So I have an important question that you may have already seen on my insta or in my feeds. I've already got a lot of awesome answers, but you can still suggest me your ship names ideas for Penelope and Theone, and for Penelope and Aden 😁 I'll choose tomorrow and I'll post it in the next chapter 😁
Now, for the dedication, since I mention how beautiful Italian people are in this chapter, I wanna dedicate this chapter to two of my beautiful Italian friends @JossMcK and @Silenesea6 Vi amo tanto e grazie per la vostra amicizia 😘❤
"Come in! It's open!" I call after the several knocks on the door.
I barely lift up my head as I already know who it is.
"What are you doing?! I thought it was planned for tomorrow?" Theone crouches down beside me, and feeling his piercing gaze on me, I have to stop my hand.
"Yes, it was."
"Wow! Are you sick?! Is it the eggnog again?!" he gasps excessively, his dimples on full display, and I'm really tempted to poke them with the tip of my paintbrush. But I know from experience that this would only end up in a mess of paints and colors, and I don't want to ruin the precious decoration of my bedroom.
Besides, in a way, Theone isn't totally wrong. It's because of the eggnog incident that I'm doing this right now.
Finally, it hasn't been as horrible as I've expected. Aden hasn't been disgusted or awkward; on the contrary, he has been even more considerate towards me, as he's felt guilty despite how many times I've told him it hasn't been his fault. Luckily neither Theone, nor Jason has said a word about my history with eggnog. So the evening has gone quite uneventful after.
The humiliating experience is a must-have of the Christmas romances too, so even if I'd planned something less ridiculous like looking at old childhood pictures, I guess it can be moving somehow; that's what I hope.
Yet I'm still unsure about it. That's why I'm busying my hands right now. Crafts and painting have always helped me relax, but I don't reveal this to Theone.
Instead, I tell him the other reason, "We'll already have a lot to do tomorrow, and I really want it to be perfect."
"She'll love it." He smiles at the rocking horse in front of us.
"I still need to finish the paints and add the pink glitters."
My stomach flutters, and I don't know why but those little sparkling blue eyes impress me more than any important jury or magazine. I really hope Lilly will love this horse as much as I've cherished it during my childhood. My dad has made it with so much love for me, and I have many precious memories with it. I'm proud to now hand it over to someone else for her to create new memories.
"I could take a pic of this too, well, if you give me back my camera..." He tilts his head to look at me from under his cocked eyebrow.
"Oh, yes! I forgot! It's on my desk there." I point, just in case he would mistake it too. "And maybe you could take a pic of Lilly with it too..." I sing out, picking my paintbrush as soon as his eyes aren't on me anymore.
"I'll think about it," he mumbles, though his volume changes suddenly, making me jump and paint a nasty white line on the pastel horse's head. "What is this?!"
I put the paintbrush down and get up with all my senses on alert after one last glance at the poor rocking horse.
The frightened jump of my heart turns into a rush of boiling irritation when I catch sight of the same crumpled paper in his hand. "You made me ruin my painting for the same list?!" I ask through gritted teeth.
"No, I'm not talking about your little plan." He shakes his head, and my blood turns to ice as fast as it's started boiling when I realize my plan is turned to me, which means he's reading the other side, and of course, he has his glasses.
"You got an offer to work in a famous magazine! That's awesome! Why didn't you tell anyone?"
I'm still paralyzed, so he's talking to himself, and I can see in his eyes, even if they stay as wide, that he's connecting the dots little by little.
"Don't tell me you didn't accept it?! Why?!" He furrows his eyebrows briefly before they shoot up on his forehead. "Don't tell me it's because of your stupid little romance plan?"
The hammering of my heart is growing so strong that it finally breaks me out of my frozen state. "You can't tell this to anyone, please!" Once more, I resort to begging.
"Do you realize it's crazy and ridiculous to let an opportunity like this go?" His gaze turns piercingly serious, but I just avoid it, focusing on reaching for my letter.
"It's none of your business!"
"Seriously? Penny?! You can't ruin an opportunity like this for a little romance that hasn't even happened yet! I don't understand."
His words are resonating inside what feels like a void inside my chest. They sound too familiar, yet in Theone's mouth they are almost defeaning despite his quite calm tone, and this only arises my anger inside.
"You should–"
I finally grab the precious list, yet he keeps his firm grip on it, and the tearing sound of paper echoes around my bedroom, or maybe it's just my heart as I stare at the torn-in-half list in my hand.
My gaze slides to my rocking horse, and back to Theone just as he opens his mouth again.
"You–"
"I don't need your advice! It's easy for you, you never stay put in one place and just mess around, but you have no lesson to give me, and it's none of your business what I do with my life," I seethe with a burst of fire that comes from the void inside my chest, all the echoes of doubt fueling it.
Yet the look that crosses his eyes feels like a cold shower. I've never seen his eyes so cold, or more exactly putting on a veil that makes them look like an iced lake. He closes his mouth, giving me the other part of the list and getting out of my room without another word.
I'm left with a suffocating smoke inside my throat and the silence as defeaning outside as inside.
***
1.11 a.m., I throw my comforter away from my body and sit up on my bed. 1.11, the numbers are taunting me, and it's useless anyway; I won't find sleep.
I get up and put on my red socks, my gaze falling on my ripped list and then gliding on my new elf sweater to end up on my still-not-finished rocking horse. It brings back the whole day in my face, though actually, it's already been replaying in my head, and that's why I can't find sleep.
There isn't a particular event that keeps my eyes open, but rather an addition of little moments as subtle as a snowflake that added together turn into a snowball effect, and now, it's an avalanche of confused thoughts in my head.
There is only one thing that will shut them up and help me relax, so I get out of my bedroom with a precise destination in mind.
Jason's gasp from this morning comes back to echo in my head when I walk down the stairs, and I'm still as lost about what he's seen so I push it away.
It's another memory that replaces it: the jog. My muscles can feel it even more acutely now, but it isn't what makes me wince as I still hear Theone's voice saying that I'm changing myself. It brings me back to the eggnog incident, and it isn't as simple to get rid of the memories as it's been to throw the drink out of my stomach. The wooden floor cracks under my feet just at this moment, making me jump out of my thoughts.
I'm just passing by the guest room, and I stop for a second, waiting fearfully yet expectantly for another sound. I don't know if I want the door to open or not.
Maybe I'm too confused. Aden has been really sweet and caring with me, yet he hasn't visited me in my bedroom like he's done every night before to show me his articles. It encourages this voice of doubt inside my head, whispering me that he'll never see me as something more than a great, and now also awkward, friend. The worst is that this whisper is now taking Theone's voice, and it brings me back to the nomination letter, to all my lists, and to what I've yelled at him.
In the moment, I've been too defeaned by my doubts and anger to realize what I've been saying, but now I only hear those words, along with his silence afterward. Silence for Theone is something I think I've never witnessed, and god knows how many times we've fought and I've screamed at him.
I've been harsh when he has done nothing more than repeat what my friends are telling me, what a little part of me already knows. Is it really none of his business?
It's been none of his business when I've thrown up my guts this afternoon, yet he's still missed the release of the lanterns for it, and I know I wouldn't have wanted anyone else to see me like that, definitely not Aden, and not even Emily could understand; I'm not even talking about Jason who would have only added to the misery of the poor toilet.
This makes me go back to my brother's excessive reaction this morning. As you can see, I'm quite playing on a loop, and now, I'm already entering the family room before I can even realize it.
The small table lamp between the TV and the Christmas tree is on, which is unusual, but I'm too lost in the spiral of my mind to really give it a second thought, well, until a silhouette springs from the couch.
For a second, I remember all the stories of monsters I've been frightened of during my childhood, and I jump so high that I almost smash on the Christmas tree, a hand catching me just in time.
I lift up my gaze to find two wide jade eyes staring at me.
"Theone! You scared me!" I gasp, though my voice seems to have been annihilated by the bounce of my heart, so there's no risk that I will wake someone.
"It's you! Why the fuck are you creeping around sneakily like that?!" Theone replies in the same hushed tone.
"I'm not! I was just trying to not wake the whole house. But what are you doing here?" I take in the mess of cushions and covers on the couch as he pulls away.
"I couldn't sleep. Your 'boyfriend' was snoring like a freight train."
"What?! No!" I immediately protest loudly, but I continue quieter, "Aden isn't a snorer."
"How do you know? Have you already slept with him?" He cocks an eyebrow, sitting on the couch again.
Well, we wouldn't be in this situation if I had, and it's clear in his mocking gaze that he knows it.
"I can tell you he snores, and apparently, the eggnog doesn't agree with him either because tonight it's even worse than the other nights!" He laughs, totally oblivious to my glare.
Aden? Snoring? It doesn't look like him. He's always serious and gracious, but I guess you can't control those things, and it's cute, isn't it?
"And you? What are you doing here?" Theone pulls me out of my contemplation.
"Couldn't sleep either... I was going to watch a movie."
There's no point to lie; the kitchen is on the opposite side of the hallway, so I wouldn't be here for a glass of water.
"What kind of movie? No, let me guess..." He puts his index finger up, his left dimple slowly appearing at the corner of his smirk. "A cheesy romance? There's nothing better to fall asleep before the end!"
"No!" I once again exclaim a little too loudly, and I'm surprised and slightly frightened that no one has come to see what's happening yet. What if there were robbers or a serial killer?!
"I never miss the best part." I smile, thinking of the parts of the movies that always melt my hopeless romantic heart. "I don't know... it just helps me relax and forget my worries."
"You know you have weird addictions! People generally smoke weed or cigarettes, or even drink!" He shakes his head, chuckling, and I join his soft laugh.
"At least, it's healthy I think!"
There is something about the sound of his laugh. It just travels deep to irk your nerves, yet it's so contagious at the same time. It's like an attack of tickles; as much as it can be annoying, it's also irresistible, and you laugh too.
However, our laughs die down too quickly, and the silence comes back heavily. The awkwardness falls in the air around, and with it, I can guess the words resonating loudly in my head are still in his mind too.
I don't know what to say, or more exactly, I know, but the words are stuck in the lump of my throat, and it isn't something I'm used to tell to him. So it comes out in a whisper, "I'm sorry about earlier... I shouldn't have–"
"No, it's me." He sighs. "I've gone too far, and maybe you're a little right, I've been a snooper." He lets out a chuckle, yet it isn't as light as usual.
"Yet what I said was mean, and you were just trying to help."
"Let's forget it!"
When I look at him shrugging with his easy smile, I realize I haven't even thought what I've said, not even one second. That's surely why I sit down next to him on the couch, or maybe because I'm not sure he's totally forgotten it until I see his left dimple.
"My friends are always repeating me this, and I know it too much... I think that's why I snapped." I look down at my hand, busying them with a thread poking out of my tee-shirt. "I'm scared... It's my dream, of course, but if I have to leave everything I have behind, and not know where I'm going. What if it's not like I imagined? What if I'm disappointed? What if I'm not good enough? What if–"
"That's a lot of what ifs!" His chuckle makes me realize I haven't even taken a breath, and it's the first time I let these questions out loud, although they've been on my mind each second since I've received this letter.
I feel him shift closer to me until out of the corner of my eye, I glimpse his head ducking forward to try to catch my gaze. "Have you even tried to call them?"
I risk a glance up, and I lose my breath when I meet his penetrating eyes, maybe because they're closer than I've expected, or maybe because I'm not used to see them without a playful, mocking glint, and the green looks even more dizzying without it.
I avert my gaze to reply, "No, not yet..."
But he puts two fingers under my chin to lift my eyes to his again. "Then you can't know what they want. It costs nothing to call them and discuss." He shrugs as if it was the simplest thing in the world, and he almost makes me believe it. "They don't tell you much on the letter, maybe they won't ask you to move out. You don't have to accept, but you'll surely have less what-ifs after you talk to them."
"They're in New York, I doubt it would be anywhere else..." I let out a sigh, strangely feeling my chest lighter, even if I'm still as lost.
"You never know if you never try." He offers me a small, but real, smile, and I mirror it, realizing that he still has his fingers under my chin.
His touch is so soft, as if he was holding a snowflake on the tip of his fingers, and I actually feel like one, melting slowly the more I focus on the warmth of his light touch.
This is stupid, and it's just a comforting gesture. He's probably done it naturally like he would with a sister, yet for an instant, it doesn't feel like this for me, maybe because I still have the taste of his lips on mine just a few inches above where his fingers are, and because his eyes look different without their mischievous sparkle. I have to remind myself this is Theone, the annoying best friend of my brother, and a player on top of that.
I pull away, coming back to reality, as once again, there is a blank moment remaining in my mind. "Um, I'll let you sleep." I get up, my hands still playing with that thread of cotton.
"You can stay to watch your movie if you want. I don't mind, it'll help me fall asleep!" There, the playful, devious glint that I know is back in his eyes.
"You're sure?" I ask, glancing between him and the turned-off TV.
"Yeah." He nods, and I'm already turning to the TV.
Maybe he's right; I'm slightly addicted. But I know I won't find sleep tonight otherwise.
"How about I make some hot chocolate? It's not a movie night without it!" I hear him standing up, and I can easily guess his wide childish grin without even looking at him. "Do you want one too? Unless you're still sick?" He seems to hesitate, so I turn back to him with a large smile too.
"I'm never sick for hot chocolate!"
Though I don't forget all the knots inside my head and stomach, which are worse than any eggnog.
So I call him as he passes the door, "Theone... can you please not talk about the letter to anyone? If they knew, I would never hear the end of it..."
I can't imagine how excited my parents would be, and it would only worsen my dilemma.
"Don't worry, I won't, at least for now. But you better give it a try and call them!" He exits the room before I can argue, and I jump on the couch to choose my fix for tonight.
"'Holiday date'? Really?! Why I'm not surprised?" Theone joins me just as the title appears in front of a snowy city that must be New York, but I push this detail aside, focusing on the catchy Christmas tune playing in the background.
"Of course! That way I'll show you what inspired my plan, and you'll stop doubting me." I smile as he hands me a warm cup of hot chocolate, although seeing the number of little marshmallows, I think it looks more like a cup of marshmallows with hot chocolate.
Yet I don't mind; this is the sweetness I need, and as the overworked heroine appears on the screen, I'm already forgetting my worries, the Christmas magic wrapping around me like the rich and spicy scent of chocolate filling my nose.
"Yeah, yeah, you're just addicted!" Theone replies, putting the cover over us, well, mostly over me because the square of fluffy fabric is quite small.
It must be the Christmas spirit of the movie or my still guilty conscience, but I scooch closer to share the cocoon of warmth. I feel his body tense and relax beside me, yet I'm already getting lost in the first interaction of the charming future couple on the tv.
"Hey, but how are you gonna do? I think snow is a must-have, and they don't announce it this year."
I pull my gaze away from the snow falling on the screen, turning to Theone and his cocked eyebrow looking at me over the rim of his cup.
"You never know... There could be a Christmas miracle!" I let my gaze slide back to the screen just at the moment where the couple agrees for their 'deal', and my smile widens as I realize it resembles a lot Aden and me a few days ago, well except for the snow of course.
"Oh, yes, sure! An old man with a white beard appearing just at this moment, and we'll hear the 'ho ho ho' echo around?"
I'm about to overlook his snide comment, not in the mood to let his dimples ruin my movie night, when I realize something, and it's my turn to offer him a smirk. "Wait, you seem to know very well these Christmas romances..."
"Yeah, my mom made us watch them every year." He glances at the tv, yet I can still catch the melancholic glint in his gaze and echoing in his voice; it's faint, but it cracks my heart like a snow globe breaking inch by inch. "She loved Christmas romances."
It's so strange to see him like that, him, who is always playful and cocky. I sometimes forget that behind his devious dimples, he has a heart, and no matter how old you are, there's still a lonely child inside when you lose your parents.
For the first time, I think I miss his left dimple as his smile doesn't reach his eyes. I don't know what to say in those moments, and maybe there's word to make it better.
"She's always had good taste." The words come out naturally from the cracks of my heart as I remember the woman with soft green eyes and her always elegant bun no matter what she's been doing, and apparently, these are the right words to make Theone smile fully as I add, "I mean, I know I've always been her favorite."
"Oh, yes, she always gave you twice more chocolates than everyone!" He chuckles, and there is still nostalgia in his voice, yet it's so much lighter. "I never understood why!"
"Because I'm irresistible," I explain with a grin and a wave of my hands.
I don't know how to take it, since he only laughs and shakes his head in reply, but at least, he isn't disagreeing either.
"I remember her homemade chocolates... they were the best..." I think out loud after a sip of hot chocolate, which will never taste as sweet, intense, and creamy as her chocolates. "I've never tasted any chocolates as good!"
"I have the recipe if you want." He sips his cup, his eyebrows lowering thoughtfully for a second, and I know he's searching for the same missing taste on the tip of his tongue. "I haven't tried it since... but I can give it to you."
"Okay, but on one condition." I straighten to bore my eyes seriously into his. "You do it with me. We never know if I need help to add a dash of chemical colorful love." I smile, and he breaks out in laugher, the hearty sound coming from his chest and vibrating in mine in a contagious way once again.
"Okay, deal." He tries to put on a serious expression, but his eyes are still sparkling with laugher like fairy lights flashing on a Christmas tree.
"Oh, speaking of baking." I get up, remembering another thing with flashing lights. "I have a gift for you." I throw a glance at the tv where the couple is now standing under a sprig of mistletoe, and I quickly avert my gaze to the Christmas tree, trying to erase those shivers running down my spine with the same memory.
I grab the dark blue gift bag I've put there when we've got back from the fair, yet my hands are still hovering over the bright red package sitting there too. With the dim lighting and the turned-off fairy lights of the tree, the little package is really standing out, pulling my fingers to open it with the tickling curiosity growing inside.
"Don't even think about it. It's not Christmas yet!" Theone stops my fingers an inch away from the package, his smirk echoing in his voice just behind me.
"I wasn't thinking about it." I smile innocently, already planning to sneak back later to find out what it is. The sparkle in his eyes is just tickling my curiosity, yet I won't admit it to him. "Here, I give you this gift because you gotta wear it before Christmas."
"Should I be scared?" He lifts an eyebrow as I hand him the gift bag, but I just offer him a mysterious smirk.
He throws me one last dubious glance before going back to the couch to open eagerly the package. I watch carefully his expression change from doubtful curiosity to utter bewilderment until a large grin stretches his lips.
"An ugly Christmas sweater?!" He shakes his head, reading the large message on the fabric. "Let's get baked?!"
"It's better than Mr. 'Bikini Inspector', at least it's in the holidays' spirit!"
"I like it." He nods, his green eyes roaming along the fabric just a shade darker, well, until they take in a detail and grow wider. "No?! There's lights too?!"
"Yes, and you gotta wear it before Christmas." I grin proudly. "It's a gift, you have no choice!"
He lets out another hearty laugh, and I wish I could capture this moment to remember that his dimples don't always look devilish. Right now, they just emphasize the shine of his smile with the pure sound of his laugh as his messy curls are bobbing along with the shake of his head.
Actually, I can capture it, and I get an idea when I glimpse his camera on the coffee table.
"Let's take a pic!"
He doesn't even have time to process what I'm saying that I've already snapped a blurry pic of him and his sweater in his hands.
"See it's easy to take pics of people!" I smile, though I still try to show him how serious I am through my eyes now that his laugh has calmed down.
"I wish it was that easy!" He chuckles.
"Someone once told me you never know if you never try..." I sing out before adding, "Though I'm not sure if we can really trust him."
He laughs lightly again, and I don't know why it feels so satisfying to pull out those simple chuckles out of him when they usually only prickle my nerves.
However, the sound doesn't last as he focuses his gaze on me. I can't see what he's thinking, but it's like he's trying to pierce through me and just searching for something in his own mind at the same time. I'm about to say something to dispel the awkward tingling it creates on my skin when he gets up.
I almost think he's leaving because of whatever I've said, yet he just reaches for something in his camera case on the coffee table. He sits back on the couch with a small square of coated paper in his hand, and I can't help but notice how he places himself closer than he's been before, his legs brushing my folded ones and the heat of his body warming mine in the small space.
"This is the reason why I don't take pics." He hands me the paper in his hand, and I immediately recognize the blond woman with a bun and the same sparkling green eyes we've been talking about. She's holding the hand of a little boy that I know very well and that already at this age has been tormenting me with those devious dimples, and beside them, there is a man that I also remember very well, holding the camera for the pic and smiling with the same smile that I've witnessed just seconds ago.
"My dad took this pic when I was a kid, and I don't know... I've just never been able to carry the emotions on a pic like he's done it with this one." He shrugs, and I don't know what holds more emotions: the picture or his gaze.
It's true that this picture radiates happiness from their smiles to their twinkling eyes and something special that is a spark of love. Just looking at the photo, I can feel the love they've had for each other and this warmth that brings me back to my family.
But I focus more on the present Theone and the emotions in his eyes. The green looks darker in the dimness, but there are still sparks of light dancing in his gaze from the faint lighting of the table lamp and the TV.
The TV, I've completely forgotten it. I glimpse the couple now laughing in the snow, yet all my attention is on the man beside me, who is running his fingers through his already-messy curls.
"I think you put too much pressure on yourself." I give him back his photo. "When your dad took this pic, I think he just wanted to capture the moment. He didn't think about the emotions the pic would carry, he just snapped the pic."
Theone's eyes are now fixed on me, and his dimple is slowly inching on his left cheek in a bright smile. "I never thought about it this way."
"Where are you going next?"
"What?" His eyebrows furrow as if he's been pulled out of a trance.
"Where is your next travel?" I reword my question.
"Italy, I have a contract there for a few monuments, and then I don't know."
"Italy?!" I exclaim, my mind already picturing the majestic old monuments, the spectacular landscapes, the sophisticated art and fashions, and the delicious pizzas – okay, it's my stomach that is imagining the last one. "Then you've got no excuse. You have to take pics of people. Italian are some of the most beautiful people!"
"I'll think about it..."
"No, don't think! Just snap the pic! See, that's what I did when I took this photo of you, I just did it." I look down at the small screen of the camera to find the blurry pic.
"What do you think? Does it show the emotions?" I ask as he leans closer to peek over the camera.
"Yes, totally! You totally carried the blurring of my thoughts in front of your gift!"
We burst out laughing, and in this instant, I realize the knots in my brain and my stomach have been replaced with warm tickles. I haven't even needed the movie, and in the dimness of the living room, surrounded by the shadows of Christmas decorations and empty cups of hot chocolate, I feel this snug Christmas spirit wrapping around each part of me.
This little moment between Theone and Penny is as precious as a snowflake, what do you think? 😍 They're getting closer and closer, and we can see that Theone has a little heart behind his dimples 😉❤
Tell me what you think in the comments, and don't forget to leave your suggestions for a shipname! And also vote ⭐ if you liked this cozy chapter!
The notifs I get everyday are making my little heart melt like a snowflake, and I love it!! Thank you so much, my little elves 🥰😘❤