This was it – the big night. However, despite your gorgeous dress, despite your beautiful hair and makeup, despite the friends that surrounded you, you couldn't be happy. Why? Because you hadn't gotten the only thing you had really wanted.
It seemed frivolous to be upset over that one snag when so many good things were happening around you. After all, it wasn't often that soldiers got the chance to attend a ball. It wasn't often that you could forget about your dangerous lives and take a night off to have fun. However, even though you felt guilty about it, you couldn't stop your sadness from casting a grey hue over the evening.
You had been hoping, against all odds, that a certain someone would ask you to be his date tonight. You had fallen hard for him – for this person who was your best friend, who always treated you with kindness despite his cold-hearted reputation, and who was utterly perfect in your eyes. That's right, you were in love with Humanity's Strongest Soldier, Captain Levi.
Of course, you had never told him how you felt, and he was too oblivious to pick up on it himself. He was also too socially awkward to ask you to the dance on his own, but that didn't stop you from wishing that he would. However, that wish was merely the representation of a broader desire – the desire for him to love you in the same way that you loved him.
Hanji, who was well aware of the reason for your melancholy, had been trying to console you all evening. "Cheer up, (f/n)," she cooed. "You'll have other chances. But for now, just try to enjoy tonight. Do I need to get the girls together for a line dance?"
You cringed. Yet, at the same time, a small smile made its way onto your face. "No, thanks. I'll settle for a cupcake," you quipped, making your way to the refreshment table.
However, neither the cupcake nor the dancing could lighten your mood. So while your friends were distracted, you discreetly left the party, wanting only to go home.
The freezing air chilled your bare arms, and you rubbed them furiously, trying to keep warm. It was the worst part of winter – cold with no snow. There had even been rain earlier today, which had turned the ground into mud. You had to carefully avoid the slimy substance as you walked down the dark, empty streets.
You regretted not taking a carriage, but they were expensive, and you had already spent so much money on your dress. Besides, the barracks weren't too far. You could grit your teeth and bear it for a little while.
But soon, you found another reason to regret not taking a carriage. It seemed that even in this nice part of town, a lone woman could attract the wrong kind of attention. And with your dress and heels, you appeared to be an even easier target.
Unbeknownst to your attackers, you were exceptionally skilled in hand-to-hand combat – second only to Levi, in fact. You were able to dispatch all three of them and make a run for it, but you didn't escape unscathed. You had sustained several cuts and bruises, and you were pretty sure that you had sprained something in your right hand. In any case, you couldn't move it without a sharp pain shooting up your arm.
Shivering, you clutched it to your chest, simultaneously trying to hold up the strap of your dress, which had been sliced with a knife. To make matters worse, you had lost your shoes, and you felt tiny rocks digging into your feet as you shuffled in the general direction of the barracks. As the icing on the cake, you were also covered in dirt.
You felt like you wanted to cry. Everything had gone wrong tonight. Everything. First Levi, and now...this. You couldn't tell which was greater – the pain in your body, or the pain in your heart.
"(F/n)?"
You stopped dead, your breath hitching at the sound of the last voice you expected to hear. But when you turned, there was Levi, looking windblown but still dazzling in his suit.
"Are you alright?" he asked worriedly as he closed the distance between you. His hands were outstretched as if he wanted to help, but they were also hesitant, unsure of what to do. In the end, they stopped several inches away from your cold skin. "What happened?"
"I, um..." you stammered quietly. But once you got over your shock, your eyes fell. You didn't know if you could talk to him about it – any of it. You were so emotionally drained that you just wanted to curl up and sleep.
"(F/n)?" he asked again. His fingers touched your chin, gently tilting it upward.
At the contact, you were filled with a sense of safety and comfort. Your body knew, instinctively, that Levi would take care of you, that he would protect you. Thus, it was only natural for you to relax now that he had a hand on you.
It was just enough to make you mumble, "Some guys attacked me. But I got away. I was...just trying to go home."
Levi stiffened, and he removed his fingers from your face. "Where are they?" he asked in a deadly calm voice.
You recognized the threat in his quiet words, but you had had enough for one night. With your eyes still downcast, you reached out and grabbed his sleeve. "They're gone," you whispered. "So please...I just want to go home."
Levi glanced at the hand that held his sleeve. Your grip was so weak, but at the same time, it implored him to stay with you. It wasn't necessary, though. He could never leave you like this.
He sighed, and his body relaxed, no longer ready for a fight. "Did they...?" He trailed off, unsure of how to ask the question. But as his eyes lingered on the shredded state of your dress, he couldn't help but wonder.
You shook your head. "They didn't touch me."
Levi closed his eyes for a moment, silently grateful for that mercy. When he opened them again, he murmured, "I'm going to take you back to the barracks. Is it alright if I carry you?"
You nodded, grateful that you didn't have to move anymore. Your body was so tired that you weren't even sure if you could take another step.
With more delicacy than most people would expect from him, Levi lifted you in his arms, cradling you against his strong chest. Immediately, you felt warm – but not just physically. There was a warmth in your heart as well, a warmth that came from being in the one place that you truly considered your home.
You closed your eyes and nuzzled into him, feeling the silkiness of his cravat against your nose. As you rested your head on his shoulder, you could faintly hear his heart beating. That – along with his voice – was the most soothing sound in the world to you.
You spent the rest of the journey in the fuzzy space between sleeping and waking, able to let your guard down because Levi was holding you. You didn't even notice the beautiful snowflakes that had quietly begun to fall.
------------------------------------------
You vaguely registered the slight change in temperature, as well as the sound of doors opening and closing. However, you didn't open your eyes until you felt yourself being set down on the edge of a mattress. Only then did you realize that the bedroom you were currently in was not your own.
Levi removed his jacket and cravat before kneeling in front of you. His piercing eyes were soft as they held your gaze. "I'm going to clean you up, alright?"
You nodded.
However, Levi hesitated. He glanced away, and if you hadn't been so emotionally exhausted, you would have been surprised at his nervousness. "You'll, um...have to take your dress off."
That woke you up a little bit. Heat rushed to your cheeks at the thought of your crush seeing you in nothing but your underwear. However...you did need help, and you knew that Levi wouldn't do anything disrespectful to you. He was only asking because he couldn't clean and bandage your wounds with the shredded material in the way. He just wanted to take care of you, and that was it.
Your eyes softened.
"I'm sorry," he continued, oblivious to your understanding expression. "It's just that everyone is still at the ball. Otherwise, I would get one of the female –"
"Levi, it's fine," you murmured. "I don't mind."
His eyes returned to yours, still wearing a bit of discomfort. However, he forced himself to swallow the awkwardness and return his expression to normal. "Alright, then" he said with a nod.
You took a deep breath before standing on your injured feet. You tried to reach back and unzip your dress, but you had to stop when pain suddenly shot through your hand. You hissed, pulling it back to your chest.
"Let me," Levi murmured, seeing that you couldn't undress yourself.
He waited for your consent before reaching around and unzipping your dress. In that brief moment when his arms were around you – not close enough to touch, but still close enough for you to feel his body heat – you acted without thinking. Careful not to smush your injured hand, you leaned forward and rested your head on his shoulder. Your fingers gripped his shirt, pulling him closer.
Levi froze, but only for a second. Soon enough, his arms wrapped you in a hug. He sighed softly, as if it was a relief for him to have you safe and sound in his embrace.
"Thanks, Levi," you whispered.
"Anytime, brat," he replied.
You savored the contact for a moment longer before stepping back, allowing your dress to fall to the floor. The cold air hitting your skin made you shiver, and goosebumps peppered your body. Unable to stand on your throbbing feet any longer, you sank down onto the bed once again, staring up at Levi while he assessed your injuries.
His expression was unreadable as his eyes slowly roved down your body, then back up. However, something about his extreme stillness gave you the impression that he was angry again.
At last, his narrowed gaze found yours, but there was a gentleness in those eyes, meant only for you. "You're filthy," he stated, not unkindly. "Come on, the first thing you need is a bath."
Once again, Levi lifted you in his arms. He set you down briefly on the cool floor of his bathroom while he rolled up his sleeves and filled the tub. Then, for the third time tonight, he hesitated.
He opened his mouth, but before he could even speak, you looked him in the eyes and stated, "It's fine."
Levi nodded, then carefully removed your bra and underwear. He placed you in the steaming tub with a gentleness near reverence, his eyes firmly fixed on your own. But you no longer cared if he saw you. It was Levi.
He only glanced down when he noticed you pull your right hand against your chest, trying to prevent as much pain as possible. The shyness disappeared from his expression as he focused on the task in front of him. "Wait here," he muttered before returning to his bedroom.
When he came back a minute later, he was holding a pillow and an ice pack. He laid the former on the wide edge of the tub before gently placing your hand atop it. Then he covered your hand with the ice pack. "Don't move it," he instructed.
Next, he picked up a washcloth and dipped it in the water. "Is it alright if I clean you off?" he murmured.
You nodded, then relaxed into the warm tub, allowing Levi to scrub the dirt and blood from your skin. He treated you so gently that you couldn't stop your eyelids from fluttering closed. The violence you had experienced less than an hour ago faded completely from your mind. You just felt so comfortable here – pampered, even.
"How did you end up out there, anyway?" you asked quietly.
Levi took a moment before answering. "I saw you leave the ball, and...well, you looked upset, so I...I wanted to check on you. But by the time I got out of the building, you were already out of sight. I guessed you were heading back to the barracks, so I started walking in that direction." He paused in his ministrations, his voice growing quieter as he added, "I'm sorry I didn't find you sooner."
"Don't be," you murmured, opening your eyes to look up at him. "It's not your fault. Besides, I was able to fight them off, so it's not a big deal, really."
"Tch," he scoffed softly. His fingers rose to absentmindedly stroke your cheek as he muttered, "Tough little brat."
A second later, he stilled, as if he finally realized what he was doing. His eyes widened a fraction, and he quickly pulled his hand away. "You're also an idiot," he snapped, trying to cover up his caring gesture. "Why did you leave the ball alone? Don't you know it's not safe to be out by yourself at night?"
Your eyes searched his, and you wondered if you should tell him the truth. "I was upset," you replied vaguely.
His brow furrowed. "Why?"
You swallowed. You could lie. There were a thousand possible reasons why a girl would be upset at a ball. Levi wouldn't know the difference.
But then, you realized that the decision had already been made. You didn't mind if he saw you – and that went for your heart as well as your body. You knew that you could trust him, that you could expose yourself utterly, and he would still treat you with the same respect and care – even if he didn't feel the same way.
You were too tired to second-guess yourself. "Because I wanted to go to the ball with you," you admitted, "...as your date."
Levi's eyes went wide, and a red blush filled his cheeks, stretching to the tips of his ears. "Oh...I..." he stammered in surprise. Then he loosed a breath, collecting himself. His eyes squeezed shut as he pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. He hissed a curse before growling, "I'm such an idiot."
"Don't beat yourself up," you murmured. "You're not obligated to love me back. It's okay. And regardless, you aren't responsible for what those men did, or for my decision to walk around the city alone."
Despite your earlier depression, you said the words without an ounce of sadness for yourself. You were simply too exhausted by this point. You only had the energy to feel content that Levi was taking care of you. For now, that was enough.
"N-no, I..." he stuttered quietly. It was so out of character for him that you felt a twinge of surprise. "I am in l-l-love with y-you. And I w-wanted to ask you to the ball. I just...I was too afraid that you would say n-no."
You gazed silently into his eyes, which were filled with a raw openness that you never would have expected from him. Here you were, body exposed, secrets revealed, more vulnerable than you had ever been in your life. And Levi, although he was still wearing clothes, had bared himself to you as well – bared his heart and his soul.
Yet, you both understood, in that space of pure intimacy, that you were safe with this person. And during that moment of shared silence, you were able to bypass the awkwardness completely. The two of you relaxed into simply existing together, with nothing to fear and nothing to hide.
You reached up to lightly stroke his cheek with your fingers. "I love you," you whispered, wanting to actually say the words that you had, until now, only implied.
That earned a small smile – which, given that this was Levi, was an extraordinary feat.
When he resumed his work, his expression returned to normal, but there was a tenderness in it that he would only ever show to you. Once he had thoroughly scrubbed your entire body, he drained the dirty water and refilled the tub before washing you again. After several minutes, your skin was perfectly clean.
Levi wrapped you in a towel and carried you back to his bed, where he gently attended to all of your wounds. Then he dressed you in a clean set of his own clothes – which somehow seemed equally as intimate as being naked in front of him. You were aware of every place that the fabric brushed against your skin, enveloping you in the same fresh scent that followed Levi everywhere. It filled you with a sense of love and protection, as if you were cradled in his arms.
"Can I stay with you?" you mumbled. You felt too tired to go back to your own room, and indeed, your eyelids were already fluttering closed.
"Of course," Levi murmured, reaching out to stroke your cheek reverently.
He pulled the covers back before carefully laying you down on the mattress and tucking you in. After taking a few minutes to clean himself up and change his clothes, he crawled into bed next to you. On instinct, you curled around each other in a gentle embrace.
You lost yourself in the perfection of the moment. His bed, his clothes, Levi himself – it all just felt so soft, and warm. That was all you could think about – softness, and warmth – as you drifted away into unconsciousness.