet doesn't wanna live too long in hopes she won't have to see my father pass away, in hopes she won't have to learn how to live without him, she knows it'll hurt him even more if she passes, but she doesn't wanna leave my dads side even when they're older.
          
          It hurts so much hearing her words/pos
          they were so genuine and i just started sobbing uncontrollably in her arms afterwards.
          
          And even if my dad doesn't have deep talks with me as often, we also had a talk about my future spouse and he said he didn't care about money, looks, etc. All he cared about was that he loved me and wanted to treat me right, then was religious enough(not extremely, just religious enough that he follows Gods orders). If i loved him, then my Dad would allow it. And i started breaking down crying too because i started imagining a future where i had a family and had a relationship like my mom and dad have:sob:
          
          Okay this is getting too long, long story short, I love my parents a lot.

Lmfao i vent too much. But eh.
          
          I always feel so left out, Most of my classmates and female friends like KPOP and Anime. And WHY DO I HAVE TO BE OBSESSED WITH ROBOCAR POLI??? Like everytime i socialize with them they say "Have you watched ____???" Or "Do you listen to ___???"
          And i always feel so sad and tell them "no, sorry.. i don't listen to Kpop and i don't watch anime.."
          
          I just feel so lefted out?? i wanna be able to talk about hyperfixations with others,, but sucks i'm a childish kid lol.
          They can talk about their bias and their favorite bands, and meanwhile i'm js here like "...what?"
          
          and no, i'm not trying to be different from the rest, I WANNA BE LIKE EVERYONE ELSE!1!1!1!! DX (excluding all the name calling and stuff they do)

BIGGG PROBLEM
          My new account is on, sure, BUT IT WON'T LET ME VERIFY MY EMAIL.
          Like, i can't write, comment, follow, nor vote. WTH WATTPAD???
          
          So i guess i'm sticking to this one, that other account will still be used, but i'll just private my stories on this one, i feel rlly uncomfortable looking at most of them, specifically the "Nickloon book i guess" book..

Alright so
          My new account will be named "Zakyunntrashes" and the display name is "trasher Alex.."
          
          Hope you find me :3

.. i'm back
          Not because i wanna post, i just wanted to say that i can't handle not going on this platform.
          I miss you all honestly <3 /p
          
          Yes, everything i said in that book is true, wattpad had drained my energy, mentally and physically.
          But i can't leave this platform, so uh..
          Hi again, i might change accounts though, this one still gives me the ick.
          
          Once i come up with the name of the account and everything i promise i'll announce it in my message board.
          
          Js know that i'm still not gonna use this account again, ever.

Goodbye!! You were an epic person and will definitely watch your youtube whenever you post!

Goodbye soldier. You will be missed