Ezgi
I'm not running away. Who said I was running away?" I said with a laugh and made a dismissive noise.
"Your lost shoe tells the tale, Cinderella," he said drily.
"I'm not feeling well. The flu, I think. I'm highly contagious."
He made a skeptical noise which should not have sounded sexy but it did. Curse him!
"There's someone that would really like to see you again," he said and his low, deep voice was making me throb in places that had no business throbbing.
"Omigod! Are you seriously referring to your penis? Listen here buster! I'm not looking to pick up where we left off. So if you think I'm going to sleep with you again..."
"I meant your fish," he interrupted my tirade calmly. "Remember Goldie? But it's really nice to know you're thinking about my penis," he said and I could literally hear the wicked smile in his voice. "I'm curious as to why you wouldn't want to pick up where we left off though. I'm still partially deaf in one ear from your lusty screams." His sexy teasing voice drizzled over me like thick honey. I shook off his sexual sorcery.
"You conceited, cocky, arrogant, perverted, knuckle-dragging..." I spluttered in outrage.
He made an appreciative noise. "I missed the dirty talk, baby," he cooed in my ear.
I made an enraged animal noise and he laughed uproariously.
"So, is tomorrow good for you?" He interjected abruptly.
I narrowed my eyes at his audacity. He was a manipulative evil man and to my everlasting shame, I wanted to say yes. I wanted to go back to that hotel room and have my way with him over and over again and forget this awful reality. But I couldn't afford to fall into his dastardly dimples again. I needed time. Time to compose my confession. Time to get used to the idea that once I confessed, I'd probably never see him again. My palms started to sweat and I took the coward's way out
"Maybe. I'll let you know. I have to go now. Bye."
I hung up the phone and stared at it willing it to ring again and hating myself for it.
********
I tossed and turned restlessly, unable to fall asleep. I kept stressing out about my upcoming job interview tomorrow and about how time was running out and I'd have to tell my mother soon before things became more evident. I tried really hard not to think about how I'd raise a baby by myself. I tried not to think of the baby period and then I felt terrible for my ambivalence. I tried not to think of labor and the horrid birth video I'd watched. But overthinking was my curse. I buried a frustrated scream into my pillow.
It didn't help my insomnia when the asshole neighbor came home during the wee hours and began to bang on the drums like he was possessed with the spirit of Tommy Lee. I got up and looked around for my robe. I intended to march over there and give that inconsiderate ass a piece of my mind. But by the time I found the robe, the commotion had stopped.
I got back in bed and had finally settled in when my phone vibrated on the nightstand. I gawked in disbelief at the incoming message from Mr. Wrong.
What are you wearing?
My mouth hung open at the sheer audacity of him. I will not answer, I thought. It would just encourage him.
I looked down at my ratty t-shirt and shorts combo and my thumbs flew across the keys before I could think better of it.
I'm wearing a thick flannel long-sleeved gown that buttons up to the neck with hundreds of teeny tiny pearl buttons. I paired it with a chastity belt and a lace cap.
I bet you look sexy as fuck wearing that. He answered immediately.
I repressed a smile. He was irresistible when he was being obnoxiously juvenile.
Do you ever think of anything besides sex? I scolded.
There was silence on his end and I went to put my phone down, thinking he was done texting nonsense for the night when another message caught my eye.
Yes. I think about you a lot.
My breath snagged in my throat. There were a few seconds of tense silence. Then another message popped up.
Naked.
Ugh. Of course, he did. I rolled my eyes at my gullibility. My stupid heart got all excited about words he probably said ten times a day to as many different women.
I sent him several eye-rolling emojis. After a few minutes, he began typing again.
I'm kind of sad your name isn't Gertrude. I had my heart set on calling you, Gertie.
What's wrong with my real name? I typed.
It's very whimsical. A termagant with a Napoleon complex should have a weighty name like Gertrude or Beulah.
I had to google termagant and grumbled at the definition.
I'll show you a termagant, I responded.
An adorable termagant, he texted back.
I ignored my silly thumping excitable heart.
It doesn't get any more whimsical than Pixie and I don't have a Napoleon complex, you jerk! I responded.
You wanna hit me, don't you? It was so cute when you would try to hurt me with your little Lilliputian fists.
I texted a barrage of angry emojis.
Meet me tomorrow for lunch. I'll let you tickle me with your fists.
I put the phone down. This was dangerous ground.
The phone rang a few minutes later.
"So are you seriously dating Dr. DoucheCanoe?" A deep voice drawled.
I dismissed the way my blood raced at the sound of his voice. "None of your business and he's not a douche." At least I hoped he wasn't. I didn't think Cansu would set me up with one.
"You know he's a gynecologist, don't you?" he said mischievously when I remained silent.
"Yes, so what?" I said innocently and then my brain woke up. "For the love of all that is holy, don't make one of your sophomoric jokes," I implored him.
"You love my sophomoric jokes," he asserted. I did but I'd never admit it.
"How can I put this?" He continued and I knew he was getting ready to say something outrageous. " Think of it this way, if you worked at a burger restaurant and you flipped burgers all day long, would you go home and eat burgers for dinner?"
An unwilling laugh burst out of me.
"You're the absolute worst," I scolded halfheartedly.
"Seriously, think about it."
"Maybe it depends on the quality of the burger at home," I countered.
"That's a good point," he said thoughtfully, and his silence had a surly feel. This hadn't gone the way he expected.
"How do you know he's a gynecologist?"
He went quiet and then said in a grudging tone, "I know him through his sister."
"Oh. Do you know his sister? Like, know her in the biblical sense, I bet," I said in a light tone but jealousy burned a terrible path through my insides.
He was silent. His humorous tone was gone and now he sounded uncharacteristically uncomfortable.
"Yeah, but it was a while ago."
I wanted to ask, what was a while ago? Like last week? Last month? Last year? I knew how foolish it was to feel jealous over a man I had no claim to.
"Okay, well it's been nice to have this bizarre chat with you in the middle of the night. But my neighbor from hell has stopped making noise so I'm going to sleep."
"Good night Pixie. I'll see you tomorrow."
"I'll be super busy tomorrow, sorry," I interjected.
"Scared you won't be able to resist me?" He taunted.
"Your giant ego must be visible from outer space," I grumbled and he howled with laughter again.
"Stop that awful cackle in my ear. I can resist you. I have before," I reminded him, thinking of the night I left without looking back. It had cost me but like so many other things I postponed thinking about why that was. My inner Scarlett O'Hara was always putting off thinking about unpleasant or emotionally weighty things until tomorrow.
"Yeah, I know," he mumbled and he sounded so forlorn that I immediately felt like a total bitch for saying it.
"I'm sorry," I whispered. "For leaving like that. I should have said goodbye." It had been a shit move and I knew it. I ran like a coward.
"I'll accept your apology tomorrow. La Gabbia. Noon. Don't be late," he said and hung up.
I stared at my phone with my mouth hanging open. The nerve of him! Give him an inch and he took ten miles.
Ugh. I punched my pillow and flopped down on the bed. Arrogant, conceited ass, I grumbled. But as I fell asleep the words, "I think about you a lot" played in my head on a loop, and eventually, they lulled me to sleep. I dreamt of hypnotizing dimples and a roguish smile.
******
I stepped out of the office building where I'd just had the worst interview of my life. I'd been spared the worst of morning sickness until today because of course. I had just barely avoided puking all over the interviewer's desk. I sighed in despair and swallowed back tears of frustration. I really wanted this job. On top of it all, I was hungry and my feet hurt.
You have a standing invitation to lunch. My inner voice taunted me.
Shut up, inner voice. I'm not ready to face him with the truth. I need time.
But my brain didn't listen to that wisdom when my stomach growled in protest. I remembered the magical chef and almost drooled all over myself. Somehow, someway, a little while later I found myself standing in front of La Gabbia.
I stared at the hostess stupidly. I was exhausted from my walk and from the puke fest earlier and the few brain cells I had left the building.
She narrowed her eyes at me. "Do you have a reservation?" She asked me with a haughty raised eyebrow.
I shook my head weakly.
"Then I'm very sorry but..."
I felt dizzy, spots danced before my eyes.
"Whoa, Pix. I know you're hot for me but there's no need to swoon." I was crushed against the most delicious smelling chest in the universe. Oh god, why did he have to smell so incredible?
"I'm going to throat punch you if you say another word," I muttered against his chest. I took several furtive whiffs before I tried to pull away.
"I'm okay. You can let go now."
"No way. I'm looking exceptionally handsome today, you'll take another look at me and blackout," he said lightly but his eyes scanned my face worriedly. When he made sure I was steady on my feet, he braced his hand against my lower back and walked me gingerly through the restaurant to a beautiful patio. Inside, the restaurant was teeming with lunchtime diners but the patio was deserted.
He pulled a chair out for me at a table set with two place settings.
"Would you like to see the menu or will you trust me to order?"
"No menu. Food," I croaked guzzling down the glass of water on the table.
A waiter materialized and I vaguely heard him ordering.
"You look like death, Pix. What's wrong?"
I straightened in my chair. It was time to woman up, Ezgi, I told myself sternly.
I'm pregnant and it's yours.
I pictured myself saying it and his eyes losing that wicked glint, the flirty half-smile fading from his lips, the dastardly dimples disappearing.
"I forgot about your charming way with words. I told you, I'm sick," I mumbled instead.
Tomorrow. I'd do it tomorrow. After all, tomorrow is another day.
Shut it, Scarlett.
"Is it serious?" He looked concerned and I felt bad for lying to him.
"Nothing that some food from the magical chef here won't fix," I managed a wan smile and looked around eager to change the subject.
"So where's Fishy?"
"Goldie is happily swimming in her upgraded tank at my place," he smirked.
I scowled fiercely but my attention was diverted by two men, one in a chef's coat, peeking through the windows at us. They shoved each other and then pretended to be looking somewhere else. A chuckle escaped me.
"Friends of yours?"
"Not for long. Meet Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum," he said, shooting them a warning look and they scampered off.
He leaned closer to me, "So about Dr. DoucheNozzle... How well do you know him?"
Maybe it was the hunger or my lingering dizzy spell but my defenses were down and I answered him honestly.
"I actually don't know him that well. Last night was supposed to be our first date and he was delayed by work. Then I felt unwell and..."
The food arrived and I lost my train of thought. I barely waited for my plate to be set down before I began shoveling the food in my mouth.
"So do you come here often?" I managed to say between bites.
"You could say that," he grinned and I was sure my mouth was hanging open in the most unattractive way. His smile was so dazzling. I blinked to clear my vision.
"It's mine," he clarified.
"What? The restaurant?"
"Yes, I own it," he said.
"Get out!"
"Why is that so hard to believe? What did you think I did for a living?"
"I kind of thought you were living the playboy life off your family's money," I said.
He stilled and gave me a penetrating look. "You don't have a high opinion of me, do you?"
I squirmed in my chair.
"I don't really know much about you and in my defense, I don't know too many businessmen who dress like rejected boy band members," I muttered.
"You know plenty about me. But you insist on painting me with the same brush as your ex. Just because I don't believe in monogamy doesn't make me a lying dirtbag, Pix. I resent that."
I don't believe in monogamy. Another piece of my heart crumbled away. I was going to be left with nothing soon enough.
"You're right. I shouldn't make assumptions. I'm sorry. But I don't understand all of this," I gestured with my fork.
"What?" He was all wide-eyed innocence. I wasn't fooled for an instant.
"The pursuit, Ozgur," I said plainly. "The midnight phone calls and the flirty suggestive texts. I told you I'm looking for Mr. Right." Now more than ever, I added silently. "And you are looking for Miss Right Now. I've told you that I'm not interested in booty calls."
His eyes were heated and unfocused and he leaned closer. "Say my name again," he whispered.
"Hello." The tall cute man in a chef's coat halted my reply.
"I'm Ozan," he said with a friendly smile.
"Ezgi. You're the chef! I love your food!" I exclaimed loudly like a deranged fangirl.
"Nice to meet you Ezgi. I heard you were a fan," he smiled charmingly. He was adorable.
"You did?" I glanced at Ozgur who was now preoccupied with his food. "I am a huge fan," I said to Ozan dismissing his puzzling behavior. "Especially of those cheesy things oh my god!" I slammed my fist on the table and closed my eyes in remembered bliss.
When I opened them, I was taken aback by Ozgur's heated stare.
"Are you finished having your Meg Ryan moment?" He said in a raspy voice.
I glared at him and looked back at Ozan who was glancing between us with a knowing smile.
I stood up and gave Ozan an impulsive hug and Ozgur made a growling noise.
Ozan's lips split in a wide delighted smile. "I better go before someone decides to salt my coffee in the morning. It's been a pleasure, Ezgi. You have no idea." He bit back another grin and walked away.
"Great. Now everyone in the kitchen will be getting a play by play and nothing will get done," he grumbled.
I bit back my smile at his aggravation. He was cute when he was jealous. But I reminded myself of the toddler with the shiny toy. I was the shiny toy that he didn't want to share.
"He's cute," I said provokingly. "I love the floppy hair emo look. It really works for him and he's an exceptional chef." I finished my meal with a happy sigh.
He gave me a speculative look and leaned back in his chair. He stared at me wordlessly.
I stared back and my heart squeezed in happiness at the sight of him and his ridiculous sleeveless button-down shirt that looked like it had come from The Hulk's closet. I contemplated leaning over and kissing him on his sulky lips and taking a chance on us. A dimple peeked out when he pressed his lips together and I sighed audibly. I was drowning in him again and looking frantically for a lifesaver.
"Is that your type? Floppy-haired emo chefs," he asked me finally breaking the tense silence. He might as well have taken a pin and punctured my happy balloon. I immediately began to rebuild my defenses.
What was I doing? Contemplating making another terrible choice, that's what I was doing.
"Where do you get off acting like a jealous boyfriend? Yes, cute chefs are exactly my type," I said, becoming angry at him for letting all his virility loose on me and at myself for falling for his nefarious antics. "Marriageable doctors are also my type. My type is any man who isn't afraid of commitment and can keep it in their pants for more than five minutes."
I got up intending to storm out in a righteous rage. I was tired of him using my emotions like a ping pong ball.
"Why are you so irate?" He grabbed my hand before I could storm past him
"What do you want from me Ozgur?" I said exasperated. He stood up abruptly and my body automatically swayed towards his. His head lowered and I saw a universe of emotion play across his expressive eyes. His lips parted and a small squeaky noise escaped me. God, he was potent.
The shrill ring of my phone broke the spell. I picked it up without registering who was calling.
"Serdar, hi, hello" I babbled, unnerved. My body was humming from his nearness.
"Um, yes. I feel better. Tonight? Sure. I'm free." I glanced over at Ozgur who was glaring daggers at the ground. I hung up after a few more minutes of polite nonsense.
"I have to go. Thanks for lunch," I said awkwardly.
"Pix? Why do you keep running from me?" He asked me quietly, still glaring at the ground.
Because I like you too much. Because I'm afraid my secret will make you run. Because I know once I give you my heart, you will stomp on it like everyone else has done and walk away. Because I don't think I can survive it.
"Are you still averse to commitment?"
His silence broke my heart.
"That's why I'm leaving. Because I understood the ground rules and I'm abiding by them. It was rebound sex. That's all it was. I've moved on," I lied and walked away.
The salty hostess jumped back when I pushed open the patio door. Had she been eavesdropping? I scowled at her but before I could think on it further my phone pinged with an incoming message,
Liar.
********
I went on the date with Serdar.
Cansu was beside herself with joy. I still hadn't confessed that I'd found the baby daddy. This was another confession to add to my long list of confessions.
On paper Serdar was ideal: cute, educated, great job, well-spoken, and very courteous. The conversation was awkward and stilted but that was pretty much run of the mill for me on first dates. Yet... I was forcibly reminded at every turn of him Who Shall Not Be Named.
The Dimpled Sorcerer.
Nothing had ever been awkward with him. Maybe because I had known there was no chance for anything more so the pressure had been off. But I remembered vividly how we had fit together like two puzzle pieces.
In a few nights, we had achieved a comfort level between us that would have taken anyone else years to cultivate.
As I smiled half-heartedly at Serdar over some pretentious dish at a pretentious restaurant I'd promptly forgotten the name of, I realized with a sinking heart that there wasn't enough heat between us to light a birthday candle.
When the interminable dinner was over, I declined a ride home since I'd made my way there on my own. As we waited for my Uber, he leaned down and asked, "May I?" And I realized that he was asking for permission to kiss me.
"Um, okay," I said nervously and when he pressed his cold lips against mine, my worst fears were confirmed.
Bigfoot had ruined me for any other man.
My Uber arrived, saving me from awkward tongue action. I muttered something that sounded vaguely normal and literally dived into the waiting car.
*******
As I walked into Cansu's apartment, I couldn't shake the feeling that I'd done something wrong by letting Serdar kiss me. I wish Cansu was here so I could talk to her about it but she had basically moved in with her boyfriend. Deniz was probably asleep since she had some mega court case in the morning.
I wandered forlornly to the terrace and looked down at the still waters of the swimming pool. My phone rang and my dumb heartbeat picked up its pace. But it was Serdar. I squashed down my disappointment.
"I had a great time tonight," he said.
"Really?" I blurted out skeptically.
"Yes, really," he chuckled. "I'd like to see you again," he said.
I decided to end it here and now.
"Listen, there's something you should know. I'm pregnant," I confessed.
He was quiet for a long moment.
"Is the father in the picture?" He finally asked.
"No. He doesn't know yet and I doubt he will be when I tell him," I said.
He made more polite innocuous conversation for a few minutes but hung up pretty quickly after that.
Instead of disappointment, I felt relief. I sighed and went inside to shower and change into pajamas. I grabbed a carton of ice cream before I plopped down on the couch to watch Mr. Darcy act like an emotionally constipated ass to Elizabeth. Just when Lizzie arrived at Netherfield, my neighbor from hell arrived home and began banging his drums like a possessed demon.
Oh hell no. This ends tonight. No one comes between me, ice cream, and Mr. Darcy. I set down the ice cream, stormed out of the house in my pajamas through the shared terrace. I banged on his terrace doors but the maniac couldn't hear me over all the racket he was making.
The door was unlocked. I opened it slightly. "Hello! Helloooo! Mr. Enemy of Peace and Quiet, I'd like to talk to you," I yelled.
And suddenly a streak of something furry came through the door and leaped on me. I screamed in fright before I realized it was an exuberant doggie welcome.
"Oh, you sweet, sweet doggie! You're the cutest. Yes, you are! How does a minion of the devil have such a darling looking dog?" I cooed at the adorable furball.
The dog bounded back inside and looked back at me expectantly as if waiting for me to follow. I stepped in and took in the sunroom at a glance. This was nice. Cansu didn't have a sunroom, I mused. The fish tank on a console table caught my eye. The dog came back to sniff my hand but I didn't pay attention and it disappeared deeper into the apartment. I padded over to the console table and peered in the fish tank. A lone goldfish swam happily inside. I peered closer, Fishy had a gimpy fin. It was the reason why I'd gotten her. This goldfish also had a gimpy fin. My heart thumped against my ribs.
"Oh no," I whispered. "No, no, no." My hand flew to my mouth and I remembered Cansu's words. "He's so good looking and really charming!" I turned in a circle. Surely fate would not be so cruel...Surely not.
When I saw a familiar sparkling shoe winking at me from the coffee table, I knew for sure. Fate was exactly that cruel. I whirled around and tiptoed quickly out while vaguely registering that the infernal banging had finally stopped.
I fled back through the partly opened door but I turned the corner in the terrace too fast and my feet flew out from under me. A pair of strong arms tried to save me from toppling over into the pool but I had momentum on my side and we both plunged into the water.
He dragged me quickly back to the surface.
I looked up into his burning eyes roaming my face disbelievingly. My hands slid up to his broad shoulders when his spiky wet lashes lowered to my mouth. His lips came to within a whisper of mine and paused.
I don't know who moved first but I took a shuddering breath and our lips met. Unhurriedly at first, with light discovering touches and playful bites that eventually exploded into a fulminating kiss. Our lips crushed together hungrily, twin moans of relief escaped us both as I licked into his mouth. His hands fisted tightly in my wet hair as he kissed me voraciously. I wrapped my legs around his waist and he ground against me as one kiss melted into another. Each one more desperate and passionate than the last.
This was chemistry. It was explosive and so electric that it could power entire cities for years. I skimmed a hand under his wet shirt tracing his abs, shivering in delight when they contracted under my fingers. He turned us around and pressed me against the side of the pool, pulling my shirt down. He nuzzled my neck, his lips making his way down, his beard scraping my sensitized skin until his lips reached my breast. He licked it lightly and then sucked it into his mouth. I moaned loudly, sinking my fingers into his wet hair, lost to reason. His hands continued their burning path down my wet skin. They traced my waist and wandered down below the water into the waistband of my shorts.
His hands came up again, this time more tentative and his mouth lifted from my breast. I moaned in protest but he was laser-focused on something. He lifted me and set me down at the lip of the pool. The hormonal fog lifted and I realized what he was looking at.
There was no mistaking my small round bump glaringly outlined by my wet May Contain Wine tank top.
His confused, questioning gaze met mine. I took a deep breath and my heart braced for impact.
"Ozgur, there's something you need to know..."