You took a deep gasping breath as you felt someone shaking you awake.
"Y/n? Sweetheart, you were having another nightmare" Dean says with a worried look in his eyes. He starts caressing your cheek as your breathing returns you normal. You felt like you had a weight placed on your chest, but there wasn't much you could do about it and you didn't want Dean to worry. He had enough to deal with already and was already looking worn out.
"How long was I out?" You ask finally sitting up off of his chest and looking around the room. Sam was sitting at the table in the motel room already dressed for the day and typing away on his computer.
"Only an hour or so," Dean says while rubbing circles on your back. "I was actually going to try to get up and grab breakfast, but then you started mumbling about..."
"About what?" you ask turning your attention back to Dean. You could see the sadness in his eyes and the stress you were causing him. It crushed you.
"About things," he said clenching his jaw a little.
There are only three reasons Dean Winchester clenches his jaw, either when he is jealous, angry/upset, or nervous. Unfortunately, it was hard to decipher which was which.
"What did I say?" you asked as you felt the weight shift tighter into your chest.
Dean takes a quick deep breath and looks at the floor shaking his head.
"It's nothing sweetheart. Nothing to worry about"
You stare at him as he looks back into your eyes relaxing his facial features and offering a small smile.
"Really babe it was nothing," he says before standing up.
You look around the room and see Sammy staring between you and Dean, but he quickly clears his throat.
"uh, so I can go get breakfast," he said prepping to stand up.
"No, I got it," Dean replied in a sigh, walking towards the couch to grab his jacket.
"I can come too," you said rather sheepishly. You didn't want to push Dean, but you were worried about him. He had hardly got any sleep recently and now he was obviously keeping something from you.
"No y/n. I got it, just go back to sleep or help Sammy or something. It's just down the block" he said smiling at you. He turned and opened the door as your breath hitches.
"Cas?" Dean breathed out.
"Hello, Dean" the angel replies.
Castiel quickly walks into the room as you all stare in disbelief. He was ragged and looked worn down from his travels.
"Unbelievable, man. I-I cannot believe it. You're actually here." Sam says.
You continue to stare but Dean caught your attention. He shut the door and walked around to stare more directly at Castiel.
"Yeah, I've been trying to reach out, but for whatever reason, I wasn't at full power. So I couldn't connect with you." Cas explained as he watches Dean with a confused expression.
"That must have been why you kept seeing him. I mean, you think?" Sam asked while looking at Dean who hasn't said a word since Cas came inside.
"Yeah, uh, I got to be honest. I-I-I'm thinking, how the hell did you make it out? I mean, I – I was there. I-I know that place. I know how we had to scratch and claw and kill and bleed to find that portal and make it through it, and it almost finished me. So, uh... so how exactly are you here with us right now?" Dean asked. You couldn't see his expression clearly from your position but you couldn't tell if he was more relieved or upset.
"Dean, everything you just said is completely true. And that's the strange part. I... have no idea. I remember endlessly running and hiding from Leviathan, and then I was on the side of the road in Illinois. And... that was it." Cas explained as you all stay quiet.
"And that – that was it?" Dean sayed with a scoff.
"Yes," Castiel replied. You realized that you hadn't said anything but honestly were at a loss of what to say. Cas hadn't even acknowledged your presents and you were a little nervous at what he would say. Last you saw him you were on good terms but he was... not quite himself and prior to that you had never truly been friends.
"Oh. I'm dirty." Cas says suddenly looking himself up and down.
"Yeah, well, Purgatory will do that to you," Dean says gruffly as Castiel walks into the bathroom.
You could tell Dean was lost in thought just from the way he was standing. You stood up to approach him, but Cas walked back out of the bathroom now wearing a fresh suit and tie and a clean shave.
"Better?" Cas asks with a small smile, his blue eyes brightening as he spreads his arms in a wide gesture.
You see Sam nod in his seat as Cas's eyes travel between the two of them but he quickly lands on you.
"What's wrong, y/n?" Cas asks concern filling his features.
Suddenly everyone's eyes were on you.
"Nothing," you say walking towards him. "I just missed you is all"
You pull him into a brief hug as he awkwardly attempts to hug back. As you pull away Dean puts his arm on Cas's shoulder and gives a quick nod in agreement.
***
You and Dean eventually went out and picked up some beer and burgers which was greatly needed after the emotionally exhausting morning you both had.
As you approached the grocery store counter with the six-pack in hand you saw Dean stopped at the bakery section, no doubt looking at the pie. He had the glazed over look that told you he was mesmerized by their selection. As you approached him, it brought memories back to when you first realized you were falling for the strapping hunter. It was actually in a moment exactly like this, only a few states over and in some crappy gas station that so happened to have those tiny pie boxes near the register. Dean was staring at the pie stand with the same glazed expression and a small smile on his lips that caused your heart to flutter from his childish demeanor. You didn't know why this moment struck you so hard. Maybe it was from the way he would lick his lips or the way he would switch his weight back and forth unable to fully control his excitement for the simple dessert. No matter what it was, you were grateful for that moment, and ever since pie has always been something you look out for whenever you are dining in, picking up, or grabbing supplies.
"Earth to y/n" Dean says waving his hand in front of your eyes. You hadn't noticed you had already walked right next to him.
"I asked what kind we should get," he says looking at you, piercing you with his emerald eyes.
"Whatever you want," you say smiling up at him. The smile on his face widens as he leans down and places a kiss on your forehead. "Alright pecan it is!"
In the car on the way back to the motel, you could tell Dean was getting lost in thought again. You knew Cas coming back was chewing away at him. He probably felt guilty for leaving Cas behind but you knew it wasn't his fault.
"Dean, do you want to talk about it?" You ask.
Dean looks up from the road putting on an overly exaggerated no in an attempt to push it off, but after realizing that you could see through his act he huffed out a breath.
"Look Y/n. I don't want to talk about it. Cas is back and that is what matters." Dean turns his attention back to the road as his grip on the steering wheel tightens.
"Alright," you say as you look out the window. "I am here for you, whenever you want to open up about it"
There was no reply, but you knew Dean well enough that you didn't need one. He knew you were there and he knew you would listen. He just didn't even know how to process it all yet and talking about it now would just lead to more issues.
As you walk into the motel you see that Sam is still on the laptop at the table and Cas was now sitting on Sam's bed watching television.
"What's the latest?" Dean asks while setting everything down on the table.
"The latest is... nothing. It's like it all stopped. No freak disappearances linked to any freak natural events." Sam says continuing to scroll through the information. You grab a beer out of the bag and walk around to look at the computer screen.
"So we have seven missing?"
"Yeah, uh, Luigi, Justin, Aaron, Maria-" Sam starts but soon Cas is finishing the sentence for him.
"Maria, Dennis, Krista, Sven."
You, Sam, and Dean all look at the distracted angel, unsure what to even ask.
"Oh, I missed television," Cas says as you watch his eyes wander the screen.
"Wait, Cas. How did you know those are the names?" Sam asks in disbelief.
"They're prophets," Cas replies in a matter of fact tone.
"Prophets?" Dean asks skeptically.
"Yes, angels instinctively know the names of every prophet – past, present, and future," Cas says turning to look at the three of us.
"So this list is the name of every one of them that exists?" You question.
"Yes, until the next generation is born. Plus Kevin Tran, of course. The other seven are future prophets since only one can exist at a time."
"How is Kevin a prophet if Chuck is a prophet?" Sam asks.
"Wait who is Chuck?" you cut in but were quickly ignored.
"I'm not sure what happened to Chuck, but he must be dead," Cas says, turning his attention back to the T.V.
"So, the next one comes off the bench if Kevin goes down?" Dean asks.
"Exactly. And they have no idea who they are, of course." Cas answers.
You feel the dark pit in your stomach quench as one name pops into your mind.
"Crowley" you growl.
"Insurance. Boy, he's getting desperate." Dean says following your train of thought.
"Explains all the weird phenomena. Lower-level demons nabbing heavy-duty cargo. The vessels of God's Word – boom." Sam summarises.
Just then Sam's phone rings. You feel Dean wrap his arm around your waist to calm you down as Sam answers.
"Hello.Mrs. Tran?" That caught your attention, fully pulling you away from your concentration on your anger to the conversation at hand. "Well, where the hell have you... What?" Sam stands up suddenly and moves the phone away from his year. "Crowley's got Kevin."
***
You were currently sitting in the back seat with Cas listening to Dean's impatient tapping on the steering wheel as you sat parked on the side of the darkened road waiting for Mrs. Tran.
"Where the hell is she?" Dean asks for the 7th time in the last hour.
"She'll be here," Sam says confidently.
You look up to the rearview mirror to try and read Dean's expression, but he just seemed upset. He looks up and sees you staring at him but quickly shifts his gaze to look at Castiel.
"Cas, can I talk to you outside?" Dean asks already opening his door and getting out of the car. Cas looks at you with a confused expression but you just shake your head, not fully knowing what this was about. Cas fumbled with the door handle but got it open and quickly shut it before walking towards the trunk to meet Dean face to face.
You watch as they talk. Dean seemed like an emotional mess and you wanted to help, but knew that it was best if he came to you rather than you constantly nudging your way in. What surprised you however was that Cas also seemed out of sorts. He was trying to keep it together but he seemed emotionally drained yet remained stern.
"I think that's her car," Sam says suddenly, making you jump.
He quickly opened the car door and got out as you swiftly followed suit.
"You can do this, can't you? You can get him back?" Mrs. Tran asks as soon as she gets out of the car.
"How did Crowley find you?" Dean asks suddenly from behind you.
"I hired a witch and she ratted us out." Mrs. Tran explains.
"A witch? Why'd you hire a witch?" Sam asks.
"To make demon bombs, of course! These are Kevin's notes." She says passing the ratted papers to Sam.
"You have any idea where Crowley took him?" you ask.
"No. But, uh... " Mrs. Tran clicks the buttons on her keys and walks towards the trunk. " ...this guy might." She finishes, pulling the trunk fully open to reveal none-other-than one of Crowley's goons.
"Can you make him talk?" She asks turning around to face you.
"Hold on. Let's talk about this." Dean says suddenly butting in. "Y/n hasn't been in the game for the past few months. I don't think it is good for her to be doing this. I can make him talk"
"Dean," you say turning around to face him. "I can do this. It's important. It's for Kevin."
He stares at you for a while looking back and forth between your eyes to try and get a read on how you really feel. You watch as his muscles tighten as he lets out a huff.
"Fine. But you are not doing it alone, and if you feel anything bubbling up inside you, you tell me" He says as his eyebrows knit together.
"Fine," you say turning back around to face Mrs. Tran. "We are going to get Kevin back."
***
Dean hadn't said a word to you since the interrogation started and you were unsure you wanted to talk to him about it. You knew you went a little far but it was to help Kevin and you were able to control it. That's what matters anyway right?
You both quietly buried the body and started to make your way back to the place Cas, Sam, and Mrs. Tran were waiting.
"Are you doing okay y/n?" Dean asked not looking up from the road.
"Yes. Why?" You asked turning to look at him.
He turned his head and looked into your eyes. They were moist but cold and you were unsure what he was thinking.
"You went off the deep end y/n. It was harsher than necessary-"
"Did you not want to get the address?" you scoff. "Come on Dean. I had it under control and look it took 10 minutes rather than 30!"
"Under control? You call that under control?!" Dean begins to yell. "You were not yourself y/n. You were her. You were Sparta! You know how I could tell?"
You remain quiet.
"The look in your eyes as you started carving... it was like you were not there. Not fully. You looked like you enjoyed it."
"So?" you say trying to push down the fear of letting her back out.
"SO IT WASN'T YOU. YOU LET HER OUT."
"Just for a short time!" You exclaim as you feel the dark pit inside you quench. It wanted more but you didn't dare let it out further.
Dean tightened his hold on the wheel as his jaw clenched. He eyed you with a stern look before returning his gaze to the road. It was quiet for a while longer until you saw Sam, Cas, and Mrs. Tran parked where you left them.
"Dean I have to feed her. I am sorry I let her out like that but it was necessary."
He didn't look at you, but once he put baby into park, he paused for a second before opening the door.
"Necessary huh?" was all he said before exiting.
You sat there unsure of what to do.
***
It was a long car ride as you re-thought through your conversation with Dean. You felt bad about the situation but you also were unsure what else you could have said or done. You decided to ride in the car with Sam and Mrs. Tran to give Dean some space. They had made small talk throughout the night and eventually Mrs. Tran fell asleep, giving Sam the chance to talk to you.
"Everything go okay with the interrogation?" Sam asks shooting you a concerned look through the rearview mirror.
"Dandy," you say blankly. Sam just frowned.
"Dean seemed upset-"
"Sam..." You clenched your jaw, cursing yourself for getting frustrated at him. You let out a breath, realizing that this was still your demon's control over you oozing through the cracks. "I let my demon rise to the surface a bit during the interrogation," you reveal. Sam stayed quiet only breaking eye contact to check the road.
"You don't understand Sam. I have been hiding this side of myself from you and Dean so you don't know how hard it is to keep it under control. It needs fed to stay tame, but not fed enough that I have no control. It's a balancing act that is difficult to handle but necessary so people don't get hurt"
Sam nods and then directs his attention back to the road.
"It makes sense y/n," he says. "But it doesn't mean you have to do it alone. Give Dean time. He really cares about you. He is just worried."
You continued to think about what Sam said until you reached the warehouse Crowley was supposedly keeping Kevin.
"Sorry Mrs. Tran" you hear Sam say. You turn to see her handcuffed to the passenger seat as Sam hops out of the car.
"Wait. What?!" She yells as you proceed to exit as well.
The sun was already up and you were unsure what to fully expect.
"So Kevin is in there," Dean says as he joins you and Sam up by Mrs. Tran's car.
"Which means Crowley already has leverage. He doesn't need another hostage." Sam replies as he gestures towards Mrs. Tran.
You watch Dean chuckle as he looks at the annoyed expression Mrs. Tran was giving the four of you.
"So what do you bet Kevin is in the basement?" you sarcastically ask turning back to the building.
"Crowley is fairly predictable. I would think it is a pretty high chance that is where Kevin is being held" Cas replies looking at you with a serious expression.
"Glad you didn't lose your sparkle, " You say with a smile as you hear Sam and Dean chuckle beside you.
"Angels don't have a sparkle unless you are referring to my grace. That is fully intact." You chuckle as you start walking towards the building. You place your hand on your sheathed blade and it causes the dark patch inside of you to stir but you focus your energy on the task at hand. Saving Kevin.
***
The four of you ultimately decided to split up- Dean and Cas went one way while you and Sam went another. While approaching the upcoming door you could hear small whisperings from the other side. You figured it was Demons so allowed Sam to take the lead with the "demon bomb" as Mrs. Tran called it. You were unsure what would happen if you were in the room when it went off so you both decided it was better that you hang back until the smoke cleared. Sam would yell if things went South.
As Sam went into the room you gripped your knife while pressing your ear intently onto the door to listen to any noise or commotion on the other side. You couldn't make out the words but Sam definitely made some smart-ass remark and then there were muffled screams that faded out. You figured the deed had been done and entered the room. Sam was standing there with a relieved smile on his face.
"So it worked?" you question while observing the charcoaled shadows on the wall.
"Seems like it," Sam says facing you. He cocks his head to the side and gives you a quizzical look.
"You okay y/n?"
"Of course. Why?" You ask taking a second to look over yourself.
"Your hand-" he says gesturing to your grip on the blade.
When did I unsheath my blade?
You felt the pit in your stomach drop upon the realization... it wanted to control. The darkness inside was bubbling up once again and you couldn't do anything about it.
After a second of hesitation, you re-sheathed the blade and gave Sam a forced smile.
"I am fine Sam"
Sam stared at you for a second but eventually turned around to continue the search for Kevin. As he walked away you could feel your insides pleading for a kill, for more adrenalin, for anything... but you shoved them down. You needed to find Kevin and hopefully, some good old-fashioned ass-whooping would come with it and that would ease your un-natural cravings.
***
Sam kicked the door open to reveal a bloodstained octagonal table.
"Oh no," Sam said to himself as he took in the view. You felt unfazed by this scene which almost made you feel worse about it. Maybe you were losing your soul? Could you become any less human?
There was blood splattered on the floor, the walls, the table... Just then several people stood up from beneath the table to reveal themselves. Your immediate reaction was to grip your knife once again but after recognizing some of the faces Dean and you had spent so long studying you relaxed and pushed your demon instincts back down.
"We are here to help," Sam tells them before slowly approaching.
***
"Kevin!" you shout as you see him, Dean, and Cas walking out of the building.
"Hey Y/n/n," Kevin says with an awkward smile.
Mrs. Tran ran to him and embraced him in a hug, being weary of his injuries and wiping the blood from off his face.
"Cops are on their way," Sam says clearing his throat next to you. You turn to him as he continues. "They're gonna pick up all the prophets. They will all be heading home."
Dean, Cas, Mrs. Tran, and Kevin all approached you and Sam. Seeing Kevin up close made you more shocked than you expected. He was far bloodier and more bruised than you initially suspected from your faraway view-even his finger was cut off! That observation made your blood boil.
You felt your demon raging inside of you desperately wanting to come out. You had ignored it for far too long and now with your anger, it was becoming more prominent. You tried to keep it at bay, struggling internally to save it for Crowley who you would no doubt be tracking from this point forward for what he did to Kevin.
"Hello... uh, y/n. You okay?" Sam asked while putting a hand on your shoulder. You grabbed his wrist and twisted causing Dean to walk forward and grab your arm.
"Hey! Y/n! Snap out of it" he shouts to get your attention. You realize what you are doing and let go. You watch as Sam takes a step back and rubs his wrist while inspecting it for injury.
"Y/n you okay?" Kevin asks from beside you also taking a step back.
You turn your head to look at him as your anger continues to expand.
"No, I am not," you say, looking from Kevin to Dean.
Dean's eyes were darker than usual as his brows knit together in concern.
"Kevin," you say turning back to him as he looks at you in fear. "I promise I will kill Crowley in one way or another for what he did to you"
Everyone was speechless as you continued to stare at Kevin, not expecting a reply but giving your statement time to set in.
"Y/n no," Dean says finally from beside you. His voice was gruff as his anger pooled into the words. "You are not doing okay. You will let your Demon out. We can't just go after Crowley when we have other things to worry about at the moment."
"Like what?!" you yell. "Sealing Hell? That's dandy and all but Kevin is going to need time, and unless I misunderstood earlier, Crowley has part of the tablet. We need the tablet and we need Crowley dead. Win-Win"
"That is not what we need y/n. What we need is a small break for you to get your bearings" Sam steps in. "This is the first case you have worked on in a while and it so happened to correlate to Kevin but you need rest. You are becoming restless."
"You know what happens when I become restless? It gets worse. I need a case and we need Crowley. End of story." you stubbornly state.
Dean had had enough. "FINE THEN" he shouts as his jaw clenches and his face becomes stiff in rage. He comes closer to you to look you dead in the eye as he says the next words in indignation.
"Then go"
If it weren't for your demon keeping you hell-bent on tracking Crowley, you probably would have teared up at the statement. Dean was livid and had enough of your bullshit... he wanted you to leave. How could you have been so foolish before to think he actually wanted to help you. He just felt obligated...
You left without another word, just two fingers in the air as you marched away towards an old parking lot to see if there was a car you could steal, and they're just so happened to be one.
***
DEANS POV
As y/n was walking away I felt tears starting to brim my eyes but wasn't sure why.
"Dude" Sam says from somewhere behind me. "You have to go get her."
I turned around to Sam, just realizing what I said.
"Sam, come on, she needs a breather. I will apologize later" I say trying to calm myself down and focus on the situation at hand. I look at Kevin and Mrs. Tran who look uneasy.
"No Dean. Y/n is not in a good headspace. She needs us. She can't do this alone."
I took a deep breath looking back at Sam. He was right. He knows he is right. I try to un-ball my fists and as I continue to focus on my breathing, closing my eyes for a second to calm down so that I could know the right things to say, but that is when I heard it... a car. Not just any car, but the sound of an old beat-up car coming from the parking lot of the building.
I open my eyes and look around to see y/n blazing her way like a bat from hell. "NO!" I shout as I run to try and wave her down, but it was too late. She had already passed and there was no way I could catch up to her now. Baby could go fast and I could be reckless, but not nearly that wreckless.
I felt the walls collapsing around me. How could I have been so stupid? I didn't want her to go. I just was angry and she should have known that... but it wasn't fully her and I knew that. It was her demon...
I felt a hand on my shoulder and turn around to see Cas with a solum look on his face.
"She will be back with the tablet," he says as re-assuringly as possible. "She is tough, she has handled herself as an abomination for this long.. she will be alright"
I look at him then back to the road. I sure hope so.