When I woke up the next morning I faked a headache and skipped breakfast.
I did this because one, I was a pussy and didn't want to face Fred and George quite yet and two, because we all knew I wasn't going to eat anything anyways.
I knew that this was stupid because I figured that avoiding the twins would only make them think that I was uncomfortable around them and didn't want to see them, which was the furthest thing from the truth. All I wanted was to go see them and tell them that I loved them and that I would do anything to keep them in my life, but I didn't know exactly how to do that quite yet.
I spent my time alone in the room racking my brain on what the hell I was going to do and also stressing about having my first class of the day with the two boys that I didn't know what to say to.
I ended up spending the entirety of breakfast unsuccessfully brainstorming what I was supposed to do, and it was eventually time to head to potions. I decided just skipping the class altogether, but I knew that that would make me seem even more upset with them, and I also just needed to go to class because we were reviewing the lesson that I spent the entirety of talking to Fred and George.
After a deep breath and a few words of encouragement to myself in the mirror, I made my way down to potions with five minutes to spare. I noticed that I was subconsciously walking slower than usual, just putting off seeing the twins not 12 hours after the monstrosity that was last night. I didn't handle it well to say the least, and I knew that whatever I could say would probably only fuck it up even more. I actually wanted Snape to take up the whole class talking at his torturously slow pace today so that there would be no time for talking.
When I reached the potions classroom with only 30 seconds before class began, I walked in and did the one thing that I vowed not to do. I couldn't help but make eye contact with both Fred and George who both looked at me when I entered, and I couldn't help but look at both of them guiltily and then look down at my feet as I walked over to where I sat in front of them.
I had just wanted to walk in, sit down and then leave when class was over without any altercations. Looking at the two of them who looked like kicked puppies made my heart burst into two. I had done that. Me.
Hermione had asked me what was wrong, obviously seeing through to my thinly veiled heartache, but I just muttered 'headache' and was luckily saved from anymore explaining when Snape started class.
I actually paid attention during class for the first time in a while because I needed something to concentrate on to ensure that I didn't look back at Fred and George. I wasn't mad at them or anything and I wasn't avoiding looking at them for any petty reason, no, I couldn't bear to look at them without bursting into tears at the pain that I had caused. And I was in no position to be the sad one, I was in no position to act sad in front of the two people who I had hurt the previous day.
I kept my nose in my notes for the whole class, and it was eventually over. I didn't even wait for Hermione to pack up her things before I got the hell out of there.
I got to Transfigurations way earlier than normal, something so out of the ordinary that it prompted Mcgonagal to ask if I was alright. I told her that I was doing just fine and that I was just really excited for class, but she obviously didn't buy that and just shook her head at me.
"Why the hell did you need to get out of there so fast?" I heard from behind me before Hermione sat down in the seat next to me.
"Dunno, just wanted to get here early. I want to get on Mcgonagall's good side before these tests, maybe she'll be a little more lenient with the grading," I said while shrugging. I hoped that it was a good enough reason.
She studied me with a confused expression on her face before shaking her head exactly like Mcgonagall had. "You're acting weird today".
"Am not," I said immaturely.
"Yes you are," She said flatly.
"No I'm not".
"You are, and you're not telling me why. I'll get it out of you somehow, just you wait," She said as if it was a fact. I was going to respond, but she had already started to get her books out of her bag so I just dropped it.
Transfigurations went by pretty quick, I also paid attention a little bit more in that class than usual. I didn't want to interact with Hermione and give her any more reason to be suspicious of me.
After class, I claimed that I needed to go take a nap and left to go back to our room, not waiting to hear any questions from Hermione. I would actually face my problems the next day, but if I could just ignore them for another day, I told myself that everything would be better. That was how I dealt with everything.
I mostly tinkered around our room for a while. I didn't have enough time to really do anything and wasn't tired enough to actually take a nap, so I just ended up organizing our desk and making my bed. It was better than going to lunch.
"I knew you weren't sleeping". I nearly jumped out of my skin from where I was standing and organizing some papers.
"Merlin, 'Mione, you scared me," I said with my hand over my heart.
Both her and Ginny had come up, and Ginny was carrying a plate of food.
"I told them that you were sleeping, but my brothers insisted that we bring you lunch," Ginny said while handing me a plate with a turkey sandwich and some chips on it. It nearly made me burst into tears, but I held them in.
"I'm not really hungry," I lied.
"They also told me that you'd say that and told me to make sure that you eat it. I don't really want to find out what they'll do to me if I don't do as they say, so please eat some of it," she pleaded.
I rolled my eyes and nodded before grabbing the plate from her and sitting down on my bed. I took a few bites of the sandwich before Hermione grew tired of the silence, just like I knew she would.
"Why didn't you come to breakfast or lunch? I figured you actually had a headache this morning but you weren't sleeping when we came in here and you've been acting weird all day. What's going on?".
She wasn't asking in an accusatory tone, I knew that Hermione really cared about me and was probably worried about me, and I felt horrible that I couldn't tell her what was going on. I couldn't tell her, not until I talked to the twins about it.
" 'Mione, I swear, I just feel like utter shit today. I think it was because I didn't wear a sweater on that walk, I just feel horrible. I swear nothings going on".
She studied me for a moment before nodding, apparently believing my lie. She walked over to the bed and sat down next to me, feeling my forehead with her hand and with a worried face on.
"I don't think you have a fever, what hurts? Maybe just a cold? I mean, if you hit your head you could-"
"Hermione," I said, interrupting her because I knew that she could go one forever when she was worried about something. "I just have a headache and feel tired. I don't have anything serious. Stop worrying".
I really did hate lying to her, especially if it made her worried.
She nodded her head and sighed. "Alright, well are you going to go to your next class?".
"Yeah, I don't want to miss anything right before NEWTs," I said.
"Okay, we should get going then," Ginny said.
~~~~~~~~~~~
"Yes, fine, I'll come to dinner," I gave in.
We had finished our classes for the rest of the day and Hermione insisted that I come to dinner. I had been putting off sitting at a dinner table with Fred and George, but I knew that I just needed to do it. I was overreacting and being stupid, but I was just really nonconfrontational and also really bad at hiding my feelings. I just hoped that I wouldn't stare at them guiltily the whole meal.
We made our way down, and thankfully the twins weren't at the table yet when we got there. I sat down in between Ginny and Hermione and started listening intently to Ginny rant about how stupid it was that they didn't have a quidditch match on Friday because kids would be finishing tests and because there was a ball the next day. She said that this would have been the best time to have one and that she was furious, and I just let her rant about it. I didn't really see why it was such a big deal, couldn't they just have one when we got back from break?
"Gin, it's one match. You'll have another one when we get back from break. Now shut up 'cuz you're boring everyone at the table,'' Fred said from in front of us at the table. Apparently my tactic of focusing on Ginny worked because I didn't even notice that he and his twin had sat down.
"Oh shove off, Fred. You're just as mad you don't get to go out and overly show off your muscles to all of the girls in the stands," Ginny fired back with.
I couldn't help but let out a giggle at this, and when I looked up Fred was looking at me with a raised eyebrow and a look that basically said, 'oh, really?'.
I just shook my head and turned back to Ginny who, contrary to her brothers insistence that she stop, kept going on about the revoking of her quidditch match.
The rest of the meal continued on that way. It wasn't as awkward as I had thought that it would be, no one else at the table knowing what had happened was actually really nice. I really only ever talked to the two of them if it was in a group discussion, or more specifically, group argument, but at least that was something.
I wished that we could immediately go back to how everything was a few days ago, but I knew that that was a stupid wish and that I would just have to put up with what I could get.
Dinner was soon over and it was time to go up and, you guessed it, study. I had three days until the first of the two testing days, and I needed to cram in all the learning that I could. Especially because I had sort of slacked that year.
Maybe, in some way, whatever happened with Fred and George was a blessing in disguise. I had never studied as hard as I had that night, and it was because I both didn't have anything to do and also wanted to distract myself. It turned out to be a great studying combination, and I ended up doing all of the practice work that I had mapped out for the next two nights done already, and it wasn't even ten o'clock.
Even Hermone noticed that I was studying exceptionally hard that night, but I just chalked it up to being nervous for exams.
After a bit more work from my divination book, I ended up going to bed a little bit earlier than usual. All of the constant stressing had taken a toll on me, but I hoped that it wouldn't be as much of a problem any longer. It wasn't the same as it used to be with Fred and George, but they didn't seem made with me and it seemed like we might get over it sometime. I went to bed hopeful, praying that things would go back to normal with them soon.