How can I say I want you to call me?
Without saying the words,
How can I not sound like a pussy?
When I tell you that it hurts,
Look me in the eyes baby,
To tell me the worst,
I don't want to be silent,
But I can't find the words,
To tell you that my heart doesn't work...
I sang La Lune's newly released song 'Silent' while I finished my homework at my desk. I had it playing on a speaker since my grandma went out for a moment to grab groceries. I took that opportunity to listen to the song without getting caught.
I'm silent,
Like a ghost in the night,
This pain to talk to you,
It doesn't feel right,
Listen to my silent scream,
I want you to embrace me tight,
Tell me what does it mean,
When I want you to hold me tonight...
I knew I sang off-key and out of tune, but I didn't care-I liked the song.
I finished my homework and put it away into my school bag. I got up to dance to the music that filled my room with the artist's beautiful voice. My hair was down and it swayed with me as I danced.
The sound of my phone's ringtone through the speakers made me cover my ears from how deafening it sounded. I disconnected my phone from the speaker and answered the call.
"Hello?"
"Dani, it's grandma. I was looking for that chip brand you like to eat, but I can't seem to remember the flavor you like. What was it again?"
"Salt and vinegar."
"Okay and also what lunch are you bringing to the school trip?"
"School trip? What school trip?"
"Didn't your school inform you about the class trip to visit the college fair?"
"No, they didn't."
"Oh well, they called me and told me. The trip is on Wednesday."
"You can pick out my lunch grandma, I don't mind."
"Okay then, see you when I get home. You better be studying."
"Yes ma'am."
I ended the call. "Damn that school. They didn't tell us about a school trip."
I took out my laptop from my school bag, turned it on, and checked my school email for an email about a school trip. I scrolled down to see an email saying 'School Trip' and clicked on it.
It explained the details for the school trip and what we should bring to the trip. I closed the laptop and felt stupid. I could've checked the school email to find out about the trip, but I never use this laptop unless I have to go to study hall.
I dialed Lauren's number and put the phone to my ear. She picked up after the fourth ring. "Lauren, hey, did I interrupt something?"
"No, I was just painting something. What's wrong?"
"Did you know about the school trip?"
"School trip? Uh...no? Why? Are we going?"
"Yes we are on Wednesday."
I could Lauren groan before she said. "Damn, I don't want to go."
"I didn't even tell you where we were going though."
"Probably somewhere boring."
"It's the college fair."
"Yeah, it's boring."
"Lauren, come on, I don't want to go alone."
"I'm not going."
"Baby?"
Lauren went silent once I called her 'baby'.
"Baby?" I repeated.
"That's the first time I ever heard you call me that. I'm just...surprised."
"What? I can't call you that?"
"No, I just didn't think you had it in you to say 'baby'."
"Well I do, so baby, are you going to come with me to the college fair?"
"Yes..." Lauren sounded like she had sat on her bed. "and by the way...you calling me baby just turned me on..."
I felt my face heat up. "Really?"
"Yeah, say it again."
"Okay...baby."
She giggled. "If only I could see you right now, I could kiss you for saying that."
"Tomorrow you can."
"Then I'll be waiting tomorrow."
"Okay baby, I have to go, I can hear grandma outside."
"Okay bye."
"Bye."
I ended the call, hid my phone and my speaker, and went outside to help with the groceries.
My grandma sat down on the chair in the kitchen when the last bag was brought in. "I think I pulled a muscle." She said while out of breath.
"Need your inhaler?" I asked.
"No, I don't think so. I think I can catch my breath."
"Okay, grandma."
I put away the groceries and started the dishes while I was in the kitchen. I put them on the dish rack while I dried them individually. I put them up in the right cabinets and once the last dish was put away - I dried my hands and sat down next to grandma.
My grandma stared at me while I sat there. "Do you have a girlfriend?"
"Huh?"
"You seem different."
"Different?"
"You usually have a depressing aura, and never speak much-but now you're more talkative and outgoing. You even speak to Nyree without an attitude."
I didn't notice that my behavior changed. Was I really that depressed?
"I-I..." It's time to come clean now then. "I do."
"What's her name?"
"Lauren..."
Grandma made a 'hmm' sound in response. She eyed me down before she spoke. "For how long?"
"A while."
"And you didn't tell your own grandma because?"
"I wasn't ready to say anything about my relationship. It is my first one after all."
"Dani, I might be strict about your schooling and studies, but I'm still your grandma. Talk to me."
"How can I say something when I feel like you'll hate me for liking someone? You know, because you want me to dedicate myself to my studies."
"I do, but seeing how much happier you are after being with her. I don't mind. Just don't act rebellious just because you have my blessing. You can go on dates, have sleepovers, or whatever. But if I see those grades drop, my belt will come off Dani."
I swallowed my saliva in fear. I haven't felt the wrath of her leather belt in so long. I wasn't about to feel that harsh beating again. "Y-yes ma'am."
"Anything else you're hiding from me?"
I nodded and took a deep breath. "Yeah, there is."
"What is it, Dani?"
"Remember Lexie and Melanin?"
"Your best friends? Yes, why?"
"I went to court for them."