closer- rae morris
AN- tw// more smut, homophobia, threats of rape (nothing graphic) and violence
I yelped in surprise but quickly got the message as he began to walk, wrapping my legs around his middle and trying not to cringe at how exposed we both were. Luckily, I was distracted by his lips crashing into mine. I tugged at his hair as he kissed my neck and slammed me against the other side of the bathroom door, making us both sharply inhale. As he put me down and tugged me into the shower, I realised I had no idea what he wanted from me. I wasn't planning on having sex with him, no matter how much I liked sticking my tongue down his throat. But as the water coursed over his toned, golden brown body and his darkening eyes filled with lust, I decided to think with my smaller and throbbing head rather than my bigger one. It didn't make any sense, but right then, there was no-one in the world I wanted more.
Within seconds, we were attached again. His hands roamed over places no one had ever touched before, our kisses were needy and feverish, and as I dared to touch his stiff length, Jace let out a genuine moan. We both paused for a moment and stared, neither of us saying anything out of sheer surprise. I assumed I was right in thinking that Jace moaning was something he never did. So I grinned. And he scowled. Before sticking a finger up my ass.
"Holy fuck-" I gasped, clawing at his shoulders as he fondled my entrance. "You- agh- could have w-warned me."
I bit his shoulder to stop from crying out as he grazed a spot inside me that made me tremble. It had been painful before, but I soon understood what gay guys had been talking about.
"You asked for it," he growled as he nipped my earlobe.
"Well, I'm sorry that I made you moan," I panted out smugly.
"Big mistake," he chuckled humorlessly, before inserting another finger. This time, I couldn't hold back my own moan. The initial discomfort was overpowered by his stroking motions at my front, but they completely went away when he hit that bundle of pleasure for the second time.
"There," I choked out into his shoulder. "A-again."
He pulled me back to look up at him, his hand loose around my throat. "Ask nicely," he said huskily.
"Um," I frowned. "Please?" I blinked innocently at his unimpressed stare for a few confused moments before my eyes widened. "Oh my god, I am not calling you... that, you perv."
"Ugh," Jace grumbled as he tugged faster. "I prefer dream-Noah."
Somehow, he found a way to annoy me even with his hand around my dick. I managed to stop my eyes from rolling back in pleasure in order to glare at him. "W-what does that mean- ngh, Jace-"
"Shut up and kiss me, asshole," he mimicked smugly before pulling my face to his. He only repeated my own words so I'd be distracted from the suggestion that I'd appeared in his wet dreams, but I let it go- mostly because his tongue was in my mouth, and I was a few tugs away from cumming onto my worst enemies hands.
Jace pinched my already swollen nipple, and I dissolved in his hands. I wanted more than this. I wanted more of him. I didn't even feel nauseous and guilty anymore when I thought about him like that. I knew it should have been wrong, but for the first time in a long time something in my life felt right. The brunet brushed his thumb over my slit while simultaneously grazing my prostate and I let out a needy whine, my stomach already starting to clench. "I think I'm gonna-" I couldn't even finish my sentence before I was erupting all over him with a harsh cry. White liquid spurted against both of our abdomen's and in exhaustion, I slumped against his chest. Jace pulled my head back before giving me a short, wet kiss. Was that a gesture he usually did with his hook-ups? I would have frowned if I wasn't so relaxed by his arms and the hot water running over us.
"Hey," I panted, weakly pushing him against the tiles and out of the main spray of water. He was too confused to fight back as I grabbed his still erect member. "My turn."
"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" He snarled, swatting my hand away after coming to his senses. There it was. The classic 'Jace is an emotionally unavailable asshole' move that I'd been waiting for.
"Do... do you not want me to?" I whispered against his lips, suddenly timid again.
To my surprise, his angry eyes darkened with lust. "I didn't say that. I just don't take favors from people I don't like."
So, from no one then.
Thankful for the steam that covered my blush as I spoke, I attempted to sound confident. In reality, I was terrified. "Then don't call it a favor."
My knees were against the wet floor before he could stop me.
It's way too big. I'll choke. He'll think I'm terrible.
And yet regardless of my complete inexperience, I wrapped a shaky hand around him and pushed down the fear biting at the back of my mind. I took a deep breath, and in one gulp put my mouth around his cock.
"Shit-" he hissed in surprise at my sudden action.
"Did- did I do something wrong?" I said quietly, pulling away.
"Shut up and keep going," he growled, grabbing the back of my hair and pushing me back onto his dick. My eyes were watering barely even half way down his significant length but I refused to stop. I knew I was probably just some virgin that he wanted to use as an experiment and then ditch a week later like all of his hook-ups, but I found myself wanting to please him. Honestly, I had no idea what I was doing- sucking dick wasn't exactly my forte- but I thought back to what Jace had done last time to make my eyes water and instinctively hollowed my cheeks. A low moan escaped his lips for the second time as he tipped his head back and arched further into my mouth. If I'd been told a month ago that I would be making Jace Jackson moan I would have laughed hysterically, but now, I was becoming painfully aware of my reality. I was giving my best friend's older brother a blowjob. And I was enjoying it.
"Move. I'm- I'm gonna..." He tried to pull my head away but I resisted his strong hands. I didn't want him to see me as some weak, fragile thing anymore, so I dared to put my hands on his hips as I licked one last stripe along his throbbing shaft. Jace cursed as he shook and warm, salty liquid shot down my throat. I pulled away and in stubborn refusal to choke, met his eyes and boldly swallowed his entire load.
"Why the fuck did you do that?" He panted with wide eyes. His hair turned black under the wet spray and fell across his forehead. Combined with his flushed cheeks, I realised something. He wasn't just attractive. I was attracted to him. My entire life I'd thought I was just jealous of him; his body, his irritatingly perfect features, the way he was so effortlessly flawless. But I didn't think I wanted to be him at all. It was something else. Something dark and shuddering and alive that had been clawing its way up from the pits of my desire for longer than I'd cared to know.
What's happening to me?
"Why?" I asked nervously, slowly getting to my feet. "Was it bad?"
I couldn't gage his emotions as he studied my face. "No, it wasn't bad. That's the problem."
I wanted to question him further, but he was already turning off the water and stalking past me. As he dried himself off with a towel and pretended that he hadn't just arrived in my mouth, I found the courage to speak. "What are we doing, Jace?"
He walked back towards me with a sly smirk before wrapping his towel around my naked shoulders. "We're going to bed." My confused frown instantly turned into a shudder as he leant closer and whispered into my ear, "You coming?"
A sigh left my lips as I watched him walk away. I knew this had to stop. Everything about this was wrong, except the fact that it felt so right. But it was Jace. Of course I was coming. My body left me no choice.
~~~
After waking up to an already empty bed, I went to meet my friends. Marcella texted me that she'd gone back home with the others, and I figured they'd rescued Jace too. I was fine. There was no reason for him to stay, anyway.
"Bethany, please inform the jury why you're doing schoolwork in the middle of summer," Pacey questioned as we lay sprawled out on the grass.
"Calm down, Judge Judy," she replied dryly without looking up from her textbook. "I'm just getting ahead."
"Try getting some bitches instead-"
"Guys, shut up," Lee interjected. "Noah's acting weird."
"What? How am I acting weird?" I exclaimed.
"You're all... twitchy."
"What the hell does that even mean?"
He rolled his eyes. "You keep looking around for someone. And you look sad."
I snorted incredulously. "If anyone looks sad and weird and 'twitchy', it's you. You've been quiet this whole day. Plus, you went missing for like, all of yesterday."
Lee blushed furiously. "I-I was busy, um, talking to my brother about stuff."
"Bullshit," I retorted smugly. "I was with Jace the whole night."
"Wait," he frowned. "You were with him before you went to the cabin?"
"What? No. Obviously not." They all blinked at me, and I stood up abruptly. "I gotta go to the toilet. Be right back."
'Right back' turned into a few hours of me wandering around aimlessly until the sun started going down. Neither Enzo or Helena had texted me, and I still hadn't heard anything about Jace. It was probably for the best that neither of us spoke. Except, I kinda wanted to kiss him again.
I'd been pacing for so long that I hadn't noticed I'd almost reached the dock of the lake. The sound of water gently lapping against wood drew me out through the trees until I was looking at it all again. The fading sunlight on the dark surface, the trees, and the cliff on the far side where everything fell away. It was a beautiful place to die.
"Hey, Quinn!" An unfamiliar yell broke me out of my trance and I whipped around to see a group of boys in letterman jackets behind me. I recognized them instantly as the popular idiots from my school who thought they were hot shit for being on the football team, but honestly were all just lawsuits waiting to happen. Still, it made me nervous the second I saw Colton step up behind me onto the dock.
"What you doin' all the way out here?" He said with a disconcerting smile. I noticed then that he had a large bruise on the right side of his face, and the uneasy feeling in my stomach grew larger. "So far away from that little boyfriend of yours."
"W-what do you mean?"
"Don't play dumb, Quinn. I was right about you. Y'know, considering that after our last... conversation," he continued, his friends sniggering behind him. "someone got pretty pissed at me. Gave me this." Colton pointed at the dark purple patch on his face and I sucked in a breath with realisation. "Cute, really- him threatening me to stay away from you while he punched me. That's when I figured it out." A flash of anger slipped through his easy grin, and dread pooled in the pit of my stomach. "That you're both dirty fucking homo's."
I inhaled sharply, stepping back as he stepped forward. I was becoming increasingly more aware of the water behind me, but I had no time to focus on that. He was talking about Jace. And his friends were curling their fists behind him.
"You don't understand," I said desperately. "Jace isn't... we're not-"
I was interrupted by their harsh, mocking laughter. "Are you really gonna act like you don't take it up the ass?" One of them said.
"Yeah," replied his friend. "I bet he feels good, though. Maybe we should all have a turn."
They all laughed, and another one said with a grin, "We could tie him up somewhere. Jackson's not around to stop us this time."
My lip started to tremble in fear as I backed even further away. It was no use, though. They kept coming closer. "Please," I whispered. "P-please don't."
"'P-p-p-please don't'" one of them imitated before bursting into laughter.
"Relax, princess." Colton said. "We're just gonna beat the shit out of you."
I barely had time to breathe before he was lunging forward and slamming his fist into my face. My body fell hard upon the wood and I winced in pain as I looked up at him towering over me, blonde hair falling across the mad look in his eyes. I could have hit him back, but I didn't. Everything he was saying about me was true. I deserved to bleed.
Grabbing the back of my neck, Colton forced my face to hover directly above the lake's surface. Before, I'd been accepting of however he wanted to hurt me, but the second I knew what he was planning panic rose in my chest. I couldn't even cry out for help in the time it took for him to kick me off of the side, immersing me fully in the cold water.
There was nothing but darkness all around me. I tried to kick up towards the surface, but something was still holding my head underwater, painfully ripping at my scalp and turning my lungs to lead weights in my chest. As I struggled and fought to break free, all I could hear was faint laughter on the lake's surface. And then, a voice. Bright and feminine, a lullaby pulling me down. Calm settled over my body as I opened my eyes against the blue. I remembered being at the bottom of that very lake, watching my mother float like silk in the backseat of our car. She was there again, and I stopped fighting.
Until the laughter cut short.
Someone was yelling- no, more than one person. Even though it was getting dark, I could faintly see a struggle above the water. And then, the hand holding me under was ripped away, and I began to float down.
"Noah!" Came a muffled voice.
I know you. Don't leave me here. Please don't leave.
Strong hands grasped my body from underwater and yanked me above the surface. Desperately, I gasped for air. I was barely aware of someone dragging me onto the wooden platform before I looked up and saw Jace cradling my shivering body, his hands cupping my face. "Noah? Breathe. You're safe now. I've got you."
The other boys were gone, leaving me free to study his face. Leaving me safe in his arms. Jace was flushed, breathing heavily, and all the panicked fury in his eyes was melting away into soft concern. His knuckles were bruised and bleeding as he stroked the wet curls from my forehead but I didn't mind. He was something real and true to hold me up when I was falling, and that was enough.
"Can you hear me?" He asked anxiously as I stared at him in silence. "Are you okay?"
I took another moment to reply, my face crumpling as the first tears started to spring up. "You found me," I whispered.
"I'll always find you," he whispered back.
sleeping at last- all through the night
Jace carried me back to our cabin, all the while letting me burrow into his chest. The cabin was unusually cold at night, so he'd already lit the fireplace. Kicking the door shut behind him, he instantly brought me over to the heat and gently sat me down upon the rug. I shuffled closer, desperate for some form of comfort as his arms left me. With a bleary sniff I watched him search through my drawers for something to wear. I almost laughed at the blatant distaste that crossed his features as he looked at my Star Wars pajamas, causing him to grab me something of his instead. "Hey," he said delicately, crouching next to my small frame. "Let me help you change, okay?" All I could do was nod numbly and allow him to shrug me out of my soaked shirt. Normally I would be self conscious, but he'd already seen me at my worst, and his careful, gentle touches made me realize that perhaps, for just once, I could let someone look after me. Next to go were my jeans and soaked shoes, and then he took a towel to my skin, softly; like I was something worth caring for.
I stopped his arm as he reached for my waist and spoke so devoid of emotion that I barely recognised my own voice. "I'll do my boxers."
I saw concern flash across his face before it melted into a false cocky smirk. "Nothing I haven't seen before."
That time, I did allow myself to smile through the tears. However, he still looked away as I stiffly changed into dry boxers, only turning back around to help me shrug into an oversized pair of sweatpants and a large shirt. The smell of sandalwood washed over me from his clothes and I melted into it, the familiar scent of him, before he helped me shrug into the comforting black material of my hoodie. He zipped it up like taking care of me was a natural thing for him to do, but I didn't protest. I liked the way he was touching me. As if I mattered.
Jace scooped up my shaking body and helped me into bed before climbing in and wrapping his arms around my waist. He instantly pulled me closer and without a seconds hesitation, I snuggled into his warmth. His touch soothed the shivers from my soul and for a moment, I almost forgot that I was sad. We were just two boys, building a home in the space between our chests and calling it ours.
"I thought you'd gone," I said quietly, my voice still thick with emotion.
"I almost did. But... I didn't want to leave you."
I traced the lines of his face for a minute as we lay together, so close that I could count every his every dark eyelash, before I broke the comfortable silence. "Hey, you know why I wear this hoodie all the time?" He frowned but said nothing, so I carried on. "Because after my Mom died, some of the kids at school would make fun of me. And one time, the boys from earlier and uh, Chesca, locked me in the supply closet," I explained feebly, fiddling with the sleeve of his shirt to distract him from his silent anger. "It was dark and cramped, but no one came. No matter how much I screamed. The janitors had already left. And then, after an hour of me crying and thinking I was alone, someone forced the door open." His gaze was alight with recognition as I continued. "And it was you." I didn't know when, but he'd taken my hand. Or maybe I'd taken his. Either way, our fingers were still entwined, and his thumb was still soothing circles into my skin, and I was still enjoying it.
"I was coming to pick you up so you could come back to our house," he reminded me, brows furrowed like it was all coming back to him, but I remembered everything; it had been the only time Jace had been sensitive enough not to torment me. I'd practically lived at that house back then, haunting their every waking moment with my grief. And here I was, plaguing them yet again with my shadow. I felt like a curse, sucking the happiness out of everyone around me.
"I was shaking, and... and you gave me your hoodie. This hoodie," I said, pulling the worn material further around me. His smile was so soft and genuine and brimming with emotion that I felt it shatter me from the inside out.
"Why did you keep it this long?" Jace asked, brushing a strand of my hair from my forehead without even realising he'd done it. I decided to grow my hair even longer, in the hopes that he'd keep doing that simple act for as long as he could.
"Because it was all that I had."
Something foreign flickered in the golden hue of his eyes before he smiled it away. "You were so much smaller than me back then that it barely fit. I can't believe it's still slightly big on you."
"I wasn't that small. Maybe you were just too big."
He chuckled softly. "Well, I know parts of me are-"
I hit his chest lightly with a tired smile. "Idiot," I mumbled as my eyelids started to grow heavy.
A moment passed where all I could hear was the calming sound of wood crackling before his rough voice met my ears. "I'm so sorry, Noah. When I saw..." His throat thickened until he coughed and carried on. "When I saw you underwater, I was so fucking scared. I thought..."
"I know," I replied softly, closing my eyes as I nestled further into his embrace. Except I didn't know, because I had no idea why he cared. I wasn't going to ruin this by overthinking- whatever this was- so I let a tear spill from the closed corner of my eye. Just a day ago, touching him like this would have never even crossed my mind as normal, and yet neither of us spared a moment's hesitation now. He would probably do this for anyone who nearly drowned, though. I was his brother's best friend, whom he was meant to be looking after. He was just doing what he had to. Or at least, telling myself that made it easier when he kissed my forehead.
"You're okay, Blue. I'm here," Jace whispered into my hair.
"Don't let me go," I replied, my voice feather-light.
His arms cradling me were the last thing I remembered before I slipped into unconsciousness, a single voice sighing out the words, "I won't. I won't."
AN- AHHHHHHHH so many emotions
hope u guys dont hate me for this one hehe
let me know what you thought! thank you for reading my loves <3 - arabella