Usually when I sleep with a guy, I tend to regret it in the end but with Blake...I don't regret a single thing.
Is this how it feels like to be in love? Is it that quick? Is it true when it makes you wake up with a smile from the dream you had with them, and fall asleep with a smile just thinking of them? I still wasn't sure and I've asked my sister.
My sister just shrugged at me as she looked up from a large medical book. Her brows still furrowed and her brain still on whatever she was looking at. I raised my brows at her and said, "Hello? Are you even here? Did you even listen to me?"
"No. I'm busy." She looks back at her book and sighs tiredly.
I suddenly felt bad for my sister. So I took her mug and refilled it with tea. I ran a gentle hand on her shoulders as I sat next to her. "Is everything alright?"
"No," she said with frustration. "I can't find anything! I can't....I can't save him...."
I furrowed my brows at this and said, "Save who?"
My sister clicked her tongue in anger and said, "He has a tumor. The doctors claim they can't take it out because it has overwhelmed all of his hypothalamus. Plus. He's diabetic. He just went for a sprained ankle. Then I went ahead and looked at other symptoms that I wasn't supposed to go into and I found his cancer. But guess what?! I made him find out that he only has a year left!"
I didn't really understand half of the things she said, but I still rubbed her back as she looked at her book with frustration. I carefully said, "Why don't you take a rest? Maybe you will function better once you've slept. That always helps me."
I gave her a gentle smile and she shook her head. "No. I did this to him. I have to fix it."
"You could have never given him...what was it? Tumor? That wasn't your fault!"
"It doesn't matter," she said. "I have to find a way to at least give him more years so he can see his granddaughter grow up...." Her eyes started to water and I pulled her in for a hug. My sister did small sniffles on my shoulder and I gently patted her back.
"There. There," I said to her. "I insist that you should rest but if you want to stay up, then I'll stay up with you."
Amy pulled away from my hug and smiled. "You wouldn't be able to resist a second up late."
"I'm the master of all-nighters, sis," I said playfully. "Nobody can beat me."
"I can. I have," she said with a smirk.
I knew this was true from all those hours of study she put in for school and all those hours at her night shifts. But I still crossed my arms on my chest and said, "Fine. Let's do one tonight. But no more med books and no more stress crying."
"Deal," she said as she took off her glasses.
We actually did stay up until three in the morning. I told her all about Blake, and she listened tiredly. Like I said. I am the master of all-nighters, but I didn't shove it in her face this time as I walked out of the restroom and I found her sound asleep on the couch. I put a soft blanket on her and kissed her temple before going off to bed. At least she listened to my Blake stories and she got her head out of that large book. That was enough for me.
Yet, a week has passed since that all-nighter. I barely see my sister now. I think she's on the verge of solving her tumor problem, but I also have my own problems at work. Well. More like bills. It's enough my sister has to deal with her stress at the hospital. So I take out the mail from my purse when I get to the lobby this morning, and look through it.
So many bills. And so many college debts from the both of us. I let out an exhausted sigh at just the cover of each envelope and decide to shove it all back in my purse. I guess I will have to look into extra hours of work. Or maybe another job if I want to pay as quick as possible.
"Hey!"
I jump at the sudden sound of Cam's voice and roll my eyes at him. "Don't do that!"
"What do you mean? Were you hiding something?" He comes closer to me and looks over my shoulder as I zip my purse closed.
"It's none of your business," I say as I lightly push his head off my shoulder.
"You are my business," Cam says playfully and I just shake my head at this.
He's been quite odd lately. His flirts are less, but they're there. Yet, there seems to be loss of shine in his dark eyes whenever he sees me again. I've asked him if everything was alright, but all he says to me is that he misses his drinking partner. I never say anything back to him when he says this. Drinking hasn't been on my mind after everything I'm going through. But I guess I have to see what day I'm free so this idiot doesn't go all baby on me.
I start towards the exit and into the kitchen. Cam quietly follows me and I immediately know something is up with him. But I let him stay silent until he finally says to me, "Hey, mate?"
"Yeah?" I say as I take my notepad and pens to put in the pockets of my uniform.
"Do....Are you....Are you and Blake like....dating again?"
Uh oh. I knew this conversation was bound to come up some time.
I give him a small smile and try to playfully answer his question. "Well. I don't know. What do you think, Mister Love Whisperer?" I chuckle at the nickname he gives himself, but his smile does not reach his eyes like it always does.
All he does is shrug and shove his hands in the pocket of his suit pants. "I guess you are. I can see it."
"Yes. We are," I say softly this time. My brows furrow when Cam's eyes grow wide and sadness runs through them. "What's wrong?"
Cam quickly pushes his sadness aside and shakes his head with a weak smile. "Nothing. I'm happy for you, mate." He puts a light hand on my arm and walks off before I can even say anything else.
I watch him walk towards a table and kindly attend to a family. Worry crosses my heart for my friend. I may have broken him. If there's anyone that has insisted to win my affection, it's Cam. But only Blake knows how to ignite my heart with just a look....
My thoughts are interrupted as Ryan calls out to me. I turn to see him with a few folders and tired eyes. "Abi. I was wondering if you've seen Blake."
"No. I haven't seen him all day."
"Hm. Okay. Then I'll just have to see--" His thinking out loud is interrupted by a small vibration of his phone. He answers and says, "Blake! Where are you?" He stays silent and even I find myself trying to eavesdrop their conversation. Blake isn't the type to just miss work without a week of anticipation.
"Okay! Don't worry! I hope you feel better."
My eyes grow wide at these words. Ryan hangs up and smiles down at me. "It seems like he's sick. Well. We are entering our October winds so I will be hearing a lot of those calls this month."
Sick? Blake isn't the type to get sick with just a wind either.
But I just go along with Ryan and nod. "I'm sure it's just a cold. He should be back sooner or later."
"Anyways. It was just to see the new things we're getting with the funding money from the cruise party. But I guess we can do that another day." I nod at him and Ryan gestures towards the patio out front. "Alright. Why don't you go ahead and take the outside customers today?"
"Yes sir," I say firmly and obey his command. As I do my job, my mind can't stop thinking of Blake. I'm sure he isn't sick. But he is up to something. I'm going to find out once I get out of work today.
Luckily, I was let free earlier today, so there's still sunlight outside. I get in the car and think of the places that Blake can be at. Well. I'm not going to go to his mother's house because it's embarrassing that she invited me to her house, and I still haven't gone for that lunch she offered. He's probably not at his house. It could be either two places: the library or our favorite hide out.
I turn on the car and decide to go to our secret hide out first. I'm pretty sure that is where he is now.
I stop by an abandoned building that used to be for small apartments. I get out and go towards the back like Blake and I used to do. I start climbing the railing stairs until I get to the only room that was left decent enough for a makeover. There are still a lot of bags and leftovers from the construction. I haven't been here in years. But it feels as if I just came yesterday when I see a man laying down on the floor with some pillows and an old bed sheet he must've had in his car.
I quietly smile as I see Blake turn the page of a book, and then raises it up in front of his face to read. I carefully step in and tip toe to where he is. But before I could scare him, he softly says, "I knew you'd come." I stop in my steps and he looks up towards me with a smile. "Come. lay by my side."
I quietly do as he says and he puts a sweet kiss on my forehead once I'm next to him. I smile at him and he wraps his strong arm underneath my neck. I move in closer and look at the large window in front of us.
"What are you doing here, Blake?"
"Reading."
"I can see that," I say as I take the book from his hand. I furrow my brows at the simple title. "1987?"
"It's a classic. It's about a government that lies to it's people."
I chuckle at this. "Okay. What makes it a classic?"
"It's so hard to read. Even for me."
"Wow," I say as I open the book to where he left a bookmark. "Then this must be something." I quickly take off my socks and he copies this with a playful smile. We put out feet on the window and I copy how he was holding the book before I stepped in. "Are they British or something?"
"I don't think so."
"Okay. I will read, Mister."
"Go right ahead," he softly says to me as he slightly lays his head on mine and I start to read whatever is on the paper. We go on for a while like this and he pays attention with such concentration. He doesn't even move as he lets my words create a scene in his mind.
Then I stop and frown. "How long have we been reading?"
"Twenty minutes now."
"This scene keeps repeating all over again."
"No it's not. You're just not understanding what you're reading. That's why it sounds repetitive to you."
I raise my eyebrows at him. "Oh really? Then what did it talk about this whole time?"
"He's reading his book to her out loud. Kind of what we're doing right now. Except you're reading to me and you don't understand a single thing you're saying."
I playfully punch his stomach and he laughs at this. I put the bookmark to where I stopped reading, and put the book to one side so I can scoot closer to his strong chest. He tenderly runs his fingers through my hair and smiles down at me. His brown eyes shining for what he has in his arm. For finally having me back.
I look up and softly kiss him. I let my heart ignite with the caress of his lips on mine. My hand instinctively runs up his broad chest and his free hand finds my waist. How could I have let this go for three years? How could I let him go so easily? Why did I wait for too long to realize my love for him?
Blake gently pulls away and says, "When I went over to Brazil, my father had a restaurant of his own. Among the poor neighborhoods."
"Really?" I say with a smile. "Tell me about it."
"I met so many people over there. I met his employees, too. They were a mess. And very old." I giggle at this and he smiles at the sound of it. "So I decided to sell the place."
My eyes grow wide at this. "Why? Is that what your father wanted?"
"I don't know. We didn't speak much the last time I saw him." I do a sad sigh and run my fingers on his chest. I wrap my arm tighter around him to comfort him. Blake puts a gentle kiss on my head and softly says, "But that doesn't matter because everything I have is here. My happiness is right here. Next to me."
I let a smile start at my lips and Blake gives me a wink. I lay a kiss on his lips and say, "Then why did you say that you thought we would end so easily?"
"I just thought because....my father didn't leave any instructions when he divorced with my mom. He just....left and sent money. He'd come to visit, but he was always on business calls. It was like he wasn't there."
"I'm sorry to hear that. At least he was there. All I had of my mother was a sticky note. What are going to do with that money?"
Blake stays silent and I can tell that his mind is working fast. He does a small shrug and says, "I was thinking of buying this building."
I lift myself up with my elbow to look at him more clearly. I furrows my brow at him and say, "Do you mean...this building? The one we're in right now?"
Blake nods and takes a tender hold of a strand of hair hanging over my shoulders. "What do you think?"
"What do you want to do with this building?"
"I don't know...." Blake puts his hands behind his head and looks up with furrowed brows. "I'm not sure."
I do a small laugh. "Well. You have to come up with something. But...I think you should do something special to it."
"Like what?"
I do a shrug. "I don't know. That's up to you. Or maybe you could use that money for something else instead of buying this old thing. Plus. This is our hide out. Why do you want to bring it down?"
Blake nods in agreement. "I guess you're right on that part. I don't know. It's a lot of money so I have to think of something."
"You will," I say as I lay back down on his chest. "You're smart enough to read books that don't make sense. You will be smart enough to invest that money in something." He laughs loudly at this and I enjoy the bubbling feeling of his laughter from his chest.
"Abi?"
"Mm?"
"What do you think of us?"
"What do you mean?"
"We've been together for a while now. But would this mean that we're starting all over again?"
"No!" I say with a chuckle. "Why start all over when we can start off where we left off?"
"Then...what do you think of....marriage?"
I open my eyes at this and nerves start to make my hands clammy. "Marriage?"
"Yeah...." Even he seems nervous for some reason. I look up at him and see that he is trying to look for the right words. "Well....I mean....in general. Not with me. In general."
"Mmm. I don't know. I've never been the type to settle down. I've only done that with you. The longest relationship was only with you."
"Oh...." I observe how his eyes shine with thought. I smile up at him and say the truth. "You're the only one that understands me. You're the only one that brings the best of me. That's why I'd rather settle down with someone like that instead of someone that makes me crazier."
Blake does a small smirk. "I can be crazy, too."
I laugh at this. "Yeah right."
"Yes I can! I've....gone bungee jumping and thrown myself off a plane with a parachute."
"But that's just doing wild things, Blake. There's a difference."
"The only crazy thing I've experienced is falling in love with you...."
My heart melts at these words and I let him lay a long and warm kiss on my lips. I let my hands find his neck and caress his skin. I smile against his lips and whisper, "You were right. You are the best mistake I have ever made. I'd do it all over again."