So many options... yet there can be only one decision. One can feel the weight of those options looming over them, crawling in the deepest parts of their mind, snatching away the peace rudely.
A sigh escapes her, yet another day of bustling and overcrowded Edenbrook sucking out the energy from her. Casey shakes her head, as if trying to retrieve herself out of the daze as she lingers by a corner overlooking the atrium. A bittersweet feeling overwhelms her, the thought of Edenbrook closing down, her uncertain future making her stomach churn with anxiety. It's been haunting her for quite a while now, but it's not just her future she's worried about, it's about their future too.
The fundraiser gala is a long gone rush of happiness now, but a part of her still feels grateful for the gala. Why? Because after all this time, several heart breaks and months of pining, she is finally his, officially. Or... That's how she likes to think. It's been quite a while without him now, yeah they do see each other everyday, but things aren't the same anymore. She tries to shake off the feeling that hurts her immensely, but she fails badly. She couldn't help but feel like Ethan has been avoiding her, but maybe it's just her insecurity?
A warm, welcoming voice snaps her out of her unfocused blur, "Casey? Are you alright?"
She turns around, those very familiar pair of ocean blue eyes magically restoring some power inside her as she finds herself staring. Brows furrowed with concern, he softly touches her shoulder, "Casey?"
Blinking a few times, she nods, "Yeah! I am alright, just a bit tired... I guess."
His narrows his eyes immediately, knowing very well that she's lying, his hand lands protectively on the small of her back, "Let's go to Derry roasters. I'm sure some caffeine will help cheer you up."
Noticing that she's not budging, he leans in to whisper in her ear, "And it'll be a great chance to steal some alone time together."
She looks around, shaking her head, "Ethan... I don't think that leaving Edenbrook is a good idea right now, I appreciate the offer. But I'm fine."
"Wait-"
"There are many other ways to steal some alone time together, Ethan. If that's what you want. I can come over tonight-"
"That won't be necessary!"
Her lips part in surprise, a flash of pain crossing her emeralds before she skillfully hides it, nodding. "Okay, okay, I won't."
He purses his lips together, the tension between them undeniably thick. "Uhm. Then we can visit the team office, my old faithful coffee machine is still there."
She looks down, her eyes fixed on her feet as she ponders over his proposal.
"Come on, Casey."
Wordlessly, she walks up to the elevator, Ethan following suit.
~
After a short elevator ride, they reach the floor, his hand rubbing her back all the way up soothingly. He drops a light kiss on her forehead, gliding through the deserted halls. The automatic doors of the diagnostic team office open up, both of them stepping inside together. Casey looks around, the surroundings giving her the comfort of a home, after all, this is the place which holds so many memories of her last year in Edenbrook.
She remembers all the brainstorming sessions with Ethan. The way his eyes lit up with pride when she solved the cases. The inner turmoil flickering in the depths of the ocean as they held hands. The lingering touches, the stolen kisses, and last but not the least... that night of the hopeful hearts gala.
"I love tasting you..."
"I love the way you do it..."
Gasps of pleasure, moans and whimpers, the melody of their bodies joining together, echoing through the office. These walls hold their secrets, their hopes. A pleasant shiver runs down her spine, her throat tightening from the emotions.
He takes out two coffee mugs from a drawer in his desk, the sound of the mugs clinking together making her straighten up. Their eyes meet, calm blues facing a stormy pair of jades. He offers her a comforting smile, preparing the machine with practised ease. She regards him blankly, the questions bubbling up inside her rapidly like a swirling tornado.
Her impulse tells her to ask him all the questions, to demand answers. Her heart thumps against her chest, her breathing slightly elevated, "So... How've you been lately?"
He doesn't even bother looking up, mumbling, "I've been... fine. What about you? You seem stressed out."
Her lips tremble slightly, is that indifference in his voice? This isn't the Ethan who promised to stay with her, no matter what happens. Who is this?
"I am."
He tilts his head, glancing at her, "You are... stressed?"
She lets out a humorless chuckle, "Yeah. It's not like it matters though."
She forces herself to look outside, the empty halls a poetic match of her own soul. He swallows, her words gnawing his heart, guilt paralyzing him. He walks upto her, his shaky hand brushing against the skin of her cheek. As if the touch burnt her skin, she retreats with a yelp, their eyes locking. His hand freezes midair, unshed tears glistening in her eyes. With great difficulty, he lowers his hand, his voice cracked, "What are you talking about..?"
"Don't act like you don't know."
He lowers his head, hell, he knows, he knows everything. But can't she understand? It's for her own good. The last thing he'll want to do is affecting her decision, a decision on which the rest of her medical career depends. He knows damn well if he lets himself be around her, that question will eventually come up. The question he's been dreading, 'Which hospital are you going to choose?'
Her faint whisper reaches his ears, snapping him out of the train of his thoughts. "If you don't want me to be a part of our- your future, you can tell me, I won't throw a tantrum at you."
"It's not like that..."
"Then what is it?"
Her voice breaks, a single tear rolling down her cheek. A second one follows the trail left by the first one, her index finger quickly brushing them away. Instead of answering, he pulls her into him, his hands enveloping her. His touch, his cologne, she never really understood how much she missed it until now. Her hands turn into fists as she grasps on his coat, her face tucked into his chest securely.
He rests his chin on the top of her head, holding her trembling figure as the tears paint her cheeks, soaking in his clothes as a painful reminder that he hurt her, no matter what his intention was, he hurt her. He tightens his hold on her, the soft rocking of her body slowing down as she struggles to breath.
Ethan tilts her chin, touching his forehead with hers, "Hey, shh. Breath with me, follow my lead."
She nods feebly, trying to get a hold of herself. She follows the ups and downs of his chest, trying to settle her breathing to his rythm. When he feels her breathing is normalised, he picks her up, carrying her to the now vacant desk. Setting her down on the hard surface, he murmurs, "You do know that I care about you, don't you?"
She looks up, her green eyes still glassy, "I... I think so. But it doesn't always- feel like that."
He presses a tender kiss on her lips, the fresh taste of salt still there. Her eyes flutter close, the touch lingering as neither make any moves to pull away. He trails kisses along her jaw, dropping his head to kiss the sensitive skin of her neck. Casey shudders involuntarily, her hands curling around his neck. He nudges the side of her neck with his nose, "Well, I do. I care about you more than anything, anyone else in this world."
"R- really?"
"Do you think that I am lying?"
"I-"
He stops her abruptly with a kiss, an appreciative hum leaving her. He pries his tongue inside her mouth, her toes curling from the sensation of his skillful tongue dancing with hers passionately. Out of breath, she pulls out first, his mouth covering hers again. She whines in the kiss, making Ethan pull out just slightly to whisper, "Hush, don't say anything. Just kiss me."
~
He sighs, nuzzling the nape of her neck, watching the snow flakes swirling down, reminding him of the days passing by. There's not much time left, Edenbrook will be closing down soon enough. The place that made him the Ethan Ramsey everyone knows. The place which has been like a home to him for 11 years. The place where he has made valueable memories, where he made his first friend, Dolores. This is also where he lost her, but also baby Ethan saw the light of this world.
But most importantly... He met her right here in Edenbrook. Who knew that a clueless intern with amateur skills will turn his life upside down? She's been always there for him, and before he can understand what was happening, she became a part of him, his life. He couldn't even imagine his life without her now, she completes him, she's his home, his everything.
She fiddles with her scarf, nervously muttering, "Ethan... the coffee..."
He groans, looking at the machine, "Damn it! It must be ice cold by now."
Not being sure about how she should react, she just squints her eyes in the most adorable way. A smile blooms on his face, his voice soft, "Do that again."
"Huh? Do what...?"
"The thing you just did with your eyes."
Confused, she squints them again, "Like this?"
He chuckles, cupping her soft cheeks in his calloused hands, "You're so cute. Ugh!"
His words amuse her, and she giggles softly, the light sound of her giggles resonate through the room. He just watches her with awe, the sound of her laughter music to music to his ears. He tucks a stray curl behind her ear, kissing her forehead. She leans in, nudging her nose with his. It feels like he's looking into her soul for the first time after a long, long time. They stare at each other, the tension between them from earlier melts away, replaced with a comfortable silence. Words aren't necessary when their souls are interacting through their eyes.
"Ethan?"
He smiles, "Yeah?"
"Promise you won't ghost me again?"
She takes his hands in hers, holding tightly, the gesture very similar to pleading. He kisses her knuckles one by one, whispering one word after a kiss, as if the kisses equal to the promise he's making, "I. Won't. I. Promise. Casey."
She beams at him, "Thank you."
"Why are you thanking me, sweetheart?"
"Because... I don't know. I just wanted to thank you."
He exhales slowly, kissing her crown, "You are so precious, you know that?"
A blush creeps up on her face, and she hides her face in his chest.
He strokes her hair softly, his adam's apple bobbing. The future looks blurry from his position, and he feels afraid. Afraid that he will lose her or both of them while trying to protect her career. Maybe he should be selfish for once, maybe he should listen to her this once, but he couldn't. He couldn't be that selfish.
"Some things are worth any risk." He convinces himself, squeezing her in his arms. Just because he can. Who knows? Maybe he won't be able to do this next year...
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