It's been three days that sid went for some work and we both got busy in our new life.
May be as it is of start chumpkin and me are super excited and doing everything perfect that making us more more enthusiastic.
Even we had mentors for every ten people and in labs we divided into two batches in that six groups and each group as six people as a team.
Anu and me are in same group as our sir names starts with M but for one lab we are not as there the team of five people.
We both made two friends so now we have a group of four people. Aanaya, vaishnavi, aasma and me.
Vaishnavi and aasma are of one team so all the time we all are together.
In above all this, I didn't see sindhura from that day and I badly wanted to meet her. If sid comes he won't allow me to talk that I know clearly. So I'm waiting for her but alas today also she didn't came.
Mom is still in her words that I need to change and me being the same I don't. Today is Wednesday, atleast this weekend I want to apply for bus pass or else it will be difficult for me as they are only number of pass not to all.
So, days are going in a blink as if to say I'm here as a day to know the presence of thought.
Now every one started to suggest me to look at second counseling. I don't know how long I'm going to control my turmoil.
I don't like if anyone pressurized me to do something even it is for my own good. I just hate that. I feel like in name of happening good I'm accepting them instead of me where its me who is going to lead.
So as known to feelings and stick to myself I didn't gave any importance to the one or to their words.
If you call me stubborn, I'm ok. If you call me rude, I'm fine with it. Whatever you say or feel I don't mind because it's me who is going to lead. It's me who is going to face. It's me who is going to struggle. Then others to poke their nose in my business.
I'm huffing badly from last few minutes. Mom friend anitha started her lecture to change the college showing every possibility as a reason.
(Remember anitha aunty she will play a role of sadness in siya life later)
But with whom she is dealing with. Now even if I want to change. Now I won't give any importance to their words because damage is done. Because I don't like someone interfering into my life.
I shouted and glared at my mom in front of her.
" Why don't you listen beta what your mom says. She thinks about your good only na. Go for second counseling" mom friend anitha said.
Seeing me in silent she started again
"It's not good. The college is far and we heard that lot of accidents will happen on that way. Why you want to risk and keep your mom in tense.
Now a days computers have more demand then any group and you are girl you need choose wisely.
Later you should not regret for your studies for getting job." Anitha aunty said
I glared at her and my mom and gave a look to my min' what the hell is this mom'
"I'm sorry beta I know my son only gave options on counseling day. He don't know. But still it is in our hands why don't you change your college and branch in second counseling." Aunty said
Ohh I forgot to say. As I don't know anything her elder son who one elder to me choose the option of college and course. As mom trust them and only friend to mom from childhood and moreover no one is there for me to guide so he did it not only because he is elder but also he is doing great in studies too.
Most important is he opted computers but he choose me electronics where my parents feel it's not good for girls.
"Even you won't do job and later you want to do it. You will get it soon as you are from computers and if any course is required and it will be easy to go through as you already know and studied in college. You can easily pick up anything new only.
Now a days even bank jobs are also looking for computer people" aunty said that's it. My level of patience has broken.
"Sorry aunty I'm not interested. As you say I don't even know anything about the courses in engineering I never knew what courses are there atleast.
It was your son who did it. Don't he know that. As you say I'm girl then how carefully it should be done.
But for now, I accepted my fate and already started loving my life.
Whether I get good job or not. I don't care because I know I can lead my life because I enough to learn and struggle.
About the risk and college, it's good and top college where people dream to get. It's in top 3. Doesn't it sound great.
That's matter to me alot.
I don't know whether I will do job or not. Or what my fate is waiting for.
But I love to say I did it in reputed college instead of doing somewhere. About the course, if it is not worthy then why college will offer at first place.
Thank you aunty, I'm not going to change anything either course or college." I said may be snapped at them because the look on her face is clear that she is annoyed. The way mom is glaring at me as I'm doing the same with mom when aunty is saying something.
Practically, my big eyes send a shiver to the people. It is hard like a rock and cold like a ice.
Now again mom starts with usual thing. Don't know how to behave. Being single girl I pamper you alot what you became stubborn now. Forgetting how to behave with others.
But right now I don't want to care anything. But truth is truth and to be accepted mom didn't stop me to go to college. Infact she gave me extra money to eat or for any use.
Mom is mom no matter what. I know she is concerned about me. But I already accepted it. Then why to change now. What if other college is not good.
I even heard one of the top college that boys and girls are separate. If they see together then alas they have to pay penalty and even in canteen there is grill to separate boys and girls.
I didn't mean I dying to get attention from boys but i feel like it some what suffocating because if they want they why can't they choose girls or boys college like that instead of choosing as co-ed and doing all this.
This type of behavior only will lead to attract eachother. I even heard that when there is a fest. Girls comes like a model and only with pair. Same goes to boys also every one in college will come with someone as pair.
I feel like too many restrictions will only create the new feelings of doing wrong instead of right as if a bird is caged and it always thinks how to fly freely instead of what the owner feels towards the bird.
So I'm scared now what if I get the college of like that that doesn't mean I'm interested in something but still it suffocates as if I'm caged bird.
On top of this I don't even want to try. I accepted as my fate and to change I liked the college as well as the course. Even though I don't know anything but I want to give full effort.
I don't know suddenly my inner turmoil started argument.
Don't know to whom it supporting but I really want someone to assure me. I didn't mean to get help from them by any mean. But little assurance that I can do.
Already mom is not talking with me properly now this aunty added fuel in it. I left the place in frustration.
I'm happy with what I got but all these things creating a havoc in me. I really want to cry my heart out with the questions which is disturbing me alot.
I slept without any fuss hugging my nisha (teddy bear). Atleast it will give me some peace of my mind.
Next day
I woke up so early and got ready in light orange peach kirthi and paired up with cream colour plazoo.
Like dress I also look so dull. I can't say anything. I feel like battle is going on between me and myself like who is going to win U or ME. Adding mom behaviour is taking a toll on me.
I had a idly with ground nut chutney and left to college before time.
I really need some peace to think and I need someone who can guide me now and definitely they should be against me like people say enemy because I need clear view of what I want.
If I ask to some one I live they will say what I need or in their favour. I don't want that but from where I can get an enemy now.
Soon I reached college with so many thoughts. As I decided to go to library before class starts.
Author POV
"I'm sorry miss" siya said as bumped into some one while going to library.
"What happen" someone asked me.
"Huuhh" siya looked at the owner of the voice and blinked twice to assure herself and they are real.
The person looked at siya like a alien.
"Sindhura" siya mumbled while pinching her hand as sindhura is looking so fresh happy and cute.
"What happen girl early early morning you came on my way" sindhura said while gritting her teeth where siya jumped on her as she is missing her dearest friend for so long.
Unknowingly sindhura wrap her hands around her.
"What happen siya? Are you okay?" Sindhura asked as she feel the tightness.
Siya nodded her head as no without breaking the hug.
"What happen you are scaring me girl? Did anyone said anything?? Did anyone hurt you??" Sindhura asked in concern.
As it is early, college is so silent infact no one is there around. Slowly staff people are coming one by one.
"I don't know what happening to me. I just want to do what I want but I'm scared of the consequences infact I don't know atleast the consequences even I don't want to know because I'm happy like this"siya said
"Don't puzzle me with your words. I'm really lack in it. If you want to say or share something then do it properly" sindhura said.
"Let's go to class and sit come" sindhura said
They both went to empty classroom near to the library and settled at their places in opposite direction face to face.
"Now say what happen" sindhura asked
"Mom asking me to change college" siya replied
"What..?? But why..??" Sindhura asked in shock
"College is not good as per their enquiry they came to know that accidents will take place and the surrounding of college is like forest even though it's near and the course which I got is not good. So they want me to change the college" siya said
"Ohh.." sindhura replied taking her time to digest the news which siya said.
"Sissyyy" siya groaned
"Wait little sissyy..let me think" sindhura micked her word sissyy
"Above all this, what you want" sindhura asked after sometime
"I don't know but I don't want to change anything.
I feel like I'm in battle field and fighting against myself like who is going to win u or me. Anything it's going to hurt me because it's me and myself that
Do I really want to join in this college..??
Can I get a job after doing it as what if they are true..??
Can my life will be happy as I'm against to their decision..??
Will they support and encourage me if something goes wrong..??
I can get in other top college will I accept the same way this..
Or do I feel like second
Is this course will haunt me like nightmare if I don't change
I'm doing good or bad..
I accepted my fate and I'm happy in this.. that the think of second is settling me in good way..
Or what..
"Shh.. calm down. Don't stress. I won't say like all listen to your heart because it's says in favour of you what it want or opposite to your brain but do what makes you happy because later you should not regret that you didn't even tried it.
If really something happened, can't you take it as a challenge and change according to your wish.
Moreover if something happen also you will have peace that you did what you want but if you force to do you feel every minute thing as a blunder which end up in a situation where you don't want" sindhura said
"Thank you so much sissyy. Once again sorry sis" siya said
"I'm sorry too. I should not behave like that" sindhura said and gave her a chocolate.
"Thank you sis" siya said
"Now ok but outside behave like we both are angry or enemies and Don't say to anyone we talked so much" sindhura said
"But why" siya asked
"Because I said so" sindhura replied
"Ok done I won't" siya said with smile
They both hugged with smile mumbling secret friends to eachother at a time and laughed at their antics.
"Thank you sis. Bye" they both parted to their ways.
Days are rolling in a jet speed that finally kusuma agreed to bus pass and went to apply and even stopped asking for second counseling.
Siya felt some peace and days are back with mom.
It's been ten days sid didn't showed up and moreover aanaya didn't came to college from past two days and not even said anything and not lifting the calls of siya.
What happen to them. Hope everything is fine.
One fine day
"I'm going to village. Will you come with me" siya father asked siya
Siya looked at everyone nodding her head as no and lapping herself into the past of painful moment.
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