Chapter Fifteen (Yolo)
River forced me to change into a pair of sweatpants and a loose sweatshirt over my graphic gray t-shirt of Marilyn Monroe. I really didn't want to dress so... plainly, but River insisted that anything else would get in the way.
"All right," River said, standing at the center of the court, that thankfully Kyle had abandoned for the day, "You need to be flexible. I recommend you stretch before you do anything or you could hurt yourself. Basketball requires lots of running and jumping. You also have to be alert. Watch for openings and watch for fakes. Kyle likes using those especially. He'll fake moves and shoots. From playing against him, I've learned that he favors half court shots to anything. And you can jump all you want, but you'll never hit him. He's too tall." I scowled, folding my arms over my chest as River twirled the basketball on his finger expertly.
"You make it sound impossible." I deadpanned. River raised an eyebrow, bouncing the ball off his fingertip and into his palm before he held the ball out, dropping it so it bounced a couple times before he caught it again.
"I told you, it pretty much is. Kyle's the best player I've known. He could be a professional if he wanted." He added, making me scrunch my nose up, dropping my arms to my sides where I clenched them as fists.
"Oi! Miestro, por que no me enseñas como jugar? Teach me how to play, not how I'm gonna lose, pendejo." I retorted, making River shrug.
"Fine. One on one. Try and take the ball from me and make a shot." River commanded, then dropped the ball and began to dribble it. I remembered how Kyle had moved when we were on the court earlier.
The way his long, muscular legs were bent at the knee, pushed onto the balls of his feet so as to make him take off faster. How his hands were positioned in an attempt to grab and the way he watched me intently, waiting for a chance to snatch the ball. He faked a move to the right, but caught me on the left before taking off with the ball.
Mm, the sweat collecting on the sides of his face, making his hair curl a little and the intensity in his sexy blue eyes. The way his tongue flicked over his lips and his breath came out in short, eager pants.
Aye, pero tan erótico... Oh wait. Basketball. Right!
I snapped back to see River giving me a weird look, so I took my chance and darted out, smacking the ball away from him, dribbling it as I backed away. River whipped around and lunged at me quickly, making me gasp and take another jolting step back. I turned and dribbled toward one of the hoops, jumping and throwing the ball, watching it sail through the air before bouncing off the rim and right into River's hands.
"Maldita sea!" I cursed, then turned to River, who shrugged.
"You seem to have dribbling and stealing down. It's making shots that you suck at, and unfortunately, that's the point of the game."
"Cierra tu pico! We're not done yet. Let's practice making shots then." I insisted, coming over to snatch the ball from River, who held it out of my reach, raising an eyebrow.
"You can't do it if you're gonna get pissy. You need to relax. Keep your legs slightly bent," He nudged his foot behind my knees, making me frown as I obeyed, "And crouch a little bit. Hold the ball gently, then push off the ground and aim with your eyes, position your hands, then push the ball from behind and below." I sighed, but obeyed.
I had to do this.
I had to get my hands on Kyle.
Literally.
And I already see it now, after I won of course. I'd pull Kyle off to the side during the bonfire, watching him squirm and try and get away, but I know for a fact that he was just playing hard to get. He'd melt under my fingers like chocolate. I'd take all my time trying to memorize every dip and curve of his body.
Aye, and his legs... his thighs. I'd lick and nibble my way to the prize between his legs.
Mmm...
I'd play with him over and over again until he couldn't move the next morning. He'd do that thing where he'd curl up in bed, his hair all messy and his eyes closed. His cute sleeping face that I'd spend hours staring at. I'd get no sleep because lying next to him would keep me up all night, in more than one way, of course.
"Yolo, pay attention!" River ordered, making me jump and screw up on a shot I was about to make. I winced, watching the ball sail through the air and bounce off the rim. I whirled to yell at River, but his eyes widened and he caught me by the shoulders, forcing me around just in time to watch the ball fall into the hoop.
"Hey, it went in!" I exclaimed, then paused to smirk at my double meaning. River rolled his eyes as he walked over, picking up the ball and throwing it at me again. I just barely caught it, scowling at him as he folded his arms over his chest, pointing at me.
"Yippee for you, but that's the first shot you made in the past half hour. Keep practicing." He commanded, making me roll my eyes, but I obeyed. We practiced for another couple hours before the exhaustion swept over us hard, thankfully just in time for dinner. We headed back down to the cabin where Dominic was already waiting for us. He greeted River with this big, blushing smile and River actually smiled back, completely ignoring my request to practice after.
I let them go goo-goo over each other as I changed back into my earlier outfit, then followed them to dinner. The mess hall was crowded, as usual, with guys bustling around and trying not to get a boner from bumping into each other as they got their meals for the night.
I stepped into line by Dominic, who was filling his plate with vegetarian treats. I never understood vegetarians. How could no one love meat?
"So, River says you can at least do a lay up in basketball." Dominic conversed as he sprinkled sunflower seeds onto his salad. I scrunched my nose up, glancing at River, who shrugged as he threw a bunch of cheese onto his already cheesy pizza.
"I can do better," I insisted, snorting, "I'm gonna practice again after dinner too. And into the night cuz I'm gonna beat Kyle at basketball and then I'm gonna fuck the daylights out of him." Dominic stared at me and almost dropped his sunflower seeds on River's tray, making him jump, then glare at me. I smirked, then heard someone laughing beside me and snapped my head to glare at Jacob, who stood there with a wicked grin on his face.
"Jeez, I thought you were a little more submissive than that. I must've gotten everything wrong." He commented, making me raise an eyebrow at him before huffing and looking away as Dominic and River continued moving through the line.
"Whatever. Don't talk to me, puto."
"Hey, now. Armando told me that's rude."
"Armando ain't from Mexico, pendejo."
"No, but I assumed Spanish was the same anywhere you want."
"Eres idiota."
"Okay, that one I caught," Jacob drawled, making me roll my eyes and look away as I continued to pile my tray high with food, "And I also caught what you were saying about Kyle. That's too bad because I don't think he'd accept you anyway." I snapped my head to glare at him heatedly, clenching my grip on my tray so tightly, I'm surprised it didn't snap in half.
"You have a big mouth." I accused in irritation. I normally tried to reel myself in, but it was damn near impossible with Jacob leering at me triumphantly, reminding me of a dog when they brought the corpse of a bunny to your door step.
"No, I'm just honest," Jacob answered, giving me a friendly smile that turned me so off, I think my penis snapped in half, "As soon as you tell Kyle what your intent is, he'll run away. He may not seem like it, but he's shy. It's actually... cute." As soon as he said that, I felt something in me snap as I fumed, slamming my tray down on the counter, making everything bounce and some bits of food go flying. Several people looked over, including a couple counselers, who narrowed their eyes.
"Ciera tu pico, menso! Maldito! Pendejo! Who asked you anyway?! Shut up! Your nose is so far up my ass right now, I reek of your aftershave! Go find someone else's boyfriend to fuck, Jesus Christ, I'm gonna punch you in the face!" I shouted, feeling my cheeks grow hot with anger. I was breathing hard by the time I finished and one of the counselers walked over before Jacob could say anything in response.
"Yolo, finish gathering your food and meet Eric in his office." He ordered, raking me with a disgusted sneer. I glared back at him, then looked at Jacob, who frowned.
"I didn't catch the first part of what you said." He deadpanned. I went to lunge at him, but the counseler, who had just about walked away, whipped back around and caught me, holding me back as Jacob withdrew with a lifted brow.
"Make him shut up already before I rip his head off!" I barked angrily, squirming away from the counseler, who pushed me a good ways from Jacob, who just stood there all innocently. The counseler glared at me while everyone in the mess hall had gotten quiet now.
"Report to Eric's office immediately." He ordered me. I rolled my eyes and grabbed my tray, heading for the exit as I ignored the counseler chiding Jacob for his behavior. I also caught an insult and my named in one sentence from him, which made me want to punch the counseler, but that was the last thing I needed.
I walked out of the mess hall and spotted Kyle coming up the path, reaching up to brush his hair back from his face until he saw me. He dropped his arm, frowning as he spotted me.
"What're you doing?" He asked as he approached. My heart fluttered at the sound of his voice and his pretty blue eyes as I smiled dreamily before shaking my head and rolling my eyes.
"Jacob got me in trouble. Time to visit el jefe." I grunted before pouting. Kyle sighed, looking unnerved by that as he shoved his hands into the pocket of his sweatshirt. He looked away for a moment, then back. I was pleased to see his cheeks pink.
"Good luck. He's a hardass." He told me. I beamed, giving my hips a little wiggle as I leaned toward his face, watching him reel back with a sour look.
"Mmhm. I'm a man. I can take it." I responded, making him snort before waving me off. I waved before heading off to the main cabin, taking deep breathes as I went.
Ignore whatever this guy says.
Focus on the goal.
Learn basketball, kick the crap out of Kyle, then fuck the crap out of Kyle.
I could do this. Super easy. Facil. I told myself as I approached the cabin, pausing to peer into the window at the secretary, who sat typing up files on her computer. I poked my head in, seeing her look up before sighing as she went to the only other door in the room that led to Eric's office. She'd run into me before, but I didn't care enough to learn her name.
Women were hardly interesting to me.
She opened the door and gestured me in. I walked into the cozy, yet somehow sterile office room where Eric was sitting on his desk, his dark hair slicked back as his dark eyes scanned a file while a phone balanced between his shoulder and cheek. He just waved me in to sit down and I obeyed with a heavy sigh as he scrunched his nose up.
"No," He said into the phone, "No, that's incorrect. We... Yes, I'm positive. I have the papers right here in front of me and I'm looking at the bold print... Yes, I paid the... Well, no, but... Look, I want to speak with your supervisor otherwise, you'll lose me as a customer. Good day." He hung up rather huffily, then turned to me with that plaster fake smile.
Peeendejo.
"Ah, it's good to see you again, Carlos; I just have a feeling that the circumstances aren't as good." He added, making me flinch as he spoke my real name. I gave him a pinched look as he went to return his files to the cabinet behind him before pulling out mine. He scanned it over, his smile fading before quickly returning as it snapped it shut, turning to face me as he took his seat.
"This is the third time in a month you've been sent to my office. What seems to be the problem?" He asked, folding his hands on top of my file. I set my tray on the edge of his desk before slumping back in my seat, raising an eyebrow.
"Ain't no problem with me, jefe. Ask Jacob. He's trying to piss me off on purpose." I answered gruffly, folding my arms over my chest. Eric's smile noticably faltered at my swear word, making me frown before he quickly smiled again.
"Carlos--"
"Yolo."
"Fine, yes, Yolo, the counselers tell me that this is your second infraction with Mr. Fisher. Your first issue was actually one of the reasons you were moved to the cabin you're in now. You were having a relationship with this other boy." Eric stopped, waiting for me to say something. I just stared at him flatly, waiting for him to go on before he sighed in frustration.
"Carlos, you were sent here so we could help you. Not only with the fact that you're sexually confused, but your behavioral issues, such as fighting authority. You don't follow rules well and you don't seem to understand why you're here. We want to help you, but we can only do that if you let us." Eric explained.
I narrowed my eyes at him, gritting my teeth behind pursed lips as Eric went on, but I forced myself to zone out.
Who was he to judge me? He was not God. God loved me. I know he did, otherwise, I would've been dead a long time ago. I wasn't doing anything wrong, at least when it came to my sexual orientation. They sat there and preached us on being evil, but how were we the evil ones? We weren't hurting anyone with our decision. And we didn't do it just for sex. Men could fall in love with other men. Women could fall in love with other women. They didn't need to do it just to satisfy some dirty sexual fantasy.
We happened to actually fall in love with the same sex.
And I fell in love with Kyle.
How was that bad?
I wasn't going to sit here and actually listen to their bullshit lies about how it was my decision to fall to the temptation to evil, how sick, how cruel it was to love the same sex if they had no proof of it. I didn't even care if they waved that leather bound Bible book in my face.
That thing was older than dirt. It'd been translated over and over again throughout time. Who's to say some drunk didn't throw random shit in because he was angry at someone?
No. Nobody had the right to put words in God's mouth.
God loved us.
Each and everyone one of us, whether we loved the same sex, whether we were slower than others, all alone in the world, or surrounded by family. He would love us no matter what.
I told myself this each and every day after the incident in middle school. I had told the cabin that I found out I was gay after fucking my neighbor.
It was a lie.
I found out I was gay in middle school during gym class when the guys started stripping and I found myself unable to look away. I'd never taken the time to actually look, but aye chihuahua, men were attractive. How could anyone, even man himself, deny that? Even in middle school, the boys were all adorable as they threw their clothes off to change into their gym clothes.
I had been standing in the corner, afraid to take my clothes off first, so I waited until everyone else had done it. I couldn't stop staring at them and how... pretty they were. Flat chests with nipples that hardened in the cold air of the locker room, short hairs beginning to sprout from their skin, body's beginning to develop into manhood.
Jesus Christ.
I had to wait until everyone left before I could change in case they noticed the bulge in my jeans.
I kept hiding it and at first, I planned to tell my parents until they made a big deal about gay marriage being an issue. They frowned upon it, called it an abomination against God.
It hurt, in all honesty. I hated admitting it, which is why I didn't tell anyone, but it really did. To have your own parents call you disgusting. Saying that you ought to die to repent for your sins. So why in God's name did they get surprised when I started cutting?
That's right.
I used to cut.
And I hated myself for it.
I don't know why I did it. It didn't help at all. It only made things worse, because looking at it only reminded me of everything they said about me. What everyone said about me. Hiding the gashes from my parents and friends and teachers was hard enough. It was worse having to shower and look at my wrists, the puckered, rippled skin glaring back at me as a reminder that I was an abomination.
It wasn't until I saw a rally going on to support the LGBT community when it struck me that what I was doing was wrong. I had been sitting front of the television, watching all these people band together against the intolerant bastards on the planet.
The way they held hands and proudly displayed their affections and opinions. The way they wore rainbows with pride and smiled in the face of their haters. Something about it struck me so hard, that I had started crying when I watched.
I wasn't the only one out there.
I wasn't the only one who loved the same sex. I wasn't the only one who was being discriminated against.
There were others, and that's what spoke to me. I wasn't alone, and I would never really be alone. I stopped cutting after that. I never really told anyone after that. I never crushed on any of the guys at my school openly. I think people had a hunch, obviously. My parents were just oblivious until I was caught doing the naughty with my neighbor after we moved to a new house in the same town.
We'd only just met too, which was the only thing that bothered me. I met him after my mom brought tamales as a welcoming gift and as soon as I saw him, I knew. It was like a censor in me.
My gaydar went off and he smiled at me. He was so cute, with dark hair and dark eyes. He was Hispanic too, from a little village in Mexico. I came over the next day to show him around, but one thing led to another and... Well, you get the picture.
"...can do this, Carlos. You have the ability to fight it and though your soul's already been tainted, you can still do what you can and hope for God's forgiveness. Do you understand me?" Eric asked as I zoned back in. I blinked, then glanced at him, having shifted to lean my cheek against my knuckles, arm on the armrest and one leg folded over the other.
"Si, si. Ya se. I know." I muttered. Eric studied me for a moment, then sighed and rose to his feet, gesturing to my tray.
"Well, finish your lunch, then head off to your next activity. This is your final warning, Carlos. Any other infractions, and we may need to call your parents in to discuss further disciplinary actions." He informed, making me grunt in response as I picked up my tray and hungrily devoured everything on it while Eric rushed around his office to make calls and sign papers.
I finally got to leave and went back toward my cabin. I took the little dirt trail around the cabin to the steps that went to the shore. I was surprised to see Ryan sitting in the sand, picking up little rocks and skimming them across the lake. I beamed, flouncing over to him and making him look up with a yelp of surprise before he scowled.
God, he was so adorable when he wasn't being annoying. Ryan was a cute little brunette with hair that was starting to grow out a little, so he looked almost like the surfers from Cali. His dark eyes looked even darker underneath, like he was losing sleep. He, sadly, had no concept of fashion whatsoever and always wore these plain sweatshirts with jeans and the occasional puffy vest over top, mostly in colder weather, though.
"Hola, muñeco. How's it goin'?" I greeted him, plopping into the sand beside him. Ryan had his knees brought to his chest as he dug his fingers in the sand, trying to draw a smiley face that only turned out looking lopsided as he dusted it away before looking up at me.
"Not much. What about you? Nice display in the mess hall, btw. Derrek's not too happy." He added.
Of course he'd do that. Ryan was head over heels for Derrek, but Derrek was too oblivious and obsessed with himself and trying to get out that he didn't even notice. Didn't help that poor Ryan had the self-esteem of a crushed dandelion.
"Well, who cares what he thinks," I boosted with a snort, picking up a silvery black rock to study it before throwing it in the lake, watching it plunk in, casting several ripples, "And it's not my fault anyway. Jacob's trying to steal Kyle from me." Ryan peeked at me, raising an eyebrow as he rested his cheek against his knee.
"Really? What're you gonna do about it? Aside from trying to get yourself kicked out." He tacked on lightly, making me smirk as I leaned back on my hands.
"Nothin'. Kyle doesn't even like Jacob, I'm positive. And I know Kyle likes me, he's just so in denial. It's so cute how he's all no no no and really on the inside, he's thinking yes yes yes." I sighed dreamily, reaching up to cup my cheek before scowling at the sand that stuck from my hand to my face. Ryan laughed quietly as I wiped my face, glancing at him as he looked at the lake.
"Yeah, even I have to admit that Kyle likes you. He's always watching you at lunch." He commented, making me grin widely.
"Oi, you noticed that too? Sweet! So I wasn't daydreaming. I take it that him sucking me off is a daydream, though, huh?" I asked. Ryan blushed, rolling his eyes at me as he picked up another rock, letting it bounce across the surface of the lake before sinking, leaving a trail of circular rings in its wake.
"Oh yeah, that's a daydream."
"Ah, pues... ni modo. Oh well, he'll get there eventually. Maybe even this Friday at the bonfire." I added with a wink, sticking out my tongue to look cute. Ryan blushed even more, laughing as he looked away.
"Good luck with that. I hear most of the counselers are gonna be watching like hawks." He warned me, making me shrug. Why should I care? They can't touch me.
"I'll just say I gotta piss and then go to the cabin to meet up with Kyle. I would say we'd do it in the bathrooms, but there's something less romantic about fucking someone in the stalls than there is in the bed." I explained matter-of-factly. Ryan shook his head at that and looked out at the lake again, stifling a yawn as I sighed, watching the water gently ripple with the autumn breeze that decided to pick up around us, tossing and churning the colorful leaves around us, blowing the loose layer of sand across our shoes.
"So, how's your progress with Derrek?" I asked, referring to the pact we'd made earlier in the year. We, meaning Ryan, Dominic, and I, had made a pact that we would each leave this camp with something good. Something good meaning the guy we liked. So far, Dominic was upholding his end of the deal and I intended to carry through with mine on Friday. Now it was Ryan's turn.
"Hm?" Ryan asked innocently, trying to play dumb. I scrunched up my nose in distaste, leaning forward on my knees to look at Ryan, who was avoiding my eyes.
"Oi, don't tell me you've given up already." I protested, frowning. Ryan tried to smile, but it was so fake it hurt.
"I didn't think you guys were serious about that whole thing. I mean, it was fun to dream, but really, I don't want to get in trouble or get my mom angry. I mean, she's spending a lot of money to send me here and--"
"Oh, who gives a flippin' booger what your mom thinks?"
"Yolo--"
"No, no! Let me finish," I insisted angrily, making Ryan blush, "Nobody cares what your mama thinks. It's her fault you're here. She's the one who wanted to waste the money, so don't think you have to obligate 'er. My family ain't so well off either, but they're still wasting their money on this stupid camp. It's their fault. They ought to learn the hardway that they can't change who we are."
"But--"
"And you can love Derrek all you want! Let the world know that you love Derrek and he's off-limits! Stop letting Jacob and Mitch hog him so much. Try and hang out with him more!" I added, watching Ryan sigh quietly before he scratched the back of his head, looking unconvinced and as unmotivated as usual.
"Yeah, but I don't even know if Derrek is really gay... I mean, he probably just did it to piss his mom off."
"Oh, come on, Ryan. You don't really believe that shit, do you? No guy would fuck another guy just to piss off his mommy."
"Well, then maybe he's bi, but so what? He probably likes girls more. Have you seen him even flirt with any of the guys here? No."
"Stop doing that," I groaned, watching Ryan shake his head miserably, "You ain't even givin' yourself a chance! You're a great guy, Ryan! You're so sweet and cute and adorable! You make straight men go gay!"
"You're embarrassing me." Ryan whined, making me roll my eyes as I reached out and jerked him against me, making him yelp as I rubbed my knuckles viciously into his head, ruffling up his hair and making him squirm and complain.
"Admit it! Admit that you're cool and maybe I'll have mercy!"
"Ow! Yolo, you're so annoying!"
"We're not talking about my fun qualities, we're talkin' about yours, muñeco!"
"Yolo--"
"Say it! Say it or I'll rub your fuzzy hair right off your skull along with that pretty skin of yours!"
"Jesus, Yolo! All right, okay! I'm cool!"
"Aaand?!"
"There's an and?!"
"Claro que si, pendejo!"
"Yolo, I don't know what that means!"
"Say you're cute!"
"Ouch! Yes, okay! I'm cute!"
"And sweet and adorable!"
"Sweet and adorable! Those too!"
"Good." I let go of Ryan so he fell over across my lap, his hands and knees in the sand as he reached up to rub his head, scowling cutely. I grinned before laughing a little until I heard someone call my name, making me look up to see River standing at the top of the steps to our cabin.
"Are we gonna practice again or what?" He called.
"Be right up," I called, then turned to Ryan, who was wiping sand off his hands, sitting on his knees beside me, "And don't let me hear you talking that mopy shit again, ya hear?"
"Yeah, yeah."
"Good," I decided, then paused with a grin and popped Ryan a smack on his buttcheek, making him yelp and clasp his butt, "And get on Derrek's case. Make him dream about you." I got to my feet, watching Ryan blush and heave himself up, dusting the sand off himself.
As for me, I decided, I had a basketball game to practice for.