Lostin

MAJOR LIFE UPDATES since I stopped using wattpad for a few years
          
          - went to film school
          - met my now-bf of 2 years (hopefully eventually fiance?????)
          - discovered ADHD/Autism
          - got severely burned out
          - moved out of parents house
          - dropped out of film school bc of no money
          - learned a Big Dark Family Secret  that had left me reevaluating all of my family relationships 
          - stopped being Chronically Online
          
          Additionally:
          - forgot how to read
          - forgot how to draw
          - forgot how to... what was i talking about?
          - learned how to cook
          - learned photography (sort of)
          - saw the west coast
          
          Current status:
          - slowly relearning how to be creative
          - downloaded wattpad again as part of that process
          
          (Oh i remember it was "forgot how to write". I also forgot how to use grammar and punctuation.)
          
          - trying to find a job that won't leave me with pennies leftover every month
          - allergic to apples (but only raw or unpasteurized ones.... look it up its a real thing)
          
          Anyway yeah so you may or may not hear more from me in 2024
          

All I write now is crack fanfic and world lore............
          
          I wonder if I'll ever post again....

JUST POSTED CRACK GENSHIN FANFIC I HOPE YOU LIKE IT
          
          https://www.wattpad.com/story/266995828?utm_source=android&utm_medium=link&utm_content=share_reading&wp_page=reading&wp_uname=Lostin_Lalin&wp_originator=zHZyI61C%2FIRRSMbZtjK2irUFuQ1NkOrA7TcQddPbSbBffMZXhtv7S3O50fLkROc8ruFUdo%2BjLTKsFZ5nXzCeY7UF4vFOaF7Nh2quCCaG2tXIj%2BVrHLoV1l5F9Ffr6EMu

I've been trying to write more lately, especially after taking several months to rediscover why I write. Most of it is world building stuff though, so i can't post it (this time). My hope is to write more regularly so that I can eventually move into narrative writing (which I've realized is not my strong point haha).
          
          I'm graduating high school in 3 months and starting film school in the fall. I intend to live a life full of action: I want to publish several stories in different formats, not just novels, and I want to make an impact on the foster system by adopting and fostering children, especially those in unfortunate demographics. I want to travel the world and learn 4+ languages. And I want to obtain a private pilot's license.
          
          My high school years have been plagued by depression, huge changes, and struggling with my worth as an artist and writer. Lockdown in 2020 gave me the chance to reflect on why I became a storyteller in the first place. I've spent the last several months rediscovering healthy motivation. I'm not out of the woods yet, but I'm seeing a positive change in my life in 2021, one that will, Godwilling, lead to a career of helping others and creating stories that dig deep. Imposter syndrome can suck it. 
          
          So yeah. While I can't announce any fresh projects on wattpad right now, I think I can say that there is much to come if you'll stick with me for it. 
          
          Mmmm bread.

I kinda miss the old Assassin cover not gonna lie. Maybe I'll bring it back if I can find the original stock photo. 

Guess who reread the first ever draft of Galaxy and was simultaneously mortified and impressed. There were so many logic problems but at least I was productive lmao. I wish I could write than easily now. I wonder what's stopping me.

Wow that 3 year anniversary of wattpad really flew by hahaha. 
          I haven't done much writing lately. It's a combination of being busy with the process of transitioning into adulthood, internal screaming, and personal emotional issues. I know I'm going to write Galaxy. But it's chock-full of issues that I need to unwrinkle before I start posting. Before I write the whole thing. I need to sit down and unwrinkle them, and for that I need time and clarity and peace of mind. The latter is hard to come by, lately. 
          Galaxy WILL be written. And it will be GOOD. But I have other needs that need to be taken care of, so even though I promised to write it this year, I need to figure out my life and it might get busy. I want to move out in 2021, whether that's with college or a job. I'm sick of waiting for it to happen. So I'm gonna make it happen, and I'll need to work harder. It's gonna be a huge change of lifestyle for me. I've been so gone from wattpad, I don't know who's still reading these to be honest. But I hope you stick with me for just a bit longer. I'm close to something, some mental awakening. But on the cusp, I'm suffering a bit and I have things to do, or I'll get stuck here.
          Gotta give myself a pep talk, am I right?  Ah, I forgot who I'm writing to. G'night.

I might start doing book reviews again for writing practice.

Anyone else just have those sudden mood swings into "I hate people" and then quit for the day?
          Maybe my stamina bar ran out.
          Maybe everything is a videogame.
          Maybe I'm listening to too much EDM and letting technoscifi stories get inside my head. 
          Oops. 

I feel worthless.
          Maybe I should open the door.
          Burn the pages,
          Write poems with the ash on the floor.
          Pour the ink into the sink,
          And watch it drain from the shore.
          
          I don't want love no more.
          Though it's the one thing I've been searching for,
          Though it's the one thing that I miss the most,
          I'm afraid to be alone. 
          
          - Oceans by Jacob Lee
          
          
          Sound the bugle now.
          Play it just for me.
          As the seasons change,
          Remember who I used to be.
          Now I cant go on.
          I can't even start. 
          I got nothing left,
          Just an empty heart.
          
          I'm a soldier,
          Wounded so I must give up the fight.
          There's nothing more for me,
          Lead me away.
          Or leave me lying here.
          
          - Sound the Bugle by Hans Zimmer and Bryan Adam's (or just Bryan Adams??)