a/n: this is literally a chapter with no meaning and there is no need for it in the story im sorry
but thank you for all the votes and lovely comments! i'd appreciate if everyone would drop a vote again this chapter :)
There are things in life that you just aren't prepared for. They come at you and hit you across the face just when you don't expect it. It isn't something that comes gradually or something which you can't possibly predict. That something that comes right at you and you kind of just dive in head-first without a choice.
Something like our situation one morning on the bus as four of us are standing in the kitchenette.
"You cannot just smack someone across the face with your penis!" Harry yells at Niall,
(I told you it hit you across the face when you don't expect it.)
"I'm with Harry on this one." Liam says, shrugging. "I mean, it was funny and all, but -"
"No, it wasn't!" Harry waves his arms around, almost hitting everyone across the head. I swear sometimes he forgets how long his extremities are.
I'm talking about arms and legs, Jesus.
"Okay, calm down." Liam cuts into Harry's wild rampage of limb-flailing.
"Yes, daddy." Harry says, rolling his eyes.
Liam, Niall and I look at him.
Harry looks confused until he finally realizes what he's said and claps a hand over his mouth.
"Be a good princess for daddy!" Niall says in a fake seductive voice.
"Go easy on him. He's just been hit across the face with another man's penis." I say, intervening for the first time today. "That's gotta take a toll on someone."
"If someone slapped me across the face with their penis I'd be okay." Niall tries, sipping out of the orange juice carton.
"I would mind," Says Liam,
"Same here." I say,
"And -" Harry starts angrily.
"We al know what you think." I cut him off. "But yeah - I think you're the only one who would be okay with being slapped across the face with another man's penis." I turn back to Niall, who sighs at me.
"How about I ask Zayn?" He replies, and then after a moment - "Where is Zayn anyway?"
"I think he's... Actually, I don't know." Liam trails off at the end of the sentence, furrowing his brows together. "Does anyone know?"
We all look around at each other.
"So, like, no one knows?" Harry mumbles, voicing all four of our thoughts.
"I guess not..." I nod.
"But... I mean..." Niall says and then takes another swig out of the orange juice before continuing, "He's in One Direction and we're One Direction so..."
"Are we, uh, like, not One Direction then?" Harry contemplates, leaning against the kitchenette counter,
"We need a new name then." Niall concludes. "How about: Niall and the Other Fuckboys?" He suggests.
I shake my head at him. "Louis and the Some Others?"
"Harry and the Idiots."
"Liam and the Dizzles."
"I like that one." Harry says to Liam.
"Me too." I say, remembering vaguly something about penises and Zayn, but pushing it aside in my mind.
"I don't mind it." Niall agrees,
"So we're Liam and the Dizzles now?" Harry says.
"I like it." Liam says.
"Catchy." Niall says.
"Do you think we left Zayn in El Paso?" I ask, now genuinely interested and worried about where Zayn in.
"No way. We couldn't have." Harry shakes his head. "I think..." He says, a little less certain that before.
"I don't really remember him getting him on the bus last night." Liam says, looking very think-y.
"Me neither. But don't you think that he would've called or texted someone by now if he was still in El Paso?" Niall reasons,
"He's probably still sleeping. I mean, without us he'd probably sleep until he's thirty." I tell Niall. Liam and Harry nod.
"How could we forget him? He worth, like, a hundred and fifty million pounds." Harry asks no one in particular,
"What - were we gonna sell him or something?" Niall asks, "I mean, I'm all for it if you all are in."
"I don't think we can sell Zayn when we don't even know where he is." Liam says, making an extremely valid point.
"Say we knew where he was. Like, where would we sell him? Craigslist?" Harry rests his elbows against the counter, looking legitimately in deep thought.
"I dunno. Is there Craigslist in America?" I ask.
"Yeah. I bought a beer dress last year on tour on Craigslist when we were in America." Niall nods at me.
"What's a... beer dress?" I dare to question Niall,
"See, it's a dress, that you put on your beer bottle to make it look all pretty." Niall says, using his hands to illustrate the act of putting the dress on the beer, using one hand as the bottle and forming the other hand into a ring, putting the first hand through the other hand, making it look like something other than putting a hypothetical dress on the hypothetical beer bottle.
"Whatever. If we sold Zayn then we'd have to split the money four ways, right?" Liam shakes his head in Niall's direction.
"So that's..."
"Thirty-seven million five hundred thousand each." Harry says, holding up his phone and displaying a calculator.
"Not too shabby, eh?" I nod at everyone, smiling.
"Please stop associating yourself with Canadians. You're turning into one." Niall tells me.
"No, you're too rude to be Canadian." Harry tells me, looking just as think-y as Liam was before.
"Are Canadians supposed to be nice?" Liam asks, looking think-y all over again.
"I think so." Harry shrugs. "Or maybe that's Yugoslavians?"
"There's a country called Yogoslavera?" I furrow my eyebrows,
"It's no wonder you failed a year." Niall snorts at me.
"Oi! I guess you aren't nice enough to be Canadian. Or... Yugoslavinarian?" I look at Harry for assurance. He mouths 'close enough' back at me.
"I'm surrounded by stupidity and incompetence." Niall mummers.
"What does incompetence mean?" I whisper at Harry, who's leaning against the counter next to where I'm sitting on top of the counter.
"It means -" Harry starts, but is cut off by Liam.
"Guys - seriously where's Zayn?" Liam brings us back to the orginal point. I mean, the original point aside from Niall's penis.
Nobody answers for a minute, and then my phone rings. I pick it up from the counter next to me and see a picture of the most ugly foot ever also known as Zayn Malik foot also known as my contact picture for Zayn Malik.
"Guys, I think we're gonna find out where Zayn in..." I say before answering the call.
"Where the fuck are you fucking fucktards?" Zayn yells into my ear.
"Where're you?" I ask weakly, crossing my legs on the counter.
"I'm at the fucking hotel in motherfucking El Paso while you're on your way to fuckling Las Vegas! You can't do the iHeartRadio -"
"Did you just say 'fuckling'?" I giggle, Harry, Liam and Niall all giving me strange looks.
"I - you - YOU LEFT ME IN TEXAS!" Zayn even louder at me.
"Yeah, uh, sorry about that one." I mumble. "It's like the X Factor all over again."
"No, because then I was backstage, and now I'm in Texas while you're going to Vegas!"
There are lots of valid points being made today, and it's only nine in the morning.
"Sorry - what do you want me to do? Get on a plane to Vegas or something!" I stumble over my words.
"Well I suppose I have to, now don't I? That's the only way I'll be there in time." Zayn huffs and then hangs up without another word.
"Is he mad?" Harry asks in a small voice,
"I think he'll be okay." I smile before placing my phone back on the counter next to me.
"Or he might rip your balls of and feed them to his pet shih tzu." Niall suggests.
"Oi! Why my balls?" I say defensively,
"Because once you do drugs with someone then you automatically have a pact with them." Liam says.
"White boys." I scoff.
"You're the whitest of all the white boys out there, Louis." Niall says, making a fair point.
"Did I tell you about the Indian cleaner lady at the hotel in Glendale?"
a/n: yeah so this has literally nothing to do with the storyline, but i have the story planned out and it's really short so i thought that i'd add in some useless chapters to make it longer.