Luke's POV:
The car ride home was one of the hardest things I've ever done.
I had to fight back every urge to turn around and march right back into that house and beg for her to not go through with this. All I wanted to do was fall to my knees and do everything I possibly could to change my mind.
I used what little strength I had left to get me back to mine regardless of the fact that I feel as if my heart had been ripped out of my chest. A part of me was terrified I'd get in an accident as my eyes kept threatening to well up due to the pain soaring through me.
After all, I truly have no idea what more I could've said or done. Her decision had clearly been made and there was no convincing her otherwise as she's so fearful of the future.
And now, I've lost the best thing I've ever known.
I can't help but feel obligated to blame myself as I know this all could've been avoided if I hadn't given her such a hard time about the movie and her role with Zac Efron. If I had just encouraged her to through with the big project and abide by what the asshole had asked of her, maybe everything would be okay.
However, I know that I would've been a worse boyfriend if I didn't encourage her to get herself out of a toxic situation where she was being taken advantage of. Who knows what else they would've asked of her?
I just don't know how everything fell apart so quickly.
Everything was fine one minute, then the next, her name was tarnished and everyone started formulating their own inaccurate opinions that destroyed her. Not only did it destroy her, but it destroyed us and everything that we built in our relationship.
Unfortunately, there's nothing I can do about it but go home and put every single feeling of pain down on paper.
Throwing open the door to my car, I plan to head inside with my head down with no intention of talking to anyone on the way to my room. I especially don't feel like looking at Calum who's playing such a huge role in her feelings.
So with that, I pull open the door to our place and hear the guys' laughter making me already dread their one hundred million questions I'm sure they're going to start shooting at me.
"There he is," Calum chirps from the couch. "I was about to call 911 to make sure you were still alive."
I don't humor his comment and instead walk straight towards my bedroom. If there is anyone I don't want to be around right now, it's certainly Calum.
"Good to see you too?" Calum calls.
I slam the door shut behind me, walking right to my bed in order to fight back every urge to break down right here even with all the guys home. The pain coursing through me is indescribable as I could've absolutely never imagined this to be the outcome between Haven and I.
I thought we were forever.
I clench my fist and slam it against my bed as I feel anger towards myself that I didn't do more. I should've fought harder. I shouldn't have let her get her way and instead insisted that we weren't allowed to break up. Especially as she was making a decision based on a scenario that could've potentially never happened.
God, why did I walk away?
As I feel my throat beginning to tighten, I hear the door to my room open slowly and I bite back the urge to scream at whoever it is to get the fuck away from me.
"You good, mate?" Ashton asks, his voice calm.
I don't respond as it's far from obvious that I'm anything but good. It doesn't take a genius to put the pieces together and recognize that I'm a damn disaster.
"Gonna take that as a no..." Ashton says, his footsteps entering my room regardless of the fact that it's hardly a welcoming atmosphere in here. "Can we talk about it at least?"
"I don't want to talk about shit."
"Did something happen with Haven?"
"What did I just fucking say, Ashton?" I ask, finally looking at him as even her name hurts to hear right now.
Ashton puts his hands up in defense and takes a step back. I can see sympathy in his eyes and I'm sure he wants to do whatever he can to help me feel better but there's absolutely no doing that.
"Do you want your notebook?" he asks, nodding towards my desk where my songbook and pen lays.
I clench my jaw, not responding as I know I need to write more than anything right now. Inspiration will flood through me once I get my hand down on some paper and I don't doubt that I'll be able to have something good come out of this.
Due to my lack of response, Ashton silently grabs the notebook and pen and tosses it towards me. I sigh as I know Ashton is the last person of the guys to be taking this out on. He always had Haven's back.
"I'll just..." Ashton says, making his way towards the door.
"Wait," I say, not wanting him to leave. I definitely don't want him to stay but the thought of him leaving is more taunting.
Ashton raises his eyebrows, as if waiting for me to elaborate but nothing comes out as I sit up on my bed, shaking my head and attempting to calm down before I open my mouth once more.
"What happened, Luke?" Ashton asks, his voice soft. "You can tell me."
"I don't want to fucking talk about it, alright? It already hurts too much to think about."
I see the worry in Ashton's eyes and I can tell he's genuinely concerned as to what happened. Especially because I provided them little to no explanation as to why I dropped my plan to meet them at the bar. I just told them that something came up with Haven and I had to go to hers.
None of them questioned it as I'm sure they all assumed that it was my last minute ditch excuse. I can only imagine how irritated they all were but obviously I had something way more important that needed my immediate attention.
"Did something happen to Haven? Is she alright?"
It feels like a knife piercing through my stomach and twisting sharply as I hear her name once more. I hear the name of the girl who had so confidently broke up with me not even an hour ago. The name of the girl I silently begged to text me or say absolutely anything.
"Is she hurt? Do we need to help her in any way? Should we call Aspen-"
"She broke up with me, alright?" I yell, cutting him off from his assumptions as I can't bear to hear him try to guess any further. I wasn't planning on talking about this so soon but I guess I'm locked in now.
Especially because once I admit it to someone, it becomes real. Now that Ashton knows that Haven broke up with me, it's beyond just Haven and myself. And that's what makes it hurt even more.
Ashton's eyes widen in surprise as he clearly is at a loss for words.
"I- what? Why would she do that? Where is this coming from?"
I watch as Michael and Calum slowly make their way into my room, clearly hearing my confession and probably preparing to comfort me in any way they think they can. However, this only makes me angrier as Calum comes in considering he played a huge part in Haven's feelings.
Nonetheless, I explain my nightmare of the last twelve hours.
"We were supposed to hang last night but I got a text from her canceling because she said she was going to Aspen's. I talked to Aspen and she said she hasn't heard from her in days."
I see sympathy in Ashton's gaze and a hint of coldness in Calum's. I'm sure he's listening to this with a lot less of a soft spot for Haven than Ashton has. On top of that, I'm certain that this only is confirming his hatred towards the girl as he's about to hear the story of the girl who ripped my heart out.
"I went over to Haven's to see she had finished half a bottle of tequila to herself and in front of her was a bottle of pills that she had been taking as well," I choose to leave out what type of pills she was on because I know she's shy about the subject. The last thing I'd want to do is out her to everyone about her desire to take anti-depressants to help cope with her pain. "She was hardly coherent but I knew what it would turn to in the media if I had taken her to the hospital."
Ashton walks towards me, taking the seat beside me as if to show that he's listening and showing his sympathy towards the story that's clearly hard for me to tell.
"I helped her puke all night and then stayed the night because I was fucking terrified that something would happen and I wouldn't be there to fix it."
Ashton nods his head as Calum takes a seat on the floor and Michael takes a seat at my desk. They all seem to realize there's a lot more to the story and that it won't be as simple as it may seemed like it would've been.
"She woke up and we talked it out but then I could tell she was just thinking about everything and she started making up scenarios in her head and questioning what I would do in these said scenarios and-"
"What were these scenarios?" Michael asks, clearly confused as to what I could be talking about.
My eyes find Calum's who watches me intently but with a sense of boredom in his eyes. It's clear he's uninterested to hear about the girl who he strongly started disliking for no reason. This is enough to make my jaw clench as I doubt he'll even feel bad for being a cause of our break up.
"She was worried about the impact certain friends were going to have," I say, not taking my eyes off Calum as I want him to feel bad. He deserves to feel guilty for ruining the best thing I've ever known. "She was aware that certain people were encouraging me to leave her and didn't want for me to be in a place where I had to choose between the two."
"Who are these certain people?" Michael asks, seeming confused by it all.
"Me," Calum says, as if proud of being the one to put the thoughts in her head. "She wasn't good for our image and Luke was to blind to see it."
Michael seems shocked by Calum's confession and I just look to Calum with nothing but disgust considering he doesn't seem the slightest bit sorry.
"We wouldn't have a fucking career if it weren't for her. We'd be packing our bags and heading back to Australia if I never started dating her," I say, my voice rough as he seems to forget how we got our name in the first place.
Ian found us because of Haven and that's the only reason we've had the opportunities we've had. There's no way we would've been able to reach this success without the help of Ian. Scratch that, without the help of Haven.
"I understand that but now that we're here, we have to take advantage of the opportunity. We can't be making careless mistakes like associating with people who-"
"I fucking love her, Calum," I say, raising my voice. "You know that she's my whole fucking world and you don't care at all about ruining that for me."
"There's better out there-"
"There's nothing better than her!" I yell. Everyone in the room stays silent as they let me lash out whatever I need to. "She was the girl of my dreams and would've done anything for me; for us."
"You saw the way her relationship with Jake ruined her name. That would've been us if-"
"Because of you, I lost the best thing that ever happened to me," I say, cutting him off as I want him to know that what he did will never be okay and he can't justify it in the slightest. "You don't know half the shit Haven has been through, not just in the past few months, but her whole damn life."
I don't fill them in on a lot of things that would probably make them have sympathy for her considering I know how secretive Haven is about it. I know she prefers to keep things to herself and me. Even if it could potentially mean getting everyone back on her side again, I can't talk about her trauma.
"She has been through shit that no one should ever go through," I say, anger in my expression as I wish nothing more than to throw it in their face. "All this shit that's happening to her is not her fucking fault."
Somehow Calum has the nerve to continue, "I'm sure it isn't and I don't doubt that she's been through some obstacles but that doesn't change the fact that her reputation is damagi-"
"Fuck you, Calum," I say, in disbelief that he cares so little about me. "Fuck you for not giving a single damn about your best friend's happiness."
Calum looks to me stunned, as if not expecting my words and expecting me to understand where he's coming from. However, that's far from the case as he has known since the beginning of time that Haven has always been a dream to me.
"Luke, you're being ridiculous," Calum says.
"My girlfriend broke up with me!" I yell, standing up from my bed and staring him dead in the eyes. "My everything is gone because of you."
"It's for the bes-"
"Don't you dare try to fucking tell me what's the best thing for me," I say. "All you care about is yourself and your career that would be nonexistent if it weren't for the girl who you speak so lowly of for no fucking reason."
"You're going to see-"
"Calum, just drop it," Ashton says, finally speaking up. I'm glad he said something because if Calum kept continuing, I can't say I wouldn't start getting louder and more angry about it all. "I think we need to revisit this when everyone is in the right head space."
I just roll my eyes, not wanting to revisit this at all considering Calum is too stubborn to see things my way. He's going to insist that he did the right thing and for that, I can't even look at him. He clearly doesn't care how hurt I am and only gives a fuck about what effect it would've had on him if Haven and I were together.
I grab my notebook and pen, ready to get far away from here. I need to escape everyone in this room; especially for the people who didn't step in once during the conversation to back me up.
I guess I know where they all stand.
"Luke, where are you going?" Michael asks, his tone tired as he clearly doesn't want me to leave.
"Far from here," I say, already heading out of my room.
"Don't leave, Luke," Michael says. "We can-"
"Just let him go," Ashton steps in as I slam the door shut behind me once more. "Let him take his mind off of things and cool down."
Cooling down doesn't seem possible as I don't know how to handle all of my emotions. I feel hurt and pain due to the way Haven had ended things, but I also feel anger towards my friends who didn't seem to show an ounce of sympathy.
I need to get out of here before I react in a way that I'll regret.
______________________
My feet dragged me towards the coffee shop I had taken Haven to the first time we hung out alone. Why I decided this was the best place to take my mind off of her is beyond me. Instead, I walked into my own trap that is only going to make things worse considering last time I was here, everything was good.
A part of me tries to convince myself that I came here because I knew I'd be alone. This place is always empty and that's exactly what I need right now. I need to be away from other people and in my own head space so I can make sense of my thoughts and feelings and put it on paper.
After all, I've hardly been able to process a proper thought as I've been too busy feeling anger towards someone who's supposed to be my best friend. Someone who didn't feel any guilt in my heart being broken. Instead, he tried to justify it and make me look like the bad guy.
The thought alone sends a shiver up my spine as I force the door open and enter the shop that is empty as I had hoped. I feel relief because of this and immediately eye a table I plan on sitting at.
I toss my notebook down on it, followed by my pen as I sit down at the table with frustration coursing through me. How has today managed to go so poorly? How did I lose the most important thing to ever happen to me in the blink of an eye?
Leaning my elbows on the table, I place my hands over my eyes and attempt to not let my emotions get the best of me. I just could've never seen this coming from a mile away.
Everything was good.
Sure I had noticed that her smile wouldn't always reach her eyes or she didn't jump on the opportunity to have physical contact as much as she did before but I just thought it was her own stress getting to her. I tried to understand as everything seemed to have been taking off for me while everything for her went in the opposite direction.
However, I figured it was a challenge I'd help her get through. I thought she would depend on me to be her shoulder to lean on. That's all I wanted to do as I just wanted to support her and be her biggest fan.
Unfortunately, I couldn't even do that.
Rubbing at my eyes, I shake my head in disappointment. How am I expected to be okay with her breaking up with me? How am I expected to just walk away and let her win?
God, I just want to call her.
Gripping at my hair in frustration, I immediately grow angry at my own action considering all it does is remind me of all the times Haven would play with my hair.
She loved my hair.
She'd play with it any opportunity she had and would massage it without me even asking. She loved to play with it and I loved it more than anything when she did.
Every little thing is going to continue reminding me of her and the thought is so threatening to me.
Distracting me from my thoughts, I hear the door to the shop open which makes me groan at the thought of another person being in here. I truly thought it would remain empty and now I have to deal with the distraction of someone else in here as I sit here and pity myself.
Not looking towards the door, I'm immediately interrupted when I hear my name come from the entry way.
Of course it has to be someone who knows me. I specifically came to this isolated place to avoid people and am instead greeted by someone who knows me.
Looking up, I'm surprised by the sight in front of me as the person seems just as surprised as myself. In fact, I don't even know what to say as I take in the appearance of the person who is in such a hidden shop.
"What's up, man?" he asks, clearly a lot more cheerful than myself as he approaches me. "Good to see you, it's been a minute. I hope you don't mind but Haven shared this secret spot with me not too long ago."
My jaw clenches at the mention of Haven as I clap hands with him with little urgency to my movement as I hope he just gets his drink and leaves.
"Mind if I join you?" he asks, making me only more angry. "I'm on lunch break and was hoping to stop here to grab some coffee."
My teeth clench as I realize there's no way out of this.
"Not at all, Zac."
"Cool man," Zac says, heading towards the counter. "Do you want anything to drink or eat?"
"I'm good."
Zac heads over to the counter and I stare down at the notebook I had so desperately hoped to get some lyrics down on. However, of course I now have to entertain Zac Efron as I'm having the worst day possible currently.
I contemplate getting up and leaving just so I can go somewhere else. However, I have a strong feeling I won't get away with it.
I can only imagine what our conversation is going to consist of. I obviously would prefer to keep Haven out of it but that is the absolute only connection we have and probably the only thing for the two of us to talk about.
This is going to be worse than my conversation with Calum.
As Zac makes his way back towards me, I noticed the smile on his face that I couldn't match even if I tried. It's clear his day is significantly better than my own and I wish I could ask him to at least pretend to not be as happy as he is.
"So what's new, man?" he asks, taking a seat across from me. "How are things going? How's the band?"
"As good as they can be," is what I settle with.
Zac doesn't seem affected by my short response and instead continues as he sits back comfortably in his seat.
"I've been meaning to text Haven and see if you guys wanted to grab something to eat," Zac says. "I feel bad about everything that happened and I haven't really gotten the chance to talk to her about it."
"Yeah, it's unfortunate," I say, tension rising within me as I just want to escape this conversation.
"How's she doing? I hear she got dropped by her agency."
I suddenly wish I had a drink to tighten my grip on as I hold back every urge to storm out of this shop. I can't focus on Haven right now considering it hurts too damn much and I have no idea how to tell Efron to shut the fuck up.
"She's not doing too great."
Zac looks to me with pain in his eyes and I can see the sympathy in them, "Fuck dude, I wish there was more I could do. I tried talking to John but he wouldn't budge. I even tried talking to my agency and they said they can't afford to bring her in due to the media surrounding her currently."
Well try harder.
"She doesn't deserve this," Zac says mostly to himself. "Hell, anyone who knows her knows how good of a person she is."
I once again don't respond as I let Zac carry the conversation. I left my house just so I could stop talking about Haven but of course I come here and have to talk about her all over again.
"I'm going to keep trying, I'll figure something out," Zac says to me in an attempt to comfort me.
I don't have much confidence in his words as there seems like there's not much left to do. It seems that the industry has made their decision about Haven and they don't plan on turning around.
Mostly because her lack of motivation is going to prevent her from going out on her own and attempting to make things better. She's accepted her own fate and that's the worst part.
"We should all get together and we can-"
"She broke up with me," I say, ripping the bandaid off as I don't feel a need to hide it.
It's the unfortunate reality of the situation and I doubt she wants to be around me. He can make plans to hang out with her but I'm certain she wouldn't want me there.
Zac looks to me with horror in his eyes, "What?"
"She's going through a lot right now," I settle with, deciding that I don't owe him a full explanation. "I'm just not the person she wants to get her through it."
The horror is quickly replaced with sympathy as he gives me a look of sadness and sorrow.
"Aw man, I'm so sorry to hear that," he says, his tone sounding genuinely sorry. "I- fuck, I had no idea. I thought you two were end game."
"Didn't we all?"
Zac shuts his mouth, looking down at the table as I'm sure he feels guilty for bringing all this up now. I don't initiate further conversation as I once again admitted to someone how terribly my day went. Due to this, I'm only solidifying it more and more.
"Damn dude," Zac says. "I'm super sorry. I can't imagine."
I shrug my shoulders considering he truly can't imagine. I lost the person I love most in the world and I don't know how I'm going to force myself to get over it.
Zac takes a napkin off the table, along with the pen I had brought and starts scribbling on it. I don't think anything of it as I contemplate how I'm going to up and leave this conversation.
It must be clear that I don't want to say as I've hardly contributed much and definitely have an unfriendly look on my features. I'm surprised Zac lasted as long as he did.
"Here," Zac says, pushing the napkin towards me. "It's my number, I want you to reach out if you need someone to talk to or get a beer with or- I don't know, whatever the fuck you want."
I nod my head, taking the napkin as I appreciate the offer and am thankful that he's cool unlike most Hollywood stars. It's clear he has a good head on his shoulders and genuinely cares about Haven and myself.
"I've been through rough breakups and sometimes the best thing was guy time. If you ever need a break from your guys, don't hesitate to shoot me a text."
I shoot him an appreciative look and push my seat out from under the table. I don't mean to just up and leave but he did give me his number in order for me to contact him for future plans. I'm hoping this is an appropriate time to flee the scene and find my own quiet space.
"I appreciate it," I say, offering a hand for him to clap. "I definitely will."
He claps my hand and shoots me a smile and luckily doesn't get up as well. I'm thankful for this as I feared he would've followed me out and insisted we continue hanging out with one another for the rest of his lunch break.
"It'll all work out," he finishes with.
I don't know what he means by this but I accept his words nonetheless. I accept them as a good point to end on and lock them in my head regardless.
The only thing I have right now is hope. Therefore, I can hold only onto the possibility that something good will come out of this. However, that's a long ass shot but it's all I have left.
a/n
and all yall were sooooooo worried about Mr efron
don't worry we like him (-:
poor luke he really do b sad
thank u for coming back and reading i love u all dearly!