It's funny how a good night's sleep can make you forget that everything around you is crumbling. I awoke the next morning, Trent's still sound asleep in my arms, and for a few brief moments I felt totally at peace. I placed a gentle kiss to his forehead, not wanting to wake him and smiled as I watched him sleep. He always looks so peaceful when he sleeps. It wasn't until I looked around the room and remembered where we were that the events of last night flooded my mind. Trent's father found us asleep in his room. Trent was kicked out of his house last night, he fought his father, he told me he had always been planning to move in with Brayden once he turned 18. A million bombs had gone off at once, and I could barely process any of them. I glanced at the clock on the nightstand and saw that it was 9 am. I had my appointment with Dr. Meyer at 10, and I definitely didn't want to miss this week. We had a lot to unpack.
"Trent, babe wake up," I whispered as I gently shook my boyfriend awake.
"Hm, what time is it?" He asked groggily as he sat up.
"9, I have an appointment with Dr. Meyer at 10, can you drive me?" I asked.
"Of course. Fuck I should go back to my house and talk to my dad," he groaned as he held his head in his hands, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.
"I can go with you after if you want?"
"No, it's okay. It's probably better if I go alone."
"Just be careful."
"I will," he kissed my nose as he got out of bed. "We should shower, come on." He patted my thigh and motioned for me to stand up. I reluctantly rolled out of bed and grabbed my clothes before heading into the bathroom across the hall. I quickly showered and got dressed so that Trent could do the same. While I waited for him, I headed to the kitchen, the smell of coffee pulling me to it.
"Good morning, how are you guys feeling?" Nat asked as she sipped her coffee.
"Could be better," I sighed as I poured myself a cup of coffee, drinking it greedily without even putting cream or sugar in.
"I'll say, you want some cream for that coffee Satan?" Brayden asked.
"Fuck off, I just desperately need caffeine right now."
"Oh, feisty," Brayden teased as he poured a cup of coffee for himself. He sat down next to Nat at the kitchen island, kissing her cheek as he did so causing her to giggle. Trent came out to the kitchen soon after that, pouring his own cup of black coffee and drinking the piping hot liquid as fast as he could. "Damn, you two are really going through it."
"Yeah well, I have to confront my abusive father about my sexuality. It's not exactly your ideal Saturday morning activity, Bray."
"Want me to go with?"
"No, not to sound like some shitty teen drama but I have to do this alone."
"Good luck," Brayden and Nat said at the same time.
"Thanks," Trent said as we got up from the island and headed out the door. Trent drove me to therapy, and I kissed him goodbye and wished him luck before heading inside.
"Good morning, Grayson!" Dr. Meyer greeted cheerfully.
"Hi," I mumbled.
"What's wrong?" She asked as we took our usual seats in her office. Her notebook was open and ready to write and I just let it all out. I told her all about last night, how perfect it was going, how Trent's dad showed up, finding out he was just planning on moving out. "Sounds like you've been through a lot," she commented when I finished my story.
"I haven't felt this awful, this overwhelmed, since Adam." I admitted.
"What's the most overwhelming?"
"I think... I think its feeling like Trent doesn't trust me."
"How come you feel that way?"
"He wouldn't let us go to my house. He told me that he was always planning to move in with Brayden, he never talked to me about it before."
"Why would he do that?"
"I don't know," I admitted, but then it dawned on me. "Maybe he was always just trying to stay alive, kind of like how I was."
"Maybe he was," she agreed.
"I shouldn't have been so upset, huh?"
"Well, Grayson I think you're entitled to how you feel. Our feelings don't care if they're rational."
"But he didn't mean to hurt me. He probably didn't even know it would hurt me. And if he just had a falling out with his dad why the hell would he want to come be with my parents and be reminded of what he never really had and just possibly lost for good. Wow I suck!"
"It sounds to me like you were just trying to process your own trauma."
"My trauma?"
"Last night was traumatic, for both of you. You said his father charged toward you, that must have brought back some memories. And then you find out Trent's had this life plan that you didn't know about. You were processing a lot, Grayson."
"You're right, it was a lot, it's still a lot. And fuck you're going to have to call children's services, aren't you? I didn't think of that before I told you all this."
"I will, you're right. But they're probably not going to do anything about it, Trent is 18 in a week. They'll do a check-in on everyone, if Trent wants to press charges, they'll pursue it. But they're not going to put him into the system when he's going to age out in a week."
"Alright."
"Will Trent be mad?"
"No, he'll understand, but this might put an even bigger wedge in things with his dad."
"It sounds like they're kind of beyond saving anyway from what you said."
"Are you like... supposed to say that as a therapist?"
"I'm supposed to tell it like it is. Sometimes someone's biological family isn't the best thing for them. Sometimes it is, like with you. Your parents messed up not catching what Adam did sooner, but they deserved your forgiveness. Trent's father sounds like he's never been a father. And who knows, maybe I'll be wrong and be presently surprised. But right now, my recommendation is for Trent to get some space, a safe space."
"And a safe space isn't my home with my family?"
"I think Brayden's is the safest space for him, not because your family doesn't care for him, or wouldn't support him, but because he needs his support system right now, not yours."
"Why are you always right?"
"Years of practice," Dr. Meyer laughed. "Well Grayson, our hour is up. Are you going to be okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. I feel better now that I let it all out."
"Alright, then I'll see you next week. Call if something comes up, okay? I can make room for you."
"Thanks, bye Dr. Meyer." I left the office and headed out to Trent's truck. He was waiting outside the passenger door so he could open it for me, always the gentleman. As I approached, I noticed a bruise forming just under his left eye. "Babe, what happened?"
"I'm staying with Brayden for the foreseeable future, let's put it that way," he mumbled as he got in the driver's seat.
"I'm so sorry, babe."
"It's not your fault. You didn't make me queer." He spat the word queer, like it was dirty, something wrong.
"Sorry you're so miserable to be with me."
"Baby, what?" Trent asked. "Oh, no that's not what I meant. I'm just... do you ever wish you could just not be this way?"
"Yeah, I have."
"That's how I'm feeling. I just wish I could be straight; I wish this could be easier. But I wouldn't trade you for the world."
"I get it, I do. I'm just sensitive."
"About what?"
"Well, I talked everything out with Dr. Meyer. I think part of the reason I was so mad at you last night was because it felt like you didn't trust me. But then I realized you were just trying to survive by having a backup plan. And you needed to be surrounded by your support system, not mine."
"You're right baby, it's not that I don't like your parents, or wouldn't have felt safe at your house. I just needed my best friend, you know?"
"I know that now. I'm sorry."
"It's okay baby."
"Oh um, there's something else..." Trent glanced at me skeptically. "Dr. Meyer has to call children's services about your dad, but the case will probably be dropped since you're almost 18 anyway." I blurted out as fast as I could.
"Well, I figured that would happen. I think my neighbors beat her to it anyway, they were peeking through the windows when I went back before."
"What did happen when you went back?" I asked. Trent lit a cigarette before he started the story.
"Well," he took a long drag, "I tried to talk with him, like man to man, and he didn't even want to hear it. He was still fucking drunk. He just kept calling me a fag and blaming my mom."
"That sounds awful."
"It sucked. I told him I was sorry, and I didn't ask to be this way, and he just wouldn't listen. He kept saying I was choosing this, I was an embarrassment, I was going to hell."
"He was really pulling out all the rhetoric, huh?"
"Oh yeah, at one point he started reciting bible verses in Spanish, and begging God to fix me."
"Holy shit."
"Eventually I got so mad I just punched him. He hit me back, that's how I got this beautiful black eye, and I just packed my important shit and left."
"So you're going to Brayden's?"
"Yeah, he's fixing up the spare room for me now."
"I'm sure your dad will come around eventually, it's a shock, and he's not really the best person, but I think he can change. You just need space."
"I really hope so," he said, taking a drag of his cigarette and turning his head to blow smoke out the window. I looked over at him and his eyes were red and watery.
"Trent, it's going to be okay." I said, taking his hand in mine after he tossed his cigarette out the window.
"This just fucking sucks," he cried. He parked his truck outside of the apartment building, took his seat belt off, and just stayed there in the passenger seat. I watched as his body was racked with sobs. For the first time I watched Trent crack, his strong personality gave way to a sad, scared child who was just abandoned by the only family he had.