A/N: This imagine does include sensitive issues, it’s not based on real life or anything like that but it may offend people. I really hope you like it and I apologise to anyone offended (I don’t mean to offend anyone)
Numb. That’s all I had felt for the past 3 months since he left. I waited for days fooling myself that he would come back, that he would magically walk through the front door telling me that he was just with the boys and I forgot he told me. Any break up is hard, however with the public constantly staring at me, assuming things about me and always pitying me sometimes it was just too much to handle. He left; without a reason, a note or even a goodbye and that tore me apart more than anything. I thought we were happy, sure some people weren’t exactly pleased about our relationship but that never bothered us before as we had each other. It felt like when he walked out the door, everything inside me did to, I felt empty with nothing anymore. Numb.
Yet again I was spending another night alone in the dark hole that had once been so happy, light and open. Now it just feels as if the walls were closing in, taking a step closer every time a tear fell from my eyes. I had no one, since everyone gave up on me after the third week of being curled up in one of his jumpers in bed begging him to come back knowing full well he couldn’t hear me. So it surprised me when there was a knock at the door, a banging that mirrored the heavy beating of my startled heart. Slowly opening the door, I looked up to see the green eyes I had longed for for as long as I could imagine. At first I believed I was dreaming, so often I had dreamt of this moment to find him at my door, only to find myself in the big empty bed that we once shared, alone and cold.
“Hey baby.” He smiled slightly, this wasn’t real, this couldn’t be real. So long I had longed for him; my heart was beating harder against the restraints of my chest as it ached to be a part of him again. I couldn’t respond, my head was screaming at me to close the door in his face as he had left me behind but I was exhausted, tired of trying to convince everyone outside the door that I was fine, that my heart didn’t ache every time one of his fans mentioned his name or that my world didn’t crumble all over again every time I saw him with a new girl on his arm. I was tired of pretending that I wasn’t still completely in love with him.
“Hi.” I finally whispered back, just about managing to regain the use of my voice.
“Listen, I know Y/N that you probably hate me. But we need to talk, I think I made the biggest mistake of my life.” He rushed out, I didn’t hate him. I couldn’t, no matter how much I wanted to, I could never hate him. He was everything to me.
“I don’t hate you.” I whispered again, staring down at me feet, only then realising that all I was wearing was my underwear and one of his old jumpers, which was just long enough to cover my bum.
“You look amazing by the way.” He gingerly stepped forward.
“Yeah, right.” I scoffed now at him as I turned away from the door heading back towards the safety of the living room; following behind me he looked confused. “Go tell them out there, I look great and you’ll understand.” I said as I through the latest magazine article written about our relationship at him, on the front it read. ‘Harry’s Ex, Falling apart.’ He read it before, beginning to apologise for letting me cope with the whole mess.
“Y/N, why didn’t you tell me about this?” Was he serious?
“Oh, I don’t know Harry, how about when I woke up 3 months ago to find you missing and not knowing what the hell was going on, it wasn’t the first thing to cross my mind.” I shouted beginning to get annoyed at how relaxed he was.
“I could’ve helped.” he whispered looking at the floor.
“When? When could you have helped? After the 7,000 phone calls I left you, you might have magically picked up the phone to rescue me. Or when I rang your mum or your band mates and you told them not to tell me where the hell you were, then would you have helped.” Everything that had been gradually been building inside me for the last 3 months were finally boiling to the surface.
“You don’t understand…” I cut him off
“I don’t understand, yeah to right I don’t understand. You have no idea what I’ve been through! I’m scared to leave the house thanks to your ‘fans’ who judge every move I make, who blame me for breaking your heart, when you were the one that left. But do I put them straight no because I care to damn much for you because every single person outside that door is right! I am falling apart and no one gives two shits that I am.” I took a deep breath, wiping away the tears that felt never ending.
“I care!” he shouted at me this time.
“Oh really! You care. Well where the hell were you when I needed you! When you left, when I ended up in hospital, when I was mobbed by your fans, when I nearly died!” Shit. I wasn’t supposed to say that, no one knew that I had been in hospital or the fact I nearly died; somehow I had managed to keep it on the down low, not even my parents knew that.
“What do you mean you nearly died?” he was now much closer looking for any signs of harm across my body.
“It’s nothing, Harry. Forget I said anything.” I turned away from him, dismissing my confessions, trying desperately to hide away from him and myself.
“No! Tell me!” he yelled softly, grasping my wrist to face him.
“It’s stupid, I had been drinking alone one night. I ended up falling down the stairs and gave myself concussion, I had blacked out when they found me and I was rushed in.” I whimpered as he bought me into his chest.
“Shh… its okay, I’m here now. Nothing’s going to happen, I won’t let it. I’m so sorry.” He softly stroked my hair, cooing me as we stood in the centre of the room. Finally after months of feeling completely alone and broken, it was like I was finally safe in his arms. I didn’t care that he left, I was just happy he was back.
“Let’s get you to bed” he whispered in my ear as he picked me up gently before carrying me upstairs. He gently laid me down on the bed before slipping me under the covers as he turned to leave I grabbed his wrist making him turn to face me.
“Stay, please. I don’t want to be alone anymore.” I whispered begging him to stay with me. He took of his jacket before climbing in beside me and wrapping his arm around my waist.
“I love you.” I whispered
“I love you too”
-Muskaan