I loved driving to work in my new car. I was excited to never have to walk to work again and become sweaty before my shift even starts.
I liked that I now had a way that I could get away if I needed to.
Today my eyes were hurting from not getting enough sleep and the lack of caffeine in my system didn't help at all. I drove around the neighbourhood, shopping for anything really, trying to distract my thoughts. I grabbed a coffee, making sure that an extra shot was inside, and it wasn't long before I consumed it all and I could feel the buzz in my chest.
I consumed my whole day trying to stay busy and keeping my min occupied. I felt that every time I stopped moving or doing something to make my mind shut up, all I could see in my mind was Zac, leaving out the doors of the Bar, leaving me to watch him and whatever bimbo he was trailing behind him.
I felt like the day was going so slowly. I began getting ready for work at the Bar tonight, opting for a black long-sleeved top that tied up at the front. I had to put it on like a cardigan, frills decorated the edges and it barely tied up at the front. I wore a black lacey bra underneath that peaked through quite substantially and a pair of leather looking black pants with black heeled boots. I decided to wear a gold chain necklace and gold earring to match, curly my hair and pinning back on the sides. I checked out myself in the mirror once before leaving, deciding that I felt way better than what I looked.
There was surprisingly quite a bit of traffic on the way to work, so I ended up walking in only a couple minutes before my shift started.
"You look so good," Maddie says with a beaming smile on her face. She steps up to me and with both of her hands she cups my breasts and nods her head. "I wish I had your tits," she says which makes me laugh.
"You hype me up so much," I smile at her.
"I'm going to get a boob job, and when they ask me, what size I want to go, I'm just going to use yours as a size reference."
"Oh no, never get a boob job! Your body is too perfect and proportional so if you get a boob job you would just be all out of whack," I respond. She was tall and lean and naturally had a tanned skin tone. She was thin with long legs and a small booty. She didn't have no tits, there was a little something there, but not as substantial as me.
"If you get larger breasts, I'm convinced that you'd probably just topple over," I say laughing and she swots me with her rag.
I was convinced everyone was aiming to be assholes today, trying to temp me to snap. I already went into work a little pissed off and tired, so the more customers talked to me, the more pissed off I felt.
I danced to the music majority of the time I worked, singing along to classics that made my whole body vibrate. It helped lighten my mood a little bit, but there was still this nagging feeling in my chest that I couldn't ignore.
I looked good, so it was time that I felt good too. Maddie and I really put on a performance for everyone. We danced together as we served customers, shaking our hips and flipping bottle at the same time, our tip jar filling up in a matter of minutes, with our performances.
"I should have just been a stripper," Maddie says, leaning into my ear and I laugh.
"You don't have the tits for it," I tease, laughing with my head tilted back.
"You bitch!" she hollers and hits me again with her rag.
The night went very quickly that before I even realised it, we were announcing last call, and everyone flooded to get their last drinks in for the night before heading home.
We cleaned up, tidying and straightening up the tables and grabbing our things and heading out the employee entrance.
"How have you been recently?" Koby asked me when I was walking past him.
"I've been okay," I say, but in my mind, I went over the events of the past couple weeks and how I felt as if my insides wanted to burst.
"You can always talk to me if you need," he states and I smile at him as I passed, patting his shoulder.
"Thanks, Koby."
Maddie gives me a kiss goodbye and I get into my car, smiling as I did, grateful that I got it. I drove home, turning up the radio when I was left in silence. My mind flooded with images of Zac. All I wanted to do was hold him and kiss him and tell him how much I truly loved him.
I couldn't deny my feelings anymore. I loved Zac, and that was a fact I needed to come to terms with. I couldn't keep pretending that he doesn't affect me the way that he does. He made me so unbearably happy whenever I was around him, feeling me with complete joy. I just needed him.
I decided somewhere on the trip home that I was going to confront him tonight about his feelings and tell him about my own. I really couldn't deny it anymore. My body and mind were completely addicted to him and I needed him. He was like a drug and everything about him was sending me into withdrawal.
When I parked my car, I noted that his car wasn't there.
I went inside the house, deciding to take a quick shower. My whole body was wired with nervous anticipation. I wanted to tell him now, I had to tell him now, but how could I without him could here? My whole body was shaking. I needed him desperately to be here.
I washed my hair, cleaned my face and let the shower wash all of my worries away with hot water. I rested my head against the cold wall, my mind filling with memories of the time he was in the shower with me and I how in turn we made each other feel good.
I got out of the shower, not trusting myself with my mind or my fingers and dried myself off.
I got dressed in my usual PJ combo of baggy tracksuit pants and an oversized shirt. The adrenaline of what I was about to do made me feel sick to my stomach.
I went into the kitchen and decided to make myself a quick cup of tea to try and make myself feel less like shit.
My hair was wet and dripped down my exposed shoulder. I wasn't halfway through my cup of tea before I heard Zac's car pull up and I waited anxiously in the kitchen for his arrival. I leaned against the counter over my tea and watched the water from my hair drop on the counter next to my cup.
I heard the front door open and I looked up watching Zac come in and stood up straight. Behind Zac was a brunette woman dressed rather slutty and I watch gobsmacked as he led her inside.
As he walked inside, he looked towards me and I held my breath, feeling the tears well up in my eyes. He continued walking, keeping his eyes on me and I kept staring at him. My jaw dropped as I watched him, and I held my breath. He looked away from me, his brunette bimbo walking behind him not paying me any mind.
When he walked down his corridor and out of my view. I held my breath, afraid that if I made any type of noise my whole world would come crashing down. I kept my eyes glued on his corridor until I heard the sound of his bedroom door closing. I let out the breath I was holding, and the tears dropped from my eyes as I tried to catch my breath. It felt as if something was lodged in my throat and I collapsed to the ground with my hand clutched to my chest. I was uncontrollably crying on the kitchen floor, unable to feel anything but hurt and betrayal. I felt so sick. To think that I was going to confess everything to him and try and patch everything between us all up.
I picked myself up from the floor, not taking another second of being in the house while he was here with a woman.
I grabbed my keys, a jacket and my bag and left the house. I drove to the only place I knew where I would feel better, calling Maddie before I left.