I know I don't get all the stuff that I need, but I don't care at this point. I need to get away from here as soon as possible before I let myself get even more hurt. I refuse to sit here and wait until Alexander gets out of his mood and decides to be nice to me again.
I don't know if Alexander is still here when I'm finished packing and I get out of the bedroom. I only packed clothes for a few days so the suitcase is a bit of an exaggeration but I don't even want to borrow one of Alexander's duffel bags.
Alexander appears from the kitchen, raising his eyebrows when he sees me. "What in the actual fuck do you think you're doing?"
I'm startled when he speaks because, frankly, I didn't expect him to say anything. I didn't even expect he was still here. I lift my head up higher in a proud manner, basically letting him know that I'm not letting him get under my skin with this kind of behaviour. "I'm going to stay with Sam for a few days. I don't feel comfortable here when I know I'm not welcomed and appreciated."
I can see this stuns him a little. Yeah, this is not the weak Gabrielle anymore that would take any shit people would throw at me and hide in the corner and cry every time someone hurt me. This is Gabrielle that has the strength to walk away from everything that makes me feel bad.
Alexander walks to me in a few fast strides, his head shaking. "Like hell you are." He almost growls the words out.
"You are in no position to even have a say in this," I say with a defying tone that lets him know I'm not backing down this easily. He hurt me and he deserves to know that.
I try to side-step him, but he blocks the doorway, extending his arm and preventing me from going anywhere.
"Okay. Let's talk," he says.
I scoff. "You had your chance to talk, Alexander. And you talked, alright." My voice cracks at the end of the sentence and I swallow hard, feeling my anger being replaced with hurt.
"Gabby, there are some ... things you don't know yet."
I straighten up, my spine stiffening. "What things?" I'm already expecting the worst.
His hand grabs the back of my head suddenly and he kisses me. I'm so shocked, I just stand still for just a second and then my lips automatically move against his as if they can't help. I groan against his mouth as he turns us around and presses me against the door, kissing me hard. My hands go under his shirt and I lightly scratch his stomach with my nails. He bites my bottom lip in return and picks me up so I have to wrap my arms around his waist.
He doesn't let me come up for air, though, his hand pressed against the back of my head and his lips still on mine. I groan again when he sits down and I'm sitting on him. He finally releases my head and I pull back, trying to glare at him, but I'm pretty sure my eyes are glazed. "What are you doing?" I want to know.
"What does it look like? I'm apologising for being a stupid asshole and always fucking things up with you."
He pushes my head down again, his lips coming to my neck now. I dig my fingers into his shoulders. "Alexander," I try to say sternly, but it comes out breathy and unsteady. My eyes are fluttering, threatening to close, but I fight against the urge.
I move away from him and put my hands on his cheeks, pecking his lips softly and then putting my forehead against his, closing my eyes. I know what he's trying to do. But I won't let him. "Talk," I whisper.
I get off him and sit on the couch. He wants to come after me, a wolfish grin on his face, but I extend my arm, stopping him. "No. Talk," I say.
He lets out a long, exaggerated sigh, putting his hand through his hair. He sits forward, leaning his forearms on his thighs. I just wait there patiently. "Lena saw some shit she shouldn't," he admits suddenly.
"What?"
He looks at me and sighs. I already know I'm not going to like what he's going to tell me. "She saw me getting some coke from a friend." He scratches his neck.
"What?" I ask again, my face probably ghostly pale.
"Yeah," Alexander says. "She saw it, even took a picture and threatened to show my parents."
I recoil. I don't know which information to process first. "Are you doing drugs?" I ask, my voice faint and quiet.
"No. Well, sometimes, but it's not a big deal."
My mouth falls open. And then closes again. What is going on? Why am I hearing about this now? How didn't I know this? "For how long?" My voice becomes higher.
"Look, it's really not a big deal. It just happened a few times when I was out. It's not an addiction or anything like that."
My heart is beating in an unsteady rhythm in my chest because I simply can't believe what I'm hearing. I put my legs to my chest, hugging my knees with my arms. "You know I was adopted. My foster mother was a drug addict. She wasn't at first and things were looking great when she took me in. And then ... I don't know what happened. She transformed from a loving woman to barely-there. I was non-existent. So, excuse me, Alexander, but don't sell me this bullshit. And I'm not going to give you an ultimatum, but I'll tell you straight-forwardly that, no, I can not be with that kind of person because I don't support that. And I've also experienced it once, I don't want to do it again." Shit, I'm so close to crying.
"Gabby," he says softly and I can see the panic in his eyes. He looks remorseful because he knows my story. I told him what the deal was and drugs are a hard no for me. "This is not a regular thing for me," he says and he sounds like he's swearing it.
I just shake my head. "I don't support that kind of behaviour. I look through my fingers a lot when it comes to you, Alexander. And you know that."
I see how his shoulders tense up. "It was just a few times," he says quietly.
I look away, my whole body rigid. I don't know what I expected, but I didn't expect him to tell me that. "Do you still have it?"
I feel him looking at me. "Yeah."
"Here?" I ask, looking at him with wide eyes.
"Yes."
I let out a long sigh. "You know you could go to jail for that ..."
"I'm being careful."
I raise my eyebrows. "Obviously not enough. Lena took a picture of you. What did she want in return?"
Alexander clenches his jaw. "She was just being a bitch."
"You took her there with you!" I hate how bitter I sound. I bite down on my bottom lip. "What did she want from you?" I ask him, calmer this time.
He sighs. "Nothin'. I just had to be by her side all evening." He shrugs when he sees my look. "I don't know, okay? She's fuckin' weird."
"She likes you," I point out. And she doesn't even try to hide that.
"Yeah, well. She better start lookin' somewhere else because I have a girl already."
My lips involuntarily lift up at the corners. "I don't think she cares about me, though." I don't know why. I've been nothing but nice to her ever since she came here and I was genuinely looking forward to having a new friend, but I'm not happy about my friends going after my boyfriend, so I think that won't be happening any time soon. Besides, I don't think she wants to do anything with me, either.
"She gives you any trouble, you come straight to me. Got it?" Alexander says seriously. He read her, too. She's not fooling anyone, actually, although I don't think she's even trying to.
"Why? So you can be an asshole to me again?" I ask, still hurt about how he acted towards me.
Alexander flinches at my words. "I'm sorry. I was just frustrated and pissed off when you brought it up."
"You could've at least told me you're going to the race with her, Alexander. I might start thinking you're trying to hide something from me."
He scowls. "I'm not hiding anything from you. Ever," he deadpans completely seriously.
"Why did you take her in the first place, Alexander?"
"It wasn't intentional, I promise. She was bugging the fuck out of Sam, but she ignored her and then she started calling me, saying that she just wants to experience one time. And then my mother called me and, shit, I was just under pressure, you know?" he mutters.
I purse my lips, suddenly interested in my nails. "You were being a huge ass to me for no reason and I'm telling you now that if you ever do this again, I will leave."
"No," Alexander suddenly says fiercely, pulling my legs so they're scratched and lies his head on my stomach, his arms wrapping around my body. "You can't go anywhere. You can't, Gabby." He sounds so desperate that my chest clenches. I resist putting my hands in his hair, knowing how much he loves that.
I just sigh and he wraps his arms around me even tighter. This is his kind of apology. He messes things up regularly in our relationship, but so do I. We're both very defined by our pasts and we're both broken in some parts. Neither of us knows how to have a relationship, especially when we're both so different. We're just trying to figure it all out together.
The phone ringing disrupts our silence and Alexander groans, not wanting to move off me. I take the phone out of my pocket, wiggling under him so I get some space. He doesn't give me any. "It's Sam," I murmur.
He lifts his head up at this. "Just tell her to fuck off. I'm pissed at her."
I raise my eyebrows at him, noting that we have to talk this out later. I answer Sam's call, "Hey."
"Gabby! Are you okay? What's going on?"
Oh. The text. I almost forgot I sent her a text before. "Oh, no. Yeah, I'm fine."
"Did you and Alex have a fight?"
I'm reluctant to answer her because I don't want her to beat herself up and think she's responsible, but she probably already knows anyway. "Yes, but it's all okay now. We made up." Party, at least.
Alexander's arms tighten around me at that. I can't help myself this time and push my free hand into his soft hair, running my fingers through it. He relaxes almost immediately. "God," Sam says, a pained sound coming from her throat. "I'm going to stab that bitch if she ever comes near him again."
I wince at her harsh words and the venom she says them with. I would never like to come on Sam's bad side. "And I just might strangle my boyfriend if he ever keeps things from me again." Alexander playfully pinches me and I yelp, giggling afterwards and trying to squirm away from his hands.
"Okay! Hanging up now before you two start having make-up sex over the phone." She makes a gagging sound. "I'm happy to hear you two talked it out. Sorry again for those pictures. They're already deleted from my phone because I never want to hear of their existence again."
I chuckle. Me and her both. "It's okay, it's not like they were kissing."
I feel Alexander pinching me again and I let out an, "Ouch!" and grimace. "Stop doing that!" I scold him, giving him an angry look.
"Yep. My cue to hang up. See you 'round, Pretty face!" Sam sings into the receiver.
"Come around some time," I invite her.
"Sure," she says happily.
Alexander gets up when I hang up. I sit up on the couch, too, rearranging my clothes.
"By the way, I'm having some guys over tomorrow. If that's alright," Alexander suddenly says on his way to the kitchen.
I shrug. "Sure," I say, standing up, too. He invites them over often so they watch a race together on the TV and drink beer. Well, others do. Alexander drinks water.
I walk after him to the kitchen and lean against the counter, watching him pouring himself a glass of water. "You can't hold a grudge against Sam for the pictures."
"It wasn't any of her business sticking her nose into that."
I raise my eyebrow. "She didn't take them on purpose." I'm convinced of the fact because I believe her. And even if she did take them purposefully, I had a right to know.
"Whatever," Alexander says, setting the empty glass back down. "If she has problems with Snake, that's on her. She can leave us the fuck alone."
I lean backwards, looking at him with wide eyes. "Why are you so angry at her and the fact that she showed me those pictures? Would you even tell me Lena was there with you, obviously having a great time thanks to you?"
By the way his mouth forms a straight line, I suppose the answer is no. Now I regret asking because I'm getting mad again. "Honesty is the only thing I'm asking from you, really."
"Are you going to let her be a problem for us?" Alexander asks me with a challenge.
I tilt my head to the side. "That depends entirely on you," I tell him, crossing my arms over my chest.
He sighs, rubbing his face. I notice how tired he is and I wonder if he had trouble sleeping after I went out of the bed. "I really don't want to fucking talk about her anymore, alright?" He crosses his arms over his chest, mimicking me. "I'm more interested in knowing who you punched in this face last night and why."
"Huh?" I ask, my forehead scrunching.
He just looks at me, waiting.
I rub at my temple. "Oh, I told you about that? Ah ... it was just silly. It didn't have to do with me, but rather one of June's friends. One guy was so annoying that he just didn't want to go away."
"But no one bothered you?"
I know what he's doing. I roll my eyes. "They pretty much got the memo I have a boyfriend since I had a phone in my hands basically all the time."
He looks at me for some more seconds, a serious look on his face, until he nods, beaming. "Good. Although that tattoo idea you had about my name on your forehead doesn't sound that bad to me, either."
I let out a loud groan.
*
If you think that this book is good, just wait for the third one. I go all out. I repeat - ALL OUT. In a good way. ;)))))
Sorry for hyping you up, it won't come out for another year/2 years though.