"Okay you ready? Jessie asks as she rubs her arms up my arms and gripping my shoulders messaging them lightly. I nod slowly letting out a long exhale, "Yeah I'm ready". "You sure?" She asks one last time just to make sure. But I nod, "Yeah I need to do this". She nods and kisses me before going back behind me and kneads her thumb into the muscle in my shoulder blades, "Ready?" I let out a long deep breath, "Ready?"
"Remember what Corey said. It might be painful but you just have to keep pushing through okay?" Jessie whispers and I nod. I place my palms down on the table in front of me grounding myself before we start, "1...". I see Jessie smiling at me flashing I'm front of me. "2..." I breathe out and it now flashes to the first gunshots and the crowd screams. "3..." I sigh as I remember see him for the first time. I distinctly remember how dead his eyes looked. He just had no life left as he just stared back before shooting into the crowd.
"4..." I tremble as I can hear all the terrified screams of the fans and the players as there are gunshots in quick succession. "5..." My voice cracks as I see Tobin and Christen fall to the field after a gunshot. But Jessie squeezes my shoulder tighter, "Keep going. 6...". "6..." I breathe out as my eyes lock with him once more straight at me. Before he raises the gun but not at me.
Instead it's raised at Jessie.
I slam my fist into the table as my breathing grows rapid. I rest my head on my hands as my fist clenched remembering one of the worst moments of my life. I had forced it down and into the back of my mind away in the recesses of my mind. Trying my best to not think about it. But now it was just being dragged back to the front again.
Jessie moves her hand up to the nape of my neck scraping her fingers against my scalp trying to get me back on track, "7...". "7..." I mutter as I remember tackling Jessie out of the way. Almost as if feeling us hit the turf again all over again. "8..." I grit my teeth as I see myself shielding Jessie from any harm as she clutched onto me. Jessie senses my struggles to continue and leans into me kissing my temples, "Your nearly there Lee. You've got this".
I nod taking another deep breath sitting up straight as I force myself to remember, "9...". It comes as flashes. Me checking on Jessie before drowsiness hits me like a tidal wave and rolling onto the turf only to find blood growing on my jersey. The heartbreak I see as my eyes lock with Jessie's as she sees my state on the field. "10!" I get out as I smack the table again as I remember smiling at Jessie for what I thought would be the final time until my eyes flutter shut.
I open my eyes to see Jessie right there beside me with a loving smile as she brushes some hair away from my face which was clinging to my forehead from sweat. She moved herself into my lap sitting across me sideways as she peppers my fave with light feather like kisses, "That was so good Lee".
I nod as I slide my hand up and down her side. "Your doing so much better. Remember when you couldn't even get to 3" she praises as she runs her hand through my hair. I take a deep breath and try to calm myself down as Jessie whispers small reassurances in my ear periodically giving me small kisses.
Corey said for me to fully move on and get over the shooting, I needed to stop repressing the memory of what happened. That I needed to relive what happened no matter how badly I didn't want to. She gave me a few techniques to try and help cope with what happened while also trying to remember what happened. We found that this one was the most effective but was also the hardest one as I have to relive everything that happened as I count to ten. When we first started I could barely get to 4 without freaking out.
This was also the first time I've ever gotten to 10
"Thank you" I whisper softly into Jessie's neck. She just smiles as she twirls the hair at the back of my neck around her finger, "I didn't do anything Lee. That was all you". But I pull back and place a lingering kiss on her lips, "Thank you for being here. With me". I subconsciously smile as my hand moves up to the ring hanging from around her neck, "Thank you for loving me".
She smiles and kisses me again, "You don't have to thank me. Loving you is easy and if anything I should be thanking you". I scrunch my eyebrows but she laughs and shake her head at me, "Seriously Lee. You have done so much for me. And I'm grateful that your in my life. I'm so lucky I get to call you mine". I smile and peck the tip of her nose, "I love you Freckles". "I love you too Lee" she smiles.
We sit there for a bit before I start to play with her fingers. "What are you thinking about?" Jessie asks as she messes with my fingers as well. I just hum as I entwine my fingers with hers. But she just grins at me and pokes the side of my head, "What's going on up there?" I snort as my girlfriend, "Your such a Dork". "But I'm your dork" she smirks. I smirk back and lean in close to her, "That is very true". I kiss her once, twice, three time's. Dragging out the third one and deepening it. But it was Jessie to pull back and rub her thumb over my cheek, "What's up?" I sigh as I brush my nose against her own, "I'm scared for camp".
Camp starts next week and it would be the first camp back for me after the shooting. While I won't be training with the team, I'll be doing a check up with Dawn and then she will set up a training plan based off that to help me get ready to get back on the pitch. But it will be the first time I'll be away from Jessie since getting a handle over what's happened which is a scary thought.
And I dread to think what will happen with her not around.
But Jessie smiles down at me, "You have nothing to be worried about. It's just like any other camp. You'll still be with your friends. And you'll have Christen and Tobin and everyone else there to help you out. You'll be fine Lee". I lick my lips, "But this is my first camp with Vlatko and he's not even getting to see me play. What if he decides that I'll never get back to what I use to be? What if he drops me? And what if the nightmares come back?"
I bite my lip and look away out through the patio doors focusing on the crashing waves on the small strip of beach. But instead Jessie gently takes my chin in between her thumb and forefinger and makes me look at her, "I know your stressed about how this camp will go. But you need remember how good you are". She smiles at me and I love how her eyes sparkle as she stares at me, "You, Elliot Griffin, are irreplaceable. At your best, you are unstoppable and even not at your best, you still surpass most professional players. I know your worried about how Vlatko will react to you but he already knows how good you are. He's seen you play against the top teams in the world. He knows that once your back in form he will have the best player in the world on his side. And if he doesn't see that well then.....you can always join Canada".
I let out a choke laugh as I throw my head back laughing. She falls into giggles beside me as I bury my face into her shoulder. "Seriously Lee you have nothing to worry about. Everyone knows how good you are. You just need to focus right now on getting better. Just take one step at a time and focus on getting back to it". She brushes the hair out of my face, "As for the nightmares, you've come so far Elliot. You haven't had one in a while and you've been doing so good. And if they do come back you'll have the team with you. And if they're really bad, I'll only be a few minutes away".
I sigh as I wrap my arms around her tightly, "What would I do without you?" "That's a long list" Jessie chuckles. I weakly hit her shoulder making her chuckle. "Seriously Lee your going to go and kill it at Camp. And like I said I won't be far away if anything happens". I nod into her chest and purr under her touch when she starts to run her fingers through my hair. I kiss the area right above her heart, "I love you Freckles. Forever and Always". She smiles and kisses my head, "I love you too Lee. Forever and Always".
............
I was lying on the bed just texting Jessie and Dylan when the door opened. I smile as I hear small chatter and laughs. "Mal I swear the dog winked at me- Oh my god Ellie!" Rose shouts as she sees me on the bed as Mal stops behind her. I smile and wave at them, "Hey". The both pause staring at me before coming to and jumping on top of me. I grunt but hug then back none the less.
"Why didn't you tell us you were coming?" Mal ask as we all untangle ourselves from the hug. I smile at two of my best friends, "I wanted to surprise everyone". Rose hugs me again, "We've missed you Ellie. It hasn't been the same without you". "I missed you all as well" I smile. I smile at the two of them, "So tell what I've missed?" They start telling me about all the stuff I've missed out on in my absentsence from camps.
"Wait wait wait wait!" I say staring at the two in disbelief. I point between the two of them, "Your telling me that Sonnet gave Kelley a black eye!" The two giggle and nod while I'm left gobbed smacked, "Emily Saucy Sonnet gave the wrecking ball that is Kelley O'Hara a BLACK EYE?!" Mal nods, "It was so funny I almost peed myself laughing". "How?" I ask. Rose is giggling so hard she has to lean into me so she doesn't fall off the bed, "Emily found a pogo stick and she tried to see how long could she go on it. But obviously she wasn't very good at it and she went flying". Rose tried to muffle her laughs with her hand, "She ended up landing on Kelley and Sonnet's head collides with Kelley's face and the next day she came to breakfast with a black eye".
I snorted my hand slapping over my mouth, "Is this why she refused to talk to me on Facetime anytime I called?" The two nod with smiles on their faces. "How did no one tell me this?" I ask still in shock. Mal just giggles, "Legs just say Kelley threatened us with our own black eye if we spoke of it again". "Oh squirrel" I sigh with a small chuckle. Mal checks her phone before getting up from the bed, "Cmon it's time for the meeting". We nod before gathering our stuff and heading down for the team meeting. Rose holds the door open for me as I crutch my way behind her, "Does anyone else know your at camp?" I shake my head with a grin, "Nope! It's a complete surprise".
The three of us share a grin before making our way down to the meeting room. It seemed like we were the last ones to show up as the rest of the team were already there. I was slightly hidden behind the two so they couldn't quite see me yet. As the door clicks closed the team turn to the door. "Hey Mal, hey Rosie". I scoff playfully as I crutch out from behind them, "Wow. Great to know I've been missed". Everyone stares at me in shock before Christen recovers first and runs at me scooping me up in a hug followed closely by Tobin, "Ellie!"
This seems to shock everyone back into reality as I'm soon surrounded by the team, "Hey guys!" "Why didn't you tell us you were coming?" Lindsey asks after Tobin pulls me into a tight hug. I grin, "Then it wouldn't be a surprise would it?" Once I make the rounds and hug and say hi to everyone Vlatko stands up, "I would just like to say welcome to camp and welcome back to those who's who are returning". I lock eyes with Kristie Mewis who is sitting beside Sam as we smile at each other as everyone cheers and claps around us.
We move along with the meeting with Vlatko talking about all the aims for this camp and what they were going to do throughout the next few weeks. Finally we go through the schedule before we are dismissed but right before I leave the room I get called back. "Elliot can I talk to you for a second?" Vlatko calls as he turns off the projector. I wave Rose and Mal on as I crutch my way over to him where he points to a seat in the front row. I carefully lower myself into one of the chairs as he takes the one beside me.
He claps his hands with a small smile, "Well first off welcome back". I smile and nod, "Thank you". "I know Dawn has been keeping tabs on your recovery progress and thought it would be good to have come to this camp and have her access you and maybe give you a plan for you work on after camp". My smile drops slightly but I nod, "Oh yeah sounds great". I guess he catches on as he gently puts his hand on my shoulder, "But just because Dawn suggested you come doesn't mean I don't want you here as well". I let out a small sigh of relief giving him a weak smile. Vlatko gives me a reassuring smile, "Elliot, we've all seen you play. We all know how good you are. All you have to worry about is getting better. And your spot will be waiting for you when you come back".
I smile at my new Coach, "Thank you". He just shrugs, "I think I would be insane to drop one of the best players in the world". I smile brightly as he pats my shoulder, "You better head to bed. Your going to have a long day tomorrow". I smile, "You got it Coach".
With that I crutch my way up to my room where Mal and Rose are both already dressed and ready for bed. I smile at them before getting ready for bed myself. Once I'm changed into some shorts an old t-shirt I plop myself onto a bed. "Okay so how are we going to do this?" Mal asks. I tilt my head at her, "What do you mean?" Mal points at the two beds, "There's 3 of us and 2 beds. Who's bunking with who?" I shrug, "I don't mind". Rose looks at me concerned, "Should you get your own bed? Like would your knee be okay? We don't want to jostle it in the middle of the night".
I lick my lips as shrugs at I play with my hands, "I...I don't mind". The room goes quiet and without even having to look I already know that the two shared a look. I can feel the bed dip beside me and a hand is placed on top of mine. "Ellie? What's wrong?" Rose asks stopping me from playing with my fingers. Mal take a seat on the other side of me as they look at me. I let out a sigh my shoulders slump, "It's the first time I've been away from Jessie".
I start to play with my fingers again not meeting their eyes in embarrassment, "I know it's stupid but I always sleep better with her". I take a deep breath, "I had really bad nightmares after the accident. So much much that I barely got a night's sleep. I would wake up in the middle of the night terrified and screaming. Jessie would always wake up with me and help me calm down before getting me back to sleep". I lick my lips, "We've finally gotten them under control and I'm scared that without her here to calm me down, they'll come back". I wipe underneath my eyes refusing to let any tears fall, "Hell I had to be put with 2 people instead something happened with my knee. And I didn't want to be with any of the veterans because I knew I would be babied".
I don't meet their eyes scared to see two of my best friends laugh at my stupid insecurities. But it's only when Rose squeezes my hand that I look up at her. She gives me a small smile, "Ellie it's not stupid. We all had problems after the shooting. And with what happened to you, we're not surprised". She smiles at me, "But Ellie we care. We all care about you. And we're all here to help you". Mal nods along with her, "She right Ellie. We're all here for you. The whole team is behind you". Rose wraps an around around me, "We're always going to be here for you Ellie. We're family". I smile and sniffle, "I fucking love you guys". Mal smile wrapping her own arm around us, "We love you too Ellie".
And that's how all three of us ended up sleeping in one of the beds together
Hey guys!!! First chapter of the new year!!! Let's hope this year is better than the last anyways. Also sorry but I accidentally updated a day or two ago (honestly don't know what happened) so for people wondering about that don't worry that was on me. Anyways I hope you enjoyed. Until next time, bye!!!