I walked into the living room, looking at our small apartment. Mom was nowhere to be seen, but that's not a big surprise. I walked into the kitchen and looked through the kitchen. We were running out of food quick, but we were already running out of spare money. I sighted. I should probably get another job, but then I wouldn't have time for school. I really was desperate for money right now.
I walked through the living room to the door, slowly opening it, trying to not wake my mom up. I peeked through the opening. Mom was laying on her bed, eating Cheetos. "Hey mom", I said. Without looking at me, she replied; "Hi." Well, that wasn't a very enthusiastic welcome. "Mom, do we have any money left?", I asked nervously. Mom sighted hard. "No, we don't get more money til next month." I nodded, even though she wasn't really paying attention to me. "How are you feeling?", I asked. Mom shrugged. "The same as always. Not going to work, if that's what you're wondering about." I walked over to mom. "No mom, I just care about your mental health", I whispered, kneeling in front of the bed.
Mom waved me off. "There's ten bucks in the drawer in the kitchen. Just focus on studying." I nodded and stroked her arm. "Did you take your meds today?", I asked. "Yeah yeah, stop fussing over it." I ran a hand trough my hair, not this discussion again. "It's important, mom." She shook me off. "I'm watching tv now, so you can leave." I nodded and stood up. When I walked through the door, mom called out to me. "By the way, I talked to Eric today", she said. "He's working hard at Harvard. Getting only good grades", she said. "Wow, that's great, mom." Mom ate a cheese doodle and nodded. "Yeah, you should really be more like him. Get into Harvard too." I pursed my lips. "Yeah mom. I'm gonna go study now."
I left her room and walked into my own, plopping onto the bed. I rolled around and stuffed my face into the pillow and screamed. God, why couldn't mom just accept me the way I am. It doesn't even make sense. I can't go to Harvard, I'm still in high school. Fuck. Fuck this. Fuck fuck fuck.
Then I started thinking about Will. I was going to Washington with Will. I was going to be on a team with him. But what the heck did Will actually mean to me? I want to beat him in every single subject, but that's not everything. Will might be pretty popular and does well in school, but why do I focus on him so much. Do I have a crush on Will? The thought alone was scary. Not only the fact that Will's a guy, he's Will. The cocky, mean, handsome boy I've looked up to for 3 years. I actually felt sick to my stomach. How did this happen? When did it happen?
I decided that was enough thinking for today. There was way to much going on in my head. I checked my phone. I had 3 texts from Cole. "Hey, you up?" "Dude, why aren't you answering?" "Nvm, gn bro. Pick you up at 8 tmrw". I put down my phone and grabbed my laptop. I scrolled through my homework. Time to write essays til I fall asleep, I guess.