Willow
I bit my bottom lip while nervously glancing around all the other skaters around me. This was a pretty big turnout today, something that always made me slightly nervous. But for some reason I was feeling extra nervous today. I was feeling off and this was definitely not the way I should be feeling at Nationals. Ever since I left my family I had been feeling super emotional. It made me wish that I hadn't of gone home before Nationals but whenever I thought that, I instantly felt bad.
I forced myself to calm down and started to follow Ned towards the ice. At the last second I decided to look at my phone which honestly was the worst decision I've made. There was a single text on my home screen from an unknown number. It simply said Have fun with all the other fairies on the ice.
If someone was looking at me they would've seen all the color instantly drain from my face. How did Ryan get my number? I had never texted him before and it worried me that he had it. My fingers were slightly shaking as I thought about him watching my performance on TV. He had been mean to me basically my entire life but I honestly thought it'd stop when we graduated. Seeing him in New York was the first time I'd seen him since high school. Why did he have to get back into my life and screw with my head again?
"Willow, you okay?"
When I realized no one else was in the hallway I looked up to see Ned looking at me with concern. He must've noticed the change in my demeanor as I tried to give him a smile. "Fine, just nervous."
He obviously didn't seem to believe me before gently placing a hand onto my back. Once he started walking he said, "Don't lie to me Willow. Whatever's going on, don't let it get into your head. You can do this, I know you can."
I nodded before taking another shaky breath as I tried to clear my mind. Except the only thoughts coming into my mind were of Ryan. My fingers were shaking again as I went out onto the ice and unsuccessfully tried to remember my routine.
"Representing the United States of America, Willow Ray."
The announcer was snapping me out of my daydream as I gave the crowd a slight wave. I still felt numb as I took my position and took a shaky breath. Get through this, you need to. The Olympics is next year don't screw this up.
My pathetic attempt at trying to cheer myself up didn't work, because my mind was still wondering. My footwork was sloppy and I missed one of my jumps. I was about ready to cry when I lost my footing and slipped, landing hard onto my back with a loud thud.
"Dammit," I whispered while closing my eyes before trying to get onto my knees. When I tried to stand up my legs suddenly felt like jelly so I fell again. When my back hit the ice again I got the wind knocked out of me, and hard.
When I didn't move for awhile I heard someone skating towards me. I shifted my head to look up slightly, my back stinging in pain as I saw Ned skating towards me. He immediately kneeled down as I heard someone else skate up to us but my back and neck hurt too much to look over.
"What happened?" Ned asked, worry covering his face.
"I don't know. I fell onto my back and the second time I fell I got the wind knocked out of me. It feels like I can't even move right now."
He looked over at the other person who I still couldn't see, but felt him sliding something underneath me. Ned must've seen the worried look on my face because he said, "You're okay. We don't want you to try and move if your back hurts that much. We're going to get you off the ice okay?"
I simply nodded before closing my eyes, feeling shame wash all over my body. I was trying to hold in my tears until I got off the ice but the pathetic claps I heard made the tears fall down my cheeks. Once I was finally off the ice, I was being taken into a room where multiple people were working on me. My back should've been feeling better by now but it still felt like I had the wind knocked out of me.
I could hear people talk about random things but my eyes found Ned, who was silently observing everyone in the room. When he noticed I was staring at him he walked over and grabbed my hand.
"I'm sorry I disappointed you."
He instantly frowned before saying, "You didn't disappoint me, I'm more worried about you being okay."
My eyes closed as I tried to tune everyone out. All the hours I spent to get to this point and I ruined it. All because I couldn't get out of my own damn head. I had to fall in front of not only people in the stands, but the people watching. Mainly my family. I knew there was a time difference but also knew they'd be watching. I disappointed everyone.
*
When the doctors realized I had a slipped vertebrae I mentally and emotionally checked out. My eyes were blankly staring at the ceiling while listening to Ned arguing with a doctor about bringing me home. Someone had brought my bag to me, my eyes immediately searching for my phone. I knew there was a chance my family saw me fall on TV, but I still needed to talk to them. Especially my dad.
Once I grabbed the phone I started to open it but my thumb stopped when I saw another text notification. There were many on my screen but the one from the same unknown number stood out the most. It simply said I'm sorry, which made me break down once again. This day seriously just needed to end.
Ryan
I probably shouldn't have sent him a text at all; it was a stupid and impulsive thing to do. But my thumbs betrayed me and I sent it before I watched him skate out onto the ice. I immediately noticed the expression on his face was way off, so much different than New York. He seemed really shaky as he skated one lap around, giving the crowd a small wave. Just his body language seemed to be off, especially as he started skating.
He was shaky and almost fell multiple times, before he actually fell. When he went down my face drained of color before watching him fall a second time. I was getting more nervous as he wasn't getting up and the announcers wouldn't shut the fuck up.
My stomach was twisting in knots when they were carefully taking him off the ice. I quickly grabbed my phone and typed I'm sorry out to him, wishing I hadn't even texted him in the first place. God, what was wrong with me?
I turned the TV off before stalking out of my room and gripping onto the kitchen counter. Without thinking too much I simply grabbed my keys before walking out and jumping into my truck. When the truck was parked I simply glanced up at the 24 hour sign illuminating in the twilight. I sighed before walking into the liquor store and grabbing random bottles.
As I carried a bottle of Jack up to the counter I sighed when recognizing Josephine Stevens, or Josie as everyone called her. She had been in the same grade as Willow and I but I never hung out with her. Being from a small town sucked on multiple occasions, the worst being because everyone knew everybody. While I knew that moving away was a possibility, a part of me hated that idea of starting completely over. There was also the other reason that I still wouldn't let myself believe was true.
When Josie looked up from a thick looking text book, she smiled as two dimples appeared on her cheeks. "Hi Ryan."
"Hey Josie." She started ringing my bottle up after she put her book down. My eyes glanced down to see it was some kind of Math book. "Doing some light reading?"
She laughed, her brown eyes crinkling as her curly red hair fell into her eyes. "I go to Nebraska State, unfortunately been having to take random jobs to afford it."
I quickly swiped my card before shoving my wallet back into my pocket. "What are you studying?"
"I'm studying to be a math teacher."
"Really, math?"
She nodded as she sat back down onto her stool. "I'm one of the few who actually really enjoy it." She looked up at me with a smile before she asked, "How have you been? Been up to anything fun?"
My mind briefly thought about my pretty sad life. "Nah." My eye traveled down to the bottle of Jack while trying to think of something to say. Having no friends really made me realize I forgot how to make small talk. I noticed a small band around her ring finger so at least that was something I could bring up. "Engaged?"
When I nodded down to her ring she smiled before nodding, her brown eyes quickly looking around the small store. "I just got engaged last week actually."
"Do I know him?" I tried to think about the guys I went to school with and if I could remember any of them. When she hesitated I held my hands up and said, "It's cool if you don't want to tell me. I mean we barely even know each other."
"It's not that it's just..." She looked almost like she could puke before she whispered, "I'm gay." I felt a weird twitch in my side as the scar on my skin suddenly felt very prominent. "It's been really hard because well, you know how it is in a small town. People can be judgmental in a pretty conservative town. I shouldn't be so scared to walk around and hold her hand but I am." When she stopped talking she looked down at her hands with a frown as she absentmindedly twirled the ring.
"Oh I uhm didn't know you were gay. You were out in high school?"
Josie shook her head as she looked back up at me. "I'm not fully out now. Just my immediate family knows. Luckily they're so accepting and loving of me but it's only my dad and my grandparents. But still, they're the best things to have happened in my life. Besides Nora of course."
"Nora, as in Nora Collins?" I remembered a girl by that name in my gym class mainly because she was hot. She had wavy brown hair and bright blue eyes.
Josie nodded as a smile finally returned to her face. "Yeah, we've been dating since sophomore year of high school actually."
"Oh well congratulations."
"Thanks Ryan."
The bottle in my hand suddenly felt like a million pounds as my fingers were tightening around it. "Do you work here often?"
"I'm here during the week and I'm a waitress at Zesty's on the weekend."
"Zesty's is good as fuck."
She laughed as someone else came into the store, signaling the bell above the door. "It sure is. Maybe I'll see you there; it'd be good to catch up."
"It would be," I said before giving her a slight nod. With that I walked out and got back into my truck, staring at the building for a few minutes.
By the time I finally got home I walked inside before plopping down onto my bed. I left the bottle of Jack on my beside table before closing my eyes. With a confused mind I drifted off to sleep, completely forgetting about the alcohol beside me.
**
The rest of the week was pretty quiet but I didn't miss the whispers and rumors. Everyone was talking about Willow and his falls. It was starting to bother me that everywhere I went his name was being said in a hush whisper. Luckily his family lived more in the country away from the center of town, and away from the gossiping people. I had heard that he was back but no one had seen him since he returned.
I wish I wasn't always searching for him when I ventured out of the apartment. I was mainly just interested in seeing him and seeing if he looked any different. I wanted to also apologize again, if he'd even let me get that close to him.
However I wasn't even sure why I was feeling so strongly about this, or why I felt like I needed to apologize again. I wasn't exactly the best person in this world. I had spent my time in school being a dick to innocent students. But the way I treated Willow had always bothered me. He had never done anything to me, ever. I was just afraid of my emotions especially because I had been so young. So young and scared of literally everything.
By the end of the second week I had given up on ever seeing him again so I simply went to the gym after work. I forced myself to do a grueling workout, pushing myself harder than before. When I was finally done I was breathing a little too hard by the time I walked out and went to my truck.
After wiping my face off one final time I started to drive to the local grocery store, yawning as I parked. Once I walked in I grabbed a basket before grabbing pasta and some different vegetables. As I walked down the chip aisle and grabbed a bag of Cheetos and Doritos, movement to my right made me stop moving.
Willow was looking up at the ceiling, seeming to be completely zoned out. He was wearing a pair of pretty baggy sweats and a large tee shirt. He had large circles under his eyes and his shaggy hair was very disheveled. He must've zoned back in because when he looked up he jumped when he saw me and fell back into the shelves behind him.
Bags of chips fell to the ground as I leapt forward and steadied his elbow so he wouldn't fall. His big eyes looked up at me as his body instantly tensed. I immediately took my hand off his elbow as he wrapped his arms around himself. We stayed quiet for several heartbeats, simply staring at each other.
"Willow I'm so sorry."
He seemed to tense again as his eyes looked down at the ground. There were still multiple chip bags on the floor by his feet when I had the feeling of being watched. When I looked over and saw a small crowd of people watching us I balled my fists up. "Take a picture, it'll last fucking longer."
Everyone immediately scurried away before I looked back down at Willow. He gave me one final look before he walked down the aisle and out of sight. With a frown, I kneeled down to pick up the chips before shoving them back onto the shelves. I looked over when footsteps were coming towards me, seeing Willow marching back towards me. Since I was still kneeling I had to look up at him, noticing he looked upset.
"I just don't get it Ryan. I never did anything to you in school, yet you were always so nasty to me. You started a stupid nickname that lasted until I graduated. And now I'm forced to stay in this stupid town where all the worst memories of my life are because you got in my head." When I remained silent he frowned, his blue eyes getting misty. "And here I thought you'd actually answer me."
I watched him walk away, frowning as I stood up and kicked one of the remaining chip bags. "Ryan Hudson! You're going to pay for those chips." When I turned around I saw Marie, one of the ancient workers, giving me the stink eye as she walked by.
"Fine."
When she was finally gone I sighed while resting my head into my hands. Willow was right, he had never done anything to me yet I was a dick to him. No one knew the true reason that I had been so mean to him all those years. I didn't want to tell why, but knew he deserved an answer.
That night, upon arriving home, I opened the bottle of Jack and downed it by the time Harper randomly showed up. When she realized I was dead set on getting shit faced all night, she left me alone. I stayed in a dark and lonely room drinking the rest of the bottle, having to listen to Danny and Hope fuck into the dawn hours.