"For the first time, she did want more. She did not know what she wanted, knew that it was dangerous and that she should rest content with what she had, but she knew an emptiness deep inside her, which began to ache." ― Iain Pears
I'm writing my frustration and upset-ness away :))
chapter 14
Hearing noises from inside the apartment, his Tio Auggie and papa tense behind him, Viv poking his arm in reassurance as he opens the door-- chaos welcoming them on the other end.
A woman, Jazz isn't sure who, with charcoal hair and laughter on her lips was standing on the back of his couch throwing grapes at the trio just a couple feet over in the doorway to the kitchen. Her song was, well, it was definitely a riot. Orange, mostly, but with streaks of yellow. She looked like a marigold came to life around her body.
That trio included a short woman with dark brown hair tied into a bun and the same eyes as both the celestial and Atlas but the same nose and scowl as Cas-- she had a very busy song, the velveteen red always seeming to bounce from one thing to the other and it was loud as she smacked the other two with a plastic tube.
Next was a tallish red-headed man with extraordinarily bright green eyes and a large pout, his song a mess between a deep blue and a vibrant purple, tousled hair and clothes that looked all kinds of messed up as with Cas, who looked very pissed off and was pushing the strawberry's head away from him with one hand and holding the man's arms at a length away too.
Over his shoulder, his papa's own song reached out, the pink coming over his shoulders and offering comfort just as Tio Auggie let loose an overzealous whistle, making all four pairs of eyes snap to them, a squeal and 'new people!' falling out of his lips a moment later. Viv just laughs loudly, giggling as her head pokes between her dad and uncle.
Jazz was a little frozen, his arms awkwardly at his sides, body wanting to do something-- wanting to help-- because the celestial looked so awkward but not knowing what.
"U-um," He flushed slightly, large body taking a single step back as he tilted his head, eyes flashing from color to color and trying not to get overwhelmed with all the new songs around him before they focused on the safe, soothing green that was familiar to him by now. "Is, uh, is everything o-okay?"
"What he means to say," Bar grumbled, dark eyes narrowed. "Is who the hell are you fucks?"
"I only invited one of them," Cas blurted out, a honeycomb of mint and chartreuse dancing around him as the redhead pulled on his arm with a hurt whine, going more purple than blue.
"Yeah, you fuckhead, you did!" The girl with the same eyes and busy smile scoffs, banging the tube onto the celestial's head making him retaliate with a growl as he tries to take it away but she just hugged it towards her chest. "I'm your twin, you annoying little shit, you have to invite me before you invite my girlfriend."
"No," He points at Noelle, chartreuse and moss overcoming everything else as his annoyance takes hold. "I only have to invite you if I want you to come with us. This was supposed to be a just-Noel experience, you little rotten mango."
"What an insult," Tio Auggie laughs, his D'Silvetta grin overtaking his features. "Reminds me of when Potato Queen tries to insult you by calling you a meanie, daddy."
"For the last fucking time," Bar snarls, glaring at his best friend. Jazz can't help but roll his eyes. His papa has been saying that their entire lives and yet Gus never stops, just like Viv and her weird names for people. "Stop calling me that, you shithead."
"Make me you giant trash panda looking ass."
Jazz dunks reflexively as his papa instantly throws his arms around Tio Auggie, both of them jabbing each other and throwing punches like the literal grumpy or all too hyper children they turned into without his mama or Auntie Fen around.
His fear spikes up, not because he thinks he's going to be hurt, but because he's just not the kind of person who can deal with seeing physical fighting too much-- trauma and anxiety is a bitch sometimes.
Moving to the side when the two fathers crashed further into the apartment, Viv comes up to him and wraps her arms around his shoulders as they watch all the fighting going on.
"So," The weirdo says. "Is this a good time to tell you I accidentally broke that lamp you really liked?"
Jazz just sighs and shakes his head, "You stop our papas and I'll try to calm down my butterfly?" His butterfly who was currently wrestling with his sister, the redhead hanging off of his waist and the marigold girl started to throw grapes that were now being squished into the ground again.
"Boring," Viv pouted but went and did just that, going right up to Bar and her dad and grabbing both of their ears and yanking! making the men yelp and fall apart, one grinning and the other glaring up at her with curses falling out of his mouth.
Hearing her scold her 'grandpa' and Tio Auggie, Jazz quickly makes his way to Cas and awkwardly pulls the redhead off of him and over his shoulder-- earning a surprised scream from the man who quickly got silenced when the musician threw him a just as surprised 'please be quiet, I don't know what's going on' look.
Next, he swept the grape-throwing chick onto the same shoulder and heard her curse as she struggled for a second before eventually just giving the redhead a 'sup?' and accepting her capture as is.
Plopping them down into the kitchen as carefully as he could next to his papa and Tio Auggie who were sprawled out next to Viv, all eating an orange-- where did they get that from?-- and watching the chaos unfold.
"S-sorry," Jazz offered the strangers a slightly embarrassed smile, moving back from them and to his regular slouched height. "I'll um, I'm Jazz." He waved. "I'll be right back."
Turning away and to the still fighting siblings, not violently fighting just spitting insults in an almost conversation where they were wrestling for the tube the was clutched in the woman's fingers, Jazz just kinda dipped down next to them just after they both realized he was there and threw them over his shoulders, his hands keeping them in place but also briefly leaving a stunned Cas' thigh to take the tube away from his sister and place it onto the counter.
Putting them on the floor, the musician couldn't help but to be overwhelmed with all the stares and 'what the fuck just happened' expression.
Because well, honestly, even if they were all just fighting, he's sure none of them expected a giant just to grab all of them in a minute or less and round them all up with two other giant men and a weirdo on the kitchen floor.
"Sorry," Jazz shuffles slightly, tilting his head to the side as the redhead snickers something to Cas' sister. The amount of colors and songs blending together were almost giving him a headache. "I just, um, don't like fighting? And you guys w-were a, were a surprise? So am I, I think? Sorry. I didn't mean to scare any of you. U-urm, Cas?"
But, instead of Cas, it was the marigold girl who answered, "Aw, you're adorable! You couldn't scare us."
Jazz squeaked, flushing with embarrassment as his eyes widened and looked to the celestial for help on how to reply-- he's rarely complimented, he doesn't know how to reply!
"See," Viv throws her arms up. "Everyone thinks you Reds are the scary ones but us D'Silvettas," she thumps her chest, "are the rest terrifying ones. Isn't that right, pop pop?"
"Not your pop pop," Bar grumbled out a sigh. "But sure, you're fucking terrifying. See how I'm shaking?" He holds up his perfectly stable hand making Gus snort out a laugh and ruffle his daughter's hair.
"Sorry, youngling," Tio Auggie said consolingly, but the deep smirk on his lips was anything but sympathetic. "I've been trying to get daddy to admit I'm scarier for years. Ain't gonna happen but at least Jazz knows we're scary, right kiddo?"
"Right," Jazz nodded, a cute grin taking over his lips and letting his dimples pop out as he gives them a thumbs up. "Very scary, ten out of ten."
"No," Viv whines, falling back against her dad. "It doesn't count when you say it while looking like that!"
Pouting and looking down, Jazz mumbles, "What's wrong with how I look? You just said I wasn't the scary one."
"Ah," Cas' twin pointed a finger at him, drawing his attention to her. "You're a little oblivious, aren't you?"
"He gets it from me," His papa says.
"O-oh!" Jazz sits right down in front of Cas, realizing he had been the only one standing, feeling his body heat get captured by the celestial's slightly colder one-- and noticing that he was a little sweaty and in his running gear. "I'm, yeah, I-I'm a little slow with, with some stuff? Also c-can we please introduce ourselves? I don't uh, know all of you."
Shifting slightly so he was next to the marigold girl and with his back against the counter and facing his papa, Jazz props his legs on either side of him and pulls the celestial between them, resting his head on Cas' shoulder once he relaxed and nuzzling their cheeks together, his arms wrap around his waist and he happily lets out a small, "Hi, Cas!"
Sunflowers and chartreuse encase the celestial, a mixture of affections and annoyance as he grumbles out a simple, "Hey."
The tips of his ears were turning red, though.
Cute.
Without warning, something hard it getting smacked into his head making Jazz rear back and blinking over at the semi-smirking and glaring Cas' twin who says, "You're going to kill my twin, you tall, cute, nice goofy little -where the fuck am I going with that?" Jazz had no fucking clue. No one just says stuff like that to him! "Ah, god, fuck, Cas!"
With chartreuse and frustration going into his song, Cas throws his hair up and makes a small grunting noise.
"You find someone taller than you and he's like, also the most wholesome sounding guy ever?" Cas' twin asks, making Jazz go a little red because he definitely wasn't wholesome. "I literally can't even get mad at him for picking me up. Or taking my bopper. What the fuck is wrong with you?"
"Uh, many things?" Cas said. Liar, the musician frowned. "But we don't talk about that." The other gray eyed being goes to smack her twin on the head with her 'bopper' but Jazz is quick to cover the celestial's forehead with his hand.
"No hitting," Jazz paused, realizing that sounded really demanding. "Please."
"What if I just like, poke him, once?" The marigold girl's petals swirl around her slightly in a challenge. "Might be hard, might not be. How quick you answer depends on his treatment."
"Um," He shook his head before leaning down and nuzzling it into the celestial's neck, hand hanging in front of Cas' chin. "No thank you..."
Then, without warning, a wet mouth is encasing the inside of his wrist and sharp teeth are digging into the skin-- Jazz can only watch, tense, and in surprise as Cas goes a little red, eyes widening as he releases his wrist from where he just bit it.
Honestly, it takes everything within the musician not to giggle.
Not because he'd definitely have to evaluate why he exactly didn't mind being bit, but because this was the celestial, who just did that in a tic, it not even hurting that bad, and looking so alarmed that it was cute."
"Ah," Cas whispers, nose wrinkling. "Sorry."
Jazz hums, moving his hand away because if that was a tic-- not that he minded-- Cas probably wouldn't be able to stop himself from doing it again, and lets out a small giggle before kissing the side of his head, "You didn't hurt me--" He knows how much the celestial blames himself for the things he can't even control. "--and I know that wasn't on purpose, that was also kinda funny."
His greens go into an olive 'of course' sort of exasperation but also was a canopy of seafoam relief, letting the musician now he wasn't, sadly, used to this kind of calm reaction.
"It's the Tourette's." The marigold says this makes Jazz realize how confused Tio Auggie and Viv were-- his papa just not giving a fuck and already knowing. "The biting tic isn't doesn't like, happen a lot? But yeah, would not recommend hanging anything in front of his face."
The redhead turns to them, eyeing Cas suspiciously. "You don't really have Tourette's, do you?"
Fucking prick, nasty ass looking motherf--
"Oh my god," The celestial's sarcasm fills the room with viridian. "You've just cured me by being such a doubting prick that the universe heard it and reversed my genetics."
"Hush, eggs." Tio Auggie waved his entire arm in front of papa's face, making the grump's pink song spike with hidden amusement. "Why was the slanderous ginger bitch hanging off the annoyed strawberry child."
Ginger? That's the redhead.
But strawberry child? Who's that?
"I mean, why pay for therapy when you can bully Cas into giving you hugs for free, am I right?" The redhead's words make Cas sink further into Jazz's chest and for a wave of protectiveness to sweep over him, knowing that even if they're friends, it isn't okay to push for physical contact any of the time when the other person obviously doesn't want it. "So I was trying to get one. He gives really good hugs."
"Okay, well, moving on," Cas' twin says, giving an air hand-shake to Viv across the room, both hands even and wiggling in the same manner. "I'm Circe Rex, I'm Cassie's twin."
Cassie, Jazz repressed a smile. That's cute.
Wait... Circe? Like the Goddess?
"And I'm Noelle Monikol-Rae, I'm his new sister, thanks to Circe being in love with me." The marigold girl tells them. "The ginger is my best friend, Max Mitch, feel free to call him Maxi-Pad if you want to."
Circe. Goddess of magic.
But... his other siblings were Gods too.
Atlas. God who held up the world.
Selene. Goddess of the moon.
Eris. Goddess of strife and discord.
Suddenly, Jazz was happy he was such a fucking nerd when it came to pantheons and astronomy, because his mind was flying because Cas isn't Cas' full name but, but--
Cas. Alpha-- his middle name.
Gods. Stars.
Stars...
Alpha Geminorum. Second brightest star in the Gemini constellation.
Also known as Castor.
Castor, god of war.
His name is Castor! But he still needs to ask, right? To make sure?
So, sounding all too happy, Jazz quickly turns the celestial-- a god, his god-- to face him and exclaims, "Castor?" Jaw dropping, cheeks flushing, and his breath hitching. But no response, so the musician clarifies. "Your name is Castor, right?"
"How the fuck do you know that's my name," Cas-- Castor, his name is Castor and Jazz loves it-- snarls out, hand coming out to grip his jaw and gray eyes narrowing into an oh-so-attractive glare as he leans closer. "And why did you say it?"
"W-well um," Jazz can't help but to gulp, quickly looking up at his honeycomb of sunflowers and rose leaves and chartreuse. Not mad. Definitely not mad. Shocked. Surprised. Maybe even frustrated but not mad. "Your siblings' names are, um, Atlas, Selene, Circe and Eris...so um, they're all gods. So um, you uh, you have to be one too?"
The growl that leaves his mouth creates a soft pine and he snaps, "I'm not a god."
But you are though, the musician thinks with a pout.
Castor-- he won't get sick of that name, not ever-- makes his glare harsher but it has zero percent effectiveness rate because Jazz knows he's not actually mad.
"Well, now that we have his awkward first name out of the way because hell, the dude even likes his stupid middle name more," Noelle snorts, and before he can even process the change in his own thoughts, she's throwing a grape at his papa's head and watches as it bounces off and right into Tio Auggie's mouth who happily chews it. "Who are you people? We don't know you either."
"Welp," Tio Auggie said. "I'm Vivianna-- that one right there's father," he points to his daughter than Bar, "and this is Bar Red, just call him Red, he's little J's grumpy dad and my daddy. Clear distinction. Anyways, I'm Augustine but you can call me Gus, like the mouse from Cinderella? That fellow."
"I'm not actually that motherfucker's daddy," Papa just grumps out, dark eyes narrowed at the sight of Gus' head. "But I am Jazz's father. I haven't decided if it was nice to meet you yet or not. Besides you, Cas, you're good."
High compliment from someone like his papa who acts like he doesn't give a fuck about anything but actually cares about everything.
"And I'm," Viv does a whole jazz hand thing, hazel eyes twinkling. "Vivianna. Though, just call me Viv 'cause otherwise I can and will get ten times more annoying. Now to you, bestie." She points to Jazz.
Flushing slightly because the attention is on him for the second time in less than five minutes and he's not quite used to so many people that's important to Cas so they'll be important to him but that he also doesn't know staring at him, the musician hides his part of his face against the celestial's neck as he offers everyone a wave.
"H-hi!" He says, hoping that everyone's blatant curiosity that is bouncing around their songs, pinballing back and forth in odd moves and little snickers. "I'm Jazz, like the, um, the music?"
Noelle, who seems like a very curious person with little filter, is the one who turns to his papa and asks, "Did you really name him that?" Which, honestly, if he didn't already meet Atlas and have the family that he did, would think is simply rude.
Bar scowls, expression dropping into his famous Red glare as he snarls out, "The fuck you think?"
Circe grins at him, not bothered, "I think you definitely did."
"That's not his actual name," Viv said, sounding all too amused. "No one calls him his actual name, though. Just Jazz, 'cause he has this... thing about sound. Music career and all that."
"Oh, the synesthesia." Noelle says this so nonchalantly that it makes Jazz tense.
Circe looks over to the musician with a flair of rich cherry against her velvet song and asks, "You have synesthesia?"
Ah. So they know.
Who else knows? And how?
Did Castor tell them? He didn't ask to tell them. But he doesn't have to ask-- because maybe it bothered him? Maybe he got annoyed by something?
Why was he talking about it? About Jazz?
Is that a good thing, or--
"Jasper I, I told Noelle that you have synesthesia because she has it too. That's why I invited her in the first place," Cas winces, ethereal green going into a basil of panic and slight fear but all Jazz can think is-- that's so fucking thoughtful. "Because you said that you never met anyone else with it and neither has she, I thought it'd be nice to be able to talk about it with someone who actually understands, you know? It's a lot better than just telling me about it, since I can only imagine and even then, I'm not very useful when it comes to helping with it."
The celestial turns to look at him then, gray eyes slightly panicked and worried, green hanging over him and tense in a response as he pauses and asks, "Is that...is this okay?"
"Thank you," Jazz nods, one hand coming up to Castor's cheek and the other squeezing his hip reassuringly as he leans down and kisses his god gently, making the divine being sigh into his mouth and press closer.
"That was adorable!" Circe, of course, had to ruin the moment by shouting this and making Castor pull back to hide slightly, viridian annoyance taking hold.
"Now that we have that out of the way," Noelle bangs the bopper against Max's head with a sharp pop! of yellow. "Tell me what color that was for you. To me, it was lime."
Talking with Noelle about the synesthesia-- she only had chromesthesia so she couldn't relate to everything, but it was enough-- was actually really nice.
Most of the colors weren't the same-- like the way books closing to her was a solid blue but to him it was a pastel orange and the ringing of the glasses together as they clinked in the cabinet was a bright lavender and magenta but she saw it more of a green. Most doors closing to her were a pale gray but a burning brown to Jazz, and he could hear and feel and see the electricity running through things but she couldn't.
She could taste shapes, apparently, too. He couldn't do that but different words had different textures so they talked about that, too.
It was freeing, in a way.
He never talked to someone who had the same condition as him, let alone was about to talk about it without a worrying amount of anxiety and stuttering.
It was weird, too.
Greens weren't safe to her, and most of the time they weren't see-through. She didn't like them too much, and honestly that broke his heart a little bit because green was soft and kind and love-filled.
"Green was safe," He told her then, when she asked. "Cas is always green. Even his anger, it's safe and it looks like moss."
Somehow this led to Viv distracting him enough that Noelle was able to bound over to Castor and ask something that made a deep, ethereal green burst through the room in a cloud of rose leaves and mint.
It was... it was beautiful, Jazz couldn't stop staring at the sound, only briefly realizing the noise had been a loud growl and that it probably looked like he was staring right at the celestial because, yeah, he was but the song and all the dancing viridian's were in the way.
Viv said something, but he didn't hear it, only seeing her purple bump into Castor's green and make the sound veer off of course.
Huh, he thinks. That's what an interruption looks like.
Knowing he had been staring-- but by hell, it was too gorgeous to not stare-- Jazz's cheeks flushed red.
"Does it look that weird?" Castor frowns, and lightning-strike gray eyes are glancing between him and Noelle who has a shit-eating grin on her face.
Weird? No. Never weird.
Beautiful as all fucking hell? Entrancing? Please do it again?
Jazz gives a half-hearted shrug, only able to stare at the celestial with wide eyes and a silent understanding that he really wants a kiss now. The desire was stupid, he felt, because it was caused by such an uncontrollable thing, but it was also just... just adding to his 'almost' love for Castor.
Because it wasn't quite love yet. They weren't even official.
But it definitely is an almost of something.
Almost together. Almost his. Almost.
Sighing, Castor glares at his best friend, "You broke him."
"You broke him." Noelle ruthlessly retaliates, grin speaking for herself on how amused she gets about this.
But still. All Jazz can think about is seeing that green again.
"I can break him too." Circe joins the conversation, her deep velvet red not having a clue what the conversation is about. And Jazz was fine with this, because he really didn't care about an innocent comment like that but then Max is snickering out an 'I bet I can too' and makes it completely uncomfortable.
Papa and the celestial snarl towards the redhead, both of their eyes flashing into a harsh glare and standing almost subconsciously into a threatening posture but it's Castor that continues beyond cave-man noises, which Jazz appreciates.
"Max remember the--" He growls twice, head ticing to the side and his fist clenching together. "-rules I gave you for being around Nemesis?"
Nope, Jazz thought because he doesn't know anything about that, but as long as it gets him to stay away from me, feel free to remember away.
"Great." Castor's smirk is harsh and steady; a warning and a promise all in one. "Same thing applies to Jasper."
"Buzzkill." The redhead replies, all blueberries and violets to his colors. He was scared-- but this was the type of fear the musician was grateful for. He didn't like comments like that from anyone he didn't know, and rarely from those he did.
Still wanting to see the color again, though, Jazz reaches up and tugs lightly on the celestial's arm, instantly getting his attention and making the smirk mellow out into something softer and for lightning-strike gray eyes to go from glaring into something sweet, something affectionate.
And it makes the musician go all dumb and warm on the inside again.
"Yeah?" Castor says after a few moments of Jazz stares just starstruck.
"Um, I, uh-" He gulps, not wanting to walk the line of the celestial's annoyance and ask him to do something-- let alone for a selfish reason. "Why d-did you growl?"
"It's the one part of my voice that Noelle likes, so she always has me do it." He explains. "The sound doesn't distract her as much as my voice, I think. I'm not sure. She likes see-through sounds so...I honestly don't really know? Maybe ask her, or I can ask her."
"No need to ask me, I'm a stalker." Noelle shamelessly moved under his arm as she speaks and squished against Castor's side, making Jazz a little jealous because that's what he wanted to be doing. "I just think it looks cool. Sounds cool too. Wait 'till you hear him sing or-"
"Okay then," The celestial just sighs out, covering his best friend's mouth with his hand and doesn't even flinch when she bites him. "You're never hearing me sing."
"But she said it looks really pretty," Jazz pouts, because, well that's simply not fair.
Castor scoffs, gray eyes rolling, "She thinks a lot of things are really pretty, including my sister, doesn't mean she's right."
"Argh!" Circe slaps her twin's hip. "You're such a dick!"
Cas, all too smugly, replies with, "What else did you expect from a gay guy than loads of dick?" and then the God is cheekily turning to him and winking.
It's suffice to say that Jazz goes a pretty shade of red.