*song for this chapter: heart out by the 1975*
Opening the door, I don’t expect to run into a hard chest, bouncing back into my room towards the ground.
Hands hastily grip my elbows, keeping me from falling onto the floor. Just as quick as they catch me, they let go.
“Luke, what are you doing outside my room?”
“We’re going to lunch today.” He says self-assuredly, the bags under his eyes giving him away.
“No, I’m going sightseeing today.” I correct him, brushing off my dress, even though I didn’t actually fall. Steeling myself, I edge past him, slamming my door shut behind me.
As expected, Luke follows me. “Andy, we need to talk.”
I sigh, slamming my finger into the elevator button with unnecessary force. “No, all the talking we did last night was a one-time thing.”
A shiver runs up my whole spine when I think back to a mere 12 hours ago when Luke clung to me like I was the only thing left in the world that made sense. My brain rejects that I told him the secret I’d kept in the darkest part of me, wearing like a bulletproof armor. Yet, he’d cracked that armor, letting in a few rays of watery gray light. It wasn’t much, but it was more than it had seen in months. And I hated it. I hated feeling vulnerable to the person who’d broken me so completely, shattered me until the millions of pieces were too scattered to really put back together. Blood, sweat, and tears had gone into making me okay again, and I wasn’t ready to fall apart when I’d only just found myself again. When I’d extracted myself from him, with damp clothes and tear mark, I had walked away from him and the little time bubble we’d been in with finality.
Luke, in his familiar stalking gait, enters the elevator with me once it arrives again, shoving his hands deep into his pockets. His shoulders are tensed, letting me trace a vein in his arm with my eyes. I can only image how much self-control he’s exerting not to lose it, whether its anger or frustration or insanity or sadness or a combination of the four, I’m not sure. “Andy.”
Silence dominates the rest of the elevator ride. A few people enter with us, solidifying the silence we’ve made. I watch Luke’s reflection in the shiny gold walls, watch him open his mouth as if he wants to say something, then watch him close it with a glance at the happy couple holding hands, a glance at the sharp dressed woman tapping her foot in agitation.
The small red number above the doors finally glows neon with a number 1, the doors opening and the crowd inside spilling out with palpable relief. I’m off, my scruffy converse tapping against the polished floors of the lobby, a stressed Luke following.
“You can’t avoid this forever.” Luke reminds me, tailing me into the bright sunshine, ignoring the doorman who nods at us as we enter the streets.
Rifling through my bag for my sunglasses, I don’t pay much attention to my surroundings as I walk, letting the natural flow of the pedestrian traffic lead me. “I’m not avoiding anything, I’m just busy with other things.”
“Like what?” Luke grabs my arm suddenly, yanking me back from walking into the street, my attention still on finding my sunglasses. “Getting yourself killed?”
“That was purely an unfortunate accident.” I mutter, finally finding the damn things and shoving them onto the bridge of my nose, brushing myself off.
“One day, Andy, one day is all I’m asking.” His tone doesn’t really make it sound like a request.
I don’t even have to see the eyes his sunnies cover to know he’s not going to give up anytime soon. He’s much too stubborn for that. Sighing, I concede. “This isn’t going to change anything. But fine. You have an hour.”
LUKE
The breeze is stirring her hair around her waist, her floral dress fluttering around her thighs, covering the pale skin one second and exposing it the next. There’s a crease between her eyebrows, the thin strap of her dress is sliding down her freckled shoulder, and there’s a spatter of dirt on one of her shoes, but I can’t take my eyes off of her.
“Stop staring at me.” Andy mutters, not meeting my eyes as she starts to walk down the sidewalk again, weaving through people.
“No.” I say simply back.
There’s a rigidness through her spine. She’s uncomfortable right now, and I don’t know what to do with that. Sometimes being with her was as easy as breathing, and something shit got in the way and made it hard for us. Hanging above us was a twenty ton boulder, threatening to drop on our heads at any moment. I thought that last night might have changed something, whether it cut the cord holding the boulder up to drop it on our heads or to make it even heavier. I still hadn’t decided which it was.
I can’t stop staring at her. When I look at her now, I can’t help but picture what a little us would have looked like. Would it have been a little boy with my eyes and her hair who loved to take pictures? Or a boy that would end up dwarfing his mother at age 12 who laughed like her and played the guitar? The possibilities tormented me. Sleep had escaped me last night, the world had shifted too far. Until I was with her. When I was with her, everything seemed okay again, like I hadn’t broken two people in to too many small parts with one stupid act. I could relax when she was by my side.
We walk in silence for a minute, just wandering down the picturesque street. The train wreck that was last night still feels surreal, from losing it when I saw Andy with Beckett, to fighting with her, hearing things I didn’t want to hear about what had happened after I’d left, to finding out I’d been that close to being a dad. My eyes skim down Andy’s slim form, looking for evidence of a pregnancy I knew wouldn’t be there anymore, if she’d even shown at all before she’d miscarried.
Our arms brush occasionally, her skin sending shocks through mine. Unable to take it anymore, I grab her hand out of impulse. It’s small and strong and feels right wrapped up in mine.
Almost as soon as I’ve grabbed her hand, she veers a sharp left, darting into the coffee shop I’d been too absorbed in her to notice, hand slipping out of mine. Biting back anger at her avoidance tactics, I follow her in.
“What?” She asks innocently. “I wanted a-“
“Passion iced tea with no sweetener, I know, sit down, I’ll get it.” I sit her down, walking up to the line by myself, leaving her in slightly stunned silence.
When I return with her drink in one hand, mine in the other, she’s staring at me with a questioning look.
“What?”
Andy gives me a warped grin. “You remembered that.”
“I remember a lot.” I take the opening, continuing after a hard pause. “Why didn’t you call me more than that one time?”
Sucking a breath in, her hands clench around her tea, eyes flashing at me. “You really want to open this now?”
“Why the hell not?” Was apparently not the right answer. I can see the exact moment that the annoyance she had with me escalates into palpable anger, murder visible in her eyes.
“Fine, Luke, you wanna do this here and now, why not. Because you left me after telling me you loved me. Because you left that dumb note as your only answer. Because when I called you, you ignored me and never called me back. Because I wasn’t going to grovel at the feet of somebody who didn’t want me. It wasn’t about me when I called you, it was a courtesy call to the person who had knocked me up, letting them know that they had successfully managed to create an offspring, but you ignoring the call was answer enough. Maybe the question instead is why didn’t you answer?” Andy isn’t really holding back, but that’s what I wanted.
“I didn’t know what to say to you. It was just easier to not say anything at all. But I would go back and change that if I could. I would do anything to change the past.” This was not the right thing to say either, because she gets up angrily, running into the table next to us as she does so.
I can hear her muttering as she stalks away, and I can’t keep the smile off my face, even though I know I’m just digging my grave deeper. She whirls around, hair swinging in a curtain as she moves. “Jesus, why can’t you just find someone else to ruin?”
Even as I open my mouth, she’s walking away, out the doors, and like always, I’m following, reaching for her. But as soon as the doors part, a buzz of noise fills my ears, a dozen perfumes scenting the air. I hadn’t even thought twice about going out, but that was a mistake. There are dozens of people outside, apparently waiting for me, because the second I’m out there, the screaming begins.
“Andy! Wait!” I’ve almost lost sight of her as she’s swallowed by the crowd.
“LUKE!”
“Where’s Calum?”
“Is Ashton in there with you???”
“I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.”
“Can you give this to Michael?”
“Who’s the girl? Are you dating her?”
There’s flashing and screaming and smiles, but I don’t see her.
I’m looking for her, trying to make my way through the crowd, too focused on Andy to do much besides look for her. I know I’m going to have to make it up to the fans later, but right now she’s all I care about.
Finally, I see her, walking away from the growing crowd, head bent down low, and shoulders slumped. I can’t let her walk away this time. I needed to fix it too badly to let her leave. I had the feeling that if I let today slip through my fingers, I wasn’t going to get another chance.
Seeing a small gap between the bodies gathered on the sidewalk, I take my chance. Darting through the gap, I run after Andy, ignoring the yells behind me. Security had advised against running from the crowds, because the crowds would just follow, but right now I didn’t give a fuck about crowd control.
Having slipped her sunglasses on again, Andy doesn’t see me coming out of the corner of her eyes. She’s caught completely by surprise when I grab her hand and yank her with me.
“Luke, what the fu-“ Her eyes get wide as she sees the crowd streaming after me.
“Run!” I yell at her, even as I’m pulling her with me. The confused and angry look on her face gives way to a reluctant smile, and she gives up on resisting, holding my hand just as tightly as she starts running.
It’s a good thing she’s already a runner, because some of those girls can run, easily giving both of us a run for our money.
Crazy and impulsive and entirely a bad idea, we sprint down the streets together, hand in hand, and I’ve never been more happy to run for my life. The sounds of people yelling follows close at our heels, but I’m listening to the sound of our feet hitting the pavement in an erratic pattern. We don’t look back, but I look at her, hair streaming out behind her, laughter plain on her face.
“This is all on you!” Andy laughs at me, as we take a corner a few yards ahead of the nearest person.
“C’mon, in here.” Smiling like an idiot, I drag her in the nearest door with me, the door swinging shut just as the crowd starts to round the corner behind us. Still cautious, we crouch down below a huge potted fern, breathing heavily at our race away.
Andy leans on me, giving up and just sitting on the floor, legs splaying out in front of her.
“I am never going anywhere with you in a dress again.” She breaths out, head against my shoulder, chest heaving. “And, for the record, I’m still mad at you.”
I have no idea where I’ve just lead us. The floors are a shiny hardwood and there are flowers everywhere, polished wooden double doors leading further into the building. Below the sound of the crowd that had chased us outside, there’s the thin strains of classical music
Peeking out past the plant we’ve hidden behind, I see a few people peering in through the windows curiously.
“Shit, we gotta move.” I whisper to her, keeping her hand enclosed in mine as we do an awkward half crouch, half walk across the room to the door, the sound of music getting louder.
“Why do I have a feeling this is a bad idea?” Andy murmurs against my ear, lips distractingly close, as I grasp the door handle.
“Probably because it is.” I grin at her as I swing the door open.
A few hundred speechless faces are gaping at us.
I can’t decide who looks more affronted- the bride, the priest, or Andy.
“Oh my god, I’m so sorry-“ Andy starts, looking absolutely horrified at walking in on somebody’s wedding.
Across the room, the groom, a tall ginger with a rose buttoned to his jacket, starts laughing. There’s nothing to do but join in, so I start laughing too. Almost in sync, Andy and the bride reach over and whack us across the head.
“Jesus, Andy, not so hard.” I rub the back of my head where she hit me.
“That’s what she said!” The groom grins, high fiving the best man.
“Connor.” The bride groans, a resigned half smile lingering on her face.
“What, Molly? They’re here, it happened. Have a seat, mate!” Connor calls over to us with a smile.
I grin back, sitting down in the empty chair by the door, pulling Andy down to sit down on my lap. She lands with a muffled, ‘oomf.’ “Cheers!” I yell back, wrapping my arms around the girl in my lap, resting my chin on her shoulder.
As if we hadn’t even interrupted, the service continues.
“We’re going to go to hell.” Andy murmurs to me, giving in and leaning back against my chest.
I kiss her shoulder, the feeling of my lips on her skin familiar. “Yeah, but we might as well enjoy the trip.”
*omg im so sorry its been so long since I updated the quarter has been crazy af so far but its evening out so I should be able to update more consistently from here out. Lemme know what you think and hit me up on twitter @shameless_hemmo for rants about this story and sneak peaks and all that fun stuff, I love you okay sorry for the shitty filler chapter next one will be much better and filled with good stuff okay*