-warning-there is some mention of slight self harm and dark thoughts
Though the chestnut colored sweater did wonders for my bright skin, I couldn't help but itch the inside of my wrist. The sun overhead was much warmer than I had anticipated, and mixed with the nerves of orientation, I was slowly starting to crack. Wow Harry, not even one fucking day at university and you're already failing. Figures. I began to itch more vigorously as my thoughts kept attacking me. They seemed to get louder and closer, making me feel claustrophobic even in the outdoor corridor. My wrist was throbbing and I could feel my chest tightening when a voice broke through.
"Harry, is it? Are you alright? The group is leaving now, we're all going to our dorms." I looked up to see a girl wearing a nametag reading 'Kendall'. Her presence startled me at first, but I regained my composure and detached my hand from abusing my wrist. "Oh, um, yeah, thanks. I guess I was a little distracted." I said nervously. She laughed lightly and extended her hand towards me. "Well that's alright, my name's Kendall." I tried my best to give her a warm smile and took her hand with firm gratitude. "It's great to meet you Kendall. Should we go catch up with the others then?" I asked looking farther down the sidewalk to see our group almost a quarter mile down the long road. "Yeah, probably." She said nervously laughing.
We jogged up to the back of the group, keeping some distance so we could have a conversation without invading the tour guide's monologue. "So, not to be rude or anything, but I've never heard of you before. You haven't been to any of the summer sessions, and I don't know of your family." She started. I knew this question was coming. "I don't want to – I sound like a bitch – I'm just curious on how you got into Reynier." I nodded my head knowingly, not wanting to make her feel bad. It was a valid question. "Well, um, I'm smart I guess." I said shyly moving some of my curls out of the way. Kendall threw her head back and started cackling louder than I'd expected making me flinch a little before looking up to see the group in front of us looking at us like we were crazy. I really don't blame them.
I nudged her a little, my nerves not being able to take much more attention. She wiped some tears out of her eyes and took a few deep breaths still letting out small giggles between breaths. "I'm-uh-I_I'm sorry, it's just. I mean. Duh! You're at Reynier, of course you're smart." I shrugged and smiled a little as she pushed me to one side. Look Harry, you're making friends. Yeah. I think I am making friends. Once she was completely sobered up, she started back up again. "No, but really, how did you get here?" I took a deep breath, preparing myself to give my life story. "Well, I mean genuinely I just applied, and they said yes? I'm not totally sure." My wrist seemed very itchy again. "Huh, so what does your family run? Everyone here knows each other for the most part the family business affairs. Is you company new?" She asked innocently. If only she knew. She didn't mean to hurt your feelings Harry. Fuk your feelings Harry! Man the fuck up! I shook my head in response. "I, um, I don't have a family. I'm actually from an orphanage in Cheshire. Kendall's mouth opened in a large 'O', as she realized her big mistake.
"Kendall, it's ok, you didn't know." I said before she could start rambling off apologies. "No it's not! Harry, seriously, I am so sorry." I laughed a bit, surprising Kendall a bit. It's laugh or cry sweetheart. Laugh or cry. She stared at me as I ran a hand through my hair a smile still on my face. "Kendall, like I said, it's really fine. It's been like 5 years now. It is what it is, you know?" She nodded agreeing lightly, guilt still ripe on her face. I hadn't really been able to take in her features; her hair was strikingly dark against her pale skin, and her brown eyes were dark and muddy with sparks of green and amber shining through. She was really pretty, but I hope she doesn't get the wrong idea; she's not exactly my type.
We continued walking in silence, neither of us really knowing what to say to the other. I decided it was only fair that I start the conversation this time. "So, how did you get into this school, since we're asking." Kendall whipped her head towards me in fake offense. " 'I'm just smart I guess' " She said mimicking my answer and I laughed along with her. She continued, "I mean I have good grades and stuff, but my scores aren't technically high enough. But like I was saying earlier, everyone here knows each other. My dad just made some calls and voila. Here I am." I nodded and pondered her words. "That's what most of the student's situations are here. You're just an anomaly I guess." She said shoving my shoulder lightly. I could tell we were going to be really good friends.
I was thankful that Kendall decided to come up and talk to me. I'm not sure I would be able to do the same. She was the extrovert to my introvert. The yin to my yang. That's the cheesiest thing ever you fucking moron, you've known her for like ten minutes. Sometimes I wish I could make them shut up. But then again sometimes they're all I have.
"Harry?" I heard Kendall ask. "Yeah, um, sorry. Just a little lost in my head." She chuckled lightly. "Yeah I notice you do that quite a lot." She said with a slightly worried look on her face. I shrugged and focused my attention on the huge building ahead of us. It was made of old brick and what looked like blackened iron to adorn headpieces and rails of sorts. The tour guide stopped on the steps, and I could see exhaustion laced in his features. It made me feel a little bad that I at least didn't pay attention to his little synapse of each building and statue on the campus. I'm sure he tried really hard to prepare for this. That's because you're a selfish piece of shit. Maybe think about someone other than yourself for 10 seconds and people might actually want to talk to you. Kendall wants to talk to me. That's a start, right?
"Okay, first-years are allowed to pick they're roommate freely as long as they are the same sex, just pair up and come to me. Everyone else will find their name on their door on the top floors. I looked at Kendall and we were both thinking the same thing: fuck me I literally want to crawl in a hole and die. Hopefully Kendall's wasn't that dramatic but then again who knows. I felt the pit of my stomach drop and my heart started to quicken rapidly. I felt Kendall squeeze my arm. "It's going to be fine, just come find me for dinner, yeah?" I nodded my head vigorously, not wanting her to go. 20 minutes in and I'm already attached. Hey, seriously, Harry, it's going to be fine. Just look around and find someone who looks nice. And preferably will brush their teeth once and a while. I nervously looked around and spotted a blonde boy who looked nice enough. We locked eyes from a few feet away and we awkwardly walked towards each other.
He was quick to greet me with a big smile and a firm handshake. "Heyo, I'm Niall Horan. Probably just Niall though." He stopped himself and I could see his mental facepalm. "Sorry, I'm always horrible at introductions." I laughed. "That's alright, me too. I'm Harry Styles, but just Harry is probably fine." He blushed, noticing I was poking fun at him. I couldn't help but feel the swirl of happiness in my stomach. Things were working out really well so far. I hadn't felt this confident for a long time, since I was back home and things were normal. "Well, now that we know each others names, I guess, if you'll have me.." I started, wiping a fake tear from my eye, "I want to move in together Niall." I said clasping my hands together and sticking out my bottom lip. Instantly the boy through his head back and let out the loudest cackle I ever heard. The people around us flinched and looked back at us with a tinge of shock and disgust. I really just can't seem to not raise attention. Niall came back up for air and wiped away a few legitimate tears before lazily flopping an arm over my shoulders. "Yeah okay Curly, this'll work out great." I laughed in agreement as we made our way to the guide who was now sitting at a table with a clipboard in front of him. He looked up at us as he was taking a sip of coffee. A startled hum cam from him as if to acknowledge our presence while he swallowed the hot drink. "Hey there, you guys want to sign up for rooms together?" We both nodded as he got his pencil ready to write our names down. "Niall Horan" he said softly as he was writing and then he looked over to my nametag. "Harry Sty-" He stopped and looked back up at me. "Hey are you sure you're a first-year?" My heart started racing again. I looked at Niall for support. He looked at me a little questioningly too. "I mean, yeah. I'm fresh out of secondary school. I'm eighteen. I-" The guide cut me off. "Oh, okay that's right. My manager told me about you." I looked at him with a strange expression. I looked over at Niall who looked just as confused as I was, if not more. Everything was going so well. What the fuck is happening. The guide started searching for what seemed like paperwork he couldn't find. He reached back into a tan satchel and pulled out a manilla file with my last name written on the tab. There is no possible way this ends well. I held my breath as I waited for him to explain what the hell was going on.
"Okay, so it says here that you tested out of year one? It says here you're in year three." He looked up at me, confusion written over his face like a red pen over an essay – sharp, true, and a little bit offensive. "Um, what?" I said, genuine disbelief taking over my body. "Jesus Harry, had no idea I was going to room with Einstein." I shot him a look. He held his hands up in mock surrender as I rubbed my forehead with my thumb and index finger. "Are you sure that's correct? I was the smartest kid in Cheshire, but that's not really saying much." I said nervously. I didn't want to sound like a snob, but it was the truth. "Well considering how bloody high your test scores were, your resume, and transcript history, I could believe it." He closed the file and shoved it back in his bag, obviously content with his answer. "Anywho, that means that you can't room with your friend here. You've already been put in a dorm with another kid from your grade." My heart sank. "B-but I've only just turned eighteen! You don't understand, there must be a mistake-" , "I'm sorry kid." He started, looking rather defeated himself. "I wish I could help you, but truly there's nothing I can do. You might be able to talk to a dean or headmaster in the morning, but at least for now you need to get settled in your dorm. Do you know where to grab the belongings you sent down earlier?" I shook my head no. He sighed but said "That's alright I'll show you." He stood up and gestured for me to follow. I looked to my right and gave Niall a quick apologetic glance. "Wait! Sir, please just one sec!" Niall shouted. I turned to look at him fishing his phone out of his pocket. "Here, give me your number so we can meet up later." I smiled. "Oh yeah, great idea!" I quickly took his phone and typed in my number. "Ok, good luck with the big fish Harry!" "Thanks Niall" I said half-heartedly before following the guide into the main building. I saw huge suitcases full of expensive clothes and wracks of designer suits. Oh great. Now you're going to embarrass yourself.
I found my sad little pickup station and grabbed the small backpack and torn suitcase before looking back up to see the guide's face falter. I could tell he didn't know what to say, and didn't want to offend me. I was used to it and just shrugged it off, nodding for him to lead the way to my dorm room. We took the elevator up to the third floor and we started checking the little papers by eah of the doors for my name. Finally, at the end of the hall at room 328 we found my name: LOUIS TOMLINSON and HARRY STYLES was written in elegant hand done calligraphy. I gulped as the guide silently nodded goodbye and left down the hallway and to the elevators. I could hear music from inside the room. He was obviously already getting settled. I took a deep breath before slowly opening the door to see what was on the other side.
The first thing I saw, or couldn't help but see, was the insane amount of luggage thrown around the room. A smell record player was siting on top of one of the red suitcases playing what I think is Red Hot Chili Peppers. I stood there taking in the room before dropping the backpack on the ground. Suddenly I heard a small "fucking hell" and from the bathroom to the left came a small boy a few years older than me slipping on a hoodie over his chest. I blushed, embarrassed that I intruded on him while he was changing. "Well you just going to stand there or are you going to introduce yourself?" He asked. I was a little taken aback by his attitude, but none the less consented to his demands. "Sorry, I'm Harry. Nice to meet you." He hummed in response, making his way over the mounds of luggage to the small record player to urn off the music. Once the room was silent, he said "Nice to meet you Harry, I'm Louis." I nodded in response and took a closer look at the room. It wasn't huge, but it was still much bigger than what I was used to. The walls were painted a pale, and almost cool shade of blue while the sheet were bone white with no blankets or anything to adorn them. A sad little pillow sat on top not doing much for the little bed, but I'm sure it was trying its best. "Yeah, proper stupid little beds." Louis said catching my gaze towards the said little thing. "By now though you should have known to bring your own stuff though. Rookie mistake for a third year, we basically rule the school." He said flopping on his bed, full of a comforter, blankets and pillows. He also had fairy lights surrounding his bed making his side glow a little bit. It was a little interesting to see such a... well... masculine guy in such a fairytale like bed. I need to tell him about me though.
Louis beat me to it. "You know, it's still a fairly large school, but I don't think I've ever seen you before." Large school? There are like 100 kids per class. "Yeah um, about that." I started, sitting on my bed, making the wood creak a little under my weight. "This is actually my first year, they just bumped me up for some reason." I said awkwardly. Louis looked at me like I was genuinely crazy. Probably for good reason. "What the fuck are you on about? I mean you definitely look like a kid, but there's no fucking way you're a third year. I'm ages ahead of you." He said almost offended. "Um, sorry?" I said not really sure how to respond to his sudden outburst. He rubbed the back of his neck in deep thought. "So is that really all you brought then?" He gestured to my measly suitcase and backpack. I nodded sheepishly. "Well, maybe we can go shopping after class tomorrow after classes because that just won't do." He said as he sat up on the bed and went hunting for something in his nightstand. I was shocked. Did he really just ask you to go shopping? I was sure he hated you. "Um, yeah sure. Sounds great." I said, neglecting to tell him that I literally came here with $20 that I was supposed to use to buy lunch with. Once you're eighteen, you're kind of shit out of luck for money. I worked at a bakery back home, but I always ended up giving away the money to the younger kids. I tried to give them the best childhood they could have at an old orphanage like that. Anyways, I'll just have to distract him while we're there and hope for the best. I tried not to worry about it and pulled out my phone to see that Niall had texted me.
N - Hey me and my roomie are about to head down to dinner. You down?
H – Yeah I think so, meet in the lobby in 5
I put the phone down and looked at Louis who had just pulled out a cigarette and a lighter. He stood up and made his way towards the big center window in between the two beds. There was a little nook in there that already had some blankets and pillow to cuddle with. He jumped up into the nook, as he was a bit short, and opened the window. He lit it up and took a long, smooth drag. He blew out the smoke with his eyes closed and his lips creating a beautiful pout as he did so. "Don't think about snitching on me. I'll ruin your life." That came out of nowhere. "Wasn't planning on it." I said a little tired of his attitude already. "I'm going to go down for dinner. Did you want to come?" I asked. He took another long drag before shaking his head no. "No, third years don't normally go down until much later." I nodded. "Well, I promised I'd meet some friends. I'll see you later." I went to leave the room when I heard him call my name. I turned around to see him look at me as if I had grown another head. "Harry that's social suicide. Just wait and we'll go together. Plus you haven't even unpacked yet." I shook my head politely. "I really appreciate your concern Louis, but I'll be okay, really. I'll unpack when I get back." And with that I left the room. As I was closing the door I noticed my still raw wrist.
What the hell was I so worried about this is amazing.
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Here's chapter one. Let me know your thoughts :)