"Harry what's going on?"
I hear the door of the garage opens and Michael gets out of there, when he sees Harry's hand on my lap and me totally freaking out he calls the boys and they run fast toward us. "Shit Michael get to the car and start it. Ash and Calum get him up and get him into the car. Drive to the hospital and me and Lee will drive the other car. Cmon do it now!"
Luke seems freaked out which I really never seen him like that. The boys all do what he says with no protest and I stay on the floor until I feel Luke's hands under my armpits, picking me up.
"We need to talk"
—————
Luke and I are now sitting in his car, driving towards the hospital. Luke is not in a hurry, he is nervous but he seems like he's taking his time and it's a 20 minutes drive and I- not like him, do wanna get there already and understand whats going on with Harry. Its not even about caring about him, it's more about the feeling of guilt.
I noticed he's weird behavior since the first time I saw him today-- he was silent, looked tired, his smile looked forceful and his voice sounded weak, like the words he's saying getting out against his will and fighting with his throat all the way out. Since I don't know him very much I ignored it. I don't know the small thing about him, I have no idea what his normal moods are or how he acts regularly, hence I did nothing until he literally collapsed down to the floor.
I feel a little bit of guilt inside me for pushing his body even more than what he could handle because I cared more about me being mad at him. I won't take it upon myself of course. I know it isn't, if he felt bad before our talk ment it was only a matter of time until he found himself on the floor. Even more, i should feel better for pushing his body till the edge cause i was there to catch him when he fell, that way i saved him from what could happen like injuring his head or whatever.
"I'm going to say nothing about what just happened but what i wanted to say from the beginning so i swear to god if you ask one question i'm gonna say nothing, understood?"
I look at Luke with curiosity. As i look at him i notice that his facial features showing off that he is even more worried that i do and that he is serious about me shutting the fuck up while he speakes. His lip ring between his teeth, his face no longer seems like there is an elevator music there and his blue eyes lost their happiness, that just an hour ago they wore.
"We all know what happened to Harry but i think it's out of our place to tell you what happened so that's a thing for him to tell you. Harry is.. Sick. kinda. It's not something that can kill him, it's actually the opposite of that, he's gonna get very well after this.. Illness. Let's just say its a descent for the sake of ascen"
Luke looked at me and flatted his lips onto a line.
I understand why he asked me not to ask a thing cause this motherfucking asshole explains things like a peice of shit and I swear to god i was about to throw hands but stopped myself since he's driving and i'm in the car too.
"Luke you little piece of fucking shit you explain things worse than a kid tryna say cornflaks"
He looked at me with a silly shy smile on his face that I wanted to smack so badly. "It's not that-"
"well then MASSACHUSETTS"
"Nooo" he gasped out loud and took one of his hands from the steering wheel to put it on his chest like he was in total shock. As a child, Luke could never say that and I knew it because I asked Michael to spill some tea. "oh yeah" i smiled mischievously and then giggled at his hurtful face.
"I thought that at least that he never told you, I thought Muke always wins" he pouts at the end and I smile at him because he's so cute. "Muke definitely wins butttt i'm number one for all of you's lives" Luke rolled his eyes but shrugged in agreement. It's kinda true, bros before hoes is the last thing that stops the boys when i'm around. They all saw me grow up, they care about me like a brother cares for his sister and as a father cares for the mother of his children like he should. With appreciation and adoration. I don't know why they look at me that way but I guess I did help them a lot through the years just like they did to me, all they do is mirroring myself.
"Michael's gonna pay." he says with a serious-vengeance tone in his voice but i cannot help but laugh, he's so cute sometimes that it kills me, they all do.
I look outside of the window and I see that we're getting closer towards the hospital.
"Luke, me and Michael kissed today.." i felt like i should tell him that because i need some opinions, and after all, he's there with him everyday.
"You did what????" His shout echoed through all of the car and I flinched by that. Him, noticing that, he put his hand on my thigh, reassuring me that everythings ok. "Sorry but, how the hell..?"
He whizzed and I laughed. "I guess I was so lost in him being there that I forgot everything else and acted by instinct" Luke laughed and asked me something that just by that you can understand what kind of person I was once. "Koala and kissing?" I nodded. "Koala and kissing."
I kept explaining things to Luke about how I feel. Actually I have no idea what I feel so all I said was "I feel like last year has never happened" and he understood it all. Luke can be dumb but he's my kindred spirit. He can understand everything I say without asking too much while the other one who can do it— is Michael.
Shawn can't do it Cause yeah, we are twins but Shawn's an idiot. All he knows is how to comfort me, helps but not as much as they do, but I say thank you for what I have. I love Shawn and I will always appreciate his brotherhood.
The most significant thing about talking with Luke is that luke also knows what Michael feels which makes it all better when he advises me what to do better than anyone could, he knows the whole picture, he sees it all and has kind of an objective way of thinking and a beautiful perspective.
He told me that Michael has never stopped loving me and it is well known that he missed me so much that it broke his heart when we broke up, just like it broke mine. It feels good to know everything about our relationship is mutual and the heartbreak wasn't only one sided. He also explained that many times that they all were drunk he said stuff about wishing I was there to kiss and hug him and hold him while he's asleep and take care of him with the 'pure heart' of mine. Michael always loved feeling like a little princess but also he made me feel that way. Instead of one side pushing the other up and one side stuck at the same place or even getting down we both pushed each other up and alway made each other feel like we are each other's only and each other's world.
After a long talk Luke and I began talking about insignificant things and laughing a lot, it passed the time.
I look aside to watch that we have already arrived at the hospital and that Luke's entering into the parking lot.
When he parked the car skillfully I smiled at how good he actually is at parking cars.
I open the door and head out. I shut the door and so did Luke. Then locking the car. "Let's go ahead and find the boys" I walk closer towards Luke and he hangs his hand over my shoulder as we enter the hospital.
We head towards the deck where there are nurses on the computers tapping and searching fast. Luke heads over to one of them and asks for Harry's name and which room is he but I actually hadn't listened to the number, just followed him up to where he walked.
After walking the hallway we reach an elevator and we wait until it arrives.
"So what's your story with Harry?"
I shake my head not really wanting to try and use words because I have no idea what story there is to tell. It's blank as a new whiteboard.
We both hear the sound of the elevator as it opens and we wait for the people on it to get off then enter it. Luke pressing floor 2 and the doors get closed and the elevator began moving up.
"I think you guys have something"
I look at him with a confused face. What does that supposed to mean? Why would I and Harry have something while I just told him I'm super confused about what to do with Michael cause I don't know if we feel the same. "Why would you say that?" I ask with a heedless tone on my tongue.
"There's something there, I'm sure. I don't think you're confused about Michael feeling the same ? I think you're confuse about what do you feel about Harry. I'm not saying it's on the lover sight. I'm just saying he's confusing you way too much to think of what you and Michael have, I know you good enough to know that what confused you the most—consumes you the most."
There's a lot of true things about what he said so I just said "whatever" and kept with my life, both of us standing in pure silent in the elevator. Harry does consumes my mind, as much as I hate to admit it, he confuses me so much that I wanna know what's going on with him and who the hell he is better than thinking of my own life and what problems are in it. It's quite normal for me to act this way, Luke is right, the things that I don't know mess with my mind and awakes my curiosity. I also prefer dealing with things that are supposedly less important than what I am supposed to really focus on. I'm running away from my problems wishing they could just fade away with every step I take from them and not just hunt me down until they would catch my steps and go ahead my face and won't let me keep going— looking hard in my eyes and won't allow me to look away.
The door opens and Luke gets off the wall he was pressed by and offers me his arm to hold and who am I to say no.
It's a thing I do with tall people. It's really nice holding their upper arms, I feel more steady as I do it. Me being 5,6 isn't always promising that people will be taller than me but Luke being a fucking giraffe gives me the possibility to hold his arm as I always do and he also likes it. Even if he won't admit.
We walk silently with funny faces and smug smiles on our faces. Me and Luke are utterly ridiculous together and we actually don't mind at all. We reach a room with the number 420 and I'm fucking sure Ashton and Michael are somehow the ones to blame for the room number.
Luke opens the door for me and I enter it, him following behind me then closing the door.
I watch as the boys laugh at something and I smile seeing that they are all quite alright and not really sad and worried cause it means that Harry is also alright. The doctor must have told them something.
"So what's up with this idiot?" Luke is the first to talk form the both of us causing Michael Calum and Ashton to stop laughing.
"The doctor said he'll be fine, his body's just.. tired. He's not used to.. you know.. the circumstances he's at" I look at Calum not understanding his words fully but Luke already told me it's all going to be better soon cause he'll feel like that just to be better soon. "Let's just say it's a descent for the sake of ascen".
"I'm hungry" of course Mikey is hungry. The boys all add that they are also hungry but I actually have no appetite. It's not because of Harry, don't even think of that, it's just me. I eat once a day and I don't enjoy food much, it's not even because of last year's events, it's just me, it has always been me, I've always been that way with food. A lot of people might call me crazy but I eat to live not live to eat. I don't enjoy food even if it tastes great, it's just never good enough.
"Let's go find something to eat, Lee you gonna stay here?" I nod. They all know I wouldn't join them cause I'm never hungry and I feel stupid to watch them eat all the time.
Luke and Michael give me last glances before heading out of the room while I sit on the chair next to the bed that Harry's faint body's laying on.
I try to take my phone from my back pocket but. No. Nonono. NO!!! I FORGOT IT AT LUKE'S CAR!!! Nooooooo!!! What am I gonna do all this time while they eat ???? And believe me it takes hours.
I sigh as I understand I'm going to get bored as fuck until the boys are coming back.
I look at Harry's pale face and watch as his face seems very calm and steady. Almost Lifeless.
I think of what Luke have told me in that elevator and I truly unable to get to his mind. I know nothing about him and his acts and all the last circumstances made my curiosity awake even more.
"I don't understand you at all, boy"
There's this song keep running through my head all day long and now I began whispering it a little.
I love a band called The Neighbourhood, I basically adorn them. The Beach is one of my favourite songs of them. It's a calm song with all the right lyrics. Every song of theirs is just with the perfect beat and perfect words, cause eventually what is music?
Music is an art form, and a cultural activity, whose medium is sound. The word, 'music' is derived from Greek. Music may have many different fundamentals or elements but eventually music is just vocal or instrumental sounds or maybe both combined in such a way as to produce beauty of form, harmony, and expression of emotion. Music is an art of sound in time that expresses ideas and emotions in significant forms through the elements of rhythm, melody, harmony, and color. the tones or sounds employed, occurring in single line (melody) or multiple lines (harmony), and sounded or to be sounded by one or more voices or instruments, or both.
At the end of the day, the easiest way to define music is the art of sound and time.
When I listen to this band I feel like the words and every little sound that comes out of the instruments are perfectly made for my ears. Even their saddest songs can make me feel better and relieved in such moments of life that you just want everything to end and to fall into and endless sleep but scared to actually die. Just wish you could wake up in a different dimension where everything is just perfect for you and you're truly always happy. No traumas.
Thinking of the song the beach makes me smile a bit and wish I could be next to my drums but I can't so I just keep humming and whispering the words a bit.
"🎶 If I told you that I loved you tell me, what would you say?
If I told you that I hated you would you go away?
Now I need your help with everything that I do
I don't want to lie, I've been relying on you 🎶"
I look at his closed eyes and for some reason I start wishing that his eyes could be open again, his beautiful green eyes. I look at his curly brown hair and see a few curls hanging on his forehead which causes me to automatically move my fingers towards his face and remove those single curls away from his face. His hair became longer than what it was last week or maybe I just never noticed that it almost reaches his shoulders. He has beautiful hair.
When my hand pushes all of his hair behind for comfort his eyes flicker open tiredly and a weak smile spreads on his face as he sees that it's me that tucked his hair.
"Morning sleeping beauty" I wanted to say rudely but it turned out as soft as Michael's skin. As Calum's eyes. As Ashtons smile. As Luke's hug. Very soft.
He smiled.
I smiled back, thinking of how weird of me to say it so softly but I guess you can't be mad at the man who's in the hospital bed.
He looks to his sides, observing the room he's at and realising he's at the hospital.
"You passed out"
He nods, seeming like he already knows and remembers.
"You held me, thanks"
He showed me a light smile of appreciation and I smiled back, signaling him it's ok.
"How are you now? I hope I haven't freaked you out."
It's him in a hospital bed after passing out, being pale, voice weak as if almost he can't even speak, him feeling like total shit and he is the one to ask me how am I? Why is he so dumb. And as much as I want to call him dumb in a bad way, it's dumb in a cute way.
"Dumb ass you're in a hospital bed looking like someone took all of your spirit and soul and vacuumed it out of your body and all you care is if I'm ok and that you haven't freaked me out??"
He shrugs and moves his head from left and right then nodding saying "well, kinda?" I shake my head and giggle a bit at his words. He's such a dork.
He has a smug smile on his face that faints as I speak my words.
"I'm ok and I'm not freaked out. This won't be the reason I'm choosing to stay away from you"
"Stay away from me?" He frowns and there's no shadows of his smile on his face, the same one that was there before. Even his deeper dimple isn't showing as it normally does even faintly.
"You're not honest with me so I can't keep being next to you, honesty is my first everything, it begins there and then I can see where things go"
His frown stills and I frown a little bit from seeing his hopeless eyes.
"Can you keep singing before you decide on leaving me and never see me again?"
I smile lightly and shake my head. "No you weren't supposed to hear that at all" he smiles hopelessly and I huff. "Think of that as my last wish for you?"
I look at him and roll my eyes. I do hate to sing in front of people but if it will help him to shut up? Who am I to decline??
"Ok.."
He smiles and I roll my eyes again.
"🎶 If I told you that I loved you
Tell me, what would you say?
If I told you that I hated you
Would you go away?
Now I need your help with everything that I do
I don't want to lie, I've been relying on you 🎶"
I look at him and his eyes are closed again so I stop singing. "Why did you stop?" I shrug cause my reason is pretty much messed up. All I want is for him to keep his beautiful eyes open for me to relax from his shape and colour of his eyes like he finds comfort in my singing somehow.
"Would you mind keeping your eyes open?"
Harry looks at me completely confused but he can't blame me for wanting to see if he's alive even if it's not the reason i want him to keep his eyes open at all. There's this type of perfection in his eyes that soothes me down and I'm and addict to green eyes that's for sure. Michael has green eyes too but his are faint and pale and Harry's are deep and darker.
"I'll try as much as I can, you calm the shit out of me" he says with a smirk on his face and I giggle.
"Do you even know this song??"
I just kept singing the same song I sang before without even minding if he knows it, I guess basically because I can't think of other song and because I really don't care what song he wants, he better not say anything about it cause me singing it's already a gift cause that's a shit I don't do in front of people.
"Does it matter?" He shrugs and I smile. He said nothing that can annoy me and it's nice.
"🎶 Fallin' again, I need a pick-me-up
I've been callin' you friend, I might need to give it up 🎶"
Harry closes his eyes but open them immediately as he remembered what was my condition of me singing, he chuckled as he understood I noticed that and I smiled.
"🎶 I'm sick and I'm tired too
I can admit, I am not fireproof
I feel it burning me
I feel it burning you
I hope I don't murder me
I hope I don't burden you
If I do, I do 🎶"
One of the nurses enters the room and as she sees Harry is awake she furrows her brows.
"Sorry to interrupt the singing but the boys haven't told you? You were supposed to call me as he wakes.. nevermind, anyways, I'm Jennifer nice to meet you"
She wore a warm smile on her face, she seemed about Harry's age, she had blue crystal eyes and dark black as a raven hair. She had a pale white skin and she was utterly beautiful. "They haven't" I say slightly embarrassed by her hearing my singing and look at Harry as he stares at the nurse's beauty. I raise my eyebrows at him and of course it won't do a thing, he doesn't even notice me anymore.
"Well Harry, seems like your body just feels tired, your body trying to readjust himself to your normal form without drugs which causes your moods to really affect your body more than ever. Everything's gonna be fine, you're gonna get home tomorrow morning cause we still need to look out for any changes and blood pressure" she says nervously, trying to remember everything that the doctor might have told her to tell. I think she's also nervous around my unpleasant being and Harry being gorgeous even as weak as he seems.
His green eyes watching her and my own hazel flicker between him and her. She is truly beautiful, if she wanted she could easily be a model or something. Now I notice that her skin is clear and pale, her eyelashes are long and dark and in a beautiful round perfect shape, her lips are full and pink. Seriously she's beautiful.
"Jen" Harry says in a surprised and relieved voice and I look at him with confusion. Jen? Does he know her? "Hey Harry.." Jennifer says with her sweet gentle voice.
My eyes begin and flicker between the silence that lingers between the two. That's pretty awkward for me, maybe I should go..?
—————-
This part was actually supposed to be far longer but I write in docs and for some reason it never saved the continue and I really wanted to post cause I finally find a way to do that without really accessing me book cause Wattpad won't let meeeeee!!!
Wattpad needs an update and fast.
What do you think of the part????
Who's Jennifer???
And again, what's going on with Harry??
I hope I'll post update and please comment and vote if you like this book I wanna know what you guys think!!