hi!!!! ty for 17k ily all
sorry for being gone :)
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𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗽𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝘄𝗲𝗻𝘁𝘆-𝘁𝘄𝗼 - 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝗺𝘆 𝗱𝗮𝗱𝗱𝘆
THE THING ABOUT the Malfoys, is that we were all pretty much destined to become evil. It was in our blood. Dating back to many, many years ago — everyone was bad. Definitely in our fucking blood.
When my parents and my aunt turned bad — nobody was surprised. At first, everyone was trying to hide it. They wanted everyone to think that the Malfoys were this perfect, pure-blood, rich family.
Mostly every pure-blood Slytherin, knows at least one Death Eater. Their parents are most likely one of them.
I know that eventually — I don't know when — I'll have to become one of the Dark Lord's followers. As much as I don't want to, I know I have to. I can't let my parents down — or anyone for that matter.
Being forced into a life like this isn't easy. I can be the first to tell someone that directly. It's ridiculous. Most of us have no choice. I'm not the only one who is being forced into this lifestyle. As much as we hate it, we have to. It's for our family.
We can't ruin the legacy.
There's no denying that my mother, my father, and Aunt Bellatrix are Death Eaters. It won't be long before people start to suspect that I am one as well.
I'm not, and I know that — but other people might not know that. They will never know the truth. They know what they want to believe.
As cocky as I act, sometimes I do envy others.
I envy the people who don't have to do this — who aren't forced to fucking be someone they don't want to be.
The people who truly have good lives — and aren't faking it for their image.
I want to stand up to my father. I want to tell him to fuck off.
Everything I've ever done is because I wanted to impress him. All I ever wanted to do is make my father proud. No matter what I did though — it was never enough. I'm sure I'd have to fucking murder someone for him to be even remotely proud of me.
People are slowly learning that the 'happy family act' is all just a fucking act. Father doesn't like that. Father doesn't like that one bit.
As much as it seems I have great people in my life, I feel lonely. I feel so fucking lonely all the time. No matter how many fucking people I'm around — it's never going to change.
I want to find someone who relates to me. I want to find someone who knows what I'm fucking going through and knows how it is for me.
I've never met anyone who is in the same situation.
Overall, I've never opened up to anyone. Nobody was worthy enough to know what goes inside my head.
I don't want to scare them off.
I'm afraid that if they know what goes on inside my head every single day, they'll be scared of me. They would never look me the same.
Despite the image I've created of myself, I don't want anyone to think I'm crazy.
I spent my whole life trying to prove myself. It's never enough.
It's just — I want to kill the people I love.
I don't want to love them.
Maybe if they're dead, I won't love them.
I want to wrap my hands around their neck and fucking strangle them until they're begging me to let them breathe again.
It's like I want to kill them as much as I want to love them. I want to hate them. They can't love me back. I'll only hurt them. I'll break them — I'll fucking destroy them.
All of my actions, everything I do — it's rough and aggressive. I've never known how to be gentle and loving.
I've grown up around hatred and despair.
Never love and affection.
I wish I had been raised differently. I wish I had a loving family and affectionate people. My friends — they get me away from all of it.
Everyone is usually taught right from wrong. However, it's like I was taught wrong. Nothing right, just wrong.
Fuck.
I don't want to be a monster.