An almost silent knock came from behind the door. You had just come back inside from your escapade with Rain in the snow and were changing out of your damp clothing and into your pajamas. Rain said he'd be up after he grabbed another change of clothes. It was wise of him to suggest to take off your freezing cold dress and soaking shoes, you were positively frozen to the bone. Your fuzzy-sock covered feet padded over towards the door, opening it quietly to be met with the frigid ghoul.
"Did you get caught on the way here?" You asked as you stepped away from the entrance to let him in.
"Nope, I took off my slippers 'cause they kept shuffling. My feet were stinging on the stone floors, they're so cold." He dropped his shoes to the ground and tugged them back on. You clicked the lock closed after clearing him away from it.
"You could have just picked your feet up a little higher." You chuckled.
"Tried, didn't work. It was quicker to just hold them. Did you start the fire yet?" You nodded your head.
"First one I've lit." You began walking towards your bedroom, Rain following behind you.
"Ever?" The flames had immediately begun to warm the room, even more so when you shut the threshold to your office and trapped in the heat.
"Well, in this room. My father used to let me light up the tinder when I was younger. I used to be a bit of a pyromaniac back in the day."
Stepping inside the plain room, you were graced with heavenly hotness.
"Doesn't that feel good?" You said rhetorically. Shutting the door, you went to join Rain's side by the fire where he had already sat himself.
"Reminds me of my time in Hell... what do you mean you were a pyromaniac?" He did a double take, your words processing in his head. A light chuckle rose from your throat.
"Care for some tea?" You asked him. A kettle had been included in the bundle with your room, and inside of it was a small care package full of various types of tea. There were even little packets of sugar.
"I could use something to drink, yes please." Before Rain had come in, you filled the kettle with water from your bathroom tap (hoping it was semi-potable) and placed it right next to the burning logs. It was probably near boiling by now. Grabbing a small teacup on top of the mantle, you tore open the paper packaging of regular black tea and placed it into the dish, repeating this for your cup as well.
"Hold this please." Rain reached out to hold the cup as you poured the hot liquid into it.
"Did they give you this?" He asked.
"It came with the kettle, very thoughtful on their behalf. Sugar?" He shook his head with a small 'no, thank you'. You fixed your own tea before sitting next to him, placing the cup down only for a minute to wrap a blanket around yourself. You may have been in front of a fire but you were still freezing.
"Sorry, I never answered your question about the whole 'pyromaniac' thing-" You started again, Rain snorting,
"I was just going to ask again. Please, continue." With a cool blow on your tea, you sipped it lightly, deciding it was way too hot to drink. You distracted yourself with your story.
"Well, I use the term lightly. I had a phase where I really liked to play with fire. My mother kept wondering where all her matches were going, meanwhile I was setting tissues on fire and flushing them down the toilet." The ghoul hummed in amusement.
"So not only did you waste matches, but you wasted tissues and raised the water bill?" You cringed at the memory.
"Eugh, don't remind me. I still feel bad about it." Your parents didn't let you off of that one easily.
"Pfft, that's pretty tame for childhood troublemaking, I've done way worse." You raised an eyebrow at him.
"Oh, pray tell?" The fire was heating up your face rapidly, and your toes had begun to burn from the quick temperature change. You tucked them under your legs and shielded them with the blanket.
"Well," Rain started, "If you insist." He had a small sip of his tea and cleared his throat.
You angled your body towards him, giving the side of you that faced the fireplace a break from the flames. Rain had done the same in return, adjusting his position on the floor and getting more comfortable.
"It was a hot day in Hell-"
"Isn't it always?"
"On my level, yes, but it depends on where you were, really." Your eyes squinted in confusion.
"So... like Dante's Inferno?"
"Ehh..." The ghoul tilted his head to the side in thought, "Kinda but not at all, you know? It's a long conversation for another time, but I promise I'll explain it." You nodded your head in content, giving him the que to continue with his story.
"When I was around eight or nine, my brothers and I would always get into a lot of trouble. It was always their ideas, I just followed them because I wanted to be cool like my big bros." He scoffed to himself, "They weren't that cool. Kind of just assholes with charm." You covered your mouth with your hand to hide a small smile. "I see you laughing, don't think you can hide it from me." Rain prodded playfully. You waved your hand in dismissal.
"Keep going, don't mind me." You sampled your drink once more to test its temperature, deciding it was cool enough not to burn your tongue off.
"Well, one day, I heard my brothers plotting something in the other room, so naturally I eavesdropped into their conversation. They were planning on breaking into the school and leaving a decapitated deer head in the girl's locker room."
"Jesus Christ-"
"I know! Who even thinks to do that?" You looked at him in bafflement, eager to hear how this turned out.
"I was a good kid and liked to keep out of trouble as much as I could, but it seemed that trouble has always been attracted to me. My brothers came out of the room faster than I could hide myself, and they saw me listening to them. Usually if they caught me peeping they'd threaten me not to tell mom and/or just beat me up, but not this time. They knew that what they were doing could get them in serious trouble. There's not really any animals in Hell, at least, not any deer, so they'd have to break policy and breach the surface to get one, which is a major no-no if you're just a regular inhabitant like ghouls are."
You absorbed all of this information like a sponge, only ever having heard a human-religious interpretation of the underworld. There must not be a lot of humans to hear of a personal recount, after all, not everyone is best friends with an otherworldly being.
"-so they put me in the plan with the idea that if I was involved, I wouldn't snitch. Not that I would have anyway, they've made it painfully clear what happens when I tattled on others." He rubbed his left arm absent-mindedly, the cup still being held by its small handle in his other hand. From the sounds of it, his brothers didn't seem very kind. Rain shook his head to clear his thoughts.
"Anyway, I was made the watchout/scapegoat, if I saw someone coming, I had to warn them. Standing by the surface and waiting for them to come back was one of the most terrifying moments of my life, if someone caught me, I wouldn't be here today. They would've put me in permanent retirement."
"Retirement?" You questioned. He shifted his eyes to yours, then to the fire.
"You know, uh..." He slid his finger across his clothed neck in a slicing motion to signify what he meant. Your eyes widened in morbidity.
"Oh..."
"Yeah... there were a couple of times that could've happened... ghouls are expendable." You felt your chest tighten with sympathy.
"Good Lord..." You muttered under your breath. Expendable? That must have been a terrifying life to live. It was hard to imagine what the social hierarchy in Hell was like. It sounded like the dark ages down there.
"Let's just say that I'm happy to be out of there." Rain almost shuttered from the memory. "Honestly the hardest part about that whole ordeal was the sheer amount of fear I felt watching for anyone who might interfere. I didn't even get to see the aftermath either, it was in the high school and I was in what...? Elementary? They told me it was really funny though, so there's that." He sighed and looked to the fire, taking another drink of his tea. "I'm sure there's a lot worse things I've had to partake in, but that's the first one that comes to mind. I was a pretty wimpy kid." He put his elbows on his knees, leaning on them while fidgeting with the golden fringe that lined the edge of the rug. You frowned.
"Wimpy? I don't think anyone would have liked to have been forced into activities that could get them killed." You defended. He tsked.
"It wasn't just that, I never did anything fun or dangerous, I was kind of a goody two-shoes."
"You're speaking to the ruler of the goody two-shoes. Please, you're worse than me... or uh, better I should say." A glint of amusement shimmered in his brown eyes.
"Oh yeah? I didn't think Ms. Pious would have nearly burnt the house down-" You giggled goofily, very lightly tapping Rain's arm with your hand.
"Who are you calling pious, Mr. Prude? And it was a controlled environment, there was no chance I could have set the house on fire in the bathroom. There's a source of water on every wall."
"Nothing's impossible, you were just lucky." He laughed alongside you.
Outside the snow continued to fall down, millions upon billions of icy flakes piling up on each other to cover everything they could. The wind had begun to pick up since you came back inside, the surface of the fresh power blowing around made little pitter-patters as they hit the window. The fire continued to warm you, along with the ghoul whom you've now moved closer to. Your hips were snug against each other, and the cream-colored knitted blanket that was once wrapped around your shoulders was around his too. Your head rested on his arm, the soft cloth of his purple crewneck smelled like clean linen. He leaned his head on top of yours, both of you growing increasingly tired. Nearing midnight, this was usually the time where you would slip under your covers, but you had a guest present. There was still so much to talk about too.
"Your brothers don't seem very nice." You said quietly. Rain let out a small sigh.
"They weren't... as much as I want to love them, every day I'm grateful I don't have to go back. I'm having a harder and harder time coming up with reasons defending their actions. I could blame it on juvenile delinquency, older sibling syndrome, or them just going through a rough time, but they haven't changed. Every time I go and visit, it's the same old shit, same teasing, same hurtful jokes and embarrassing stories about myself... but they're my family, I can't not forgive them." The fire was beginning to cool down again, the second and third additional log having already been burned through. You related to his dilemma, as you have often felt the same with your family. You wanted to comfort him.
"If there is one thing I have learned from living in a convent for the holy, it's that family is not everything. I know it's preached that 'blood is thicker than water', but I've always thought that was a stupid saying. Think about it; If your father was a serial killer and was in court because he was caught, would you defend him because he was your father and he raised you?" Rain did not answer. "You may love him with all your heart, but you're only loving the image of him that you made up. You don't love him for who he really is; an awful, awful person. Same thing with your brothers. If they put you through Hell- excuse me- if they've only hurt you, or hurt others, then what makes them redeemable? Have they fought for you? Have they protected you, or made you feel better in a time of need, or shown you they loved you? Have they ever done what siblings are supposed to do?" Rain's head removed itself from yours and looked down to stare at his fingers that rubbed the corner of the blanket, both of your cups having been placed down long before. He shook his head.
"No." His mood had significantly dropped since you came inside. His family seemed like a very personal topic. He didn't mention them all too often, and compared to ghouls like Air and Dewdrop who's families you've seen pictures of, he probably avoided talking about it when he could.
You lifted your cheek from his shoulder and placed your hand on his knee in a comforting manner. He looked at you from the corner of his eyes, weariness clearly present. Your thumb moved back and forth against the dark grey pajama pants he wore and hoped it would ebb away some of his distress.
"Look, honey... I'm not going to tell you what's what or what you should do or feel because I don't know the whole situation or how ghouls work or what you're feeling. But since coming here and meeting all of you; you, Papa, Bea, Beau, Multi, Swiss, Air, Dew, Mountain, Aether, Cardinal, everyone... you all feel like more of a family than what I was given. Never have I felt so loved, so wanted, and so celebrated in my life than I have in these past few months. I have had to wrestle with the idea that family is not who you were born into, or your last name, or what house you live in. It's who loves you and will continue to love you through your hard times and your best ones. You've always listened to my problems, even though it took awhile for me to get them out. I didn't even know you my whole life, and yet I trust you with it. I can't even talk to my mother without feeling awkward or tense and I've known her since before I was born..." You scoffed lightly.
"Someone may be related to you, but that shouldn't make them your family. Your family should be who you choose to love."
Your hand had come to hold his while you talked. Rain ran his fingers over the pads of yours, enjoying the roughness from years of shredding the guitar and playing sports. His skin didn't feel much different from yours, perhaps a little more moisturized (He hated it when his calluses cracked). Your knuckles were somewhat dry from the winter and you washing your hands all throughout the day. He remembered you once saying you could be a bit of a germaphobe. The story behind that one was amusing, he loved watching your face grimace as you recalled the series of sicknesses that swept over the convent one autumn.
He had never considered what you had said. Well, he rarely had considered anything you have said in the past. You always seemed to come up with the best advice and always knew just the right things to say. A little bit of comfort was brought to his conscience. His hand squeezed yours.
"I suppose you're right. It's just..." He exhaled through his nose. He didn't like talking about his own experiences, but if you had been so brave as to talk about yours, then so would he.
"I... I used to get picked on a lot as a kid. And I mean a lot. It was an everyday occurrence. Other ghouls in my neighborhood would make fun of me for being smaller than everyone else, understandably, I was fucking tiny." Rain breathed out a laugh. "And my brothers had always teased me for being little too, so it didn't make too much of a difference when it started. But soon enough, it started to get really bad really quick; Not only were they teasing me about my height, but they started to make fun of my nose, my cheeks, my weight, my horns, my hair, my skin... you name it, they found a way to make me self conscious about it. And this was back before I wore this mask. Honestly, I was really relieved when they gave me my uniform. Now I just look like everyone else, and no one can judge me because they'd also be judging themselves."
You can't say you haven't briefly wondered what the ghouls looked like under their masks, but it wasn't something you dwelled on. You didn't really ever wonder why they wore them either. You chalked it up to be part of their aesthetic.
"Oh, so ghouls actually have horns?" You asked. Rain laughed amusedly at your question.
"Yes, they're just small. Well, usually. That's what everyone made fun of on me, my horns were longer than others. It runs in the family." You looked at the top of his head curiously. "We shave them down for work. Didn't you read that in your book or something?" You smiled bashfully.
"Yes, but they don't exactly have diagrams in there."
"I'd show you myself but I'm not really supposed to let humans see my face. It's against the contract." You nodded your head in understanding. Rain shifted in his spot on the rug once more before continuing with his story.
"Anyway, the teasing upgraded to pushing and getting tripped in the hallway, to getting my hair yanked and being shoved into lockers or having my head dunked into toilets... that was disgusting..." He shuddered in revolt. It reminded you of the time one of the sisters in your old convent pressed your face to the bathroom floor with her shoe. Remembering it made you a little nauseous.
"As I got older, the bullying turned more violent. I was coming home from school with bloody bruises and cuts that were becoming increasingly difficult to hide. I didn't want to be a tattle tale and say anything, but I'm seeing now that telling someone when you're in danger isn't being a snitch. Satan, I was really being fucked up..." He focused on your hand to quell his growing anxiety. He didn't want to think about it. A lot of the memories of him in his childhood were blocked out. Many parts of it were too uncomfortable or even painful to remember. You kept quiet and waited for him to continue. Rain really needed someone to listen to him, God knows how long he had been harbouring this.
"I had to be hospitalized once or twice because they beat me up so badly that I couldn't see out of my two eyes. I think I also had a broken rib or something, I can't really remember... I had a concussion, so..." His lip twinged upwards briefly before it drooped back down. The fire popped and crackled in the quietness. He exhaled softly, trying to spit out the words he had been sitting on for a long time.
"The... I guess the worst thing about it all though was not the fact that I was getting beat up every day. It was more the fact that my brothers saw it and didn't do anything about it." All the sudden, Rain's throat felt like a rock had lodged itself in it. He clenched his jaw to prevent any sign that would give away his need to cry. The hand that was not being held by him came up on his back under the blanket and rubbed small circles onto it. That certainly did not help him at all, it only made the pressure behind his eyes intensify.
"And they did this on multiple occasions?" You asked softly. All he could do at the moment was nod, he didn't trust his voice to speak clearly.
"Honey, you can cry, you know." Rain cussed under his breath. You always somehow knew how he was feeling. Whenever there was something wrong, if he was more tired than usual, or even if he was a little extra happy, you always picked up on it. It was a wonder as to why he didn't realize you were his soulmate sooner. Soulmates were always more attuned to their partner's emotions. You were no different.
Rain's eyes welled up faster than he could stop them.
"Sorry-" He quickly wiped them away, new tears replacing them right after. "I-"
"Don't you apologize, Rain. It's hard to talk about. I'd be surprised if you didn't cry." He had removed his hand from yours to brush away the oncoming tears that refused to slow. You looked around for a tissue box, spotting the one on your bedside table. You didn't want to get up and leave Rain, so you opted for handing him the corner of your blanket. A faint 'thanks' came from his lips, his hands pulling the blanket up to dab his eyes. It didn't seem to do much. "Plus, weren't you the one to tell me there's no shame in crying?" A breathy chuckle came from him.
"Don't use my words against me."
"Well, you do give out pretty great advice," You responded with a smile. "There's a reason people are born with the ability to cry. Your tear ducts are there for a reason. If you had to go through life without breaking down every once and awhile, you'd explode. Crying out your emotions is good for the heart and head." Your hand continued to make its way in circles, the nerves in it sensing the little bumps from his spine and muscles. You turned your body ever so slightly to face him.
"It's just, I... I can't understand why they have never liked me. I don't know what I did other than exist. It's like I've always had to bear the brunt of the joke, always been the problem, always been a burden... I just- I just don't understand." Your heart hurt for the poor ghoul. You wracked your brain to find a tasteful answer to his problems, but there was no simple solution to childhood trauma. As much as you wanted to make him stop hurting right now, you had to settle with listening to him cry and comfort him as he did.
"...and every time I think about things they've punished me for, things they put me through, I'm trying to find the reason as to why I deserved it all, and I can never remember. Maybe all of the blows to the head really fucked me up." A bitter scoff tried to hide the tears that were still pouring out of him. His rough hands rubbed furiously at his eyes. "I..." he shuddered. He paused for a brief moment and tried to collect himself, though it was obvious that that was too difficult at the moment. "I don't understand why they don't love me." His chest heaved. He held his palm to his mouth to smother the pathetic noises coming out, but to no avail. Muffled whimpers escaped from his throat. He was no longer able to hold any of his dignity. The man in front of you had broken down into quiet sobs.
"Oh Rain..."
Small tears pricked the corners of your eyes from seeing someone you loved so dearly be in so much pain. You swiftly pulled his form to you and hugged him tightly. He reciprocated, his arms clinging to you as if you'd disappear if he let go. Rain buried his face into the crook of your neck like you've done many times before. He had been there for you when you needed him most, and now it was your turn to pay it back. Your hand laid on the nape of his neck, cradling him as close to you as possible. You wanted him to know that you weren't going to leave him.
"You're okay honey, just let it out." You encouraged. There was no response, only rapid sniffling and gasps of air.
"I'm s-sorry-"
"Sh-sh-sh-sh-shhh... don't apologize, my love... just breathe." He hated himself for breaking so easily. Normally this would be an occurrence that would happen when he was alone in his room at early hours in the morning where no one could hear or see him hurt. He knew his friends would be concerned for him, which is something he really tried his best to avoid. He had already gotten enough pity from onlookers and bystanders when he got teased or beaten, the look in the school nurse's eyes was enough to keep his mouth shut. Rain could admit he was a sensitive guy, and he knew that when his friends were feeling down, his heart would beat in the same rhythm as theirs in sympathy. He couldn't do that to others when he was the one they depended on to lift them up...
...and yet somehow, your arms around him, you holding him like a mother would her baby, your voice soft and sweet like raspberries you find on a wild bush, so tender and gentle... he felt okay. He felt safe.
Your arms were the barrier from him to the rest of the world and all of Hell, a security stronger than any prison there was. And inside the barrier, nothing could get to him anymore, and his tears were welcomed with kisses and kind words. There was no yelling, no glares or snarls, no silent wrath. No hands were ever raised in anger, for skin and bodies were only meant to be soothed and held and loved. In your presence, he was untouchable by those who wished him harm. No one could hurt him when you were here. It was like all those years of hoping and praying for something to save him, whether it was an entity or death, had finally added up... and here was his answer. His gift. Maybe someone was apologizing for dragging him through the thicket full of thorns; Literally and figuratively.
The warmth of your body helped to pacify him, the steadiness of your heartbeat beginning to regulate his own. Rain breathed in your scent deeply, hints of lavender, vanilla, and just a bit of ginger could be detected in your hair and skin. He's said it before and he'll say it a million times more; He could never get sick of it. He had actually "borrowed" one of Mountain's candles because it reminded him of you. He'd never admit it to you in fear that it would creep you out, but he'd light it before he'd go to bed because it helped him sleep better. It was the next best thing to having you with him.
Rain had calmed down significantly in your embrace. He was no longer struggling to catch his breath, though some stray tears still lined his eyelids. As much as he wanted to stay in your arms, his back was beginning to ache because of his crooked position. He pulled away, his head hanging low. He tugged on the hangnails on the corners of his cuticles to distract himself from his own embarrassment. Your hands trailed down his arms, fingers coming to rest on his knees again. You felt he wasn't going to speak, and if he was, it was going to be another apology. The corner of the blanket was abandoned at Rain's side, he was using his sleeve to dry his eyes anyway. A drawn-out breath indicated that you were about to speak. Rain perked his ears up but kept his head down. He needed to get over himself before he could look you in the eyes again.
"I..." You began, "...I know that I know nothing about your situation or what your family is like and how it works, hell, I don't know you as much as I'd like to," You admitted, your eyes shifting from his face to your hands, "-but what I can say is that no one's anger, torment, and violence towards you was ever your fault. It never has been, it never will be." Rain mentally clung onto the tears that were rushing back into his eyes, your words hitting him like a truck. He had never heard that said to him before.
"Could they have maybe been going through their own problems? Yes. Could they have been bullied relentlessly and no one knew? Yes. Could they have had their own self hatred and didn't know how to make it stop or how to get help? Yes. But taking out all of that pain and anguish on others is not something that anyone or anything else has made them do. That's all them. They chose to do that to you. They chose to hurt you. That is their fault, not yours. You are the victim here, not them." Rain still couldn't look you in the eyes. You were right, as always. He felt nothing but hot shame.
"Rain... look at me." Your left hand cupped the side of his jaw and lifted it up ever so gently so you could see his pupils. The whites of his eyes were red, the skin under his lashes puffy and irritated from the constant rubbing of his fingers. You brought your other hand to rest on his shoulder and stroked your thumb back and forth on it like you did before.
"You have gone through so much more than you should have. You had to fight for your life and fend for yourself from a very early age. You were exposed to a lot of shit that many people don't have experience in their whole lifetimes. Despite all that, you are still the kindest and most loving person I have ever had the privilege of meeting. Never have I believed or thought you would hurt me or others, even when you get pissed off playing card games with the rest of the ghouls and I." Rain gave you a small chuckle. "That's the difference between you and your brothers. Their abuse is inexcusable. You've been through so, so much, and yet, there's not a mean bone in your body." You gave his neck a little tickle. The ghoul jerked away and laughed with you. You held his jaw again gently and looked at him sternly.
"Rain, you are the sweetest damn ghoul on the crust of the Earth, and I am so lucky to have you in my life. Please don't blame yourself for everything you've had to endure. I really do love you, and I won't let others or yourself do more harm to you. You're too special for that." You recalled quote from a book you had read not too long ago, one that Bea recommended. It pushed itself to the back of your teeth.
"'I wish her more happiness than can fit in a person. I wish her the kind of happiness that spills over.'"
He swallowed tightly. Of course you would pick that one.
Rain was blown away by your compassion. He didn't know how you managed to one-up yourself in every little speech you give him, but here you were, making him fall in love with you over and over and over again, not to mention how his whole body burned when you said how you loved him and how special he was. It felt so good to hear all of it. He's never really told anyone about his troubles before. Even with Air, he always kept her a foot away. He didn't want to bother anyone with all of the baggage he had brought with him to the surface. He had always thought that it was something he had to deal with himself, though he was fully aware that it was very unhealthy. It seemed to be that you were both teaching each other how to be normal functioning beings after experiencing lives full of unhappiness.
The pressure that had inhabited his chest for so long had dissipated a little. He didn't feel as much of the stress and anger that had hidden itself deep within the corners of his heart. Is this how he made you feel?
"Do you feel a little better now?" Your words pierced his mind. A bright smile lit up his face. Yes, he felt much better than he had in a very long time. You gave him a boost of confidence and reaffirmation that he really needed. He nodded.
"Yes, thank you. You always know how to make anyone feel better..." Rain sighed. "...and I'm sorry for dumping all of this onto you, it's just this time of year all of the ghouls are extra sensitive and emotional." You chuckled.
"Don't you worry about that, my love, you don't need to feel sorry for what you're feeling. Not ever." You gave him a simple grin and brought your mouth to his forehead to give him a kiss. Pulling back, you saw your lips had made a mark on his mask, the lip balm you had applied earlier hadn't worn off yet.
"Oh, whoops." You snickered, using the edge of the blanket that had fallen to your sides to wipe it away.
Rain was hyper-focused on what you had said. In what way did you love him? He knew you loved him as a friend, of course, but he was hoping that there was something more to it. Your blushes and kisses and names of endearment surely meant you loved him like that, right? Maybe it was wishful thinking, maybe it was real. Rain couldn't sit there and not say anything anymore. He knew he had said that to himself a million times before, but now it was genuinely unbearable.
The thoughts of you consumed him, and he itched with the idea that you could work together. That you could be together. He had tried desperately to wait until the cycle was over, which was less than a week away. He wanted to at least get past Christmas, but after the events of tonight, he recognized how little patience he had left. He needed to show you how much he appreciated you and how much you mattered to him.
His brain could not come up with any good words to describe how much he truly did love you and how much he needed you. With the time of the year, it's reasonable that he felt an overwhelming desire to have you with him, but it wasn't a matter of wanting to find a mate to start a family with. He didn't look at you like that (for the most part), and even with his near overpowering instincts, he knew it was something more. It had always been something more. Rain had realized that his attraction to you was not his ghoul cycle talking, but rather it was the pull of his soulmate right in front of him. His thoughts sped around in his brain like cars around a track. His rushed thinking made his head spin. He should have stopped himself, but during his cycle, he often made impulsive and poor decisions.
"(Y/n)?" He blurted before his voice of reason kicked in.
"Mm-hm?" You looked up at him with your stunning eyes. Rain's heart started to beat out of control. The color that had finally started to leave his face after crying rushed back in like a tidal wave. He felt dizzy with anxiety from what he was about to do.
"I... uh, I um... I-I... fuck." He breathed out exasperatedly. You snorted loudly, leaning back in laughter.
"You fuck?" Rain coughed in embarrassment.
"No no no! I meant I-I, oh shit..." He cackled and covered his face with his hands. You shrugged and giggled.
"I mean, good to know I guess..." He shook his head and smiled.
"No, I didn't mean it like that, I just- I..." Adrenaline pumped through his veins and made his hands shake. He clasped them together and hoped you wouldn't notice, but you did. Your smile dropped slowly, your concern growing.
"What's wrong?" The ghoul waved his hand to dismiss your worry.
"Nothing! Nothing's wrong, I am just having a hard time getting this out and I don't really know how to say it." He admitted. You furrowed your brows.
"Well whatever it is, you can tell me. I won't be angry or upset or anything-"
"No, it's not that, it's uh... I... ugh." Rain grabbed your hand and held it for moral support, toying with your digits again. He drew in a deep breath and slowly exhaled through his nose, contemplating once more on how to go through with this.
"Have you ever read about uh, ghoul soulmates?"
Your heart shoved itself to the top of your throat, and your breathing hitched. You immediately started to beg your brain not to get its hopes up. This couldn't be it, surely.
"I-I-I uh... haven't reached that part in my book, but Papa and I h-had a discussion about it earlier today, in fact, though I still don't know much." You cursed yourself for stuttering. Your face was once again on fire, hotter than the one you had lit over an hour ago.
"Oh, okay. Well, um, okay..." Rain was fresh out of ideas. He was going to kick himself later for being all willy-nilly and not planning ahead. You looked at him and waited for him to continue. He was really beginning to panic under your expectant gaze. His eyes flickered around the room; To the window, the snow falling outside, the blinding moon, to the dying fire, the logs, the empty cups of tea, to your bed, to your bureau, anywhere that wasn't you. All the confidence he had at the beginning of your unofficial date had left him. You could see he was really struggling.
"Rain..." You called back his attention. His head was still turned away, but his eyes peered at you from the side. No, he couldn't do this. He wasn't ready. He couldn't face that rejection tonight, or later, or ever, there's no way. His throat tightened again, his heart beating wildly. He searched for a way to get out of this conversation, to redirect it somehow, but he couldn't think clearly anymore, even if his life depended on it, which in this moment, it felt like it did. He pleaded to Satan for help, for something to happen. No, this can't happen right now. No, no, no, no-
"If you're not ready to tell me anything, that's okay too. I'm not going to push you if you're uncomfortable." You consoled him. Rain held onto the breath he had locked in his chest and let it out slowly, as painful as it was. He didn't want to let you see the wave of complete and utter relief that statement brought to him. Blood rushed back into his head and flooded out the fog that clouded his thoughts. His heart cheered, happy that it could relax after its race.
In your mind, you were also a little relieved. You thought he was about to confess something to you that you shouldn't be hearing, at least, not yet. You wouldn't have minded if he had said something about you being together, not at all, but it was around Christmas time and you were very busy. You still had all that gingerbread to bake and all those presents to wrap and deliver. If he were to say something along the lines of wanting to be together, you'd want to be able to give your full attention, time, and support, you tried to convince yourself. Still, you couldn't help the feeling of disappointment that you had. It felt like an arrow of hope was shot through you and then was ripped right back out.
"Yeah, I think you should read more of your book over the holidays. Don't you get a couple days off?" You smiled at his release of tension.
"Well, technically I am always on call, but Papa said that since staff won't be required to be in office from the twenty-fifth to the first of January, I won't be either."
"Always on call? Are you a doctor now?" Rain joked. Your laugh bounced off the walls of your bedroom.
"I could have been. I thought about pursuing a double major, one in music and one in health science. Seemed like a pain in the ass though. Plus, all the mean girls go into nursing..."
__________________________________________
The fire had diminished completely, only small red embers were left in the ashes. Rain had helped you put away your kettle and tea cups while you spoke about what college was like for the time you had been there. It was nice to have company this late at night. You'd usually have to clean up and get ready for bed in the silence, a silence that became even more deafening when you moved into your new room, but now you weren't so alone. Having someone tease you about having stage fright despite being a performer as you cleaned was more fun than you'd thought it would be.
Folding the blanket you had shared with him and placing it back on the chair, you turned to see Rain by the door. He had taken off his slippers again so he could walk quietly through the hallways when he left, but you stopped him before he could say goodbye.
"Going so soon?" You asked, sad to know that your 'playdate' had come to an end.
"Well it is-" Rain looked around the room for a clock, spotting the one on your side table and turning it around. "...one twenty-eight ante-meridiem on a Wednesday. You and I both have work in about six hours and we've been running around all night." You raised your eyebrows.
"It's really that late?" He fixed the clock back into its original position.
"Time flies, doesn't it?"
You didn't want him to go yet. There was still so much to do, too much and so little time. You didn't even know what you'd talk about, if you'd talk about anything. If you were being honest, you would be perfectly happy with only his presence. You didn't need to have a conversation or play games or mess around. Just having him with you would be nice. You didn't want him to leave.
"You can stay here if you want." You blurted out. Rain felt like a deer caught in the headlights. That was not something he was expecting to hear at all.
"Where?" His voice nearly cracked. You yourself were just as surprised at your statement. Usually you were much more well thought out than this. Rash decisions were never your style.
"With me... for the night... because it's a long walk down to the basement and I wouldn't want you to get caught." You scrambled for reasons to make him stay. "-and it's also cold. Wouldn't want you getting sick before Christmas." You pulled more answers out your ass.
Rain bit the insides of his cheeks. He was a little conflicted. On one hand, it was very against the rules for a ghoul to stay with a human that did not summon them unless they were their partner, and in this case, you unfortunately weren't. This rule had also been recently revised and heavily reinforced because of the incident with the previous messenger a couple years back. On the other hand...
...he wanted nothing more than to cuddle with you. If he had a tail, it'd be wagging a mile a minute. His ethics and his desires battled each other inside of him, but it was a short fight. He found himself nodding before he could even say the words 'Satan, fuck yes'. He couldn't resist you, not when you looked so cute in your pajamas.
He playfully sighed and cocked his hip.
"Well, I guess I have no other choice but to stay here with you. It is a ghoul's duty to keep human's company, after all." Your smile stretched from ear to ear. Whenever he got the courage to take you on an actual date, he'd be sure to take hundreds of photos of you smiling. His heart melted with your happiness.
"Make yourself comfortable." You pointed to the bed before turning around to draw the heavy blackout curtains from their corners and pull them together, leaving a gap with the sheer curtain to let some of the moonlight in. Despite the moon being covered by clouds, It was awfully bright tonight. Rain had placed his slippers back onto the ground by the door to your office and pulled back the covers, the bleached and ironed sheets wrinkling with their movement. You yourself kicked off your own slippers and hopped onto your side of the bed, your fuzzy-socked feet tucking under the white comforter. You'd have to thank whoever put a queen sized mattress in your room.
With a groan, he laid down under the duvet and shuffled towards the middle, where he pulled you to him. You immediately snuggled up to his side, draping your arm around his waist as you buried your other under your pillow. This is exactly what you wanted to happen, and you were glad to know Rain was thinking the same thing. It felt lovely to have him so close to you and not feel uncomfortable or awkward about it.
"You know," he said, the vibrations of his voice rumbled through his chest and onto your cheek, "This is much more comfy than my bed."
"Well I'd hope so, these are really nice sheets. I think they're like, eight-hundred thread count."
"Didn't think you'd prefer white." Your giggle was muffled by his breast.
"It came with the room, I haven't had time to look for other colors."
"Mhhmm." He mumbled. Rain's nose blew out air that tickled your neck.
Your eyelids grew heavy quickly. You didn't realize how tired today had made you. Riding the high of being with the ghoul masked your exhaustion. You heard him yawn, you following after. Yawns were very contagious.
"Doesn't your mask hurt when you lie on it?" You asked quietly. You felt his thumb stroke your skin under the cover.
"It's not actually that uncomfortable. I've fallen asleep in my mask many times before. There's little blocks of foam on the inside that makes great padding. They made it comfortable enough to wear it every day. Pretty breathable too."
"Good, I didn't want to make you suffer." He scoffed.
"Please, I could hardly suffer when I'm with you." You heated up, your lips sputtering something incoherent to his ears. His throat growled with a chuckle.
It was quiet for a moment, neither of you wanting to disrupt the tranquility that had washed over. The ticking of the clock behind Rain and the steady beating of his heart in your ear was more than enough to knock you out into a deep sleep, but you still had a couple of sentences left in you.
"Thank you for tonight, Rain. You really know how to entertain someone."
"I try my best. You made the night all the more fun." He hummed.
"We'll have more nights like this, right?" You spoke hushedly. He paused briefly, and you could almost feel the smile on his lips.
"For as long as you let me, I'll take you out wherever you want." You sighed with content. Yes, you'd let him take you to the edge of the world if he wanted to.
"But before we have another snowball fight, I think I want to get warmer clothing." You added. He tittered.
"I think that'd be a good idea. Don't want you freezing five minutes into the battle."
Bare moonlight streamed into your room, the beams only slightly dimmed by the sheer curtains that hid under the blackouts. Small shadows were cast onto the floor, little patterns from the back of the rocking chair made an outline on the hardwood. The room was silent and peaceful, and you didn't feel so alone in your big bed anymore.
"Goodnight, Rain." You whispered.
"Goodnight, pumpkin." Rain responded, kissing your forehead before settling into his pillow.
You could get used to this.