𝗪𝗢𝗥𝗟𝗗 𝗢𝗙 𝗗𝗘𝗦𝗣𝗔𝗜𝗥 | draco malfoy

023. a hidden ceremony

this chapter phew

ty for 18k ily babies <<<3333

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𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗽𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝘄𝗲𝗻𝘁𝘆-𝘁𝗵𝗿𝗲𝗲 - 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗵𝗶𝗱𝗱𝗲𝗻 𝗰𝗲𝗿𝗲𝗺𝗼𝗻𝘆

I NEVER PICTURED myself in this situation. Two years ago, if you were to ask me what I thought I'd be doing during my fifth year, it wouldn't be this.

Fuck, it wouldn't be any of this.

It wouldn't be without Phoenix, about to do what I'm about to do — just — any of this.

It's all crazy to me.

I spent my entire life trying to avoid this.

But here I am.

I'm a monster.

I'll never forgive myself for what I'm about to do.

The Slater Manor was crowded. Death Eaters were surrounding the place. Everyone was chatting amongst themselves, waiting anxiously for him to show up.

It's been awkward since the argument with my father. Nobody had really talked to me. Mother won't even look at me, and Father never usually pays much attention to me anyways. I haven't seen Dominic around much lately, either.

I'm not complaining, though. He can stay gone, for all I care.

I feel as if I don't belong here.

They were Death Eaters, for fucks sake.

"Stella," a shrill voice called. I turned, seeing my mother holding a hand out for me, gesturing me to follow her. "Come."

I obeyed, following her into a secluded room in the manor. My parents had never let me into the room before.

When I walked in, the room was plain. There were white walls. There was stone flooring and there are bars on the windows.

I began to wonder how I had never been even the least bit curious about this room.

How had I never noticed the bars on the windows?

I took too much time observing the room that I didn't even notice who was in the room with me.

"Here she is, My Lord," my father said, gesturing towards me. He turned, and a creepy smile was suddenly painted on his features. "It's the girl."

"You have been a great servant, Leo," the Dark Lord said. "Now, if you'll give the girl and I some privacy, it would be greatly appreciated."

My mother had an uneasy look across her place, and father nodded at the Dark Lord's request.

They must've taken too long to leave the room, "That was not a request. Go!" he shouted. Suddenly my parents scrambled out of the room quickly.

"Now, Stella — give me your arm."

.

For the last days of break, my arm was in great pain. I had lost so much sleep because of it. Anytime I would get even remotely comfortable, excruciating pain would shout up my right forearm. There was nothing I could do to stop it.

The thought of it made me want to vomit everywhere.

I was one of them now.

I am a Death Eater.

My mind keeps going back to when I was a little girl. I had not a care in the world. All I did was run around my backyard with Pansy.

Before I ever even gave a second thought to what would happen in that backyard in the future — our overall what would happen in the manor altogether.

I was informed that the Dark Lord would be assigning me a task soon. Everything he does is unexpected. You can expect and be almost certain about one thing then he turns around and does the complete opposite of what you expected. It's what he does. It's like he's always one step ahead of everyone else.

With that being said, I hope I don't have to hurt anyone that I go to school with. I've grown up with those people. How am I supposed to look them in the eyes and cause them so much pain?

I'm one of them now. It's what I have to do.

I can't let the Dark Lord down.

I really wonder how many people know about me.

How am I supposed to face my friends? As far as I know, I'm the only one who became a Death Eater at this moment.

I'm not good anymore.

Nobody considers a Death Eater good.

Slowly but surely, I'm becoming worse by the day — more evil. I don't understand how people are okay with this. How do they live with themselves?

How will I live with myself?

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I was a Muggle. Would life be easier? Then I would never even know about magic of Voldemort in general. I could avoid it all unknowingly.

I wouldn't have to go through this. It's not even a question.

It would be so much fucking easier.

Everyone always says that Hogwarts is the safest place.

People are submitting to Voldemort right under their noses.

I wonder if Dumbledore knows.

When we go back to school, there's no way he won't know.

Dumbledore knows everything.

Everyone knows Dumbledore is one of the greatest wizards of all time. Everyone also knows that Dumbledore is the only wizard that the Dark Lord fears.

What if I'm assigned to hurt Dumbledore?

Would I even be able to do that?

One thing Dumbledore and Voldemort have in common — is that they're both always one step ahead of people.

Anything that is going to happen, Dumbledore already knows it's going to happen.

The question I keep asking myself, is — how am I supposed to keep this from people?

It should be fairly easy.

However, I don't know how long I'll last before I break.