We began dancing in her living room. She turned on some horrible techno beat, but it was fun to dance to.
"I love whoever invented alcohol!" I scream at her over the music.
"Me too! It's my job- and... and it is my ... my uh friend," she slurred. I was positive she was more drank than I was but who the fuck cares.
"Mine too!" I manage to squeak out and I burst in laughter.
"Fuck him, man," she says. We end up sitting down on the couch now and she leans her head back against the back of the couch.
"Who?"
"Zac."
"Oh, I forgot - forgot about him." Only for a moment, of course. In this happy state, I forgot about to hurt he has caused me.
"I have another idea," Maddie says, and she sits up looking down at me laying on her couch.
"What?"
"You should call him - call Zac, that fucker," she says, and she tries to stand up and throws my phone at me.
"Ow," I try and duck from her pegging my phone at me but there's only so far, I can go to when I'm laying on the couch.
"I am a genius," she tells me, and hold her hands up. "Tell him how much he hurt you, give him a piece of your mind and fuck him up, sis."
"No, no, no, no, no," I shake my head, repeating myself.
I watch her take my phone, turning away from me.
"His name is Zac in your phone, right?" she asks.
"Maybe... Why?"
"Just curious..." She holds the phone up to her ear. "Cause its ringing." She throws the phone at me and has a large cheeky smile on her face.
"What? No, no!" I shout. "I'm not ready for-"
"Alison?" he says and I'm panicking now. Maddie turns down the music to a soft hum in the background and the beat is replaced to the sound of my heart drumming in my ears
"Zaaaaacccccc," I respond, and I try not to sound drunk, but it doesn't go well as I basically sing his name.
"Are you okay?" He asks into the phone.
"Mmm," I hum, and I watch as Maddie holds her hands to her face trying to cover up her laughter. I throw the pillow that I was next to me at her and squeal when I hit my target.
"Are you sure?" he asks again.
"Yeah- abso-absolutley. I am so good. How is your new lover?" I say. I knew I was sounding like a drunk bitch now.
It goes silent down between us. I hear him sigh into the phone and I keep it glued to my ear. I get off of the couch and begin to walk around Maddie's house.
"You're drunk," is all he says.
"I know," I respond and smile sadly.
I could see Maddie's eyes follow me as I walk around the room.
"I hate you," I whisper into the phone and tears that I didn't know I was making were already falling down my face as I say those words.
All he does is breathe into the phone and I count five deep breathes out before I talk again.
"You hurt me so much, Isaac. All that you do is hurt me, Zac. I can't sleep without you anymore, so fuck you. I just want you to hold me," I sob into the phone.
I'm too drunk to be doing this right now and all he is doing is sighing into the phone.
"Did you hear me?" I ask.
"Where are you?" he asks ignoring my question.
"I'm at Maddies," I say.
"Where does Maddie live?"
I tell him the address and look at Maddie who is looking at me with pity in her eyes.
"I'm coming to get you. I'll be there in five," he says.
"What?" I try to say but he has already hung up the phone and I'm left in silence.
I press his name in my phone and all him back and he picks up on the second ring.
"I don't want to go; you can't make me."
"I'll see you in five, Alison."
He hangs up.
I look at Maddie, the phone in my hand and my fingers feeling numb. I was not ready to see him just yet, especially after only seeing him a couple hours earlier with another girl. THAT. HE. FUCKED.
How would I be able to look at him after knowing that he continued to fuck her in his room, despite knowing that I was there.
It broke my heart.
"What did he say?" Maddie asks.
"He's coming to pick me up."
"Oh shit," she says.
"Fuck," I respond. I rub my eyes with the back of my hands. "I look like shit." I look down at myself. Track suit pants and a bagging top, nothing he hasn't seen before, but I was more concerned about my face and mind. Why was I panicking so much? This bitch has seen me naked.
"You look sexy as with your new haircut," she responds and brings her knees up to her chest on the couch.
"Oh, I forgot about that," I say and bring my hand to my hair to... I don't know... smooth it out I guess. "I'm too drunk for this," I say to myself.
What if he doesn't like my new hair? Will he ever touch me again? Do I want him to touch me again?
I wanted to be the only light in his eyes, but apparently, I am only one of many lights in his tunnel, especially after tonight.
I'm pacing back and forth in the kitchen. Trying to exercise the alcohol out of me? I don't know what I was doing, but all I did know was that I was too nervous to see him.
I didn't want to go back to the place where he has fucked so many other girls.
There was a knock at the door and I froze in place.
"Don't answer it!" I shout from the kitchen, and even though there were no windows from the front door in her apartment, I still ducked behind the counter, trying to hide my whole body.
"No one is home!" Maddie shouts at the door and giggles.
"I can bloody hear you both!" Zac shouts back but you could hear the smile in his voice.
"No one is home, Zac!"
"How did you know it was Zac?" he asks through the door and Maddie laughs which makes me giggle.
"Go away," I shout from the kitchen, remaining in my hidden spot.
"Maddie?" he says.
"Yes?" she says, taking a step closer to the door.
"Can you please let me in, it's very late?"
"Sure," she says, and before I can protest, she opens the door up and he's walking inside.
"Nooooo," I groan and fall backwards from my crouch position behind the counter and lay on the cool kitchen floor.
He takes a step closer towards me and stands over me. I lean up on my elbow and look up at him and watch his eyes search all over my face.
"Oh, Angel," he says in a defeated voice.
"Hello," I respond and look anywhere but directly at him.
"Come on," he says and tilts his head to the front door.
"I don't want to go," I shake my head.
"Alison please. I'm taking you home," he says and shakes his head.
He's looking at me with intense eyes, only focusing on me.
"No," I say and I hear Maddie in the other room giggle which makes me laugh and I watch him bite his lower lip trying to suppress his smile.
"Please Ali," he whines and tilts his head back to look at the roof. "Just come for a drive with me, I need to talk."
"You can talk- talk here," I say but I'm nervous.
"Just come down to the car with me," he says and he's begging now. "Please."
"Fine," I say and roll my eyes. I extend my hands out to him. "Help me up," I say, and he takes both of my hands and pulls me up.
"Zac, I am very drunk," I chuckle and see his mouth creep over his face.
"I can tell," he responds and smiles broadly.
"Zac, I am very drunk aaaaannnddd I can't walk," I say, and I smile when I hear his chuckle.
"Okay, come on."
He wraps one of my arms around his shoulder and I lean against him like I did the last time that I was drunk.
"Onwards, trusty stead," I slur. "Bye, Maddie! Thanks for making me happy," I say over my shoulder when Zac walks me out of the door and towards the elevator.
"Take very good care of her," Maddie tells him and points a finger in his face before he leaves.
"You hurt me so much," I mumble to Zac when we were in the elevator.
"I know, and you hate me, right?"
"Right now, yes I do, but that - that will change - to uh tomorrow." I shake my head.
I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs how much I truly loved him. How frustrated I was that he didn't want to choose me and only me. I loveeeee youuuuu. I fucking love youuuuuuu. Ah motherfucker I was so drunk.
"How drunk do you think you are out of ten?"
"Two," I respond, and he chuckles.
"Okay, sure."
I lean on him down to the car park and let him help me. I spot his car and point towards it and cheer.
"Yay, we found it," I say and I hear him laugh under his breath, but I was getting so tired. Drinking the rest of the bottle, crying and only finishing work not too long ago was finally taking its toll on me and my body.
"No, Ali, you need to keep walking."
I felt my body being manipulated with Zac's help and then I was inside the passenger seat of the car. I let my head hit the seat and I drifted off. I passed out.