Finn acted differently in the last few days. He was quiet and he wanted to be alone most of the time. I knew something was up. After he returned from that village his behavior changed. Murphy, who went with him, dropped some hints that Finn did something he regrets, but if I want to know more about it, he finds ways to change the topic.
Finn seems fragile and always trapped in thoughts. He sits around and doesn't talk to anyone. I approached him. He sat on a rock on the brink of camp. His lowered head showed me that his condition didn't change.
"Finn" I tried to turn his attention to me. At first, he didn't react at all, but then his head slightly moved in my direction nevertheless his eyes avoiding mine.
"You know you can tell me anything."
He looked like he was fighting with himself. Then he faced me. His eyes had a hopeless expression I never saw him have before. The sight of my once so joyful boyfriend really broke my Heart.
Then Finn spoke up in a strangled voice."I know Y/N. I have to tell you something. I did something bad. I never said it out loud before"His voice broke and he stopped. My eyes didn't left him and I made sure to give him an encouraging glace. I wanted him to know that I will always be there for him.
"I killed nearly a whole village."
I thought I didn't hear right.
"We were only searching for Clark and the others and in the next moment, I shot...I shot and I...I couldn't stop. I lost control. I wasn't myself. I was entirely driven by rage. A rage that this life, here on earth, brought to the surface. "
He lowered his head, not able to look into my eyes. Full of guilt. My eyes watered. The shock about what he did still coursed through my body. How could the same Finn who helped a trapped squirrel escape actually kill so many people?
"But I won't do that again. Ever. I feel so regretful. I don't know how to make up for that. "
I looked like he was on the edge of a breakdown.My hand reassuring stroked his. He leaned onto me and I embraced him.I know what he did was unforgivable but in my opinion, he is punishing himself enough.
We sat there till dawn. He told me a lot about his feeling. He didn't let go of me, but I wasn't complaining.
The one thing that could make us separate was the intensifying rain.We got up. I turned in the direction of my tent but Finn's Hand stopped me. He took my hand and pull me in for a loving kiss. I responded right away and placed my hands on his chest.
"I love you" he breathed against my lips
"I love you!"