WARNING: references to past child abuse, references to alcoholism and underaged drinking.
The days inch closer to November 5; Tim's birthday. The big day approaches yet Billie, Curly and Angela aren't ready. Billie and Angela pour over the list, crossing out what wasn't essential in order to fit in with the tight budget they were under.
Angela and Curly reluctantly agree with Billie about reducing the amount of alcohol they wanted to buy for the party, only after Billie presents them with the fact that she wouldn't be able to make a cake for Tim if they purchased more alcohol.
Curly isn't entirely happy and continues to argue with his sisters but eventually stops, realising it wasn't going to change. With the little money the Shepards have, they need to make cuts, and according to Billie and Angela, alcohol isn't as important as buying ingredients for Tim's birthday cake.
"Whatever," Curly huffs, sinking lower onto the sofa.
"You're fifteen anyway, Curly," Angela reminds Curly from the kitchen table.
This sets Curly off as he raises from the table and glares at his older sister. "Like you weren't doing the exact thing at fifteen!"
Angela opens her mouth to respond but is interrupted as Curly adds, "the only one here who hasn't is Billie!"
Billie remembers the foul, bitter taste of cheap beer being forced down her throat at the age of fourteen by a group of Soc boys much older than her. How they laughed like it was comedic that she was spluttering and choking on the vulgar taste of beer as a Soc continued to pour the bottle upwards so she was forced to continue drinking, shoulders tightly gripped by another Soc behind her, keeping her in place. Trapping her.
She remembers how it only stopped when Two-Bit Mathews stumbles into the alleyway, switchblade in hand and scares off the Socs. How he crouched beside her with a wide, gentle smile as she coughed, leaning on her haunches. How he made sure she got home safely that night.
She wonders if he remembers that night, too.
Her other memory of alcohol is worse. It was the very thing that coursed through Gail Shepard's bloodstream every day until her death, turning her into the worse version of herself; the kind of mother who hit their kids, the kind of mother that had her eldest taking the brunt of her alcohol-induced anger to save his younger siblings from the pain. Billie's haunted by the smell of whiskey that tainted the Shepard household. Despite Gail Shepard being buried six feet under, Billie swears that sometimes she can still smell the whiskey her mother drank, rotting the air inside the house. A reminder that some scars never fade. Even scars that are invisible.
"Don't like the taste," is all Billie says, shrugging her shoulders as she pretends to be interested in reading the list for the fifth time.
"It's not about the taste," Curly responds. "Well ⏤ it is, but not really."
"What's it about, then?" Angela asks, crossing her arms as she leans back in her chair.
"It's more about knowin' you're not supposed to be drinking but still doin' it anyway, ya know?" Curly answers, with a careless smirk on his face. "It's like sticking up the middle finger to the fuzz."
Angela rolls her eyes and laughs. "One day you're going to get caught," she tells Curly.
"Like you can talk. You steal from every store you walk into," Curly retorts.
"I'm smart enough to not get caught. You, on the other hand, are not."
"I haven't been caught yet, have I?" Curly points out. "I haven't been sent to reform school yet, so what's the big deal?"
"The big deal is when you do get sent to reform school." Tim's voice rings out as he enters the house, the door banging shut behind him. Billie hastily shoves the list in her exercise book, hiding it from Tim.
Curly rolls his eyes. "Says you who went to reform school three times. Plus all the times you ended up in the cooler."
"When I was sent to reform school, I didn't need to worry about having my siblings taken away from me. What do you think is going to happen when you get yourself into trouble with the fuzz and they start diggin' around and realise we don't live with Dad because he took off to Kansas?" Tim's jaw is clenched, his posture tense as he presents Curly with the harsh reality of what could ⏤ and most likely would happen ⏤ if Curly got himself into trouble with the police.
"Like that's going to happen," Curly scoffs disbelievingly.
"You're underaged, Curly. The courts are gonna want your guardian with you. And do you know who that is? It's Dad."
"So why is it okay for you to do whatever you want, but when I do the same thing it isn't? You're a fuckin' hypocrite, Tim!" Curly yells, raising his voice.
"I'm just tellin' you to be smart, alright? You think I want to see my brother sent off to reform school?" Tim yells back.
Angela stands up, the legs of her chair scraping against the floorboards. "Enough!" she yells, interrupting the boys' argument. "You think yelling at each other is going to get you anywhere?"
"Whatever," Curly mutters, rolling his eyes. "I don't care about what he says." He glares at Tim has he walks out the door.
"Curly!" Tim calls out, following Curly out the door. "Where are you going?"
Angela crosses the room and grabs Tim's arm, stopping him from following Curly down the porch steps. "Leave it," she tells Tim. "You going after him will only make things worse."
Billie meets Tim's eyes, which look defeated and worn-down. The purple rings below his eyes look as prominent as ever as the sun has finally set, creating an eerie dark-blue glow in the sky. It's what makes Billie volunteer to go after her twin.
"I'll go talk to Curly," she announces, rising from her seat. "Make sure he's okay."
Angela and Tim both give Billie grateful smiles as she rushes past them out the door and down the porch steps, where Curly is at the edge of the street, about to cross the road. She yells out her twin's name as she runs, trying to catch up to him.
Curly turns around and frowns as he sees her. When she's caught up with him, he tells her, "you better not be here to tell me how Tim's right."
Billie privately agrees with Tim. Curly does need to be careful; he's the most reckless out of the four Shepard siblings which is a recipe for disaster, considering they all have targets planted on their backs by the fuzz. Billie fears that one day she's going to lose her twin brother. He may act tough and indestructible, but he's not. And he's not Tim who has made a reputation for himself so fierce people avoid causing trouble with him. Most people wouldn't think twice about fighting Curly, especially when he attracts attention for the fun of it. Curly loves the thrill of a rumble, of riling somebody up to the point that they swing at him. Tim, on the other hand, does it out of necessity. In order to survive. Because it's the only thing he's ever known. Tim is a product of their father's flawed parenting; drilling into Tim from a young age that the only way to get through life is to use your fists and to live life on the wrong side of the law.
"I wanted to make sure you're alright," Billie tells him softly.
Curly's face softens, the frown disappearing. He turns his face away from Billie. "Why wouldn't I be?"
Billie looks at Curly's side profile as she says, "you tell me."
Curly sharply turns to face her. "What? You think I'm upset, is that why you came running after me?"
"You looked upset when you walked out of the house," Billie begins, trying to word her sentence in a way that wasn't going to set Curly off again.
"Upset? I'm annoyed at Tim acting like he's never done anything wrong in his life. Where does he get off preaching to me about going to reform school? He's been there three times!"
"Tim's just looking out for you," Billie says quietly. "He cares about you ⏤ we all care about you."
"I'm not a little kid, I don't need looking after," Curly mutters, turning away again as he shoves his hands in his pockets.
You're fifteen, Billie wants to remind him. You're still a kid, whether you like it or not.
What Billie says instead is, "Tim's our big brother. He's going to look after us, even when we're eighty years old." She tries to lighten the mood with a joke and smiles at her twin. She's relieved once Curly smiles and snorts at her joke.
For several minutes, the Shepard twins stand in silence on the corner of the street. The streetlights have come on as the sky above them is jet-black with tiny stars twinkling in the vast distance. Billie remembers a fact about stars from Science class: "stars are so far away and it takes years for the light to reach us, so when you're looking up at the stars, you're looking in the past and seeing how they looked years ago". It was a cool fact in Billie's opinion, to feel like you were looking in the past when you looked up at the sky. Ponyboy had agreed with her as she told him this as they walked out of the Science lab, telling her one of the things he loved the most doing was watching the sunset, but stargazing was a close second. Billie told him she loved stargazing too and Ponyboy had said that they needed to do it together sometime and she tried to ignore the way her stomach did somersaults.
Billie is about to share that fact with Curly but is interrupted as Curly asks her, "you going to stand here all night with me?"
"Are you going to stand here all night?" Billie responds with a question back to her twin.
Curly scoffs. "'Course not. I'm heading to the train tracks to smoke a packet of Kools with the guys. Dean stole a packet off Hazel when she wasn't looking."
"Is Scott going to be there?"
"'Course he is. Where else would he be?" Curly then asks Billie, "do you want to come? Because I don't want to spend the whole night standing here."
"Alright," Billie answers, nodding her head. She's not entirely convinced her twin is fine after his argument with Tim, so hopefully, by accompanying him, she can prevent any rash decision Curly comes up with.
When Billie and Curly arrive at the train tracks, Curly's friends are seated on the edge of a deserted train carriage, legs swinging. She hears Dean and Scott teasing Lloyd about unsuccessfully trying to ask out a girl on a date, to which Lloyd replies that she wasn't that hot anyway.
"Maybe you're the issue, not the girl," Billie says as Curly greets his friends. It is petty of her, but this is her way of standing up for herself, getting back at all the times Lloyd made nasty comments about her to her face, or about Ponyboy. She's tired of trying to please everybody, especially the people she doesn't like, or who don't show her the same courtesy.
Curly, Dean and Scott burst into laughter as Lloyd's cheeks and neck turn a rosy red in embarrassment. Becoming defensive he snaps at Billie. "What the hell would you know? You've never had a boyfriend."
"And you've never had a girlfriend," Billie points out, shutting down Lloyd's argument. Unlike Lloyd, she's not insecure that she's never been in a relationship. For one, she's only fifteen and has plenty of time in front of her for boyfriends. And two, no boy has ever made her head over heels that she'd want to date them.
(No boy except for Ponyboy, that is.)
"So you and Ponyboy aren't dating then?" Dean asks, piping up. He's leaning against the opened train carriage door, the packet of Kools in his hand.
Billie shakes her head and ignores how her heart clenches as she tells Dean, "no, we're not together."
Lloyd smirks at this. "That's right, a few weeks ago Ponyboy was at the drive-in with Liz Cowan, wasn't he? Getting cozy with the Soc princess. How do you feel about that?"
"Shut up, Lloyd," Curly mutters, thumping Lloyd in the arm. "We all know you're jealous of Ponyboy because you've been sweet on Liz Cowan since elementary school."
Lloyd glares at Curly. "That's not true!" he protests too loudly and too vehemently for it not to be true. "As if I would want to date a stuck-up Soc like her. She's just as bad as her cousin Cherry Valance."
Curly lights the cigarette Dean hands him before passing it back to Dean. He blows out a puff of smoke, nicotine contaminating the air around them. "Fuck her boyfriend, Bob Sheldon. He's one Soc I'd like to jump if I could. Fucking deserves it too. Did you know he goes around harassing sophomore girls? Fucking creep." Curly pulls a face of disgust.
"Are you talking about Laura?" Scott asks Curly as Dean lights his cigarette for him. He takes a drag before exhaling the smoke, adding more nicotine to the air.
Curly nods his head. "Yeah, your friend. Angela told me she caught Bob Sheldon and his friends getting into Laura's face, making racist taunts towards her."
"Who the fuck is Laura?" Lloyd asks, frowning.
"Billie and Scott's friend," Dean answers, speaking to Lloyd.
Lloyd makes a face of realisation. "Oh, the other girl at Halloween." He then adds, "she's hot."
"Hey," Curly says, frowning.
Lloyd pulls a face at Curly. "What? You've said worse things about girls before."
"Don't repeat them in front of my sister, geez!" Curly replies.
"Don't get your panties in a twist, Shepard. I wasn't going to." Lloyd rolls his eyes. He turns to Scott and asks him, "do you think you could ask Laura about me? She's hot."
"You didn't know who she was a minute ago!" Curly exclaims.
"So? She's hot, maybe she would want to go out with me," Lloyd responds with an over-confident smile.
Billie has to bite down her laugh. Lloyd would be the last person Laura would want to go on a date with. They would argue the entire time, most likely having differing opinions on just about everything. On this hypothetical date, Billie imagines Laura calling Lloyd a sexist pig and Lloyd calling Laura a crazy feminist.
"No she wouldn't!" Curly cries out, agitated. "No girl wants to go out with you, why would Laura be any different?"
Lloyd frowns but doesn't say anything as he blows out a puff of smoke.
"Want a cigarette, Billie?" Dean asks, an unused cigarette in his hand.
Billie shakes her head. "No thanks. I don't smoke."
Lloyd smirks. "Too uptight to smoke if you asked me."
"Nobody asked you," Curly snaps, glaring at Lloyd before Billie can defend herself. "Quit making comments about my sister."
Lloyd looks taken aback, eyes wide in surprise.
"What's wrong if Billie doesn't like smoking?" Scott asks Lloyd, jumping to Billie's defence. "Doesn't make her better than us that she doesn't smoke just like it doesn't make us better than her just because we smoke."
Lloyd rolls his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, I get it. Everybody's jumping on the Billie train."
"I'm taking my sister's side over your side any day of the week," Curly informs Lloyd, throwing the butt of his cigarette over his shoulder carelessly.
"What's with you attacking me ever since you got here?" Lloyd scowls, "you suddenly have a problem with me or something?"
"Had a fight with Tim," Curly admits, leaning up against a wall of the train carriage. "Says I'm asking to get myself into trouble one day."
Lloyd snorts. "Says the person who spends more time being into the cooler than out of it."
"Exactly! He's a fucking hypocrite if you ask me," Curly responds before sighing.
Billie feels uncomfortable at listening to Curly complain about Tim, especially when she agrees with the points Tim made about Curly. Fortunately for her, Curly grows bored of complaining about their older brother and stands up, wiping his hands and jumps out of the train carriage.
"Who wants to have some fun?" He asks as Lloyd jumps out of the train carriage and stands beside him.
"What are you thinking?" Dean asks as he exits the carriage.
Curly has a wide, wicked smile on his face. "I'm thinking it's time Bob Sheldon got a taste of his own medicine."
Scott jumps out of the carriage and asks, "what exactly does this plan involve?"
Curly takes his pocketknife out of his jacket pocket. It is a clear night with no clouds in the sky, so the light from the moon shines down on the metal of Curly's pocketknife, glistening menacingly.
"You're not going to jump him, are you?" Billie asks in a panic. She has images flashing her mind of Curly being locked up in the cooler after attacking Bob Sheldon, or having to go on the run to evade the fuzz.
Curly scoffs. "I'm not stupid enough to jump Bob Sheldon. I was thinking we decorate his car, add some customisations to it." He swishes his pocketknife in the air for emphasis.
"You want to key his car?" Scott asks in disbelief.
Curly nods his head. "As payback for harassing Laura."
"You can't do that!" Billie hisses. "What if you get caught?"
"Then we run," Curly replies, unafraid of the thought of being caught in an illegal act.
Lloyd turns to Billie. "You don't have to be here. Go home if you're bothered by it so much."
Billie ignores Lloyd and turns to Curly. "Don't do this, it's a bad idea."
"I agree with Billie," Scott pipes up. "I think Bob Sheldon has it coming, but walking into the West Side is a bad idea. We're just asking for trouble."
"Well then, Scott, how about you walk Billie home then? Since you two are both sissies and don't want to be a part of this."
"This has nothing to do with being a sissy or not, Lloyd," Scott snaps, eyebrows furrowing. "I just think it's stupid to risk getting caught by the fuzz for something like this."
"Something like this?" Curly repeats. "Scott, Laura's your friend. Bob Sheldon's been harassing her and you want to do nothing?"
"As Laura's friend, I'm sure she wouldn't want this," Scott says. "Don't you think the blame will go to her, since he's been harassing her? You're going to get her into trouble for something she didn't do."
"Nobody's going to think she did it," Curly says. "You don't have to be part of this if you don't want to. How about you walk Billie home and tomorrow we'll tell you all about it."
Scott sighs, relenting as he knows there's no getting through to his friend. "Fine. I'll see you tomorrow. You three better not get caught."
Lloyd scoffs. "Like we're going to get caught. You think this is the first time we've done this?"
Scott gives Lloyd an unimpressed stare. "The last time we keyed somebody's car, it was Dean's father's car and we nearly got busted. We had to hide in his neighbour's backyard until it was fine for us to leave!"
Lloyd rolls his eyes, unconcerned. "You're such a worry wart, Scott. You and Billie should date. You two can be a couple of worry warts together."
Billie, Scott, Curly and Dean all the flinched at Lloyd's words, but Lloyd carried out without any indication that he noticed a change in their behaviour.
Billie says goodbye to Curly, not without hugging him and whispering to him that she thought it was a bad idea. Despite Curly reassuring her that everything would be fine, she still was overcome with the feeling that it wouldn't be fine.
"I think it's a bad idea," Billie admits to Scott as they walk in the opposite direction to Curly, Dean and Lloyd. "Maybe we should go back, look out of them in case it gets bad."
Scott shakes his head. "They've made their choice, Billie. There's nothing we can do."
"But they're your friends and that's my brother. We should be looking out for them," Billie protests. "I would never forgive myself if something happened to them."
"I wouldn't either," Scott says. In a lighter tone he adds, "I'm sure nothing will happen to them. When they get to Bob Sheldon's house, his car most likely won't even be there. He's probably out on a date with his girlfriend."
"Yeah, you're probably right," Billie says, relief coursing through her body. Curly, Dean and Lloyd would get to Bob Sheldon's house and his car won't be there, so they'd turn around and head home safe and sound.
"It must be hard, worrying about Curly all the time," Scott says as they cross the road.
"Yeah, it is," Billie admits. "It's not just him I worry about. I worry about Tim and Angela too. I don't know what I'd do if something happened to any of them."
"You're a good sister, Billie," Scott tells her. "Tim, Angela and Curly are lucky to have a sister that cares so much about them. I know I wish I had a sibling that cared about me as much as you do."
"You have Dean," Billie offers, but knows what Scott is going to say. That Dean is like a brother to him, but isn't his brother.
"I love Dean, I really do, but it's not the same. It's probably harder for Dean than it is for me. I don't have any siblings, but Dean has a younger brother who he doesn't get to see."
"His name is Harry, isn't it?" Billie asks. "He'd be finishing elementary school now, wouldn't he?"
Scott nods. "Yeah, he's in fifth grade. I know Dean was really hurt when his dad took off with Harry. Especially when he told Dean that he was taking the son he thought was worthwhile."
Billie gasps. She doesn't know the gritty details of what happened when Dean found out his father was cheating on his mother, but to say that Dean wasn't worthwhile... it was cruel beyond words.
Scott laughs bitterly. "It seems like we all have crappy fathers, don't we?"
"Don't think any of our fathers would be going for Father of the Year. I haven't seen my dad in nearly two years," Billie replies.
"Does that upset you?" Scott asks.
Billie shakes her head. "I prefer it that way. He's hurt us too much, especially Tim. Tim is the way he is because of our dad, and I'll never forgive him for that. He's better now that he's out of our lives."
"I feel the same way too about my parents," Scott responds quietly, in a low tone. "I'm so grateful that Hazel took me in, no questions asked. She's a better parent to me than my actual parents are."
They stop on the sidewalk in front of the Shepard house. "Thanks for walking home with me," Billie says to Scott with a smile.
Scott smiles back at Billie. "Anything for a friend. I'll see you tomorrow at school?"
Billie nods. "See you then." She stands in her front yard as she watches Scott leave, making sure he's crossed the road safely before she walks up her porch steps and into her house.
Billie is roughly shaken awake and opens her eyes to her dark room, where her bedroom door is open, light from the hallway filtering in. Tim leans above her, hand gripping her shoulder from where he was shaking her awake.
"Wake up, Bil," Tim says, his voice frantic and laced with panic.
"What's wrong?" Billie asks, her heart starting to beat rapidly in her chest as she sits up. "What's happened?"
"Get up, Billie and get dressed. We need to go down to the police station."
"What?" Billie exclaims, her heart rate accelerating as the panic starts to set him. She has a sinking, deep feeling that something's happened to Curly, almost as though it is twin intuition.
"It's Curly," Tim explains gravely. "He's been arrested by the fuzz."