"What I feel for you
Falls somewhere between
The unyielding love and loyalty
Of true and life long friends
And the delectably dark,
Indecent lust
Of a heated one-night stand"
~Beau Taplin
____________
Hanna
____________
There was silence. The had ringing stopped. But no voicemail came through. And there was no dial-tone. It was just quiet. I thought, that perhaps, she just didn't answer. Maybe she declined the call. Or, she answered and hung up right away. I didn't know, but the silence was killing me. I paced back and forth in my room, silently begging her to say something--anything.
Finally, I couldn't take it anymore.
"H-hello?" My voice cracked. "Jules? Are you there?" I stopped pacing and sat on the foot of my bed.
More silence followed. I was half tempted to just hang up and call again later.
An audible and unhappy sigh came through.
"I'm here, Hanna." Her tone was clipped, barely concealing the anger that resided there.
"Oh...well um...hi. How are you?" I asked awkwardly.
"How am I?" She echoed. "That's a good question, Hanna. How am I?" Her voice was so cold. I haven't heard her this angry in years, and it was never once directed at me. Until now. "Well, you tell me. My best friend, the person I love, flew to an entirely different continent. Then, dropped off the face of the earth: not answering my phone calls or my texts. Just fucking disappeared. And I've been sitting at home, tearing my goddamn hair out, wondering what the fuck happened to her."
"So...no-not good I take it..." I trailed off. Goddess, my entire body was shaking. I never did well with people being angry at me. Especially if it was someone I was close to. Anger led to yelling and fighting and confrontation. Anger led to me crying alone in my bedroom feeling worthless. I was trying my hardest to not let her anger affect me. She isn't mad at me, she's mad at the situation. She's mad that I didn't call her or text her.
"No, Hanna, not good at all. Not a single fucking text message. No phone call. No note or letter. Not even a fucking pidgin came flying through my window with a piece of fucking parchment paper explaining what the fuck happened and why you didn't bother to text or call."
"Yeah...uh...sorry-"
"Do you know how fucking worried we all are? I had to stop Sam and Jordan from purchasing plane tickets. Do you know how fucking worried I was?" Her voice cracked, about the only bit of emotion she was going to show aside from that freezing anger. "We never should have let you go." Her voice was back to normal. "I knew this was a bad idea. And do you want to know the worst of it, Hanna? I called King Alexander. He couldn't fucking tell me what happened to you or why you weren't answering your phone. Your fucking mate, Hanna."
"Its...um...been kinda crazy-"
"So, I'm going to ask this once, Hanna. What the fuck happened?"
Silence fell between us. Awkward and uncomfortable. The last time it was like this was when we had that moment together in my bedroom.
"Are you seriously not going to tell me?"
I couldn't tell her. She wanted to know for one reason, and one reason only: to find an excuse to get me home.
Tears had sprung to my eyes.
And so it got quiet. Neither of us said anything for a good few minutes.
She broke the silence by a sharp, frustrated exhale. I could imagine her running her fingers through her long, dark hair disgruntled.
I felt bad. Everything in me screamed to tell her. She is my person. I tell her everything. But if she knew the extent of the situation, she would get on a plane, and like a thief in the night take me from here and drag me home. Our relationship was long and complicated. Since the minute we met, she took it upon herself to be my friend, my protector, my partner. From the moment we met, I belonged to her. She's my best friend, and I'm in love with her. And I am best friend, and she's in love with me. She feels responsible for me because since the beginning she was. The longer we stayed friends, the more our buried feelings festered and grew. That kiss was only the beginning. If I hadn't found my mates if she hadn't found her mate if I had stayed instead of gone...We would have crossed lines that weren't supposed to be crossed. Not only as friends but as people that belonged to someone else since the dawn of time.
"What the fuck is this, Hanna? We tell each other everything. Why are you being so fucking quiet?"
The tears spilled.
"Hanna." She said.
I took the phone away from my ear and covered my mouth with my hand to smother the cries.
"Hanna?"
My eyes stared at the screen and my thumb hovered over the end button.
"Han-!"
I hit the button.
Call ended flashed on the screen a couple of times.
The phone fell from my hand. It landed on the floor with a small thunk.
I covered my face with my hands as the tears fell and listened as the phone rang and rang and rang and pinged and pinged and pinged.
And I continued to sit on the foot of the bed, crying into my palms, until the phone finally seized its ringing.
The tears were slowly coming to a halt, and I wiped the wetness from under my eyes. Ignoring the deep pain that lingered in my chest, I stood from the bed and went to the bathroom. I splashed my face a couple of times with water. I needed to clear the tear stains and mask the redness that surrounded my eyes.
My feelings were all over the place. Since I met the Kings, my feelings have been arguing and fighting. Soul fighting with heart. My soul belonged to the Kings. It recognized them as the ones I was destined to be with. But my heart wasn't in it. My heart loved and longed for Julia. It refused to accept this strange change of events. It was convinced that someway, somehow Julia and I would end up together in the end. And my soul refused to accept Julia. The most logical part of myself--my brain--didn't want any of them. It didn't want Julia. It didn't want the Kings. It just wanted to sleep. And a break from this ever-constant fighting between the soul and the heart.
But, it doesn't get that.
Now, I had to go downstairs and join King Sebastian and Samson in the study. I had to pretend that everything was okay, and like that conversation with Julia didn't make me break down and cry.
For the past couple of days, I hadn't been alone. My time was constantly being spent with King Sebastian and Samson. They--King Sebastian--refused to let me be alone. Where ever I went, Samson was trailing me. It was extremely hard to get them to agree to let me be when I made this phone call.
But, having this phone call alone, also came with instructions. Like, the second I was done, I was supposed to be headed back downstairs to the study. And instead of doing that, I cried alone in my room.
I needed to get back before Samson came running up the stairs and smelling the salty air from my tears.
Leaving my phone on the floor by the bed, I left the room. I was dreading going to the study and being alone with them. My emotions were still unstable. I was about five seconds away from crying at any point. And I couldn't do that with King Sebastian and Samson around. I couldn't cry in front of them. They would know that something happened and would want to find out what caused it.
Along the way, I stopped to take some deep breaths. I needed to try and get control of my emotions. I needed to at least try and convince them that I was fine. But, with the way things were going, the second I walked into that room I would be breaking down into tears.
To by myself a little more time, I stopped in the kitchen and got a glass of water and chugged it. I filled the glass again and chugged it again. Though it did little to help and the tears began to pool in my eyes. I angrily wiped the tears with my shirt sleeve, frustrated that I couldn't control my tears.
Goddess, I was angry at myself. Angry at Julia. Angry at this whole fucking situation. I abandoned the cup in the sink, and slunk to the floor, pulling my knees into my chest and burying my head in them. I let myself wallow there for a little bit then stood up. I needed to get this over with. I needed to just gather the courage and walk into the room and pray to the Goddess that they don't question my red face.
I grabbed two bags of chips as an explanation for taking too long if they asked and left the kitchen.
The study was at the end of the hallway, which wasn't that far from the kitchen. I knocked lightly on the door then walked in.
Samson, who was sitting at the desk King Sebastian usually used, looked up and made eye contact with me as I entered.
"Finally you're back. King Sebastian was just about to send the cavalry to find you."
A book slammed closed off to the side, drawing mine and Samson's attention. King Sebastian stood in front of the bookshelves, with a now-closed book, staring down Samson. There wasn't a glare on his face, it was completely neutral like it always, but there was a slight fiery look in his eyes as he stared at Samson.
"Sorry. I made a quick stop in the kitchen for a glass of water and chips," I held up the bags. "You want one?" I asked Samson.
"Yes." He said in a duh tone.
I tossed him the bag and he went back to staring at the computer. I went over to the brown leather chair nearest to King Sebastian who had open the book back up.
So far, no one has asked any questions or questioned the probable redness on my face. I relaxed in the chair and opened my bag of chips to hopefully distract myself from the constant feeling of crying.
My days have consisted pretty much of just sitting in this room with Samson and King Sebastian. It wasn't terrible. I kinda enjoyed it. It was a quiet and peaceful environment. Samson was pretty easy to get along with. King Sebastian made my soul happy, so I didn't have any problems being around him unless I was left alone with him. But, that never happened. At least, not since the day he arrived. Samson made things easy. He was the bridge. I was too socially awkward, and King Sebastian didn't talk unless he had something really important to say.
Most of the time they were busy doing whatever they do, so I was left to my own devices. I would read whatever books were on the shelves or would watch TV on the spare laptop King Sebastian let me use, and sometimes I would take a nap. The medication King Sebastian got me made me unusually sleepy. I took a lot of naps to compensate for the sleepless nights I have. I hadn't had a decent time sleeping since King Sebastian came and laid down with me.
And today was going to one of those days that I took a nap. Except I never got that far.
Unexpectedly, the shrill sound of a phone ringing coursed through the room. Samson looked up from the computer, a frown on his face. Most likely unhappy that he was being disturbed. I flinched. Which caused a few chips from my bag to fly out and land on the floor. My head yanked to the side to stare at King Sebastian. He had shut the book and put it back in its place on the shelf. He pulled out the phone from his pocket and put it up to his ear.
"King Sebastian." He said and strolled out of the study. Unconsciously, my gaze followed him and stayed on him even as the door to the study closed with a soft click.
Samson groaned. I let my eyes move on from the door and turned to look at Samson. He had pushed himself away from the desk and was stretching his arms high above his head, yawning. I reached down and picked up the stray chips that were on the floor and tossed them in the small garbage can by the desks.
After that little disruption, sleep would not be becoming.
It was only on the few rare occasions that someone called King Sebastian on his direct line. It was rare that anyone called at all. I didn't know Samson or King Sebastian that well, but being with them the past few days has made me tune into some things. First, they both liked to work in silence. No music. No chatter. Just silence. Which I didn't mind. Typically when I cooked or baked, I prefer to do it in silence. It helps me focus on what I'm doing. It's easy to miss a few ingredients when your brain is distracted by whatever song is playing.
Typically when something disturbs the tranquility of Samson and King Sebastian. It usually left Samson jittery and he couldn't sit still. And King Sebastian would get quiet. He already said very little, but a disruption of his peace would make him unapproachable and closed off.
"Hey," Samson said. I looked over at him. "Come here." He beckoned and pulled out a chair next to him.
I got up, leaving my chips, and sat down in it. "What's up?"
"Alright, so, I'm not actually supposed to be telling you this, but I feel like you have a right to know now instead of having it sprung on you." He said rushed.
"Um...okay...what is it?"
"King Sebastian is having me look into guards to be assigned for your protection duty..."
It took a moment to process his words.
"Um...what?"
"Guards for you."
"Um...why?"
"For your protection..."
"Yeah," I sighed. "But why? Why do I need to be protected? What's going on?"
"Well," he started, "I think in part it's because of what happened with King Alexander and King Xavier. You know, the whole leaving you here alone thing...But also because you are the Queen."
"The Queen..." I trailed off, still very confused at what being a Queen has to do with anything.
"Yeah. Like you are literally a Queen. I mean, it's unofficial, but still. If word were to get out that they found you, you would be in a world of danger. They have some pretty powerful enemies. So, guards are just like a precaution. Do you know? Just in case."
"Wait what?" I rubbed the sides of my head, trying to draw the confusion out. "Can you, like, go back? I-I'm-what's happening? I still don't understand. Why would anyone find out? Why would I be in danger if they did?"
"Oh, fuck." he muttered. "You don't know. I forgot. No one knows. We've had to keep this a secret because it would be a catastrophe if people were to find out."
"Samson, what is happening?"
"So...we might be going to war soon."
____________
An update on some random Friday in December! Break hasn't even started, but I got fucking excited! So here we goooo!!
How are you all doing? It's been fucking crazy for me. Been baking cookies for the past 2 weeks and trying to get all my work done so I can actually enjoy my break with no school work to worry about. Also, I started Attack on Titan.
I have no idea what I've gotten myself into, buts it's not good. I'm just on the 1st season and completely hooked and just waiting for the impending doom and ultimate crush of my heart. So yay!
Anyways, I hope you all are doing well. Word on the street is we're getting a vaccine soon. I hope you all are well, and I just want to thank you for sticking with me!!
~Rae