CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE:
DADDY ISSUES
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bold = in german
"Go ahead and cry, sweet," Ed had said, when she'd first stepped into his home. A friendly visit, arranged by her social worker, post-trial. She'd gotten emotional over dinner -- her and Ed and her sister -- so he'd helped her from the table and let her into the bathroom, which is bigger than her bedroom at home. She had sat on a bench by the window, and he crouched in front of her. Even now she can still remember the white shirt he'd been wearing, fancy and formal, but his jeans kept him dressed down. "It's okay. You're safe here."
Involuntarily, Nina thinks of this when Spencer lets her into his apartment with a murmur of the words, "Should be safe here."
She blinks herself out of it. She doesn't want to think about Ed, about how or what he's doing right now, and about what she's planning to do to him. Their past, his former kindness to her, almost makes her feel guilty about her decision to bring him down. Almost.
"You don't have any enemies?" she asks, changing the subject. She turns and watches him lock the door, sliding the bolt across.
"You're my only enemy."
They'd left what Nina called the Royal Escort (but was actually her police escort) downstairs; there was only one cop car as far as Nina knew, but she guessed there'd be at least two other disguised vehicles. The doorman would be replaced with a fed, and the building would be on twenty-four hour surveillance -- she hadn't been told this, either, but she guessed that too. She wasn't stupid. It wouldn't just be Spencer and two police officers -- not after the stunt she pulled in the hospital.
"It's an honour," she says, when he turns and looks at her.
The last time she'd been in Spencer's apartment, the way he'd looked at her had taken her off guard. Part entranced, part fear, part understanding. But that had been weeks and weeks ago now, and everything has somehow changed. Her chance at freedom is gone, her love for Ed is gone, and the look in Spencer's eyes... Gone, all the same.
Now, he just looks tired. "There'll be rules," he says, crossing his lounge to his kitchen. He puts his keys down, out of habit, and then does a double take and puts them back in his pocket before he drops his bag and starts to unpack, his back to her, bent over his counter.
"I won't be attempting escape," Nina says, grinning at his back, amused by his fumbling uncertainty.
"No," Spencer says, and without looking at her, he swivels his holster around on his hip so that she can see it, "you won't."
Nina swallows. Another three weeks in hospital doesn't sound appealing to her, that's for sure.
"Isn't this technically keeping a hostage? Which is, you know, illegal?"
He gives her a flat look over his shoulder.
"Oh, wait, I forgot, you're above the law," Nina gasps. She lets her lips curl. "That little law enforcement badge you've got is a great get out of jail free card."
Spencer turns, rolling his sleeves up and watching her, still with those flat, blank eyes, but she's got his attention, and she knows it. May as well take advantage. She lifts her arms, still cuffed together.
"This is my father's wet dream right now: me trapped defenceless behind a locked door. Who knew you guys were so similar?"
With a forward tilt of his head, he sends her a look so icy that it actually manages to shut her up (I know, I couldn't believe it either), and she averts her eyes and bites her lip. Maybe that remark was unfair.
Her eyes leave his face -- she can't hold a stare like that -- and land on his body: jacket off, white button-up with rolled sleeves, navy tie and trousers of the same colour. Stood up like this, eye-level and on the same playing field after so long of her being bed-ridden, feels suddenly strange. Tense, even, and the intensity of it all suddenly presses in on her.
What is she doing? What is her life?
She can't start thinking about that. If she does, she'll panic, and then things will escalate the same way they did in the car so long ago. Calm.
When she blinks herself back into awareness, it is to the sound of Spencer speaking to her. "One day I'm sure I'll balance the chess board, but for now I have to go," he says evenly, and she meets his state again: his head is slightly tilted to the side, trying to figure her out -- gage her reaction before she even gives one. "I'll never stop trying -- whether that's trying to live, or to be free, or just to be rich."
After a moment, she realises. "My letter."
"I feel like you've always known my moves before I've made them," he continues to quote, like she hadn't spoken, and he starts slowly toward her, watching her all the while. They are foreign words, spoken back to her like this, so flatly and after so long since she wrote them. "A mark of a good chess player, I'll give you that." Another step closer, hesitant. He's almost... Prowling.
Nina swallows. Calm, she thinks. Slow and steady, like her fencing teacher had always said. "You're cutting out words."
"But you know I remember it all," he replies calmly, another step taken. He's in the living room with her now, a few feet away. "So I want to know what changed."
It takes her a moment. She's too caught up in the sight of him to think. "I... You know what changed. I found out about Ed's dirty little secret--"
"Okay, let me rephrase," he says, and now he cuts across the space between them with three short strides, and pulls her hands up by the chain of her cuffs. He shakes it slightly, gesturing to the confinement. "I want to know who to believe. That letter, or you." His eyes search hers, flicking between them quickly.
"Believe me? You need trust to believe what I say, and you've not had any since the day we first met," Nina snaps. "Which is ironic, considering I'm the one who's stuck to my promises. I swore never to harm you, and I didn't. I told you the truth, about everything." Her eyes hold his, steady. The next words, she spits. "It should be you in these cuffs."
She pulls her arms free -- well, as free as she can, when they're handcuffed. All she really manages to do is yank the chain from his grip, twisting away from him. Like a wounded animal -- and, peculiarly, her heart is stinging slightly -- she retreats to the other side of the room like it's a safe corner to hide in. She finds herself by his bookshelf, and pretends to be looking at her hands when really she glances over the titles.
At first she thinks she's having a stroke -- then she realises that most of the titles are just in Russian and German.
"You speak German?" she asks, still gruff, but curious.
It takes him a second. "I speak a lot of things. I didn't know you did," he replies, equally as hesitant as she is, pausing between sentences as if unsure about continuing the conversation.
Nina nods, her back still turned. "Learnt in school, and Ed insisted. It was useful for work, so he had a point. Russian, German, Arabic, French, and Italian."
"German's comforting to read in. Very much... No-nonsense. Every word describes the purpose."
Nina can't help it. She smiles, glancing over her shoulder at him, but he isn't looking at her. He's moved back into the kitchen, and his gun is on the counter beside him. If she ran, she could make it, she could --
And then what? Spencer's dead. Then what? No way out the building, not with security at the entrances -- no where to go but prison in chains or hell in a coffin. Although they might as well have been the same thing.
Besides, she thinks, as she watches him shock himself on his coffee pot and then suck his finger. She doesn't want to do any running or shooting or fighting anymore. Not with Spencer, at least (and she'll tell herself that it's because he's simply too interesting, and too capable of understanding her, but we can debate this another time), but whether that rule of thumb extended to the rest of the human race is yet to be decided.
But gaining Spencer's trust, right now, honestly seems like a preferable option to killing him. As much as the guy does drive her crazy sometimes.
"Did you just shock yourself?" she asks, and he glances up, shaking his hand and still wincing in pain.
He seems surprised she'd been watching. "I -- yeah. Old coffee pot," he says. Then, after a moment, he nods to his reading lamp on the coffee table by the couch. "That lamp flickers whenever I use it, too."
Nina can't help it: she laughs, despite herself. And she's sure Spencer smiles too. They can't look at each other when they laugh. They have to look at their feet or the corners of the room.
"What are we doing here, then?" Nina asks, changing the subject, and she tries to keep her voice light, despite her tiredness and slight anxiety. Starting off bitter and full of hatred the way they had earlier, wasn't the way to go, she'd decided.
"Here?"
"In your apartment...? For the next... However long you want me here."
Spencer swallows and nods to himself -- a nervous tick that he does like she can't see him. Wiping his palms on the front of his thighs, he says, "Cognitive interviews. A full rundown of your history with Ed. Written statements. And, eventually, strike a deal--" At that moment, his coffee pot whistles, and he seems to remember he'd turned it on as he hurriedly turns and starts to pour into a mug. "But we can start tomorrow?" he says, voice light with...kindness. He's giving her a choice.
When he looks up at her, Nina nods slowly, just once. He half-smiles, looking away quickly, as if he doesn't want to see her return it.
She lets him have his privacy and his secret smiles, turning back to his bookshelf.
"Do you drink coffee?" he asks.
"Is that your way of asking if I want any?"
Behind her, on the kitchen, she hears him huff a soft laugh. "If you're gonna start stealing my coffee reserves, you better start contributing to rent."
Nina's eyes stop flitting over the titles and she grins to herself. "Damn. Doctor Reid's got jokes now, huh? You don't strike me as the funny type."
"Oh, it wasn't a joke," he says, but when she checks, he's grinning all the same as her.
authors note:
unedited mostly
lol it's been a while, pls no hate
life's been a wild ride since i last updated, but i think things are settling down finally
how are you guys?
and how did you enjoy this (lowkey filler) chapter?
can't wait for more nina and spencer content (FINALLY)