Ryder's P.O.V.
Bored.
I'm bored.
So bored.
Ugh. I was excited to not have to go to that shithole of a school but just sitting in my bedroom for a day staring at my ceiling makes me want to shove my head through a wall. I didn't realize how entertained I was between Veronica's cute nerd jokes, Nick's annoying flirting, Kylie's empty threats that make me want to kick her ass, and... Grayson.
I don't even know where to start or end with Grayson. We both know too much about each other's lives. I know neither of us meant to let the other person in and be vulnerable but it just happened. That's probably one of the reasons we hate each other so much. I've seen his dying mother and asshole cheating father. He found out about my dad's constant abuse.
Speaking of, I haven't seen him in weeks. He was pretty nice the first few days after deciding to change. He said he was getting help by going to rehab and support groups and shit. After about a week, he just disappeared. I know I should check into it but it's nice not having him here. And besides, he does this all the time. Disappears for a while and returns when he runs out of money for his booze run.
Which means right now he's either getting blacked out drunk all hours of the day, or actually going to rehab and staying away from temptations in the house. Could go either way I guess.
I've been fending for myself so far. He has left a good amount of food here. But it's running low and I'm going to have to go shopping soon. I don't have a shit ton of money considering I'm only a senior in high school.
I threw my head back onto my pillow letting out a sigh. I closed my eyes thinking about what the fuck I'm going to do. I want to get out of this town. I want to live a life free of fear. Yes, free of fear. I, Ryder Russo, am scared. I am scared of my dad. I'm scared of being alone with no parents once my dad drinks himself to sleep. I'm scared that I'm going to have to fight my way through the rest of my life. I'm scared that no one will love me. I'm scared because no one loves me.
I'm so alone and I have no one to blame but myself. I couldn't help my mom want to live. I couldn't help my dad from falling into an abusive depression. I couldn't help Grayson in any aspect of his life. I cant even help my fucking self. I'm the reason I'm alone, and sad, and scared, and unlovable.
I got up sitting on the edge of my bed gripping my hair tightly in my hands. I wish I could escape my stupid mind. I need to escape.
I quickly grabbed a jacket, walking out the door. I need to go for a walk. If I stay cooped up in my house, it gives me time to think. Thinking fucks with my brain.
I walked for what felt like ages before I arrived at Tony's gym. It's a good 10 minute drive from my house so I'm surprised I walked here so easily without noticing.
I walked through the doors instantly darting my eyes around to look for Tony. He was talking to a few people on the couches as it looked like they just finished a session. I made my way over, my hands buried deep in my pockets.
"Tony," I smiled lightly, "What's up?"
"Where the fuck have you been?" he asked looking like he saw a ghost, "I was starting to think Temper retired"
"Never" I winked laughing lightly. It felt good to be in the gym again.
"By the looks of your nose I see you certainly haven't abstained from fighting" Tony raised his eyebrows at me. Oh shit I kind of forgot about that. The only injuries I got from Kylie were claw marks from her daggers of nails. It's her stupid jock friend that got a cheap shot on me.
"You should see the other guy" a voice spoke behind me. I snapped my head towards the door to see Grayson wearing a smirk on his stupid face.
"He hardly fought him" I lied to Tony not wanting it to seem like Grayson fought my battle.
"I sent him to the hospital Ryder" he laughed.
"Whatever" I growled under my breath as Tony laughed with him. I stomped towards the back to my locker in order to get some clothes.
"Temper, you're gonna have to take it easy today with that nose" Tony called out.
"No thanks" I yelled back.
"It wasn't a suggestion!" He shouted loud enough for me to hear before I slammed the door.
"Stupid Tony. Stupid nose. Stupid Grayson" I muttered.
"Woah, woah what did I do?" Once again Grayson spoke out of nowhere. He walked to a locker near mine and started taking out his stuff.
"You just—" I started losing whatever thoughts were in my head, "You're stupid!"
"Seems like you're taking a liking to that word huh?" He smirked yet again. Stupid.
"Stop talking to me. I'm mad at you" I grumpily took clothes out of my gym bag that rested on the bottom of my locker.
"Why?" Grayson question moving closer. At this point he was leaning against the locker next to me, that stupid smirk never leaving his face.
"Because" I snapped my head but my breath got caught in my throat as his face was just inches away from mine. He raised his eyebrows signaling for me to keep talking. I cleared my throat as I looked into his dark eyes not showing any sign of intimidation, "Because you hate me. And you're happy you don't have to see me right? So why are you even talking to me?"
My hands rested on my hips as I didn't dare to look away from his eyes.
"Aw Ry, did I hurt your feelings?" He pouted jutting his bottom lip out. My jaw clenched tightly.
"You know, you're acting real different from that phone call yesterday. Calling me for no reason, then muttering some fake excuse that you don't like me or some shit" his eyebrows furrowed slightly as I watched his smirk falter.
"I do hate you"
"Good. I hate you too" I smiled.
"Good"
"Great"
Stupid Grayson.
Grayson's P.O.V.
I went through my bag trying my best not to look over at Ryder. My eyes betrayed me as I glanced at the stubborn girl who just pulled clothes out of her locker. She lifted her shirt over her head revealing a sports bra underneath. She smirked glancing at me from the corner of her eye. My eyes quickly darted away staring at the metal locker in front of me. I wasn't expecting her to just strip out of nowhere. But, as much of a player that I am, I'm respectful enough to look away when a girl is changing.
I suppose Ryder was not as respectful as I pulled my shirt over my head tossing it carelessly in my locker. Her eyes subtly roamed my body moving up and down, then snapping back into reality when she saw me looking at her.
"Like what you see?" I questioned, the corner of my mouth lifting up. She growled angrily as she slammed her locker storming off. I let out a chuckle to myself. I pulled a water bottle out of my bag taking a long sip. The burning sensation went away as quick as it came. This time I knew how to tame myself in order to get tipsy and not drunk. The clear liquid was a perfect disguise as long as no one else tries to drink it mistaking it for water.
This is temporary. It's just to make it through the now.
With a slight buzz, I ventured out into the gym to see Ryder talking with Tony. She seemed to be yelling at him with the looks of her arms flailing. Tony stood there with an unamused look on his face.
"Ryder" he sighed, "Look, I have a session in a few minutes. Go do some warm ups and spar with Grayson until I'm done. Then I'll see if you can keep going"
"Of course I can keep going. It's a broken nose, not a broken leg!" she yelled but Tony was already walking away from her. "Asshole" she huffed.
I laughed walking over to her swinging an arm around her shoulders, "Howdy partner"
"Ugh, get away" she rolled her eyes, knocking my arm off her shoulders. She walked over to the punching bag and began throwing heavy punches. I followed her grabbing the bag to hold it in place.
"You should go easy. You're gonna get hurt if you start off so rough right away" she stopped for a second pulling away to give me a glare. Her blue eyes burned holes into me as she sassily placed her hands on her hips.
"What, are you some kind of boxing expert now?" I laughed shaking my head. My hair fell onto my face so I ran my hand through it pulling it back. Ryder's eyes watched the motion. This girl really did get distracted easily.
"I'm just saying. It happened to me at one point. Hurt my wrist pretty bad" her eyes looked back at mine as her attention was adverted from my action.
"Well, I'm not an idiot. I actually know how to throw a punch"
"Sometimes when you're angry, you just kinda black out. Throwing a punch correctly is the last thing on your mind. I know you out of all people know that feeling" she gritted her teeth turning back to the bag. She was then silent as she continued to throw combinations, knowing I was right of course.
She worked up a slight sweat breathing a bit heavier now. Her chest rose up and down. It took everything in me not to look down. I fucking hated her but I can't deny she's hot.
"Hello?" A pair of fingers snapped in my face, "Earth to Grayson?"
I pushed her hand away with my good hand as I rolled my eyes.
"Go ahead, I'll hold the bag for you" she placed her hands on both sides leaning against it slightly. I swallowed slightly. Coming to the gym today I didn't plan on Ryder being here. I was just gonna go on the treadmill for a few miles. But glancing at her expectant eyes I knew I couldn't just make up a stupid excuse as to why I won't punch the bag.
"Yeah okay" I got in position and threw a few jabs with my good hand. I kept repeating this until Ryder spoke up.
"Is that the only punch you know how to throw?" she laughed. I clenched my jaw looking at the bag. My pride was way to high to admit my hand is hurt now.
I took as deep breath and threw a combination connecting with a left hook with my bad hand. Pain instantly took over my whole arm. I turned away quickly, my back to Ryder, as I grabbed my wrist tightly. I made my way to a nearby wall resting my head against it. I couldn't breath. I couldn't feel anything but pain. I clenched my eyes tightly, banging my head lightly against the wall. I felt a hand rest on my back. It was small and I knew it was Ryder. It was surprisingly gentle for the usually angry girl.
"Grayson, what's wrong? What happened?" She sounded panicked and genuinely concerned.
"I—" I couldn't form words. I couldn't even lie and tell her I was okay, "—my hand"
"Come on, Tony is busy with a session. He's not looking. Let's go to the back" she gently grabbed my good arm near my elbow leading me to the locker room. She sat me down on a bench and walked over to her locker. My good hand was still tightly holding onto my wrist, having not moved from that position since I initially grabbed it. I bent over putting my head on my knees.
"Grayson, I'm gonna need you to sit up for me. Let me see your wrist please" she said lightly with patience in her voice. I sat up, still in pain glancing at her.
"What? Have you been taking lessons from Veronica on how to be nice?" I snapped. She gave me a look raising her eyebrows, "Sorry" I muttered knowing I'm taking my pain out on her.
She smiled slightly, "Did Grayson Jones just apologize?"
"Shut up" I said quietly, barely audible.
"Okay for real, let me see your wrist" she put her hand out as the other one held wrap.
I removed my hand from my wrist trying my best not to show the overwhelming pain. We both looked at my bruised and swollen wrist. Her eyes widened.
"Grayson! There's no way this happened just today. If you had a hurt wrist, why did you punch the bag anyway?" I didn't answer, "Your stupid pride had to get in the way, that's why"
I didn't know what to say, so I didn't say anything. She wrapped it tightly but carefully as I bite down hard. I was at the point where I thought my jaw was going to break when she finally took her hands away.
"Luckily, it just looks like a really bad sprain. But, not broken"
I nodded looking at my now wrapped wrist. I was pissed off. I wanted to fight. I wanted to distract myself from the pain inside. But now, I just gave myself more pain to worry about.
"Can you grab me my water from my bag?" she nodded walking over to my locker. She handed it to me luckily not suspecting anything. I was successful in not cringing as the alcohol hit the back of my throat.
"Alright, where are your keys? I'll drive you home" Ryder said, already walking over to her locker gathering her things.
"Fuck no" I wiped my mouth with the back of my good hand. She raised her eyebrows at me while continuing to pack her things, "You didn't even get a workout in and I'm not a fucking pussy. I can drive myself"
She rolled her eyes walking over to me and stood between my legs as I sat on the bench. I looked up at her with confusion in my eyes. Ryder squatted down so she was eye level with me. I glanced from her eyes to her lips subconsciously. Our faces were only inches apart. If I wanted to, I would only have to lean forward an inch or two to kiss her.
What the fuck? Why did I just think that?
"You're being a fucking pussy by not letting me drive you home" Ryder said snapping me out of my trance, "I can workout any time I want, it's not a big deal. Besides, I'm bored as fuck with this suspension thing so I need something to do"
She smiled bringing her hand up to pat my face lightly. She then grabbed her bag and my own before making her way to the door.
"Let's go tough guy"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We arrived at my house fairly quick as Ryder most certainly did not drive the speed limit.
"Where's your car?" I questioned walking through the door, "I didn't see it at the gym"
"Ehh I walked. It's really not too far from my house"
I gave her a dead pointed look knowing damn well it was probably far from her house.
"I'll drive you home later" I offered. I needed some time to sober up. Even though I'm not drinking for all the right reasons, I'm not stupid enough to get behind the wheel of a car.
"Shh" she said putting a finger to my lips, pushing me away. I rolled my eyes as I swatted her hand away.
"You're so fucking stubborn" I was already making my way upstairs. Hopefully she chose to follow me. If not, oh well.
"Thanks for waiting asshole!" I heard called out from behind me making me chuckle.
I walked into my mom's room opening the door as quiet as I can. I guess I made some noise as I saw my mom's head turn to look at me. She smiled before looking below my arm that was placed on the door and smiling bigger.
Confused, I looked down to see Ryder peeking out from under my arm. I rolled my eyes glaring down at her.
"Really?" she gave my a cheeky smile and let herself into the room, taking a seat beside my mom. I looked at the two and let out a sigh.
"Honey, you look exhausted! Go get some rest, it looks like you had a long day" my mom's concern for me grew as I knew she was able to see through any facade I put up.
My wrist was throbbing and my head felt like I got hit with a ton of bricks. I started to feel that... anxiety... or whatever the fuck it is, make my chest start to cave. I need a drink.
"Hey!" Ryder caught my attention, capturing her blue eyes in mine, "Put some ice on that wrist. It will help with swelling so you wanna try and get a head start on it before it gets worse"
"Careful Ryder, it's starting to sound like you care about me" I smirked.
"Grayson! Of course you should care about your girlfriend! Where are your manners?" Momma had a stern tone with me. I forgot she thought I was dating Ryder. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.
"Yeah! Where are your manners Gray?" Ryder formed a sly smile. I gritted my teeth deciding this was my opportunity to leave.
"Yeah, yeah. Whatever" I walked over to my Mom kissing her on the forehead, "Goodnight Ma, love you"
"Where's mine?"
My gaze shifted over to Ryder who had a pout on her face. She was fucking with me because my mom is here.
"Yes Grayson. You need to show your girlfriend some more affection" I rolled my eyes knowing I can't get out of a stern talk with my mom. I placed a hand on the back of Ryder's head gently and kissed her forehead.
"I'll be in my room" I pulled away quick.
She nodded turning back to my mom. I guess they were going to have their little 'girl talk' that I wasn't allowed in.
I entered my room instantly searching my drawer where I keep my bottle of whiskey hidden in the back.
What is happening to me? I took a large sip and quickly shoved the bottle back to its hiding place. I think I know this is starting to be unhealthy. But I don't think I care.
The sad truth is my mom is going to die. Brain cancer isn't something you recover from. It's something that eats away at you until your nothing but a living corpse. Once she's gone, I have no responsibilities. It doesn't matter if I turn into a drunken bastard. My dad and I will be at each other's throats. I'll be able to throw any thoughts of college away and get some minimum wage job that'll help me just barely get by.
It fucking sucks. But it's the truth. It's how my life is destined to be. There are no happy endings. Not for me.
Flopping down on my bed, I shoved my face into my pillows. After what seemed like ages, I felt the bed sink next to me. As if I could sense the hesitance a hand was finally placed on my head. Her fingers raked through my hair making me almost groan at the wonderful feeling.
"You didn't put ice on your wrist" her voice was low almost as if she was afraid that any wrong move would cause me to snap.
"Tough shit" I muttered still digging my face in my sheets. I could practically see her roll her eyes. I felt her weight shift to get up, most likely to retrieve some ice but for some reason as an instinct my arms reached out wrapping around her waist. I pulled her back into the bed and rested my head on her lap.
Trust me, I don't know what the fuck is going on either. But I needed it. I needed someone. Just for a few moments. I knew it would disappear tomorrow and we would be back to hating each other with sly remarks and petty insults. But right now, I just needed... love.
With a sigh, one of her hands settled back into my hair while the other one drew patterns on my clothes shoulder. I felt the tension in me begin to subside. I felt like for once, I could take a deep breath. My head settled into her lap making itself as home. My eyes fluttered closed.
"Gray?" she started causing my to jolt slightly as sleep almost overtook me, "I'm not like being sappy or some shit and I'm only gonna ask this once cause I don't want you to think I care or some shit. Cause I don't. I don't care. But," she hesitated, "Are you alright?"
That's the last thing I expected to come out of the short tempered girl's mouth. My jaw clenched but I did not remove my head from her lap. I knew right now my eyes would be swimming in vulnerability and I couldn't let her see that. And perhaps that is why I muttered my next sentence.
"No, but right now I am. And that's alright"
She didn't respond. I didn't talk any further. Unspoken thoughts filled the air.
Who knew I would be cuddled up with Ryder Russo as she unknowingly prevented me from having an anxiety attack?
That was the last thought that entered my mind before sleep took me away.
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