𝚋𝚊𝚍 𝚕𝚞𝚌𝚔

there’s a guy at my new job who i think likes me but i’m worried i’m projecting and he just sees me as a friend, cause like the other day he asked for my instagram and we’ve been talking all day on there since but then when i see him (he drives the truck and drops stuff off so i only see him when he’s assigned my building) he always dabs me up and he calls me dude and homie.
          
          but then also he’s talked abt wanting to take me to a pizza place and stuff if we’re off on the same day and he’s always telling me to make sure i don’t stay up to late or sleep in too late and to have good dreams and eat which makes me feel like he’s gotta have a crush on me right?? i’m worried tho if i try dropping hints i like him back it’ll make it weird, bc what if he doesn’t like me. idk i’ve literally never talked to a guy before like this and i feel so stupid and my sisters aren’t any help bc they always just feed into my delusions no matter what

i had a dream last night that i got arrested and sent to like correctional facility school thing in the middle of the woods and everyone was weird acting and i started finding out it was actually a cult and then they made me get married to this random guy

my 13 year old obsession with the outsiders have come back but this time around im actually gonna read the book- we’ll see if my love for two-bit and tim shepherd inspires me to actually write something again

i’m so sick of being everyone backup/second choice. no matter what i do i’ll always be an afterthought and i’m tired of it- what’s so wrong with me that i can’t be a first thought??

seeing a complex well written character get watered down by the content community into a one dimensional-one word described character is one of the such painful experiences 

been playing a lot of rdr 2 and rd online and i got 2 chapters of yan fic with the (y/n) being based on the online protagonist storyline- idk the character i made is so cute and awkward looking lol it’s inspired me to actually write for the first time in a while, im rlly outta practice so it’s not rlly good but i might good over them after work and MAYBE publish it if i think it’s decent enough

not getting married bc it’s too much of a commitment but having kids with someone is CRAZY 

the nostalgia i get from my little pony gore/dark content is so strange and should be study bc why am i on zombie/infection mlp instagram?? 

rewatched bcs  and moved to brba and omg i’m so pissed abt poor hugo that man deserved so much better i hate walter so much

having a father who guilt trips and gets so..petty abt me calling out of work actually aggravates me so much especially cause like..which one of us has a job?? it ain’t him.
          
          i literally got 2nd degree burns on my fingers yesterday from a pan that wasn’t supposed to even be hot and while i was WORKING 20 minutes over unasked bc they had no one else, the burns hurt don’t get me wrong, but the main reason i called out today was bc i was frustrated/ and if i went to work and had a bad day i would’ve quit.
          
          but all day today my dads been giving me passive aggressive remarks (‘let me look at it? oh it’s not that bad’ ‘can i see your hand? oh it’s just 1st degree, when i was younger i dumped hot grease on my hand and it actually blistered’) and went on this long thing abt how i need to stay a good employee??
          
          i have worked there for almost 5 months, i have called out 3 times before, 2 of those times i brought doctors notes, im always on time/early and i always work late when they need me to, not to mention IM 17!! i shouldn’t need to be a good employee, but i am, and if me calling out a day in advance bc i got hurt on the clock i ain’t the issue here!