abandoned account!

Hey! This is my new account. I write original stories now, but I'm sure I'll slip back into fanfic at some point. It would mean the world to me if you read my new story! Thank you all ❤

hey. how are you?

Hey folks. I'm here. I want you guys to know that I'm okay now. I grew up and I'm okay now. My instagram is kyle.rxss, my twitter is anongrimace, my youtube channel (which now has over 4k subscribers!!) is called Kyle FTM. I love you all, and I just wanted you to know that all the times I threatened suicide and documented my unsuccessful attempts on this website are over. I've been in a healthy relationship with a beautiful boy for over a year now and I'm doing just fine. Much love, Kyle Ross.

new account^^

yo. what if i did come back? what would i even write? i don't even listen to mcr much anymore and i really don't ship anyone. would you be interested in original stories? or perhaps i could start fresh on a new account. one that doesn't hold my emo phase and both of my suicide attempts. i feel like i don't fit in with a lot of the community that makes up all of my old followers anymore. i've been on prozac (a medication that treats anxiety and depression) for quite a while now and i really don't like the negativity that the alternative/emo community seems to give off nowadays. perhaps i will return on another account. i'll let you know on this account, obviously. if you still care, let me know what you want.

Ur username tho XD

that would be all for now.

i told my friends about it. they did what was necessary, and then things got a bit out of hand. that's when i truly feel like i became the "bad guy". i'm sorry to anyone i've hurt. whether it be by the breakup, by the angry part of my life where i felt true, pure, and un-watered-down self hatred and heartbreak for the first time, by the angry rant, by my attitude changing from dark blood red to golden yellow, by me cutting off all of my old internet friends, by me moving on and deciding not to live in the past, or that night where things got out of hand. i won't apologise, however, for the fact that i just simply didn't love someone. that's not within my control. that's not within anyone's control.
          
          
          
          -kyle

i started on prozac- a medication that treats depression, panic disorders, and bulimia. and then one day i woke up and felt okay again. i went to see how my ex was doing, and they'd moved on to crushing on some boy at school a week before i even started trying to get better. my stomach sunk, and i immediately began to write paragraphs of pure "how fucking could you?". i started getting better after i learned to get off of my phone and live. split second decisions became my life force. i didn't need to constantly be on my phone when my life stopped revolving around someone who lives 10 hours away. i got back into the dating world. i asked out a boy, he said yes. i wasn't in love with him quite yet but i wanted to give living a shot. it was the same boy who was my first kiss, my first serious relationship, my first of so many things a year before. his lips had never felt softer. touch had never felt better. life had never felt so intimate- i realised that this is what living feels like. not wasting away my precious teenage years with my face in front of a screen. i felt alive. so, a month into my relationship and two months since my breakup, you'd think i'd be pretty surprised that my ex's friend began to accuse me of moving on too quickly. my happy-go-lucky streak was broken by a sudden panic attack in my bathroom. my ex was playing the victim. i'll not say that i didn't, in a way, do the same immediately after the breakup. but hell, i grew the fuck up and got over it quickly.

i'm not back. that's for sure. this website is full of what used to be happy memories. until they all turned toxic. i did overreact a bit when i lashed out on someone before i left, but they had no right to be talking pure shit about me and sending their friend after me. but i'm kyle ross and i win battles. i'm more mad at myself than anything else for the things that happened. but, oh well. please, pretend to be my friend. and then make sure that you call me and my friends a bunch of untrue shit simply because i made the decision to be happy. i'm a different man than i was 10 months ago when i fell in love with them. and so are they. i respect that. i fell in love with a fabricated version of them. not that they're bad, but just that they're not exactly who i needed. i'm gay. i can't do much about the fact that i don't like girls or non binary people. i insisted i was homoflexible for a while, but truly i'm not. i only like boys. but, when i truly came to that realisation that i couldn't pretend anymore, i realised a few other things. my overall image of them in my head was twisted. not that they're ugly, but that they weren't truly who i felt attracted to. i broke up with them. i felt like i was hurting them and not letting them be themself. i did it for me, and i did it for them. but immediately, it was like i got withdrawal from them. 8 months of my life down the drain and it felt like i had no reason because it was all internal. they kept coming back in my head as that mind-fabricated version. i felt like i still loved them. but i knew i didn't. but, with each day i seemed to get sicker. my friends saw the hell i went through. my best friend wiped the tears off of my face with the sleeve of his hoodie seconds before i full-thrusted into a violent emotional breakdown. panic attack after panic attack. i tried to kill myself.