then.
AT first, Yeosang was scared. There was no one in the house but him and his parents weren't going to return until later in the night. So why did he hear the gates of his house creak open? There was no one in his mind that would come and visit him at this hour. It could be Hyeshin, his best friend, but she'd always tell him when she's coming over. Moreover, Hyeshin had been under the radar for quite a while so he doubted it'll be her.
Yeosang peeked out from behind his curtains. He was surprised to find that, walking across his lawn whilst looking for (assumingly) the key was someone so familiar yet so distant. Kang Donghoon pulled it from his back pocket, a single gold-coloured key, before twirling it around his pointer finger.
"What's he doing here?" Yeosang muttered under his breath. He visibly frowned, suspicions growing inside him as he heard the distant click of the front door being unlocked and pushed open.
"Hello?" Donghoon's voice called out, "mum? Dad?"
Yeosang froze.
"Yeo?" the said boy could hear his brother's footsteps march up the stairs, "Yeosang? You awake?"
Immediately, he dove for his bed, not caring that he jumped on with his slippers on and covered his body with his blanket just in time as his bedroom door was being knocked on. When Yeosang didn't answer, the door creaked open and from under his sheets, Yeosang saw his brother poke his head into the room.
"He's asleep already, gosh, can't even greet his own brother coming home," Donghoon scoffed, quietly closing the door again and Yeosang heard his footsteps run back down the stairs.
"Well that's rich," Yeosang found himself mutter under his breath, pushing his covers away from his body. He clambered off his bed, hands tretched out to reach the top of his desk as he blindly searched for his phone.
Once the block of metal is safely in his hands, Yeosang tried to contact his best friend again. He probably tried to reach Hyeshin for more than a hundred times now. It was a miracle, honestly, because she didn't even respond after he graciously offered to treat her to two bowls of noodles at his own will.
After deciding that no, Hyeshin will not answer him since her contact still said 'last active 2 days ago', Yeosang huffed and threw his phone across the bed. Well, since there was nothing better to do, he plastered on the sleepiest face he could make and tottered out his room (to convince Donghoon that he, in fact, had been sleeping so he could yell at his brother as much as he'd like for disturbing his beauty sleep).
Donghoon sat at the dinner table, fiddling with the phone in his hands, pieces of paper scattered around him. As soon as he saw his younger brother hobble down the stairs from the corner of his eyes, he sat right up and eyed Yeosang in concern. "Yeo? You okay? Did I wake you up?"
In his mind, Yeosang snickered. "You bet you did," he hissed in the most irritated voice he could say at eight in the evening. "Why the fuck are you here?"
"Am I not allowed to come back home?"
"No Jinah?" Yeosang scowled.
Donghoon didn't answer.
The younger of the two siblings glowered at his brother. "Seriously, nobody came with you? Didn't know you were capable of doing this more than once," Yeosang scoffed, "and when was the last time you came? That's right―Christmas! That was nearly four months ago!"
"I―"
Yeosang, still in his fake-sleepy state, lifted his palm lazily. "―Don't. You didn't even message mum, dad, or me in between. Where have you been?"
"Living my life," Donghoon simply answered before shooting his brother a sour look, "now if you're only here to yell at me instead of giving me a nice welcome, I think I'd much prefer you sleeping."
Sheesh, he has worse mood swings than most teenagers, Yeosang thought.
The next few hours were filled with Yeosang wondering why his house hadn't been turned into a major shipwreck by the hurricane that is Kang Donghoon. Once again, Hyeshin hadn't replied to any of his texts so to feed his curiosity, he decided to text the closest person to his best friend (second to him, of course) to see if he had any ideas.
park seonghwa
| idk im sorry man
| im wondering too
| i waited for her all night after the
wedding but she didnt come out???
| i was kinda hoping u knew
| but for some reason i kinda
had a feeling u didnt so
i didnf bother asking lol
| didnt*
Okay, so one thing was obvious―nobody had any clue as to why Hyeshin decided it was a good idea to lock herself in her apartment just as the showcase was around the corner.
Yeosang eyed the clock on the wall and he frowned at just how late it is, yet his parents hadn't arrived home. So, he quickly shoved his phone, wallet and bus pass into his pocket and quietly exited his room. By the time he got downstairs, Donghoon was nowhere to be found but judging by the faint sounds of running water, Yeosang figured his brother must be showering. Which was great, he could use the time to escape.
As he passed the kitchen, he spied the previous stack of papers atop the dinner table. There was a paperweight on top of it and it screamed 'do not touch' to him, especially since it was flipped on the wrong side. Yeosang being Yeosang, he took it as the more reason for him to let his curiosity get the best of him and have a look.
With his hands tying his shoes on one foot, he used the other to hobble across the room and into the kitchen. Yeosang hovered above the sheets of paper, let his leg with the shoe on rest on a chair as he flipped the paper over.
What was printed on the paper shocked him, eyes widening as he read the header one more time. "Psychiatrist?" he muttered under his breath. Yeosang flipped the sheet. "Recovery? Registration? Rehabilitation program..?"
Then, the sounds of running water stopped abruptly and Yeosang quickly placed everything back to the way it was and bolted out the door.
"Oh my God."
That drove Yeosang to quicken his steps toward Hyeshin's apartment but as soon as he knocked on the door, nobody answered (which he sort of anticipated already) so quickly raised his arm to the space above the door to feel around for her spare key that he knew she liked to keep just in case he wanted to come over. He frowned, not there.
He leaned against the wall, pulling out his phone to text his best friend to ask for her whereabouts because he knew for sure that no one was inside. She wouldn't answer but there was no wrong in trying. Yeosang, who originally came to escape his brother's presence, completely forgot about his initial purpose being here and was now worrying about her. It was nearing midnight too, where would she be at this hour?
A soft creaking noise pulled him out of his trance and he snapped his head at the direction of the sound. There stood a girl, carrying her laptop under one arm and the other holding her keys. Yeosang felt himself visibly relax at his best friend, letting out a relieved exhale but still concerned as to why she's out.
"Dammit, Hyeshin, why are you― why are you out so late?" was the first thing he asked, as if Hyeshin hadn't disappeared on him for the longest time yet.
"I-I..."
Yeosang snatched the keys out of her hand and pushed it into the keyhole, rolling his eyes. "You're sniffling, what were you thinking?"
He shoved Hyeshin into the house, clicking his tongue. If she knew she was sick then why did she go out? So late into the night and when the weather wasn't at its warmest?
Yeosang kicked his shoes by the door, frowning when it didn't land the way he wanted it to so he gave it one last kick before making his way into the house.
"What are you doing by the door, idiot, come sit here," he patted the empty spot next to him on the couch, signalling for Hyeshin to take it.
Maybe the news of Donghoon and whatever the papers said on the kitchen table can wait. For now, he needed to talk to Hyeshin.
How in his right state of mind did he think it was okay to suddenly whip out his notebook one day, thought about the more recent things that happened to him and wrote hours and hours on end about a certain person that had been going round in circles in his head? Seonghwa may be an aspiring songwriter, composer, producer and whatever but he was sure that even the most professional of musicians didn't finish a piece this easily.
In his studio, Seonghwa groaned. He'd only known Hyeshin for a couple of months and a couple is surely not a long span of time. At first, he wanted to get to know her because she seemed like a chill and fun person to be added into his little circle of friends. Not to mention that, if his sight was working properly, San seemed interested in her and he'd been told on several occasions that he made a really good wing-man. However, that one day when they went to the stationery shop... Seonghwa let out another groan. Did she cast a spell on him when she pulled his ear back then? It wouldn't hurt to be a little selfish, right?
The notebook in his hands was actually one of the varieties on the shelf that Hyeshin had her eyes on. Why he got that? Honestly, he didn't know but the design just reminded him of her and before he knew it, he actually went back to the stationery shop after dropping Hyeshin off to meet Yeosang. Yeah, whatever, anyways...
It had come to his attention that he had been working for hours. Seonghwa yawned, feeling some sort of exhaustion he didn't know he was feeling creeping up on him. Maybe he should take a break? But no, Seonghwa decided against it and pulled up his producing program.
There were five drafts already, capitalised letters of their titles glaring back at him. Seonghwa took a sip of his coffee and sighed.
"Can't believe I'm making these for my assignment," he mumbled, clicking on the very first track.
Now this track was called 'Aristocracy' and he was proud to say he came up with this in record time. For some reason, he would have sudden waves of inspiration when it came Hyeshin and Seonghwa knew he'd be stupid to not make use of those spurts of creative moments and hence, this was made.
He ran the track once, humming out the lyrics he scribbled on the notebook to time it with the music. Seonghwa made adjustments to words which he found a little dissatisfying, scratched out phrases that were a little too much and messily wrote a new one above it. Truthfully, he was happy with how it was before but he thought... if he was going to do this properly and maybe show it to Hyeshin someday then this had to be perfect. His professor also mentioned that this assignment might be part of their showcase at the end of the next semester. Showcases meant critics and agents and scouts and entertainment company directors... all the more reason why this had to be The Work.
Finally happy with what he'd done, Seonghwa pulled the microphone closest to him and pressed record for a demo to send to his professor to ask for approval. One it was approved, only then he could record it for real.
Maybe his choice of words had been a little cheesy as the moment he finished a verse, Seonghwa let himself wail in shame and felt his cheeks burn. He was crazy for doing this, he thought.
"Whatever, just do it," he told himself, saving the recording and listened over it to make sure he got the timing right.
The dirty blonde-haired almost dropped out of his seat when the door to his studio was suddenly thrown openn, his hands over his heart and eyes were wide open.
"Hyeshin!" he yelped, fixing his position on his seat after seeing who was at the door.. "At least give me a heads up you'll be barging in here, I thought there was an earthquake!"
Seonghwa almost knocked his head with his fist at his reaction. Why did she have to catch him off-guard like that?
Hyeshin's laughs filled the room. "Stop being overly dramatic, old man," she said as Seonghwa returned to his work. Seonghwa didn't say anything else in response, focused on the macbook in front of him and tried not to pay attention to the fact that the girl the song was about was sitting barely five metres away.
A shadow loomed over his side not too long after. He spared Hyeshin a quick glance and secretly prayed to the Gods that she wouldn't ask what the song was about. Just as he was about to ask why she was there, a hand slammed down on the lid of his laptop. Seonghwa gasped. "My work!" he cried in protest, "I haven't saved it!"
That was it, he thought, she knew! She knew about it! How am I going to live with this embarrassment, I'm not ready aahh!!
"I'm guessing you haven't seen it," was the thing he heard instead. "Oh that's right, you've been cooping yourself in here all day," she added before Seonghwa could say anything, pushing her index finger on his forehead, "that is unhealthy, my dear."
O-oh? M-my dear? Seonghwa felt his ears start to redden. That was―wait!! Answer her!
"One, I have not been here all day," the blonde denied quickly. Seonghwa hoped she didn't hear his stutter, "I've only been here since nine and second, show some respect, I'm older."
The pretty girl in front of him snorted and oh my God, how the hell did she manage to look cute even if she was snorting? Seonghwa was going insane.
"Sucks for you because I'm not calling you anything," Hyeshin said and showed him the screen of her phone, grinning. "But here's what I came to show you," she continued and handed him the device.
Confused, Seonghwa lifted a questioning eyebrow.
"That, my friend, are the B-TEEZ tour dates." Well... let's pretend he didn't actually hear 'my friend' and focus on―
Seonghwa's eyes grew wide at the struck of realisation. "You're kidding!" he exclaimed before gasping, fist covered his mouth as his other hand scrolled down the feed. "This is crazy! Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow..!"
"Thought I'd share... especially since you didn't get tickets a year ago because of a thirteen year-old." a
At that, Seonghwa paused and tilted his head in curiosity.
"Who told you that?"
"Jung Wooyoung," she told him easily, laughing a little as she saw his reaction which was a mix of surprise and annoyance. Seonghwa clicked his tongue, rolling his eyes. Of course it was Wooyoung. He let out a long sigh.
"For your information, I didn't lose my tickets to her, I was simply being nice and gave mine up for her," he reasoned.
"Gave yours up, sure," Hyeshin repeated after him.
"It's true though... she was a bit mean," Seonghwa mumbled. He almost jumped out of skin, however, when he felt Hyeshin lean forward which caused less distance between them. Seonghwa wished nothing but for the ground to suddenly explode and catapult him to Antarctica so he could be with the penguins to cool down his very much hot face.
"I didn't want a girl to come home crying, okay?"
"Sure, sure, whatever floats your boat."
"So, will you go?" after much internal debate, Seonghwa asked, lifting his head suddenly and almost bumped foreheads.
Seonghwa froze. His heart was beating unbelievably fast against his ribcage but could his eyes please, please stop staring at her? He wasn't dumb, he knew what a crush was and that was definitely why he wrote so many songs about her in such a short amount of time. He just didn't expect to catch feelings so fast and moment then, Seonghwa forgot that star marks existed. He threw the fact that his very own star was tattoed on his shoulder far out of his mind.
He wanted Hyeshin and besides, it had been years... there was no way he was going to find them. So what was wrong with taking up the chance?
now.
SAN could feel every pair of eyes in this roastery on the broad of his back and he's pretty sure some people are staring from across from where he's sitting. With each passing seconds, he could feel more and more people eyeing him and if he were to look into their minds, he could tell that they pity him. Poor boy has been waiting there for so long, probably stood up by his date.
The red-black haired boy sinks further into his seat, clicking the power button on his phone to see if there are any messages from his cousin. There's none and he's left to curse Park Seonghwa under his breath for making him wake this early, get ready this early and yet still have to wait for a time period definitely longer than "a minute".
In his mind, he thought he should've known that Seonghwa will stretch his time. The half-full half-empty glass of water in front of him is looking a little sad now. Truthfully, he wants to spend more than just a glass of water, maybe grab a mug of coffee or a slice of cake but he thinks it's a little too early for that.
San downs the rest of his water in one gulp, taking one last look at the door that had just chimed as a person walks in. Feeling more eyes on him, he slumps further in his seat and curses Seonghwa again.
Then, someone enters his field of vision. Expecting it to be Seonghwa, San is ready to speak a million miles a minute just to tug his cousin's ears off but what he sees catches him off-guard. There stands a girl in a (clearly) oversized hoodie and worn out striped pyjama pants, holding a half-eaten croissant on one hand and a cup on the other.
"I'm sorry I'm late," she says. San is confused. "I'm sure you've been waiting for a long time."
There's an uneasy feeling inside of him... like this happened before but there's something wrong.
What is wrong?
Without thinking, San pats the empty spot across him. "Seriously, do you know how long I had to wait for you? Did your cat run away again?" What the fuck? What did he just say?
Something's definitely wrong. It feels wrong.
"Actually, I was just over there but didn't see you," the girl say to him.
"That's - I feel special."
For some odd reason, it feels natural to laugh with her, San thinks.
"Now tell me," she says once they've calmed down, "who's the brat who bailed on you? Cause that asshole will get their face beaten."
"I was supposed to meet Seonghwa hyung here but I don't even know where he is right now."
"So this Seonghwa hyung is your..."
"My cousin," he continues, "sometimes a pain in the ass and some other times just downright annoying but we love him anyway."
"Naww poor you."
"I know."
San knows he should say something to avoid the growing silence, despite having a hunch that something strange is happening but he doesn't know what.
"Hey, thanks for saving me from getting any more embarrassed, by the way," he opts to say which isn't something simply said to fill the silence. He was kind of grateful for her, so why not thank her?
"Nah it's cool," the girl waves him off and takes a bite into her croissant, "besides, I could use some company. I was here alone too, you know?"
Again, completely on autopilot, San outstretches his arm. "I'm San, if you're wondering. Choi San."
"Nice to make an acquaintance, Mr Choi San, I'm Jeon Hyeshin."
San gasps, eyes now wide open and staring at the dark wall, trying to recollect his memories at the shattered images he saw barely seconds ago. His breathing is heavy, heart racing so fast it could rival the speed of rockets lifting off the surface of the earth. He looks down at his hand, feeling heat creep up his cheeks.
God, it felt so real.
But it wasn't.
He realises that he was never in that cafe, that he was never waiting for Seonghwa on a peaceful Sunday morning, his hair wasn't black-red anymore and he never met Hyeshin first. That in fact, he is in his dimly lit room, surrounded by a mountain of pillows and stuffed animals and the sound of the air conditioner blasting from the corner of the room. He sees the alarm clock on his bedside table, signalling that it's five minutes til midnight and that it's only been a couple of hours since the showcase was over.
The ground didn't collapse but San wishes it did. He feels his chest tightening and something grips his throat, choking his breaths.
Hyeshin was never his.
She technically is, if according to the law of the stars. But Hyeshin is still not his. After all, you can't force the emotions of a person. San's mind floats back his scarily realistic dream and if only... if only he arrived earlier than Seonghwa that day, then he might have―
San doesn't dare to finish that thought as he pulls his legs up to his chin, hugging them tightly as he buries his face to his knees and feel the first wave of tears overcome him. He clenches his fists, trying to remember the feel of Hyeshin's hand in his when he shook them the first time. It's not there.
Maybe she's right. He had been a little too selfless, prioritising her happiness instead of his―or what could've been theirs. But he couldn't help it. Hyeshin looked so happy with Seonghwa, he had to step back. They say regret comes last, San can't help but wonder, if he's regretting now, does this mean this is the 'last' they talked about?
No, he decides. No, this is not the last. He shouldn't regret now. There's always a reason for something to happen, maybe this is just an obstacle.
San wipes the corner of his eyes harshly with the back of his hand. Yes, this is just an obstacle, he decides. He had his previous lives and will have his nexts―time will do its job. All he needs to do is wait and he would do so, even if it's for eternity, when it comes to Hyeshin.
[ the end ]
+
a year and 3 months, 45 chapters, over 100 000 words and 54k reads later stardust is officially over!
thank you for reading and giving your love and support for stardust! /sobbing/ i love you all very very much and i'm insanely, wonderfully, hugely grateful for you guys:C thank you for being in this journey with me. you guys are amazing for sticking with me for this long and i hope you guys know<3
to end this, since this year hadnt been the most friendly to us, i hope what i wrote gave you a little something to look forward to? something to distract you with from the outside world because honestly, it definitely did for me. writing this was like a relieving escape and even though there were some stressful moments, at least it made one of the reasons why my 2020 wasnt so bad. i hope this somehow made your year a little better too!
with that being said, happy new year bestiiess!! once again, thank you so much i love you all mwaahh<33
xx nita
+
but baby when i look into your eyes,
your glimmering galaxy
completes mine.
― aristocracy, park seonghwa